Is it Nature or Nurture that makes a cat cuddly?

[JavierG]

Lola our resident cat it very clearly a cat that is bonded with my family. While she is not a cuddler and does not like to be carried, she follows us around the house, always sits near us and even sleeps with my Son nestled up to him when he lays down on the sofa. But she doesn’t want to be carried or won’t sit on our laps.
Then we got our new Kitten Taffy, now about 6 months. She started off very shy, but is now almost acting like a dog. She comes when called, constantly playing, she is the first to greet anyone when they get home, and sits with the family on our Movie nights. Despite all of this she also does not sit still when holding her, she only stays on my lap so long as I hold her. Once I let go she jumps off.

Our cats are clearly social with us and not shy or fearful, but we can’t get them to let us carry them.

How do cats become lap cats? Is it they just like that? Is it their nature? Or is it, as kittens make it a point to carry them? To get them accustomed to it so they become comfortable?

 

[di and bob]

I have found it is more the males that are cuddly. Almost all the females I have had act just like you are describing. That being said, the little female I have right now, jumps up on your lap as soon as you sit down and gives you head rubs and kisses on yoru face! Maybe because she was human hand reared from 2 weeks on? don't know. but by far the vast majority of 'cuddlers' have been males.
I handled my last female from 5 weeks on, and she was still very agitated about picking her up or messing with her in any way. She had overstimulation aggression, which means she could be stroked exactly three times and then attacked, clawing and biting if you went over that. People found that out the hard way. But she loved me and did sit on my lap and had her own little personality.
By nature, cats are solitary creatures They can live in colonies and do form their own little families. No one else is allowed in. A feral cat avoids humans at all costs. they never meow, tehy never approach people, truly wild. A stray, which has had human contact, will be fearful at first but will warm up to people with patience and food.

 

[ArtNJ]

My belief is 95% nurture for home raised cats (rescues can be different). All of that said, every now and then you get cats that require significantly more work & skill to get there. Rescues, as mentioned. Even for home raised cats, some are just naturally skittish. I think those two scenarios explains most of the standoffish, do their own thing cats out there. I do think that even with expertise and the time of a retiree, once in a while its just not realistically possible to get there at all with a particular cat, but would rate this as quite uncommon in home raised cats.

My brother and his partner are kind and patient, and had a home raised cat that remained hostile its whole life. The partner remains mentally scarred a decade later and wont consider another cat. They aren't cat experts, but I just think that particular cat, nurture alone was unlikely to be enough for anyone.

On the other side of the coin, many of our cats have been annoyingly affection seeking! Thats not something that I nurtured! I am retired, I think that is part of it, but I do like my personal space, especially at the computer.

 

[Kris107]

I think it can be a combo of both to some degree. Some cats it's how they're being held. A lot of times I can hold the cats but they are fidgety with my husband. That being said, we've had some cats who cuddle every moment they can. Others who like to be near but aren't that cuddly. Try getting a sherpa blanket and put it fleece side up when you're sitting. Lower the house temp by a few degrees. Tricky, I know, but it could help!

 

[neely]

I think it can be a combo of both to some degree.

I agree! Cats are individuals which is what makes them unique. Whenever we adopt a cat we hope they will be affectionate and almost all of them have been with the exception of one who did things on her own terms. I respected her independence and eventually she warmed up to me so whether nature or nurture I'm not sure but obviously she trusted me. I think gaining a cat's trust is essential but some cats just don't like to be held which to them is like being confined. I don't personally believe in forcing a cat to be held unless of course you're trying to give them medical treatment.

 

[nurseangel]

I believe it's both. My newest kitten came out of a bad situation, and he is a wild thing. But when I am up watching him, sometimes he sits on my lap. I have cautioned DH not to play with him with his hands - meaning don't wiggle them for him to jump on and attack. My upper left thigh is a hot mess because he wanted a bite of my food, and I don't share (well, not much anyway). He is the sweetest thing, though. He just hasn't been socialized, was raised with dogs and was rescued from a hoarding situation at five months old. He plays really rough, but he doesn't know any better. Bree is the only cat who plays with him, and I think she has since regretted making that decision. He will calm down eventually.

 

[Alldara]

With everything I think it's a mix of both. I also find that many cats become more cuddly with age.

I've had a lot of family cats over the years who weren't cuddly but liked to be nearby.

I didn't find that males or females more or less cuddly. Lily never left my body but she was raised by a dog before me. Nobel liked.to be cuddled on his own terms, when he chose it.

 

[Kieka]

100% a mix.

I have three cats.

1. Nightfury - rescued at 4 weeks old (found in taped up box), absolutely adores all cuddles. Can be turned upside down and belly rubbed at any time. Slept on human all the time as a kitten. Loves to be put down for a nap and cuddle up next to a human.
2. Link - Adopted at 6 weeks (was told he was 8 weeks). As a kitten, he was cuddled, pet and loved on all the time. He'd would not settle for a nap unless he was on me. Slept right next to me most night and demanded pets all the time. Raised in the same house as Fury and a year younger than Fury. Around 6-9 months old, decided pets weren't the best. Started only wanting pets when he wanted them and not below the neck. Touching his tummy is a death wish and petting below the neck will result in nips or swats. Although he does have his cuddle moments where he demands petting, most of the time you only get a few head scratches before he's done (and let's be honest that's mostly for your benefit because he knows you want to pet him). He still sleeps next to me most nights but he (almost) always is out of reach and only occasionally demands some petting before heading back out of reach.
3. Rocket - Feral demon child rescued at 3 months old, youngest cat. Forced her to have some petting everyday in activating her to people. At first, she only allowed single finger petting, over time got to a full hand and (after three years) two hands at the same time. Now, 8 years down the line she adores petting, laps and will allow for tummy petting if she's already relaxed. She won't allow for picking up, but as long as all four feet are on the floor her entire body is open for petting. Sometimes she doesn't want to be pet, sometimes she begs for petting. She even demands pets from strangers if they are sitting in specific chairs that she associates with getting pets at. I've often thought if she didn't have the feral start she would be an absolute terror of demanding none stop pets from the entire world. But because she did, she does have some hesitation and it did take a few years to get where we are.

