Most of you, by now, know that I'm an anxious person. I tend to worry. A lot. And, the two things I obsess about most frequently are my pets and their health and happiness and my insecurities within myself. Well, those of you know know that much probably also know that I started a new job as a vet tech assistant two weeks ago. I absolutely love my job. I couldn't ask for something better and I am so incredibly grateful to have this opportunity. But, that being said, I'm my worst critic and am constantly doubting myself and my abilities. And, the anxiety is getting to me tonight.
As a vet tech assistant, not only do I assist with pets, but I also cross-train at the front desk, run fecal and urine samples, do the clinic's laundry, walk the dogs, do most of the cleaning and restocking of the hospital, and, well, there's much more. And, I'm new. I have never worked in an environment such as this one and I am absolutely enamored with my job -- the good and the bad. It's hard on me physically sometimes and can be tiring and frustrating, but it is the best job I've ever had. But, by the same token, because I'm new, I feel like I am not doing good enough. There's some direction at work, but it's really a job where you need to do a set list of things each day and then assist where needed. And, I admit that there have been some days where it's been a challenge. I never complain and I take constructive criticism well. I appreciate the help of my coworkers when they remind me of what needs to be done or point me in the right direction. But, like I said, I've been there two weeks. I don't know everything. And, I'm ashamed to admit that I am not doing perfectly. And, despite my knowing that no one is perfect, I am coming down hard on myself.
For example, I had to go in today to get my dog's anal glands expressed. While I was there, I helped with my dog and had a chance to speak with one of the vet techs who I worked with on Friday night. And, she told me that I had forgotten to scrub the wet sink. And, it's true -- I did forget. I was washing dishes and got busy with something elsewhere and never got back to finish the sink. I apologized and asked if there was anything else and she said that I forgot to stock the drawers in the treatment area. Well, I did stock them, but I did it early on in my shift and never went back to it. I know I should've done those things and so I am grateful that she told me and reminded me (she was very nice about it, by the way) but I'm beating myself up for it. There have been other little things too, I'm sure. Generally, I do the best I can. I ask for help when needed and offer assistance when I see that I can be of use. I am willing to do everything they ask of me and I have a good attitude. But, my fear is that they think I'm flighty or not good enough. True, everyone makes mistakes -- especially when learning (I've worked a total of 7 days and approximately 30 hours). But, I'm downright terrified that my making mistakes will lead to my being terminated.
My mantra has been "I do the best I can with what I know. When I know better, I do better." It's helpful and I am generally quite proud of what I have already accomplished. And, I know, with time, I will grow into the position. Usually, people are training for this period of time, but I've jumped right in (for the most part). I've learned a tremendous amount, but there is another person in the same job position as I am who has worked for an additional week (receiving training the entire time -- I received formal training for one day) and I feel threatened by him. I know I am better at some things and he is better at others. I know I'm doing my best, but, frankly, just like anyone else, as I learn more, my best will change. I guess I just need reassurance that no reasonable person or company expects a new employee to know everything and not make mistakes in a two week period of time. Don't get me wrong, I need to work on myself to ensure that I get everything done. And, thankfully, I was told about things I forgot in a very quiet, respectful way. But, I've made no serious mistakes and have caught on rather quickly. So, why then am I hammering myself for not being perfect? No one has said they expect that from me -- actually, they tell me all the time that there's so much to learn and you can't figure it all out at once. And, I know I'm not the only one who makes mistakes now and again. I'm just anxious.
I work tomorrow from noon until 5:00pm. I hate to admit that I'm anxious about going in. I'm afraid I'll be fired or something (there is no indication that this is the case and, in fact, I'm picking up some reception desk hours in the next week or so). I love my job, but hate how I second-guess everything I think, see, feel, do, or...you get the point. I am looking forward to being able to improve tomorrow and learn and do more. Like I said, I love my job. Maybe that's why the stakes are so high. I know I'm probably overreacting and have nothing to fear. I know that I've not been reprimanded (just gently reminded about things). I know I can do better, but have been doing my best thus far. It's a learning process. Even the chief of staff said that there's a learning curve. Why can't I just accept that and move on without making myself so upset I can't sleep?! It's frustrating!
So, please...any reassurance? I know I need a kick in the rear for even getting down on myself about this, but, lo and behold, that's another area where I need to focus. I'm going to make sure that my anxiety doesn't get the best of me and I'm going to make tomorrow a terrific day. But, before I can do that, I need to get some sleep. I'm going to have some chocolate milk (I'm such a kid, lol) and then brush my teeth and head to bed. I'll check back tomorrow, but I am feeling better already. Sometimes it just helps to write it all out. Thank you all for allowing me to do that.
