Jealousy =/

[fjartiz]

yes well I now jealousy is a bad thing lol in our world.. but have never discussed it when it come to "cats" (animals) and I have seen in my Sicke that he have been a bit silly, not in a bad way, but shows more interests in me when another cat comes around.

We have neighbours cats coming in for a visit, he is fine with that, he even share his food and litter tray with them if so.. (I am not letting in that way, but we have a semi-detached house and I always have my side window open for him to be able to come in when he wants to when have been out for a while.
So he has not issue with cats in that way.. but when they coming near me he gets really "nosy" and I see his face changes, his eyes dilate and get very focus toward the cat.

Now... every night, Tjejen has been sleeping between or around me and my man

and as soon as Sicke jumps up, she hiss and charge him off, he do not take up on a fight, he hate fights so he do sometimes stand his ground and they sniff on each other, but thats it... she do not want share, and neither does he

He has never changed when it comes to sharing... is this something that will change.. I feel really guilty as he is not aloud for her to come up in the bed for her... and i feel for him.. he used to sleep by the foot end.

So now.. what do I do.. send her down and no one sleeps in our bed to be fair...?? not sure what to do as he doesn't dare to come up and be with us and thats hurting me

this is how it looks

and then she shows him off by hissing at him.. =/

 

[bastetservant]

I have the same issue. Two of my cats, Lily and Claude, are very jealous of each other, and my other cats, over ME!

The way I handle it is pretty much thinking that whoever got there first has the place by me. If the other one comes after and tries to chase away who was there first, the jealous offender gets removed and not allowed to be there. I don't want to reinforce this behavior. Everyone is expected to "be nice" and get along at my house.

Of course, they are all very, very "catty" at times

, so it is an endless battle of wills. But I am "Topcat" and "Momcat" as well as "Bastet Servant," so my will prevails.

Robin

 

[fjartiz]

Awww see I am thinking like that... who is first, sure... but when the one is first laying there and then being nasty to the other, I dont like that idea or way of being, I I will kindly remove her/him (mostly her) from my side or place.


Its not mean of me to do that?

 

[rad65]

You shouldn't remove the cat who was there first. Cats are very territorial, and removing the cat who has already claimed that area as territory will be messing with the natural order of how your cats see themselves. Think about it, if you were spending the night at a friend's house and someone else tried to take your bed/couch but you yelled at them to leave you alone so you could sleep. Now imagine the friend whose house it is comes and tells you to get up so this other person can sleep in your bed. You would feel like your friend values this other person way more than yourself, right? However, if that friend tells the other person to go find somewhere else to sleep, everyone is happy and that other person learns to not be so pushy and aggressive.

 

[bastetservant]

Yes, the one who got there first stays. The second one, if aggressive to the first, gets removed or sent away (my cats are well enough trained by now that a firm "Go," and a point will usually send them off). But if it is the first one there who is aggressive, then I say, "No," and push them away from the second one (do this only if it is safe for you to do so). If it doesn't stop the bad behavior, then both are ejected from my presence for the time being.

But, they can come back and try again in a few minutes.

Now I'm not saying the one ejected doesn't think I'm a mean meow-mommy, but it's not easy being a parent. They get over it and I never see any carry over in any "grudge" behavior.

At my house, the one who is often trying to monopolize my attention is Lily, who weighs all of 7 lbs. 10 oz. She takes on the 14 and 17 lbs. males with no fear. She swats at them and squeaks at them, and they back off. My biggest problem with this is that I find it so very funny that I forget to do anything about it because I'm laughing.

Robin

 

[fjartiz]

Well thats the whole thing.. its not the one coming who is aggressive.. is the one laying by my side....
Now Sicke is the cat who was here first... and all of a sudden he is not aloud to move, actually stressing him out.. he is not aggressive, but the new one is.

Sorry do not agree with that

Also he is not taking her place but marley moving around.. want to come next to me and say hello, which she dont want.. sorry again.. I am the boss, not she =D also she is bossing him around and making him feel he cant move so he is going in circles.. sorry i cant take that... =/
He dont know where he can be and hides him self instead of her... again.. LOL my heart cant take that.. and i wont let that happen.

