I'm having a very hard time copying with the death of my kittens, and the guilt associated with it.
Four months ago I adopted from a rescue center two beautiful kittens. This is the first time in my adult life that I directly adopt pets; I grew up with cats, but somehow it is different when your parents take care of them and you just get to enjoy them.
I grew up in Europe, where all cats are inside/outside. It isn't even a question. We had a number of cats at any given time, raging from newborns to a 20-something yo lady, and never had a litter box or anything. They were free to come and go as they pleased, and we had very few accidents because of this, mostly with no major impact on their lives.
Fast forward in my life, I now live in the USA, and I am adopting two kittens. Friends around me have cats and keep them as inside-only pets. European-me think it's silly and not in their nature, so decide not to follow their example - after all, most of them also had the cats declawed, so I definitely don't take them as example. Silly me thinks that because I live in the country side in a cul-de-sac with virtually no road traffic, it is the perfect place for them to grow up enjoying the outside world as much as they want. Also, I see some neighbors let their cats roam outside, so I decide my friends are way too cautious. I wait for the kitties to be 6 months old, and then open the door to the backyard. Oh, how happy they were to play and run and chase leaves! They were a joy.
Two months later, one of them doesn't came back home. I go frantic. I know cats sometimes go for an adventure, but it is completely out of character for him. So, I start looking for him everywhere, ask any neighbor, use any trick in the book to lure him back home. I think he probably went too far and got lost, or got stuck in some neighbor's shed/basement/car/ ... I wonder if I should start keeping the second kitten inside, but decide not to: her scent and her meowing could actually help bring him home. Five days later, still no signs of him. I get up in the morning, and now also the other cat is missing. We find her in our own backyard, apparently killed by a coyote, a few hours later.
I have lost both my kittens in less than a week. They were only eight months old. It goes without saying that I feel incredibly sad for their way too early death, and I feel responsible. Had I kept them as inside pets as my American friends do, this would have never happened. Had I not though that I knew better because I've seen so many cats raised by my parents - in a different country!! -, maybe I would have just done what everyone else was doing and they would not have had to face coyotes. Had I never adopted them, they would still be at the rescue center - maybe not a great life, but better than the premature death I gave them.
I loved them with all my heart, and it cost them their life. I don't know how to accept that.
Four months ago I adopted from a rescue center two beautiful kittens. This is the first time in my adult life that I directly adopt pets; I grew up with cats, but somehow it is different when your parents take care of them and you just get to enjoy them.
I grew up in Europe, where all cats are inside/outside. It isn't even a question. We had a number of cats at any given time, raging from newborns to a 20-something yo lady, and never had a litter box or anything. They were free to come and go as they pleased, and we had very few accidents because of this, mostly with no major impact on their lives.
Fast forward in my life, I now live in the USA, and I am adopting two kittens. Friends around me have cats and keep them as inside-only pets. European-me think it's silly and not in their nature, so decide not to follow their example - after all, most of them also had the cats declawed, so I definitely don't take them as example. Silly me thinks that because I live in the country side in a cul-de-sac with virtually no road traffic, it is the perfect place for them to grow up enjoying the outside world as much as they want. Also, I see some neighbors let their cats roam outside, so I decide my friends are way too cautious. I wait for the kitties to be 6 months old, and then open the door to the backyard. Oh, how happy they were to play and run and chase leaves! They were a joy.
Two months later, one of them doesn't came back home. I go frantic. I know cats sometimes go for an adventure, but it is completely out of character for him. So, I start looking for him everywhere, ask any neighbor, use any trick in the book to lure him back home. I think he probably went too far and got lost, or got stuck in some neighbor's shed/basement/car/ ... I wonder if I should start keeping the second kitten inside, but decide not to: her scent and her meowing could actually help bring him home. Five days later, still no signs of him. I get up in the morning, and now also the other cat is missing. We find her in our own backyard, apparently killed by a coyote, a few hours later.
I have lost both my kittens in less than a week. They were only eight months old. It goes without saying that I feel incredibly sad for their way too early death, and I feel responsible. Had I kept them as inside pets as my American friends do, this would have never happened. Had I not though that I knew better because I've seen so many cats raised by my parents - in a different country!! -, maybe I would have just done what everyone else was doing and they would not have had to face coyotes. Had I never adopted them, they would still be at the rescue center - maybe not a great life, but better than the premature death I gave them.
I loved them with all my heart, and it cost them their life. I don't know how to accept that.
I'm happy that I could ease a little of your pain.
