- Joined
- Jun 4, 2006
- Messages
- 297
- Purraise
- 11
I saw these on another board the I like to read and thought they were pretty good...
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
>Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
>3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
>died of a "massive internal fart."
>
>Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg , Manitoba , Canada
>
>4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
>cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
>one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told
>me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
>to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
>wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
>instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
>
>Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
>
>5 While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
>have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
>answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
>
>Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
>
>6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
>morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
>get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly
>and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
>Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
>
>7 A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
>purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
>tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
>that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
>immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
>table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
>above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
>
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
>Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
>8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed
>when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had
>unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
>The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
>out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
>sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,
>but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
>Dr. wouldn't submit his name
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
>Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
>3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
>died of a "massive internal fart."
>
>Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg , Manitoba , Canada
>
>4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
>cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
>one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told
>me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
>to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
>wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
>instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
>
>Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
>
>5 While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
>have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
>answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
>
>Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
>
>6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
>morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
>get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly
>and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
>Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
>
>7 A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
>purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
>tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
>that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
>immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
>table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
>above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
>
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
>Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
>8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed
>when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had
>unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
>The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
>out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
>sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,
>but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
>Dr. wouldn't submit his name