Lessons Learned and Some Ponderings

[ldg]

Sorry to have taken it off topic, I just really didn't get what Utopia was trying to say. And in fact, Utopia, you've answered your own question. It's not realistic for Rigel to start happy birthday threads with everyone's name individually.

Friends do that if they feel like it - so again, people who are more outgoing, people who've been around longer, people who post more are all more likely to have someone start a thread for them. ....Unless you think TCS should prohibit that?

 

[carolina]

Originally Posted by strange_wings

There was a HUGE past thread about this. There is a clique - either you don't notice it or you're in it and will claim it's not there.

A good example is several people will have what they say completely ignored over and over again (unless they say something that can make someone else attack them) because they're not part of it.

that's my feeling too...

 

[ut0pia]

Originally Posted by LDG

Friends do that if they feel like it - so again, people who are more outgoing, people who've been around longer, people who post more are all more likely to have someone start a thread for them. ....Unless you think TCS should prohibit that?

No, of course I don't think it should be prohibited. This was just one of the few things that stuck out to me, I normally don't pay attention to stuff like this, but I had seen the pattern of birthday threads and noticed how it isn't exactly equal..

 

[catkiki]

Originally Posted by KiTTYL0VE4

I love it here! Before I joined TCS, I was a member of a different cat forum. But, everytime I posted I never got any responses. I then found TCS, and I am much happier here.

However, I do feel as some others do, like I am not that well liked. At least, not as well liked as others. I say this because I don't get as many responses as the more popular members. I feel that if a more popular member posted a thread like one that I start, the other member would probably get more responses. Its not a big deal tho. I'm here to learn and because I love cats

I love it here too, but I feel like KiTTYLOVE4 does. There are several posts that I have started that have very few responses, maybe 3 or 4 at the most. Some have more but I sometimes feel that if I wasn't around, no one would even miss me. Maybe I am being overly sensitive, but I have been on the outside looking in for all my life.

I am not going to leave though.

 

[carolina]

Originally Posted by Catkiki

I love it here too, but I feel like KiTTYLOVE4 does. There are several posts that I have started that have very few responses, maybe 3 or 4 at the most. Some have more but I sometimes feel that if I wasn't around, no one would even miss me. Maybe I am being overly sensitive, but I have been on the outside looking in for all my life.

I am not going to leave though.

IMO there can be a bit of a popularity contest... To say that there is not clique on TCS is a bit Naive, IMHO... There is, and for who is outside looking in it is quite clear. People who want to make you know that you are on the outside are quite good at it too.

 

[spudsmom]

Originally Posted by Catkiki

I love it here too, but I feel like KiTTYLOVE4 does. There are several posts that I have started that have very few responses, maybe 3 or 4 at the most. Some have more but I sometimes feel that if I wasn't around, no one would even miss me. Maybe I am being overly sensitive, but I have been on the outside looking in for all my life.

I am not going to leave though.

I agree! But not going anywhere either.

 

[spudsmom]

Originally Posted by carolinalima

IMO there can be a bit of a popularity contest... To say that there is not clique on TCS is a bit Naive, IMHO... There is, and for who is outside looking in it is quite clear. People who want to make you know that you are on the outside are quite good at it too.

I agree with this also. As you can see by my post count. I've been here for awhile and don't post that much, mostly because I've seen my posts totally ignored. I still like it here, but don't really feel like I have a whole lot to contribute if no one cares. There is definately a clique here and I really don't care, if I did I wouldn't keep coming back. So I lurk on!

 

[trouts mom]

I honestly feel that in no way are people being made to feel left out on purpose, and that is the important thing. I don't know of any member on here right now that would make someone else feel left out and be aware that they were doing it.

Obviously friendships will form, and maybe if I have only 5 minutes to post, I will support a friend that I have made and answer her thread. But that is human nature, and certainly not being in a clique.

