Introducing energetic outgoing 2 y.o. Boy to sweet 4 y.o. Girl

[chat2008]

Nine days ago we finally started fostering (with intent to adopt) a very warmhearted, but fairly energetic 2 y.o. rescue Russian Blue male, 14 lbs, to our very sweet, gentle but spoiled 4 y.o. female orange tabby, which is smaller at about 8 lbs. We are doing all the standard recommended things i.e for the first week we kept them strictly in separate parts of our condo, separated by a closed door, while allowing them to sniff each others scents, and watching each other through the crack and occasionally playing or eating treats on opposite sides of the door from one another.

In the past two days we began some short supervised sessions with the two together in the newbies room- the new boy, who has been fostered before, is open and friendly, though perhaps a bit energetic and fast for our gentle but spoiled princess. She has reciprocated with an attitude, taking swipes at him and hissing occasionally, while he in turn sucked it up and seems to just want to be friendly. We thought things were improving a bit- eg they were sometimes sitting calmy next to one another in these supervised sessions - but this evening, after our tabby hissed and swiped at the newbie a few times, he for first time acted as the aggressor and walked up to her to swipe at her while she was hiding in a box.

No fur is flying or blood being drawn, but nonetheless we are wondering if we were pushing things too fast - does this mean we have allowed bad blood to be created and need to backpeddle and do damage control- eg more prolonged separatiin;; or are these little spats normal during these get acquainted sessions and we can just keep trying things at this pace (a few 5-10 minute sessions together each day)

Thanks for all opinions!

 

[callista]

Wow, this totally sounds like what happened when Christy and Tiny met. Christy is a small calico with a lot of dignity; Tiny is a rambunctious boy with a lot of energy, who likes to play and will try to get Christy to join in his games even though she doesn't want to. On occasion, he's cornered her, and the claws have come out. After the first scratch on the nose, he knows to back off when she hisses, and they co-exist, with Christy owning the small spaces she hides in, all scratching posts but one, and all of the high perches, and Tiny owning the floor, my bed, and his favorite scratching post. They share the windowsill. It took them about two months total to come to an agreement and they currently fight very rarely and never seriously--never more than a pawslap and a hiss. Neither of them is dominant.
 

The best thing to do, I guess, is to make sure that your smaller cat has a chance to keep her distance from the overly playful new cat, and that the new cat knows what a hiss means and that he had better back off before the queen of the house whacks him across the nose. I don't know if they'll ever be friends; my cats coexist civilly and sometimes that's all you can expect with adult cats. But, who knows? Maybe, when they get more used to each other, she'll join in his games. Until then, make sure he's tired out from a lot of play before he greets her, and make sure she has a place to dash away to if she feels intimidated.

 

[chat2008]

Thanks, Callista... Yes, that sounds a bit similar. I think we are going to delay ending the separation, while continuing controlled short supervised sessions. Great suggestion about trying to do that after exhausting them each with a good individual play session. The newbie has certainly won over our hearts- he happens to have the same urinary tract history and diet as our resident cat- as well as a history of being 100% friendly and non-aggressive with other cats- so he seemed like a dream cat for our resident.

Alas, our girl has other opinions and might never be won over, as you say. We really dont want her to end up living in fear if she truly wants to live alone- but it would be so sad not to be able to give a forever home to this newbie and for him to have to go back into the system- we will keep trying whatever we can- maybe it will just take more time. Do your two groom or sleep together at all or is it a perpetual cold war apart from some play sessions?

 

[txcatmom]

In my opinion you are very far from needing to conclude that your female would be happier as an only cat.  (Far, far away.)  It just takes cats so long to accept a new friend.  My two males were older kittens and it still took Eko over a month to stop hissing at Leo (and taking an occasional nip or swipe.)  But now they are good friends, occasionally snuggling and grooming each other.  (All three of our cats are good friends but the female isn't as snuggly with other cats as the boys are.) 

I think continuing the supervised visits is a good idea.  Try to be relaxed (the cats pick up on your anxiety.)  It can be difficult to tell playing from fighting with cats, but I'd err on the side of assuming it is play unless it is obviously fighting.  Of course, one cat could intend play and the other assumes its aggression...but they will figure it out (with your supervision, of course.)

Edited to add....One thing we found helpful during the intro process was to let the new, isolated cat out to explore the house while the existing cat or cats were sleeping.  As the sleeping cat woke up they were too relaxed and groggy to care much that the newbie was out.  It sort of helped desensitize them to the presence of the new cat.

 

[chat2008]

Great perspectives, txcatmom... And we love the edited in suggestion. On the whole, we are willing to take whatever time it takes. We havent let the newbie out of the bedroom/bathroom zone to the rest of the place yet- only the resident into his world- but it sounds like a great way to start the process when the time feels right. Though we all know how quick a cat can go from fast asleep to red alert if their buttons are pushed- still, excellent idea to try, thanks.

 

[callista]

Do your two groom or sleep together at all or is it a perpetual cold war apart from some play sessions?

Neither, actually. They don't groom each other or sleep together; but they don't hate each other, either. They are more like civil neighbors than friends: They have their agreements about who gets what part of the apartment and when. They have no arguments over sharing a feeding station and the windowsill in front of the big window; but they aren't really cozy with each other. They just sort of live and let live. They'll sit within a couple of feet of each other, out of paw's reach but rather close, in order to look out of the window or lounge near a radiator in winter. I think as time goes on and Tiny settles down, they'll become a little more comfortable with each other. Occasionally Tiny gets hyper and chases Christy, but she always goes into one of her bolt-holes or onto one of her perches, or, if cornered, hisses at him to back off, and he does. That's as bad as it ever gets nowadays; Tiny knows he can't get Christy to play if she doesn't want to, and Christy knows Tiny will back off if she insists. It's pretty peaceful. I give Tiny a good amount of playtime to make up for it, especially with the sort of toy he can grab and bunny-kick. I think they're both better off with two cats in the house, despite their lack of closeness, because each cat makes life just a little more interesting for the other. They may not be particularly close, but they do seem to keep each other company.

 

[chat2008]

Update on our introduction process: more of the same... Our newbie is friendly as ever- indeed he has even started to greet our resident tabby, whenever we let her in, with a warm headrub and body rub, and tail straight up- but she is acting bitchy as ever- threatening to clout him and hissing as he tries it. This from a tabby that is sweet as can be with her two "things" (humans). Our newbie male doesnt have a mean bone in him really, and continues to greet her warmly each time, and each time she is the grinch in return. But I realize it's very early in the game. Hoping one day she will stop being the ice queen. Her behaviour is delaying our ability to let him out of his bedroom prison, but we are not going to play her game forever- he has really won over our heart- much as we still adore our resident, lol. Ironically, they are both non-responsive to catnip... Otherwise I'd try that to get them high together.