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- Mar 3, 2014
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I've found and read a dozen articles on introduction, done it successfully twice, located a bunch of great threads on here on the subject... but I'm still hesitant in my particular situation and would love some advice, practical tips (and maybe a hug, to be honest) from some of the wise old hepcats around here.
As briefly as possible:
Mid January we lost our male cat Watson. He is survived by our five year old spayed female, Lil. Lil is a high strung girl who is outdoors during the day and inside at night.
Four days after we lost Watson, Oscar came into our home to stay. Way sooner than we had intended to get another cat but he came from a foster network and needed desperate rehoming, like, RIGHT NOW. So... He was a six-seven week old shelter kitten, unvaccinated etc. He seemed bright and healthy after we brought him home but three days later he spent four nights at the vet with cat flu.
We brought him home, popped him in the spare room with trays, bowls etc. The spare room has a glass door. It took Lil two days to realise he was there. We occasionally cat sit for a friend so a strange cat in that room was not new. She sniffed at the door a few times and ignored him. Then, just as she got interested, he had to spend four days at the vet. We let her into his room for a good sniff around (she is up to date in her vaccinations and we removedd bowls etc). Just as we brought him home again and we looking at restarting the process, several things happened: my husband, formerly home all day, went back to work full time - a severe heatwave hit the area and overwhelmed our rackety old aircon - Lil began to realise that Watson wasn't coming home this time and that the new cat was back - and she developed stomatitis and stopped eating.
In response, we began letting Oscar out into the cooler parts of the house during the day while Lil was outside (by choice, she has cool spots under the house), desperately trying to help Lil with her pain and her grief using Rescue Remedy, medication, cuddles and every catfood imaginable, reinventing her routine to accommodate husband's absence and Oscar's presence while still keeping her core events (food, bedtime, outside time) intact and adding some regular before bed play to her day now Watson wasn't around to hog the toys.
Ten days later we had stabilised into a routine that has not changed much since then: Lil has breakfast in the morning while I use Feliway spray in key spots of the house. She has some pats then heads outside. Oscar is let out and has his breakfast and a run around. If nobody will be home that day, he then goes back into his room. If someone is home, he stays out all day in the house. (Thankfully the heatwave just ended) Lil stays out all day. Before dinner, when we get home from work, Oscar gets dinner in his room and then stays there all evening. I spray Feliway again. Lil gets dinner then pats. I attempt to get her to approach Oscar's door using treats, she sees through my ruse and turns up her nose. Later we play with wand toys and she gets second dinner (usually a scant handful of dry food which she loves). One of us will spend some time playing with Oscar then go through his bedtime ritual (play, snack, lights out). We go to bed with Lil.
Lil does not like Oscar. She is not interested in him except to swipe at him with intent to wound. When she comes inside in the evening, she alternates between trying to find that other cat, acting scared, acting annoyed and rubbing her own scent over his. I think last night she sprayed. I understand that the house is basically his scent territory now and that makes her uncomfortable. When we first brought him home, she did not react to his scent on us, the carrier or the cloth I used for transfer. Now if I try scent transfer she pulls away and gets upset. Two weeks ago I got them to the point where I could let Oscar out if his room and give them snacks a few feet away from each other for two minutes. Except he is a kitten and her tail was twitching. Fur was flying a few seconds later. Now her fear and discomfort is now starting to manifest as disinterest and aggression. We have dialled back to keeping them seperated, no shared treats.
I'm actually scared now that irreparable damage has been done to Lil's perception of Oscar. I'm really worried by the next step - no idea what I can start doing to move forward again. It's going to be a long time before we can give them face time again: Oscar has to jump and wrestle on everything and Lil will kill him if he touches her. I can't do the whole "just move the food bowl closer together" thing as Lil has always only eaten from her bowl if it's in a particular spot. If it is moved, she won't touch it. Like I said, hiiiiigh strung.
Plus husband is only kind of on board with the whole cat psychology thing. He gets that we can't just let them duke it out, that there is a process, but his stuff always comes first, and that makes it difficult to get him fully engaged in any daily cat routines. So, anything that is done needs to be able to be done by me alone and my work hours are a bit irregular.
