Just a little bit of a "family" vent, per usual. *LONG*

[mbjerkness]

 Kaile, I know it is hard. I was my Mother's least favorite child also. Having said that I was Dad's favorite. When my dad pasted away when I was 17, My mother made it very clear I was not her favorite. She was furious that I came to the hospital the night he died. Dad told me he loved me and he also told me his dreams and hopes for me. He closed his eyes and was gone. I had to leave home shortly after. She had no use for me. My Mom passed away a few years ago. I found out she had given my younger sister B. well over $40,000 dollars when she sold her home. B was always needing something and Mom was always giving it too her. B. never came to see Mom, she never looked after her I did everything I could to please her. My husband was injured at work and was off for 3 years. My Mother would not help us. She told me she had no money to help. She had given everything to my sister. My Mom had 4 children, it seemed like she only love one. Families can be so complicated. I know if mom was still alive I would be doing everything I could to make her happy.

 

[kailie]

Some of you may remember my posts about my so-called "family".  My Mom, who died last year, always favored my 3, much-older brothers.  I never got any physical affection, and very little verbal--and even that was negated by the nasty remarks I endured from eveyrone in my "family". I do miss Mom, don't get me wrong, and her death is still affecting me, even almost a year later, but Mom really was not a very nice Mom to me. Here are some highlights of our relationship:

1. "You need to lose weight!"

2. "You're such a disappointment. And I waited 20 years to get a girl."

3. "Clean your brother's room (he was 8 years older than me, and out playing baseball at the time)."

4.  "I'm getting my will made tomorrow.  Your Dad said I should give you the house, should I die. [I was living there, and single, at the time, and did a lot for the house out of my own money. the btoehrs, who are 8, 18, and 20 years older, had houses.]  Do you still want it?" Then , the next day, she told me that "it wouldn't be fair to your brothers, so I'm not leaving you the house; by rights, you should've been out of here YEARS ago." See #5, below...

5.  When I was in my early 20's, and expressed an idea that I could get my own place: "You CAN'T leave me! Your Father and I don't get along! I'd have no one to talk to. I need you here!" She did this every time I suggested moving out. She used guilt to keep me there; then, when Dad died, I felt awful thinking about having my own life, so I stayed. Until the remark in #4, above.  I started looking at houses and having romantic relationships, and eventually found my DH.

6. "You owe your SIL an apology."--SIL had done really nasty stuff to DH and I, which, at the time, everyone in the family said was wrong, even Mom. But, as usual, when they got tired of being nice to me, and nothing was in it for them, they turned on me, including Mom.

7. When I was 8, I had to call Mom at work to tell her that Dad and one brother were having a fight. I wanted her to come home to break it up; I was scared, too. "I can't come home. You have to stop them, I depend on you to be my little peacemaker."  I literally spent my childhood breaking up fist-fights.  An 8-year-old shouldn't have to do that. When I was 10, they had a major one; I thought Dad had killed my brother; he was actually knocked out on the floor. Mom did come home that time.

8. My Dad abused me; he would beat me so badly, the welts and bruises (some on my private parts) would last for a few weeks.  When I complained, Mom would say,"He hits you because he loves you." I am NOT making this up. (I think Dad also molested me--this didn't dawn on me until about 10 years ago, after his death. Out of respect for Mom, I never told anyone. I didn't want her memory of him tarnished. Yeah, I know--this is crazy.)

And my brothers were overheard saying that I was selfish to get married and leave Mom. Where the hell were THEY when I was taking care of her?  I think that's the real reason--now they had to care for her. Boo-hoo. The heart bleeds for them.

My youngest brother was on my side until last month. DH called him to chat, and brother unleashed a 45-minute tirade on him: I "abanonded" Mom; he was the only one who take Mom in (to live with them)--that's funny, as the first inkling I had of her selling the house and moving in with anyone came from her, 2 weeks before she put her house up for sale. I never had a chance to decline or accept her. But I'm still a horrible person for it, though. I'm tight with money, too. I have no idea where that came from, unless it was from bros 1 &2.  I once refused to give one $500 to buy a boat back in 1985. I was working part-time, and making a whopping $3.35/hr., and still saving for my retirement. One brother actually used to borrow my $5 a week allowance from me when I was a teenager.  Yep, the 18-year-older brother, who was married, with a nice house and a kid. But I'm a tightwad. Oh, BTW, this brother is Mom's will executor, and I think he's cheating me out of my share of Mom's will.

I really don't like my "family".

I am SO sorry love.

No one should ever have to go through all that.

 

[margecat]

Thank you, my dear.  I agree, no one should have to go through it, but what's done is done, and I have to accept it, and get on with life.  It makes my appreciation of those who do love me (DH, my cats, my friends) greater.  The thing is to realize that we didn't deserve any of it, and not to feel guilt. It's heart-rending to realize that you have no family, and that you have to "divorce" them.  Family is sacred to me, and it's not fair I have no loving family--but I can't change that fact.  Life ain't a Norman Rockwell painting, as I've always said!  (It would be amusing to do my family's version of his Thanksgiving dinner painting. I can just imagine it...

.)  I spent my erntire life being loyal to those snakes (sorry, snakes--I shouldn't insult you like that. I like snakes better than my family.).  I've given up.

I guess you could say that I come from a dysfunctional family!