Integrating cats after one year of separation

[southpaw9]

My partner and I share a house with another couple. Since they moved in about a year ago we have been unsuccessful in integrating our cats. My cat Darling is a small female who always gets picked on by the other couple's bigger female cat Betty (They have another big male cat but he's harmless). Darling is absolutely harmless around people but is quick to hiss and yowl at other cats- she will pretend to attack the harmless big male cat though I've never actually seen her land a scratch on him. Darling usually just hides under furniture after an altercation no matter if she is the aggressor or victim. Due to the fighting we decided to "rotate" the cats- Darling gets to roam around the whole house one day while their cats are locked up in their bedroom, and then the next day our Darling is locked up in our room while their cats roam freely. A few times during the day when their cats are free Betty waits outside our bedroom door, peeking under for Darling and occasionally hissing. Whenever I encounter this situation I have to find some clever way of distracting Betty or else if I get too close she will attack me.

Do you have any suggestions on how we could go about integrating our cats? Again, this situation has been going on for a year.

 

[flintmccullough]

Are-all-kitties-spayed/neutered?

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• flintmccullough
• Jul 9, 2013

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• flintmccullough
• Jul 9, 2013

 

[southpaw9]

None of us are really sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[chloespriestess]

Darling's hissing and yowling are the signs of "fear-aggression". Betty is the boss, there is no doubt about it. Darling knows this too, but I think the problem might be that, even after a year of living together, Betty still sees Darling as an intruder into her territory and everyone is stuck in that mode. It's a vicious cycle. My guess is they were initially introduced too quickly.

I think making Darling feel more secure in the household alleviate her reactions to Betty and thus calm the situation. After that, you can reintroduce them, but sloooowwly. You have to basically start from scratch.

(Rather than posting things back and forth with you, I will just post everything I can suggest in one posting. I hope you find it useful. Of course, I don't know everything about your cats, so adjust as necessary.)

First Step:  you have to create a sanctuary for Darling, a place that is hers and hers only. (At least, for now.) Her own room, bed, food and water, litter tray, If possible, make this completely off-limits to Betty and the Boy, mainly so Betty cannot terrorize Darling even through the door. You might have to install a gate Betty cannot scale. Give Darling lots of TLC: blissful days full of plays with wand toys, special treats, quiet meal times just by herself, kitty massage and uninterrupted snuggle time. During this time, make sure you don't bring scent of cats from the opposing camp to the other. (Wash your hands if you pet the others before petting Darling.)

So the other two won't start looking for Darling to terrorize, their owners should spend a lot of time with them, the same way you are doing with Darling. Get them to relax about defending their territories-specially Betty. Keep them all occupied.

After several weeks, start re-introducing the three.

Here is the Step Two: "scent exchange"- bring a piece of bedding of Darling's to Betty and the male cat. This scent is different scent from the ones they have been emitting while they were agitated, fearful or being angry. They still might hiss or growl, but no matter; leave scented bedding in each others bed for a day or so. Bring it to Darling the next day. Again, Darling might hiss and growl, but it's OK. If Darling seems really agitated, lay off a bit. You might have to take the scented piece out and away from her bed. You will have to do this for at least a week, but knowing how they have been, I'd say, more like several weeks.

You can also do this with their toys. Use Darling's toy to play with the other two and vice versa. It will absolve sweat from their paws and saliva from the mouth.

Step Three: Now let them have nose to nose from the space under a door (not Darling's room though.) There will be some signs of aggression, which is normal, but if you hear anyone scream, cut the session short and go back to Step Two.

A variation of this is to let them sniff at each other through the door crack. (This can be done as a bridge to Step Four.) Continue the scent exchange. Return Darling to her sanctuary after the session.

If they can go for more than 10 minutes without someone screaming, proceed to-

Step Four: room exchange. This is what you were doing before. Lock up Betty and the Boy and let Darling roam in their territory. BUT do not let Betty and the Boy roam in Darling's- not yet.

Keep Darling's room as her sanctuary. During all these steps, keep Darling confined in her sanctuary room and keep cats separated unless supervised.

Step Four takes about a few weeks also. Scent exchange should be continued at this time.

By now, Darling should be pretty comfortable with Betty and the Boy.

Step Five: get them all in one place (a place that is not Betty's or Darling's would be good, but Betty's territory is OK; never in Darling's territory-bring them to the place rather than "herding" them) for a wand toy session. (Da Bird works well-you might need two.) Reward all with special treats and praise. Return them to their territories. (Scent exchange continues here.)

After few weeks of Step Five, it might be safe to let them roam in Betty's territory. Keep Darling's territory hers for a while, so she will have a "time-out" place where she can feel not so threatened.

I wouldn't try feeding them in the same room until they get to Step Five. As they lived "under siege" for a year, I wouldn't leave them unsupervised for a long period, at least for a while. Be ready to separate them so Darling can be quickly escorted out should anything happens, but at the same time, stay calm and rather detached through all this. Cats feed off your energy. Don't get discouraged if you have to go back a step. Try to see the humor in the situation. If someone starts hissing, "Oh, OK, you don't like that very much, do you?"; bring them back to their own territories. No big ceremonies. Definitely no yelling or scolding.

The fact that the Boy is easy-going is a plus. You can get him and Darling to become friends probably sooner. Exchange the scent of these two heavily. (Male cats smell stronger anyway.) Better yet, use his scent like a "buffer" between the girls' scents. (Betty: "Hmmm, is this Darling I smell here? But I also smell the Boy...are they hanging out together? so maybe she is not so bad after all??" Darling:  "Oh, no, it's Betty-the-Bully I smell on this towel...but she hangs out with the Boy...?....He is not so bad...he is not scary like Betty anyway...Maybe he can be my friend...?")

This method takes time, but if you are patient, they will be able to work through this with your help.

Also, I highly recommend Feliway diffuser while you re-introduce them, one for Darling's room and another one for Betty's room. Everyone's nails should be trimmed to keep accidental nicks in check. (that can quickly escalate the situation. Darling isn't declawed by any chance... is she? I have seen such fearfulness with declawed kitties. They feel so defenseless, poor things.)

Don't forget to include the human scents in the scent exchange, so the cats stay familiar with all the two legged animals in the household. You can use your old shirts for this purpose.

Good luck!