I'm open to your words, cat people. Advise, chastise, comment at will. Where should I go from here?
As briefly as possible:
Mid January we lost our male cat Watson. He is survived by our five year old spayed female, Lil. Lil is a high strung girl who is outdoors during the day and inside at night.
Four days after we lost Watson, Oscar came into our home to stay. Way sooner than we had intended to get another cat but he came from a foster network and needed desperate rehoming, like, RIGHT NOW. So... He was a six-seven week old shelter kitten, unvaccinated etc. He seemed bright and healthy after we brought him home but three days later he spent four nights at the vet with cat flu.
We brought him home, popped him in the spare room with trays, bowls etc. The spare room has a glass door. It took Lil two days to realise he was there. We occasionally cat sit for a friend so a strange cat in that room was not new. She sniffed at the door a few times and ignored him. Then, just as she got interested, he had to spend four days at the vet. We let her into his room for a good sniff around (she is up to date in her vaccinations and we removedd bowls etc). Just as we brought him home again and we looking at restarting the process, several things happened: my husband, formerly home all day, went back to work full time - a severe heatwave hit the area and overwhelmed our rackety old aircon - Lil began to realise that Watson wasn't coming home this time and that the new cat was back - and she developed stomatitis and stopped eating.
In response, we began letting Oscar out into the cooler parts of the house during the day while Lil was outside (by choice, she has cool spots under the house), desperately trying to help Lil with her pain and her grief using Rescue Remedy, medication, cuddles and every catfood imaginable, reinventing her routine to accommodate husband's absence and Oscar's presence while still keeping her core events (food, bedtime, outside time) intact and adding some regular before bed play to her day now Watson wasn't around to hog the toys.
Ten days later we had stabilised into a routine that has not changed much since then: Lil has breakfast in the morning while I use Feliway spray in key spots of the house. She has some pats then heads outside. Oscar is let out and has his breakfast and a run around. If nobody will be home that day, he then goes back into his room. If someone is home, he stays out all day in the house. (Thankfully the heatwave just ended) Lil stays out all day. Before dinner, when we get home from work, Oscar gets dinner in his room and then stays there all evening. I spray Feliway again. Lil gets dinner then pats. I attempt to get her to approach Oscar's door using treats, she sees through my ruse and turns up her nose. Later we play with wand toys and she gets second dinner (usually a scant handful of dry food which she loves). One of us will spend some time playing with Oscar then go through his bedtime ritual (play, snack, lights out). We go to bed with Lil.
Lil does not like Oscar. She is not interested in him except to swipe at him with intent to wound. When she comes inside in the evening, she alternates between trying to find that other cat, acting scared, acting annoyed and rubbing her own scent over his. I think last night she sprayed. I understand that the house is basically his scent territory now and that makes her uncomfortable. When we first brought him home, she did not react to his scent on us, the carrier or the cloth I used for transfer. Now if I try scent transfer she pulls away and gets upset. Two weeks ago I got them to the point where I could let Oscar out if his room and give them snacks a few feet away from each other for two minutes. Except he is a kitten and her tail was twitching. Fur was flying a few seconds later. Now her fear and discomfort is now starting to manifest as disinterest and aggression. We have dialled back to keeping them seperated, no shared treats.
I'm actually scared now that irreparable damage has been done to Lil's perception of Oscar. I'm really worried by the next step - no idea what I can start doing to move forward again. It's going to be a long time before we can give them face time again: Oscar has to jump and wrestle on everything and Lil will kill him if he touches her. I can't do the whole "just move the food bowl closer together" thing as Lil has always only eaten from her bowl if it's in a particular spot. If it is moved, she won't touch it. Like I said, hiiiiigh strung.
Plus husband is only kind of on board with the whole cat psychology thing. He gets that we can't just let them duke it out, that there is a process, but his stuff always comes first, and that makes it difficult to get him fully engaged in any daily cat routines. So, anything that is done needs to be able to be done by me alone and my work hours are a bit irregular.
I'm open to your words, cat people. Advise, chastise, comment at will. Where should I go from here?
