Is three cats too many? Is my first cat happier alone?

[thegoodjuju]

Good evening, y'all! First post here. I've been having some trouble for awhile, and finally decided to cave in and ask for some help/advice/input.

Quick breakdown of all my cats:

My first cat, Yuri, came to me as a starving scrawny stray about 6 months old. She is now 3. She meowed outside the door and I let her in and she made herself at home. I was at my mom's at the time and she would go outside when I would come home and always come back at night. She'd even wait for me to get home by the driveway. I have a special bond with her. Yuri is a chill cat who enjoys lots of naps, food, and being left alone on her schedule.

1.5 years ago I got Laela as a kitten. Yuri was angry for months, but she adapted. Still, Yuri never wanted to play and would always playfully attack Yuri which she didn't like. So 1 year ago I got Ygritte, a bengal kitten. Laela and Ygritte bonded quickly and rough house all the time. They act like litter mates, playing, grooming one another etc.

Since the additional kittens, I have seen Yuri change. I don't think she knew how to play, really, growing up as a kitten in survival mode. I've seen her begrudgingly develop social cat behavior, and she likes to play sometimes and chase the others (but gets mad when she's the one getting caught... it's quite amusing!). It's been really cool to see the development, and sometimes I get a kick out of just watching them run around and interact.

A problem sort of solved:

So I lived in a one bedroom apartment on the third floor, and now I live in a two bedroom apartment on the third floor. All of the cats, but especially Yuri, love to go out on the porch and hang out. In the one bedroom apartment I had one litterbox for two cats, and even when I got a third I still had a single litter box. When I moved into the bigger apartment, I got a second litterbox and put them both in the guest bathroom. None of this was ever a problem.

At one point a few months ago I was struggling with PTSD and depression and went like two weeks with a disgusting home and not changing the litter. This is my fault. Yuri started peeing in one spot in the hallway. Then it turned to pooping. None of the others ever did, and still used the litter boxes. After several months of this, including deep carpet cleanings, I gave up. I put the litter box in the hallway where she was using the bathroom. It worked, but then she started using the bathroom next to that litterbox. Then I covered that whole place in the hallway with bathroom rugs. It is no longer a problem. The litterbox is in use full time.

My best guess is that the pee was so set into the carpet that she kept smelling the pheromones and would use the bathroom there. In a few months upon lease renewal my apartment managers are putting in wood floors, so hopefully I can move the litterboxes back to the bathroom. Additionally, I literally have no room for third litterbox. But I don't think that's a problem.

A question needs answered:

But I still wonder if Yuri was happier as a single cat. She doesn't eat next to the others unless it's Tuna Tuesday, which really gets everyone excited. Like I said she plays with the others some, but a lot of the time she seems annoyed they're around. Laela has tried to groom her a few times and she only accepts one or two licks before getting mad about it, lol. 

I love each of my cats passionately. They are all so dear to my heart and I love each of them for their quirks. Yuri is the loner who loves cuddles but bites you to let you know she's done. Laela is the lover who gets mad at me when I go to bed or leave for work, and flops in the floor and lets me put my foot on her as a I say " Crush the kitty!" and rough her up with my foot. Ygritte the bengal kitty loves to gallop away when I run towards her, and she only likes being petted when she can slide and slink around like a slinky.

But I want to do what is best for all, and with a heavy heart I am wondering if the two younger ones should (with careful and deliberate choosiness) go to a new home together. Then it would just be me and Yuri. Which could pose a problem for any future partner of mine, who may have an animal too, but I digress...

How do I know if my cat is a "one cat only" kind of cat who just enjoys being a solitary, chill cat? How do I know if she's unhappy? Like I said, she sometimes eats near the younger two, she sometimes plays with them, and she even will roll on her tummy with one nearby. But I can still tell she's always on the lookout.

I still think the pee problem was a scent-only kind of thing due to the history and solution of the issue, and I am really excited about getting wood floors lol, but it's made me question whether or not have three cats is the best idea, despite my intense love. I just want to make sure everyone is happy, especially Yuri, and any input is valued. THANK YOU!!

