Kids and Moms about tattoos, piercings, and clothes

[nekomimi]

I've had many piercings in the past, and I also used to dye my hair a different colour every week.

My mom disliked my ways, but she accepted and loved me just the same. I'm 24 years old now, and I've had my natural hair colour and most of my piercings out for over a year. I think girls will eventually become women as long as they are nurtured and respected.

 

[carolpetunia]

I'm about to be 50 years old, a fact which defies my comprehension... but I tend to think a lot younger in most ways. Body piercings, however, are not among those ways, and excessive tattooing also bewilders me.

Nonetheless... my mom has a favorite restaurant that I take her to all the time, and our favorite waiter there is a delightful 20-year-old boy who is engaged to the delightful 20-year-old hostess. They are two of the nicest people we know, and we've gotten to be friends with these two sweet kids -- despite the glint of gold tongue jewelry in Jack's mouth and the grand, long-term tattoo scheme Sissy has embarked upon.

We don't understand why such beautiful young people would want to mutilate their bodies... but it is clear to us that these are genuinely good, caring kids with their hearts absolutely in the right place, and that trumps all.

So my point is... your daughter's piercings and such seem tasteless and inexplicable to me, too -- but for some reason you and I can't grasp, these things are evidently very meaningful to kids now, a vital part of their identity (in their minds).

It's so much more important that your daughter be with you for Christmas than that she look any particular way...isn't it? And by being the bigger person, by calling her and saying "All right, sweetheart, come as you are, just come," you can set a GREAT example of what it means to love unconditionally.

That's what I'd do, if I were lucky enough to be a mom.

 

[snosrap5]

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

I'm about to be 50 years old, a fact which defies my comprehension... but I tend to think a lot younger in most ways. Body piercings, however, are not among those ways, and excessive tattooing also bewilders me.

Nonetheless... my mom has a favorite restaurant that I take her to all the time, and our favorite waiter there is a delightful 20-year-old boy who is engaged to the delightful 20-year-old hostess. They are two of the nicest people we know, and we've gotten to be friends with these two sweet kids -- despite the glint of gold tongue jewelry in Jack's mouth and the grand, long-term tattoo scheme Sissy has embarked upon.

We don't understand why such beautiful young people would want to mutilate their bodies... but it is clear to us that these are genuinely good, caring kids with their hearts absolutely in the right place, and that trumps all.

So my point is... your daughter's piercings and such seem tasteless and inexplicable to me, too -- but for some reason you and I can't grasp, these things are evidently very meaningful to kids now, a vital part of their identity (in their minds).

It's so much more important that your daughter be with you for Christmas than that she look any particular way...isn't it? And by being the bigger person, by calling her and saying "All right, sweetheart, come as you are, just come," you can set a GREAT example of what it means to love unconditionally.

That's what I'd do, if I were lucky enough to be a mom.

Very well said!! I would want my son, who is 17yrs old to be there no matter how he is dressed.

 

[purr]

I think I would be very hurt if my mother didn't accept me for who I am and what I want to look like. Mothers are supposed to show their kids off, not make them hide their selves. I understand being uncomfortable with her look, but what does it matter what the family thinks? Why make her hide herself or present a watered-down version at family gatherings? I would think you were ashamed of me! I would leave too. Children always have a desire to please their parents, whether they know it or not. No matter how much they hate their parents or what they're parents have done to them--it always feels good when their parents say "I'm proud of you," or "I accept you the way you are." She shouldn't have to change so that she fits in with her own family.

On the other hand, I think it a good trait to want to make other people comfortable. She might have toned it down a little anyway, but asking her (or telling her) probably just makes her feel like you're ashamed of her or that the feelings of the people at dinner are more important than hers. Who cares what anyone thinks? She's your baby.

I know it's a two-way street when it comes to respect and making each other feel comfortable, but you can lead by example.

 

[turtlecat]

I will say this.

I have 3 tattoos, with 1 more to be gotten either in January or February, and another at a time to be determined. I don't have piercings only because my body rejects them and makes them move . I have had my hair neon pink, dark blue, purple, and various shades of red, orange, black, yellow (I mean yellow as opposed to blonde.)

My mom and I butt heads about my hair and tattoos, but if I have been a part of a family or ethnic function, my tattoos have been covered and my hair has been a reasonable color. I didn't do this because she demanded it (she did), but because I knew that she would feel uncomfortable with friends and family being aware of my tattoos. I still keep my tattoos covered when going home, because she's unfond of them, and I respect that.

While I'm sure you don't like her tattoos, asking her to dress nicely because everyone else will be, shouldn't be too harsh a request, however, if she has nipple piercings (as you are implying) those are more difficult to deal with, because they can't easily be taken out and left off (they will grow back shut). Ask her if she has a more demure bar or hoop, if she doesn't, offer to buy her one, if she'll tone down her look for family functions. She'll probably be more accomodating.

However, having your defense be "it's my house" will only encourage her to act out against her. Telling her that it would make you happy if she would try not to stand out at family functions might be a better response. I hope that those words from a formerly rebellious youngster might help!

 

[graykittenlove]

Originally Posted by Kathylou

I recently had a big fight with my daughter because I don't like her tattoos, piercings, and clothes. She told my "Mom, I'm an adult now..." and I told her "Jessica, this is my house..." and now she hates me.

I just asked her to wear normal clothes and cover up the chest piercings for Thanksgiving dinner. She walked out and hasn't called.

If you're a parent, what do you do? If you're an adult child, what do you do?

Well since I'm not a parent, I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't have any problem with piercings, tattoos and clothes but by the time I have children and they are grown who knows what might be in fashion.

I will say this though, I've never been one to judge someone by the fashion they wear. Who cares what someone looks like as long as they are a good person?

However as an adult child, I would be very hurt that my Mother or Father though that they needed to tell me how to dress when I came to a family function. That fact alone would tell me 1) that they were ashamed of the way I was 2) that they didn't respect me as an adult and still viewed me as a child. I accept them with all their quirks and trust me they have many (I'll even go as far as to say, you probably have many) and for them not to accept me would be more than I could bear.

Just thinking about it makes me sad.

And I would do just what your daughter did, I would walk out and wait for them to call me. I seriously doubt your daughter hates you; more likeily she is very hurt by what you did.

And just as a side note: the it's my house thing. There's nothing quite like that phrase that makes me feel like I've been smacked in the face. I'll translate what it says to me at any rate: You don't belong here. Or even more horrifingly: I don't approve of you. (Not the way I look, but of me the person I am.)

That's just my

as a single adult child though, and maybe once I become a parent I will view it differently.

I will say this, I don't know who was in the wrong here. It is a grey area. What is okay for some people is not ok with others. I identify more with your child than with you simply because I am not a parent. But someone needs to open the lines of communication soon here. If not, then the hurt feeling become deeper.