TL;DR, I have three cats with three very different views on petting and even laps. All three were raised in the same setting and are only a year apart. They had the same humans in their lives, essentailly the same overall nurture with some slight variations based on their own personalities, they just have different nature's.

 

[amethyst]

I agree with others, it's a mix, the best example to see this is when looking at litters that are kept together, so they are all treated the same for life, which I realize most people don't get to see. I had a litter born at my house (4 females) and I kept them, so all treated the same from day one, yet their personalities varied. I had one who loved cuddles and she would happily sit in your lap or arms and be carried around. Two were/are somewhere in the middle, they enjoyed petting but only occasional cuddles, but ok to be carried around. On the other end though I had one that was very bonded to me but only me (she would often scream and run if anyone else tried to even touch her), she didn't really like to be cuddled or restrained, and only tolerated being held so long as it wasn't for long, and again only by me. She would happily sit near me (often next to me on the couch, on the arm or back of my chair, or on my desk) but rarely in my arms or on my lap, followed me around, talked almost nonstop, and slept on me at night.


Another thing to look at is what their life was before you got them. What happens in the first few months of life can stick with them for the rest of their life. So for example if they were forced to cuddle, picked up wrong, or were held against their will as a young kitten (even if it was for their own good like needing meds) they will be more likely to not like/trust it then a kitten that wasn't.

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Mixture, but I lean toward nature for my current girls. They were both either lost or, I suspect with Daisy, abandoned (picked up on the street in a small town, held at the pound, then taken to the RSPCA - her "owners" had every opportunity to find her, but didn't bother. They also hadn't bothered to desex or microchip her). Phoebe is the friendliest, most affectionate cat I've known. She wants lap-time from everyone who comes into the house, and is always ready to swarm up onto a shoulder so she can wash the human's face. Daisy was more nervous of people to begin with, but is less so now, and she always wants to be on top of me. It may be partly residual insecurity from her early mistreatment, but a lot of it is sheer affection.

 

[daftcat75]

Paradoxically, I have found cats are most interested in those who are least interested in them. The less you try to hold your cats, the more likely they may eventually become lap cats and cuddlers. I adopted Betty as an adult. The shelter thought she was five. The vet and I think she may be even twice that. We have no history of her nurture. She is definitely shy with strangers. The first day I brought her home, I left her in the home office for the day to let her chill out and become familiar with the space. By evening time, she wanted to come out and explore the rest of the apartment. By bedtime, she was snuggled up right in my armpit with her head on my chest. Despite laying and sleeping like this every night in bed with me, it took her a good three months to become a lap cat. I even got her a poof for next to my chair so she could sleep next to me until she was ready to sleep on me. Now it's every morning with breakfast and every evening with dinner, she can't wait for me to finish cooking so she can jump into my lap. I call it my twice daily junk punch because her aim is uncanny. (Fortunately, she doesn't weigh much and it's never her full weight anyway.) I would say stop trying to hold your cat and just let it happen with time and trust. And if it never happens, well that's the cat's prerogative and autonomy. It makes it that much more special if it does happen because you know it was their choice.

 

[maggie101]

Wow! So many theories. My cat peaches is very sociable,follows me everywhere,rubs against everything,comes when she hears my voice,kneads her paws if I sing when listening to a song. She does not like to be picked up,has a time limit of howlong to be patted,and growls if my cat Maggie walks by but adores peaches. Coco is my only lap cat,loves to be brushed,rubs all over my face,kneads her paws on my lap,never hisses or growls,afraid of maggie,adores peaches. She was taken from her mom 5 weeks old when a stray then came back a year later.that may be why she's a lap cat orits in her nature. I doubt you can train a cat to be a lap cat if she doesn't want to

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I am absolutely and unscientifically certain that it is a combination of the two. Cats are every bit as individual as people are. I have two sons, both reared the same way. From infancy, the elder was more "I want to be with you but not on you," whereas the younger would attempt to melt himself into the person holding him. They are each just as loving as the other, but they express it differently, and always have. I think that cats are very much like that, as well.

 

[maggie101]

I guess age makes a difference

 

[Antonio65]

I am quite sure that it's in the cat's nature.

My current cat Giada comes from a bunch of feral kittens, with feral mom and dad. She was the only one in the litter of four kittens to be lovely and cuddly from minute one. I had her in my arms as soon as I rescued her, and she was purring and curling in my arms, and she is still extremely affectionate and loves me to bits. Her siblings were almost untouchable, her sister in particular was like a wild tiger. Let alone her parents!
My other cat Freya, was rescued along with her two siblings and mother. Freya was the only one sweet from the first minute, the two siblings were a little wilder and got sweeter in time. Their mother was unapproachable till the day of her death. Freya is glued to me every minute of the day, she never leaves me.

I had a cat, named Lola, you can see her in my avatar, she was extremely sweet and affectionate, but she was bottle-fed and so I think that she created a special bond with me.

 

[vansX2]

I feel that nurturing a young kitten soon after leaving its mother is they key ingredient for a cuddly, affectionate older Cat. I spent alot of one on one time with my boy Jackpot. That special care has paid off as he's loves to snuggle alongside and sitting on my lap. He's very personable with people he knows. He's become the Alpha Male. Unlike his timid housemate Miles .