Is this kitty shy or what is the problem?

[ann phoenix]

I just adopted two brother/sister kittens at 10 weeks old which I love alot already, so I have had them a month now.  The girl is a total Mama's girl, sleeps with me and puts her little head on my chest...so adorable.

The boy, however, who was described as a lap cat doesn't want to sit on my lap, hardly will let me hold him--but when I do he does purr--and has turned his head when I have him all the time almost. He did this from the very first time I met him, too.  Yes, I know cats often don't like to look into your eyes but he is extreme compared to the 4 other cats I have owned in the past.  

He and his sister are very bonded and play together all the time, so no problem there at all.  And both have gotten into my routine just great with no pooping or peeing outside their 2 boxes and they are pretty behaved in general.

So, what is wrong that this supposed lap cat (which means he was a lap cat with the foster mother) but won't look at me at all and doesn't want to be held by me except so rarely????

I also notice when I am cuddling his sister that he stays some feet away and often in his cat tree and sits there with his arms folded and just looks and looks at us.  

I HAVE definitely made it a point to give one just so many pets and hugs as the other so there should be a lack of jealousy, but it's the girl who will jump on the brother those few rare times he will just sit and let me scratch behind his ears and then she tries to get a wrestling match going with him.  I wonder if she is jealous?

Has anyone had a cat like this?  And did the cat ever change and get more cuddly?

 

[catspaw66]

You can't force a cat to be a lap cat. Perhaps because you are picking him up when he doesn't want to be, he is staying away from you. Let him decide for himself when he wants to be a lap cat. Sheba is not a lap cat, and I have had her for 2 1/2 years. I let her be herself and when she wants attention, I give it to her.

 

[ann phoenix]

I'm not holding the boy cat past the second he wants out.  And he rarely is even put on my lap anymore since he has been so aloof.  However, both of them follow me around the house all the time, so I think he is bonded to me somewhat.  

 

[MoochNNoodles]

It sounds like that is just his personality.  And she may very well be the Alpha of the 2.  My 2 are litter mates.  Noodles was the first to jump in my lap after I brought them home.  She has the biggest attitude.  But she defers to Mooch when Mooch wants attention.  Mooch would be on me 24/7 if she could.  Noodles prefers to come to me on her terms.  She goes through cuddly phases and ones where she wants to be off on her own.  If she is in my lap and Mooch walks over; she will get right down.  I've tried to keep her in my lap but she wants none of it.  Usually she settles by my feet on the couch while Mooch takes my lap.  Oddly enough; when it comes to meal times it's Noodles who rules.  Mooch will take a few bites and then step back a foot or two and watch will Noodles is done. And then she finishes her meal.  

I think it sounds like everything is going very well in your house.  He may become more of a lap cat with time; it's hard to say and I guess with cats you never know!  

 

[ann phoenix]

Thanks for that reply.  I wish my Alex was a cuddler like Ava...sigh....but you can't have everything.  He is a good boy, tho, and listens and obeys pretty well for a guy who has only been with me a month.  I really shouldn't complain.

And, yes, Ava I feel dominates her MUCH bigger brother.  Now why can't I find a guy who's like that...LOL!!!  

 

[catspaw66]

Thanks for that reply.  I wish my Alex was a cuddler like Ava...sigh....but you can't have everything.  He is a good boy, tho, and listens and obeys pretty well for a guy who has only been with me a month.  I really shouldn't complain.

And, yes, Ava I feel dominates her MUCH bigger brother.  Now why can't I find a guy who's like that...LOL!!!  

All of us are already taken or too old.

Just keep paying attention to him when he wants it. He may decide that being a lap kitty is the best thing in the world. Some remain a little aloof. Lay down on the floor on a blanket and he may start wanting to be closer to you. The way to change them is to slowly outsmart them.

 

[ann phoenix]

I'll give it a whirl getting these old bones down to kitty level.  I have been more or less ignoring him since I wrote the initial post.  He does come up to me occasionally for a pet...it's a start.

 

[staceyrenee]

Sounds exactly like my two when they were 8 weeks but it was the girl who didn't want pats now she is just over a year old and will not leave me alone, I never picked her up ever I just let her come to me when she was ready. I don't know if this helps but good luck.

 

[catspaw66]

Talk to him every time you get close to him. Give him a treat when he comes near you. If you can't get down on the floor completely (I have the same problem) get down as low as you comfortably can. Just imagine how a 30 foot giant would look like to you, and keep that in mind when you interact with him.

 

[tulosai]

I also think it is just his personality.  I would avoid  looking him in the eyes at all and let him come to you.  I suspect his foster mom grossly exaggerated his lap cat tendencies hoping you'd be more likely to take him.  Not very nice of her, but I think the most likely explanation. I do think overall he sounds like a good cat though and you should try to appreciate him for what he is.  I understand wanting him to be a lap cat but unfortunately that is not something that can be forced

 

[mservant]

And, yes, Ava I feel dominates her MUCH bigger brother.    

I took in 2 sisters at about 10 weeks and they settled in really well: played endlessly together, groomed each other, slept together all curled up in a little ball. BUT one was always boss and when she was with me the the other wouldn't come as close and when the less dominant one did manage to sidle up for a cuddle the game playing would start - just like you describe. I didn't realize it for what it was until they were much older.  It may be that the people you got them from stretched the truth a little, or it may just be that now they're away from mum, setting out their own 'pecking order',  and looking for your attention dominance is more apparent than at other times. Either way, I'd go with everyone's advice and give space and time, and avoid the direct eye contact unless you think he's one of those rare cats that likes it! You will hopefully find that you have 2 cuddle monsters very soon, they just have to work out how they like their human cuddles and to share you

  

(My current boy is cuddly in his own way - he won't sit on my knee but does curl in beside me on the sofa or round my feet, gets me to kneel on the floor so he can crawl underneath me to get his belly rubbed for ages, and leaps on to the bed as soon as the light's off and (no claws) kneads me for anything up to 20 minutes then curls up by my knees for most of the night.  

  Every little cat is different).

 

[ann phoenix]

Here's what I've done and--to my shock--it seems to be working well.  I quite trying to pick up the boy and cuddle him which he fought.  I just ignored him other than passing by him with an occasional pat on the head like I did the girl (always equal). 
Now today I had a scammer send an email which I clicked on.  Big mistake.  So I am working with the Tech on remote and the boy starts whining.  I look down figuring it was the girl and it wasn't!  He wanted up!!!  If he was a human I would have figured he had a few drinks in him, because this is not the usual behavior of my boy.  In fact, it's a first!

He got up on my lap, walked onto the desk I was at and curled up to sleep then started walking around.  Unfortunately, I had to put him on the ground as I was working with the Tech and couldn't be disturbed by kitty trying to walk on the computer as we had to completely take everything off the computer and re-install (2 hour job).  But he did try to come up and was super friendly--and very unlike him.  I was thrilled, needless to say, that he even made the effort....and thank heaven!!!  Finally!!!!

So, folks, the moral of this story is just like single women should treat real men:  Ignore them and they want you more...LOL!  I think this boy kitty is actually coming around...whoooooopie!!!!!!

 

[mservant]