YURI

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LAELA

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YGRITTE

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[molly92]

You say that Yuri has changed since you got your second cat. My question is, how? Is it just that she doesn't particularly like being around the other cats, or have other parts of her personality been affected? And are these normal changes that happen as cats go from being a teenager at 1.5 to more of an adult at 3, like being less active and playful? Because if that's all it is, it sounds like Yuri is mostly happy to leave your other cats alone and they're happy to leave her alone. Cats don't have to love each other to live together and be happy. They just have to have a mutual respect for each other's boundaries. As long as each cat can pretty much do as they please, there usually isn't an issue. If Yuri doesn't like eating next to the kittens, that's fine. There's no law that says she has to. You can feed her somewhere else. If she doesn't accept grooming, that's fine and she's perfectly within her bounds to reject it. Cats are all different. Most love grooming, but some don't and that doesn't mean they're not happy cats.

I think the litter box issue was about Yuri's preferences for the cleanliness of her litter box, not that she was sharing with other cats. If you do only have 2 litter boxes for 3 cats it's extra important to keep them scooped and clean, but I think you know this. It is not your fault that the litter boxes did not get cleaned. You have an illness that is literally debilitating. While you are well, it would be good to brainstorm some ways you can prepare for those situations in the future, because you cannot always count on sheer willpower. You know your limits on bad days best, so I'll just throw out some ideas and you can try them on for size. You could get some disposable litter boxes, fill them with litter, and then stow them away in a closet or cabinet for bad days, so all you would have to get our self to do is set them out when the regular boxes are getting full but you don't have the energy to empty them. Puppy training pads that you can get at pet stores are also something you could set out in Yuri's preferred areas. The pad also protects the floor beneath from absorbing the urine pheromones, which you've learned is crucial. It's not an ideal solution, because ideally you wouldn't get sick, but it could make things more manageable if you do. On my worst days I do not care about myself at all and don't take care of myself. But I do still care about my cat, and that thought is enough get me out of bed long enough to at least give her breakfast, dinner, and maybe scoop her litter. She is not going to judge me if I don't make my bed or do laundry or let trash pile up or I don't take a shower for days, so that helps me accept that just getting by is okay. Healing from depression takes a very long time, and in the meantime it's perfectly fine to take whatever shortcuts you need to get by. I don't know if that helps any, but that's kind of my perspective, or the perspective I try to have when things get tough.

Anyway, back to Yuri. My suspicion is she's an overall happy cat with some occasionally annoying little sisters. Kittens are a lot for the most tolerant adult cats to handle. Lots of cats live with other pets that they do not adore. As long as they have their own space, like their own spot on the couch or their own perch on the cat tree, their food supply isn't being sacrificed, and they get the time with their human that they want, they can be very content. And in the larger scheme of things, rehoming Ygritte and Laela would mean that 2 other cats somewhere do not get a home. It sounds like you have 3 wonderful kitties who are very loved, and they know it.

Those are some gorgeous pictures of your girls! You should keep an eye out for the monthly photo contest on TCS!

 

[thegoodjuju]

Thanks for the support, Molly! I really appreciate it! <3

Yuri has never been playful, the changes since I have gotten the other cats has taught her how to play and occasionally be more playful than in the past. It's like the younger kittens taught her social behavior. But the other change has been peeing in the floor.

UPDATE: I'm at my wit's end! I thought my solution worked, and despite a fresh and clean litter, today when I got home from work Yuri went to the hallway where the litter box and bathroom rugs are, then ran away looking guilty. And sure enough there was a giant pee puddle on the bathroom rug, literally INCHES away from the litter box.

I am beyond frustrated. I can't stand that my not-super-big apartment constantly smells like cat urine. It's just not okay. To top it off, my allergies are literally killing me lately between three cats and the major increase in pollen the past few weeks here in East Tennessee. I just feel so frustrated and defeated.

I am questioning if three cats is good for me. Aside from Yuri's bathroom issues, which I think could be because she feels like she lacks space and is cranky around other cats... I am struggling to take care of them. The financial burden is bearable, because I love them so. But I am afraid they are not getting enough quality time with me. They all don't get brushed as often as they need, or have my individual attention. Full time work, a meager social life, a disabled mom and ten year old sister (they don't live with me though), and then there's the possibility of me going back to school for a doctoral degree in physical therapy in the next year or two...

I just worry that Yuri is not happy, and I worry that my beautiful cats don't get enough attention from me, either. But I cannot imagine parting ways with any of them. I love taking photos of them and I love each distinct personality. They are truly my family, and I've had the two younger ones since they were 8 weeks old. I never wanted to be "that person" who got animals only to "rehome" them... But maybe it's best for the younger two to go to a new home together??