Anyway, the point of this thread is just that I'm glad TCS is the way it is and I am thankful for caring mods and members. The grass is not greener elsewhere from what I've seen.

 

[trouts mom]

Originally Posted by spudsmom

I agree with this also. As you can see by my post count. I've been here for awhile and don't post that much, mostly because I've seen my posts totally ignored. I still like it here, but don't really feel like I have a whole lot to contribute if no one cares. There is definately a clique here and I really don't care, if I did I wouldn't keep coming back. So I lurk on!

We all have posts that are ignored sometimes...I still do. It has nothing to do with anything other than timing and who is online at the time. For example, if my very best friend in the world posted here about knitting and I was the only one online, I wouldn't reply because I have no interest or advice on that topic.

 

[addiebee]

I don't feel left out or that there are cliques... and believe me, I have been on the receiving end of plenty of "teenage girls in grown womens bodies" venom in my lifetime.

I post on here a lot. I received a warm welcome when I came on board but it took a long time and a lot of posting and contributing for people to get to know me. I worked at it b/c I liked the vibe from this site.

I am sorry if anyone has ever felt that I snubbed them or did something to hurt their feelings. If I wanted to be nasty, baby, you would KNOW it!

I have found -by and large - that people on here are pretty durn patient with lots of repeat questions and have helped me with cat-related issues. I wouldn't say that I am friends with anyone on here, but certainly friendly.

I would describe many of you as "cyber buddies" and fellow cat lovers.

As with any group of diverse people - you have all kinds. And yes, there are inside jokes and people calling each other by their first names. Bonds are bound to form and cross into the public area. It doesn't bother me.

ETA: one more thing. People come into cyberspace carrying the same emotional baggage and filters they have IRL. So certain things "ping" on their screens differently. And that may account for different reactions to birthday posts, posts being "ignored", etc.

 

[wellingtoncats]

Can someone PM me about who is in the cliques? I honestly don't notice any cliques here. I realise that you win some and you lose some with threads and I very rarely start a thread (in comparison to my post count) because I'm scared people wont find it interesting.

I've gone through stages where people have liked me and disliked me and that's fine. I still like everybody even if they don't like me! I can be brutally honest at times and I don't think that's really accepted.

When I have the time I try and make new people feel welcome and PM them etc. But it's hard - TCS is my time to relax and it can be hard work getting to know people when you're busy! If anyone sends me a PM though I will reply (eventually, may take me a month) and I like adding everyone to FB

 

[clixpix]

Originally Posted by AddieBee

ETA: one more thing. People come into cyberspace carrying the same emotional baggage and filters they have IRL. So certain things "ping" on their screens differently. And that may account for different reactions to birthday posts, posts being "ignored", etc.

I think that in a lot of instances, this is the case.

If there's "a" clique on TCS, even I'm not aware of it. Are there friendships? Of course. Are some members more well known/popular due to their posting styles and personalities? Sure. That's inevitable. I think that give the perception that there's some mysterious clique. If there is, I'm not a part of it, or aware of it for that matter. Like Katie, even though I'm a mod, I don't think I'm particularly popular, although I don't think I'm unliked (and that's a perception I'd like to keep intact, thanks!

).

Prolific posters with upbeat personalities are always going to "draw crowds" to their threads. Since Nat's been used as an example (sorry Nat!

), she's a good example of this...she starts and participates in threads. When things are going on in her life, she's shared that with us. Nat's a long time member here, and I remember her from the beginning, and she hadn't even thought to start dating her now husband. She's shared bits of her life with us, including her courtship and subsequent wedding, and even being so generous as to share pictures. It's natural that she would be more "popular" than someone like even myself. I'm not a natural "sharer". You won't find very many stories from my life. That's not my style, I'm much more introverted. I've made plenty of posts that go unnoticed, and started my share of "clunker" threads that sink into obscurity pretty fast. I'm not going to let that prevent me from posting in the future.