Sorry I dont mean fighting aggressive, no one is really that bad, but Sicke is not even aloud to move near me... and he feels really bad, cause she lays with me almost all the time now which mean he will never get a shot in, so I am the mother.. which cat mothers also do, is telling off.
=D I believe a lot in their own behaviour which is "discipline" for them as well... =D

 

[fjartiz]

Originally Posted by rad65

You shouldn't remove the cat who was there first. Cats are very territorial, and removing the cat who has already claimed that area as territory will be messing with the natural order of how your cats see themselves. Think about it, if you were spending the night at a friend's house and someone else tried to take your bed/couch but you yelled at them to leave you alone so you could sleep. Now imagine the friend whose house it is comes and tells you to get up so this other person can sleep in your bed. You would feel like your friend values this other person way more than yourself, right? However, if that friend tells the other person to go find somewhere else to sleep, everyone is happy and that other person learns to not be so pushy and aggressive.

lol if I were spending the night over at a friends house, i would not take their bed, i would wait for a place to be free =D lol

 

[bastetservant]

I think we are having some language confusion here. Not to worry, your English is far better than my Swedish will ever be (and I am descended from Swedes, but it doesn't help).

The one who is with you first is Sicke? And she is not aggressive? But the other cat comes and is aggressive to Sicke? Is that correct?

If that is correct, then I would send the cat who comes second (what's his name?) off the bed or where ever this is happening.

If Sicke, who is with you first is the one who is being aggressive to the second cat, then I would say, "No," firmly to Sicke, and push them apart. If that didn't stop the bad behavior, I would send them both out, even if I had to pick them up and separate them in different rooms (maybe a room for each), and then shut the door I'm in. But within 15 minutes I'd let everyone out and keep my bedroom door open, and we could try again.

I would do what I could to let them both know, that aggression towards each other is not alright with me (especially close to me). The first one does have rights, but not to act aggressive.

If this was happening when I want to sleep, then whoever was there first could stay in my room and the door would be shut for the night.

Robin

 

[rad65]

Originally Posted by fjartiz

lol if I were spending the night over at a friends house, i would not take their bed, i would wait for a place to be free =D lol

lol obviously I was straining for a human example, since cats are all instinct, not worrying about what others think of them.

 

[my4llma]

Midnight will sometimes become jealous of Luna if Luna is sitting with me, he'll knock her down. That happens every once in awhile not a lot.

 

[fjartiz]

Ok =D Sorry to have confused you all =D

So Sicke is the one who was here first, the man, the cat who is not a cat lol

"Tjejen" is the one that is new.
And she is the one who have been pretty ok when they have met in the "hall" sort of, but as soon as she is on me or next to me, and Sicke the man comes near she shows aggression... which really hurt my feelings as I saw on him that he was hurt a bit, and she also did this when we were in the bed.
Sicke wanted to sleep by the feet and she was high up where my chest is.. still didnt let him be in the bed.

I dont want Sicke to be sleeping and being left out of the family cause she do not want him around... I wont let it be like that, even if they working out their rank and so forth, still I am the top mama here lol.
Although after I posted this, she has been more accaptble towards him.. still showes her teeth to him if to close to long... but its getting better.

My Swedish forum have said that If she shows aggression, leave both.
And let her come to "nutral" floor and they can deal with it them self.
But as long as she on me and does that I wont take that... even if that is to some wrong.. but Sicke should not be feeling left out, as I have rescued him as well, just from a home where he was pushed around and didnt get the attantion he should have had. I wont let him feel that again.

He is a cat that welcome anyone in the home.. and that is incl any cat.. so I am hoping you understand that I feel a bit protective over him =D.

But since the first post... it has gone a bit better... and the new one (Tjejen) has started to play.. not sure she ever have as she looks like she come to heaven, with one of those string on a stick and a "bird - look - a - like" on it lol... well thank you all for your support in this.. and I am greatful... =D
I will ask you questing when I am stuck and I am hoping that is ok...

 

[rad65]

I think that happened because Tjejen is skittish. She is nervous around Sicke, and the whole house smells like Sicke, so it's clear to her that it is Sick's domain. Once Tjejen found a small area she is comfortable, which happens to be right next to you in bed, she is staking that small space as her territory. A cat in a foreign territory can only claim the area it can defend. This behavior should go away as Tjejen feels more comfortable in the rest of the house and finds areas to claim as her own.

 

[fjartiz]

Now that sounded as really good

Thank you for that, it was rather obviouse now when you said it

thanks lol.