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Oh man that came from a man huh?? .......
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Is it possible for someone to cause someone to drink??
- Thread starter glitch
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One who's been through heck and high water with me, but we both were willing to work on it, and through it.
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I wish mine was more willing to work on things, it might work out better! However, its impossible for me to change him, and we all know if their momma wants them back they shall have them back! Ya cant fight the mamma, because they always win!Originally Posted by KittenKrazy
One who's been through heck and high water with me, but we both were willing to work on it, and through it.
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I am kittenkrazy's hubby What has been said by all is great advice.
I was crushed when I found out what was going on I cracked up. Get
some help and If he does not go to a marriage counselor. Get out before
someone hurt or hurts themselves. I know from trying had the gun not
jammed as I tried to pull the trigger.
Forgive me if come out as a little harsh but this is the woman I have loved for 19 years.
I was crushed when I found out what was going on I cracked up. Get
some help and If he does not go to a marriage counselor. Get out before
someone hurt or hurts themselves. I know from trying had the gun not
jammed as I tried to pull the trigger.
Forgive me if come out as a little harsh but this is the woman I have loved for 19 years.
He is in complete control over lifting his arm and putting a bottle to his lips. No one can make him do that, but some people just need someone to blame it on.
If my MIL said those things to me, that would be the last straw. I would have to have DH take some serious action and talk to her. If it didn't stop, he would have to pick what side he wanted, as hard as that may be. Rob is also somewhat a momma's boy, IMO. And that gets hard sometimes too, when it seems like what I want is overruled by what she wants. I think that if you are in a relationship with someone, THEY are your number 1. So you should be the number 1 woman to your DH. He needs to work out problems with you one on one, NOT through his mother.
DH just asked me if I thought his mom would ever say stuff like that to me, and I said not really, but she DID say to someone once "Well, I couldnt pick my daughter in law, so I have to make due with what I've got." That could be taken in two different ways...
If my MIL said those things to me, that would be the last straw. I would have to have DH take some serious action and talk to her. If it didn't stop, he would have to pick what side he wanted, as hard as that may be. Rob is also somewhat a momma's boy, IMO. And that gets hard sometimes too, when it seems like what I want is overruled by what she wants. I think that if you are in a relationship with someone, THEY are your number 1. So you should be the number 1 woman to your DH. He needs to work out problems with you one on one, NOT through his mother.
DH just asked me if I thought his mom would ever say stuff like that to me, and I said not really, but she DID say to someone once "Well, I couldnt pick my daughter in law, so I have to make due with what I've got." That could be taken in two different ways...
Him and his mother are full of crap! They can't take your children!!!!Originally Posted by glitch
He has already told me if I leave he will take the kids, and his mommy backed him up saying that no matter how much money my family put in to help fight for the kids that they would put more money, and I would lose the children!
He doesn't wear his wedding ring anymore either... He says that it could cause his finger to be ripped off!Isn't that dumb??
I think I have lost some self esteem out of all this, the worst part is I can't understand myself why I stay! If this would have happened 5 years ago he would have been out the door! I have never taken so much crap from a guy, Ive always been treated like a princess, then he comes along and I can't seem to figure out why things changed and I changed too!
You have all been awesome, I KNOW what I need to do, now I just have to do it!
99% of the time the children go to the mother.
The reason they're saying this is because he doesn't want to have to pay child support.. That's obvious anyways.. seeing as you guys got married so he wouldn't have to pay it in the first place. And his mother is backing him up because he's a "mama's boy" and she doesn't want to see her "baby" have to be responsible for HIS actions!
They're just trying to scare you and beat you down mentally/emotionally so that they can get you to do what they want you to do.
My 1st ex husband and his mom tried that too.. Guess what? It didn't work!
I'm sorry if I seem a bit harsh on this subject but I too have been through all of this.
The whole wedding band thing? It's a cop out!
They do it because they either have someone else (sorry to say) or just to get a rise out of you and upset you.
As far as not knowing why you stay? It's probably because of stability. If you're anything like I was you're scared of a change in your life or you're scared of not having that security of a family.
I know I was!
I'm so glad I did though.
I am living my life for ME and my BOYS!
You really should do some soul searching and evaluate your life.
Think of it this way, things couldn't get too much worse if you did leave him right?
i suffer from metal illness, and im also a cutter. my depression can get realy bad some times and i think that maybe you should think more about your self and what will make you happy then what will save the two of you. you dont need a man to be happy, you dont need him and your kids dont need the two of you two gether if you cant be ok.
What you are living with is abuse. Pure and simple. And this teaches your children to abuse. It can also teach your children to turn to alcohol to deal with problems. You need to kick him out of the house. I'm not sure of your state's laws, but I know in NJ and Florida that if YOU leave the house, you loose the right to fight for it. As for his mother, just toss her out on her a$$. Let her know you will not accept her abuse anymore.
And all this is easier said than done. I had to get out of an abusive relationship. I had some really good friends actually force me out of the apartment (they packed everything for me while I cried in the car) and stood in front of me when I confronted him. But I didn't have any kids to think about.
You need to do this for the kids, before they start imitating daddy. And before he starts taking his anger out on the kids. Because 9 out of 10 times, they're next.
And all this is easier said than done. I had to get out of an abusive relationship. I had some really good friends actually force me out of the apartment (they packed everything for me while I cried in the car) and stood in front of me when I confronted him. But I didn't have any kids to think about.
You need to do this for the kids, before they start imitating daddy. And before he starts taking his anger out on the kids. Because 9 out of 10 times, they're next.
Like every one else said, his drink is his problem. your MIL has no business in your marriage. I have been married for almost 29 years. Marriage is supposed to be a support system, He is supposed to lift you up, not tear you down. If I don't get to the laundry, one of the kids does or my Dh. You need to get away, give your self some time to think, about what is best for you and your kids. No one deserves to be abused.
glitch, you said in several posts that he's an alcoholic... if that's actually, the case, if he is able to stop drinking, he'll never be able to be a 'social drinker' - it's all or nothing.
you are not causing him to drink - it's an addiction that he's choosing to feed.
mom is being an enabler for him, backing him up. lots of parents think that is good parenting - it's not.
if he won't go for counseling, or admit he has a problem, there's really nothing you can do for him - you need to look out for yourself & the kids. it's not a healthy situation for any of you.
it's always possible that your departure will make the truth finally 'hit home' with him, & he'll be interested in changing. but until he's ready, there's nothing you can do to make him see the problem.
ETA: the only mother i know of who lost her kids in her divorce actually left her husband [& her kids] to marry another man. [this is my cousin.] it was considered abandonment.
you are not causing him to drink - it's an addiction that he's choosing to feed.
mom is being an enabler for him, backing him up. lots of parents think that is good parenting - it's not.
if he won't go for counseling, or admit he has a problem, there's really nothing you can do for him - you need to look out for yourself & the kids. it's not a healthy situation for any of you.
it's always possible that your departure will make the truth finally 'hit home' with him, & he'll be interested in changing. but until he's ready, there's nothing you can do to make him see the problem.
ETA: the only mother i know of who lost her kids in her divorce actually left her husband [& her kids] to marry another man. [this is my cousin.] it was considered abandonment.