I really do believe (and it's just my belief, I realize) that there is no "big clique" here, and that much of this is personal perception. Like Laurie said, you get what you give. If someone doesn't post much, or posts for a bit, and then doesn't for weeks, months, or even years at a time, it's unrealistic to expect people to know much about them. Also remember that although there is a core group that are long time members, that members do come and go, and so the people who were hanging around here a few months ago may not be the same people here now, by and large. Go back and look at threads that are a year old...you'll be surprised at how many people that posted in those threads are no longer participating members. That's just the way of forums. My point in this last bit addresses Catkiki's assertion that if she left, she would not be missed...there are very, very few of us here that would be noticed by our absence? If this were my last post, who besides Karen, and maybe Katie would even notice? Not many, I'd wager.

 

[icklemiss21]

Kelly, if you were not to post you would be hunted down to make sure you were still alive so we can all fight over Sabina.

There are cliques on TCS, there are cliques on every website. Some are intentional, others not so much. Some, especially the longer term members, may start as friendships that get so close that they exclude others, be it intentionally or not.

Some, like breeders or the feral people seem like cliques because those groups are more involved with the things they post about and so while maybe never speaking to each other by PM etc, all post in the same threads and seem cliquey when in fact they really dont know each other - but it doesnt matter, they are like the teenage highschool problem, if it looks like a clique and treats people like a clique - essentially thats what it is.

But its human nature, not everyone is always going to feel included and there are people who are going to disagree with you, responses to those posts can seem harsher because of a perceived clique and so in response people are angrier in their posts back which sets off another slew of responses.

Going back to what ut0pia said, I dont think she is complaining that people start these threads about Happy Birthday to ____ but that for many people they wonder why someone hasnt got to know them that well to start the thread. However, like everything else, it is give and take and those not good on the touchy feely stuff maybe do not give out as much information about themselves (not necc. personal info, just oh I had a bad day stuff) - the stuff how friendships start...

 

[clixpix]

Originally Posted by icklemiss21

Kelly, if you were not to post you would be hunted down to make sure you were still alive so we can all fight over Sabina.

Well, sure, Sabina's popular...way more popular than me!

Adding on to what Eithne said about groups, I think that's true. Many members tend to post predominantly in certain forums, be it Breeder's Corner, Ferals and Strays, Behavior, or IMO. I know many of the same people post in certain topics in behavior, some people rarely venture out of IMO, and some are mostly known in Breeder's Corner. That can be perceived as cliquish as well. There are people who have posted in this thread expressing that they feel like they're on the outside who I would put in this category. No, I don't think they're in cliques, but they could be perceived as such.

 

[Moz]

I lurk more often than I post (mostly because I have nothing interesting to add to discussions) but I honestly don't see any cliques here. There certainly are popular members - mainly because they've been around for a long time, are friendly, and post a lot, but I don't see that as being in a clique.

 

[yosemite]

One of the threads that comes to my mind when I hear the word clique is the What's for Dinner thread. Mostly the folks that post there are like me - folks who love to cook and love good home-made food so you tend to see several of us that post in that thread every day. It may make it seem like a clique but all it really happens to be are a few of us that love sharing food ideas. Yum

There is also a Positive Thread - mostly the same folks post there every day just like the Dinner thread. I don't usually post there because most everything in my life is already positive and I would bore you all silly if I started posting all my positives every day.

But I never get bored with the food threads.

Smudge's cafe is another thread where there are just a few members that participate and funny enough we've gotten to know each other fairly well through our cat-speak.

I don't necessarily think that makes the folks in those threads belong to a clique per se - just people that have the same likes and/or needs and want to share.

 

[-_aj_-]

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

I love this Ashley!!

I do try haha

I tend to do more reading than posting or when i post i forget where i have posted even though the little envolope thingy tells me so i never kinda follow up on some topics, But i have found if you just keep at it its eaiser to get to know someone better