 

[ohws]

To me it looks like you think you have just 1 problem, that Yuri is doing No1 and No2 in the wrong places because she does not like the other cats. But to me, they are 2 separate issues, not directly related by cause and effect

• Yuri does not like the other cats
• Yuri is doing No1 and No2 in the wrong places

and I think that you would not be so concerned if there was only the first problem.

Before you commit to rehoming the other 2 cats, I suggest you get the other 2 into a cattery for a week or 2 as though you were going away on holiday. Then you will really see whether rehoming the other cats will help Yuri do No1 and No3 in the right place. I suspect it will make no difference.

 

[dartalins]

Every cat seems to have their own personality. We have two older and two kittens we recently rescued and fell in love with. One moved to the garage and has just begun to come in. The other a guest room and comes out to watch and occasionally show who is boss. The little ones run the roose and enjoy themselves though. I learned Bugatti had an allergy to certain brands of litter. He wouldn't use a litterbox till we found one he would tolerate. I've read here and also Jackson galaxy's show cat from hell it's best to have one more box than cats. It works well and we have less to clean and they all use. Older cats also take time and have to be introduced slowly. Many ways to do that without forces them to hang together. Make sure there's no health issue first and if it's behavioral it can be fixed. That's your family all of them and with patience it will all work out and many years of love and enjoyment. Bengals from what I see on the show needs lots of exercise and best to get harness and take for walks when the others Tucker out and don't want to play. They have the most behavioral issues due to lack of exercise. Yours is blessed to have a mate to play with.Yuri needs her own box and her own food away from the others to be able to get to and if there's no health issues should be back to normal ways like before. Lots great forums here to see you're not alone as well as check out the show on animal planet..

 

[molly92]

Litter box avoidance can be a very difficult habit to break. It's not necessarily related to Yuri's feelings about the other cats. I really suggest adding more litter boxes, even just temporarily, so Yuri can feel more like she has more options. Having a litter box in an inconvenient place is much better than having cat waste in an inconvenient place! You can even put litter boxes next to the existing ones and it will help. These are some good articles to help with litter box avoidance:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/how-to-solve-litterbox-problems-in-cats-the-ultimate-guide

http://www.richmondspca.org/document.doc?id=112

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/cat-care/common-cat-behavior-issues/litter-box-problems

Rehoming a pet is a big decision and should not be made lightly, however it is not always the wrong decision. It should be done when the cat will have a good chance of a better life. If you do not have loving homes ready for these cats, be aware that most adult cats take a while to get adopted and will be living in a shelter for a significant amount of time, and while shelter workers do the best they can, it is not an ideal place for a cat to live. Some rescues have websites that list their available animals, and these bios might list intake dates for the cats. That can give you an idea of how long you can expect the cats to be in a shelter.

Having said that, I wonder how much you are projecting your own feelings onto the cats. It might be good to analyze how rational your guilt is. No one is a perfect pet parent. And I think it's too soon to think about rehoming the other 2 until you've really gotten to the root of Yuri's litter box problems.

 

[raina21]

I'm having sort of the same problem with my 3 cats (no litterbox issues though).

Zazzie (3 years old)

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• raina21
• Apr 17, 2016

kiwi (2 years old)

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• raina21
• Apr 17, 2016

and Tesla (6 months old)

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• raina21
• Apr 17, 2016

Zazzie was our only cat for a little over a year, then we adopted Kiwi as a 10 week old kitten. It took Zazzie a while to get used to her, but eventually they got used to each other and played/rough housed with each other all the time.

Then we rescued Tesla (who was dumped alongside our busy road). Zazzie got used to him quickly (maybe a week or 2 and she was fine with him) but kiwi didn't get used to him for a long time (took about a month or so before she accepted that he was going to be living here lol).

Anyway, Zazzie and Tesla are thick as thieves now. They play with each other all the time, chase each other around, groom each other, and cuddle together. When it comes to feeding time, they will eat next to each other.


Kiwi will play with one of the other cats on occasion, but she generally likes to be left alone. She won't eat next to them either. We have to move her bowl across the room so she can have space. We still play with her (on her own, in another room with the door closed so that Tesla can't hog all the fun. We don't think she is any less happy than she was when it was just her and Zazzie. She just finds Tesla to be kinda annoying. Other than not playing ore eating with the other cats as much, she's pretty much the same ol' Kiwi.

We kinda hike that she has "Middle child syndrome" haha.