I was impulsive and irresponsible and adopted a cat while I was away at college and now I'm back living with my parents and I'm having a very hard time integrating my cat into my parent's household.
My parent's cats barely get along with each other because they didn't introduce them properly, they just threw them together one day like 17 years ago. They coexist fine, Mario is the sweetest, chillest cat in the world and has learned that unless he wants to get hissed or swatted at to just avoid Shadow, who is pretty shy and easily annoyed and wishes she had the house to herself.
When I first brought Moe home I didn't know anything about how to introduce cats properly so I just let him go and he fixated and charged right at Shadow and Mario and would pin them down and just try to rip them apart basically. It was terrible so I didn't know what to do and just kept him in my room and let him out for just 4ish hours a day totally separated from the other cats. I assumed I would be moving back out soon and so I'd just do that for a few months until we had our own place.
Almost a year later and that didn't happen and it seems like I'll be here at least a year longer. He seems happy and bright-eyed and spirited and shiny but still I am being eaten up by guilt I hate doing this to him he deserves way better, we are very bonded and he's basically the love of my life he is my heart cat and it would destroy my me to rehome him but I'm so stressed out and sad about this I'm starting to consider it a little. I'm not totally giving up hope yet because like I SHOULD HAVE DONE A MILLION YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!! I finally looked up how to properly introduce cats and have been doing that for around 3 months now.
I started scent swapping and room swapping and that doesn't seem to bother any of them at all, they will even sleep in each other's bed and actually Shadow and Mario both love to go chill in Moe's room when he's having his roam of the house time. I then did feeding time (my parent's cats are free fed which makes it difficult - so i just gave them some treats) separated by a gate, but that seemed to stress Moe out? He would eat without hissing or getting puffy or anything but he would stick his little paw through the holes in the gate and try to climb over it to get to them? He really fixates on them but I don't know if that just has to do with him being messed up from having to stay in his room a lot? Because sometimes he does that to me and tries bite and to hook his little arm around my leg when I leave my room (which is devastatingly sad) and it kinda feels like the same? He is a very intense little guy. He might just be super desperate for connection and doesn't know how to go about it because I don't think he was with his mom or any other cats for very long? I'm so unsure of what his behaviour means around the other cats.
Anyways, because nobody was hissing or puffy and the gate seemed to only stress Moe out I've started to just feed them (yummy wet food) all in a triangle together and it seems to be going well? They all mostly ignore each other except for sometimes Shadow gets upset and hisses and runs away but Moe lets her go without chasing and just continues eating and Shadow usually comes back to her food in a minute. Moe sniffs Mario's butt a lot and Mario doesn't seem to mind. I've been doing this step for about a month and I'm not sure where to go from here? I definitely want to stay on this step for a while longer like maybe another month but it's just frustrating not knowing if it's even working. Literally as soon as the food is gone I separate them because I am very nervous I don't want them to have another bad experience with each other since I don't know if they've even forgiven their first bad meeting. Should I maybe try to do treats instead of wet food next and maybe space out the time between giving treats and like... allow them to sniff but redirect onto treats if they get too intense with each other? And then maybe from there see if I can get them to play separately in the same room? I really don't know how to deal with Moe's fixation though. Is it just because he's desperate to meet them and play with them or does he want to hurt them? What behaviours should I be looking for to know that they might be getting more comfortable with or starting to like or at least respect each other?
Sometimes I'll be taking Moe back from his outside time and Mario will be sleeping in Moe's room and I'll set Moe down to quickly pick up Mario and take him out and Moe will fixate and run at Mario which makes me think that the food is the only thing keeping Moe from trying to hurt the others and it really discourages me. (But I never let him get to Mario so I don't know what he'd do once he got to him... but his intensity makes me nervous.)
I'm sorry this is so rambly. I guess, just, do you lovely cat folks have any advice for my situation? Or more specific questions: What behaviours should I be looking for to know that they are getting more comfortable with each other? Have any of you ever experienced your cats fixating on each other and how bad a thing is it? Does it sound like my situation is beyond fixing?
Oh! I also should mention I tried feliway and it didn't seem to make a difference at all? Like I said all the cats are pretty calm at food time? Like no puffing or hissing really? Only the occasional time from Shadow and that didn't seem to even be effected by feliway.
Here's a picture of the troublesome trio eating together:
My parent's cats barely get along with each other because they didn't introduce them properly, they just threw them together one day like 17 years ago. They coexist fine, Mario is the sweetest, chillest cat in the world and has learned that unless he wants to get hissed or swatted at to just avoid Shadow, who is pretty shy and easily annoyed and wishes she had the house to herself.