As a vet tech assistant, not only do I assist with pets, but I also cross-train at the front desk, run fecal and urine samples, do the clinic's laundry, walk the dogs, do most of the cleaning and restocking of the hospital, and, well, there's much more. And, I'm new. I have never worked in an environment such as this one and I am absolutely enamored with my job -- the good and the bad. It's hard on me physically sometimes and can be tiring and frustrating, but it is the best job I've ever had. But, by the same token, because I'm new, I feel like I am not doing good enough. There's some direction at work, but it's really a job where you need to do a set list of things each day and then assist where needed. And, I admit that there have been some days where it's been a challenge. I never complain and I take constructive criticism well. I appreciate the help of my coworkers when they remind me of what needs to be done or point me in the right direction. But, like I said, I've been there two weeks. I don't know everything. And, I'm ashamed to admit that I am not doing perfectly. And, despite my knowing that no one is perfect, I am coming down hard on myself.
For example, I had to go in today to get my dog's anal glands expressed. While I was there, I helped with my dog and had a chance to speak with one of the vet techs who I worked with on Friday night. And, she told me that I had forgotten to scrub the wet sink. And, it's true -- I did forget. I was washing dishes and got busy with something elsewhere and never got back to finish the sink. I apologized and asked if there was anything else and she said that I forgot to stock the drawers in the treatment area. Well, I did stock them, but I did it early on in my shift and never went back to it. I know I should've done those things and so I am grateful that she told me and reminded me (she was very nice about it, by the way) but I'm beating myself up for it. There have been other little things too, I'm sure. Generally, I do the best I can. I ask for help when needed and offer assistance when I see that I can be of use. I am willing to do everything they ask of me and I have a good attitude. But, my fear is that they think I'm flighty or not good enough. True, everyone makes mistakes -- especially when learning (I've worked a total of 7 days and approximately 30 hours). But, I'm downright terrified that my making mistakes will lead to my being terminated.
My mantra has been "I do the best I can with what I know. When I know better, I do better." It's helpful and I am generally quite proud of what I have already accomplished. And, I know, with time, I will grow into the position. Usually, people are training for this period of time, but I've jumped right in (for the most part). I've learned a tremendous amount, but there is another person in the same job position as I am who has worked for an additional week (receiving training the entire time -- I received formal training for one day) and I feel threatened by him. I know I am better at some things and he is better at others. I know I'm doing my best, but, frankly, just like anyone else, as I learn more, my best will change. I guess I just need reassurance that no reasonable person or company expects a new employee to know everything and not make mistakes in a two week period of time. Don't get me wrong, I need to work on myself to ensure that I get everything done. And, thankfully, I was told about things I forgot in a very quiet, respectful way. But, I've made no serious mistakes and have caught on rather quickly. So, why then am I hammering myself for not being perfect? No one has said they expect that from me -- actually, they tell me all the time that there's so much to learn and you can't figure it all out at once. And, I know I'm not the only one who makes mistakes now and again. I'm just anxious.
I work tomorrow from noon until 5:00pm. I hate to admit that I'm anxious about going in. I'm afraid I'll be fired or something (there is no indication that this is the case and, in fact, I'm picking up some reception desk hours in the next week or so). I love my job, but hate how I second-guess everything I think, see, feel, do, or...you get the point. I am looking forward to being able to improve tomorrow and learn and do more. Like I said, I love my job. Maybe that's why the stakes are so high. I know I'm probably overreacting and have nothing to fear. I know that I've not been reprimanded (just gently reminded about things). I know I can do better, but have been doing my best thus far. It's a learning process. Even the chief of staff said that there's a learning curve. Why can't I just accept that and move on without making myself so upset I can't sleep?! It's frustrating!
So, please...any reassurance? I know I need a kick in the rear for even getting down on myself about this, but, lo and behold, that's another area where I need to focus. I'm going to make sure that my anxiety doesn't get the best of me and I'm going to make tomorrow a terrific day. But, before I can do that, I need to get some sleep. I'm going to have some chocolate milk (I'm such a kid, lol) and then brush my teeth and head to bed. I'll check back tomorrow, but I am feeling better already. Sometimes it just helps to write it all out. Thank you all for allowing me to do that.