When I first brought Moe home I didn't know anything about how to introduce cats properly so I just let him go and he fixated and charged right at Shadow and Mario and would pin them down and just try to rip them apart basically. It was terrible so I didn't know what to do and just kept him in my room and let him out for just 4ish hours a day totally separated from the other cats. I assumed I would be moving back out soon and so I'd just do that for a few months until we had our own place.
Almost a year later and that didn't happen and it seems like I'll be here at least a year longer. He seems happy and bright-eyed and spirited and shiny but still I am being eaten up by guilt I hate doing this to him he deserves way better, we are very bonded and he's basically the love of my life he is my heart cat and it would destroy my me to rehome him but I'm so stressed out and sad about this I'm starting to consider it a little. I'm not totally giving up hope yet because like I SHOULD HAVE DONE A MILLION YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!! I finally looked up how to properly introduce cats and have been doing that for around 3 months now.
I started scent swapping and room swapping and that doesn't seem to bother any of them at all, they will even sleep in each other's bed and actually Shadow and Mario both love to go chill in Moe's room when he's having his roam of the house time. I then did feeding time (my parent's cats are free fed which makes it difficult - so i just gave them some treats) separated by a gate, but that seemed to stress Moe out? He would eat without hissing or getting puffy or anything but he would stick his little paw through the holes in the gate and try to climb over it to get to them? He really fixates on them but I don't know if that just has to do with him being messed up from having to stay in his room a lot? Because sometimes he does that to me and tries bite and to hook his little arm around my leg when I leave my room (which is devastatingly sad) and it kinda feels like the same? He is a very intense little guy. He might just be super desperate for connection and doesn't know how to go about it because I don't think he was with his mom or any other cats for very long? I'm so unsure of what his behaviour means around the other cats.
Anyways, because nobody was hissing or puffy and the gate seemed to only stress Moe out I've started to just feed them (yummy wet food) all in a triangle together and it seems to be going well? They all mostly ignore each other except for sometimes Shadow gets upset and hisses and runs away but Moe lets her go without chasing and just continues eating and Shadow usually comes back to her food in a minute. Moe sniffs Mario's butt a lot and Mario doesn't seem to mind. I've been doing this step for about a month and I'm not sure where to go from here? I definitely want to stay on this step for a while longer like maybe another month but it's just frustrating not knowing if it's even working. Literally as soon as the food is gone I separate them because I am very nervous I don't want them to have another bad experience with each other since I don't know if they've even forgiven their first bad meeting. Should I maybe try to do treats instead of wet food next and maybe space out the time between giving treats and like... allow them to sniff but redirect onto treats if they get too intense with each other? And then maybe from there see if I can get them to play separately in the same room? I really don't know how to deal with Moe's fixation though. Is it just because he's desperate to meet them and play with them or does he want to hurt them? What behaviours should I be looking for to know that they might be getting more comfortable with or starting to like or at least respect each other?
Sometimes I'll be taking Moe back from his outside time and Mario will be sleeping in Moe's room and I'll set Moe down to quickly pick up Mario and take him out and Moe will fixate and run at Mario which makes me think that the food is the only thing keeping Moe from trying to hurt the others and it really discourages me. (But I never let him get to Mario so I don't know what he'd do once he got to him... but his intensity makes me nervous.)
I'm sorry this is so rambly. I guess, just, do you lovely cat folks have any advice for my situation? Or more specific questions: What behaviours should I be looking for to know that they are getting more comfortable with each other? Have any of you ever experienced your cats fixating on each other and how bad a thing is it? Does it sound like my situation is beyond fixing?
Oh! I also should mention I tried feliway and it didn't seem to make a difference at all? Like I said all the cats are pretty calm at food time? Like no puffing or hissing really? Only the occasional time from Shadow and that didn't seem to even be effected by feliway.
Here's a picture of the troublesome trio eating together:
That pic of them all eating so close like that shows massive progress. For me, the next stage is to let them be around each other once the food has gone. It's a good idea to give them all a good play session before trying this, just to drain any excess energy. Feed as normal, then wait before separating them. Read their body language, and trust your instincts but stay calm! If you're nervous literally start with 1 min without food, but it could be longer...it all depends on their reactions. From this point, gradually extend the waiting time...but always with close supervision. Over time you'll trust them more, and they'll accept each other more. Eventually, you have an integrated fur family 
