In Loving Memory Of Ashton

[dustydiamond1]

Thank you, everyone. Your words give me strength.
ai
Today's post is about love; it's about how Ashton chose me as her human...

I had just started fostering cats for the local shelter after seeing a greater need for cat foster parents. I had always thought that I'd adopt dogs, but I guess God had other plans. Ashton was the second cat I fostered; she was on an email list with many other kittens in need of foster homes, but when I replied, nobody had asked for her yet, so I decided to take her. When I picked her up, I saw this little pink nose at the cutout hole of the carrier. When I touched it, it retreated but an arm stuck out instead. It was hilarious.
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To correct her congenital condition, she wore a cone of shame and a splint on her chest and had to be crated 24/7. The little rascal was bored and would climb up the dog crate to try to pull down the towel I put on top of it (photo evidence included!). I felt so bad for her that every day after coming home I'd head straight for the crate and sit next to it. She was so happy for human contact that she'd jump into my lap even before the gate was completely opened and purr loudly in my lap for a long time. That was I how fell in love with her. By the time she was ready for adoption, I couldn't let her go. I still remember the moment I signed the adoption papers; I was almost shaking as I was so nervous (of having taking on this commitment) and so excited (I have a cat!!!) at the same time.

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Oh the nose and arm! The very 1st time we ever took Gypsy to the vet back in late 2016 she was just starting to stay inside overnite. I had no idea how she would react to being put into a carrier. Not really knowing what I was doing I bought a cardboard one at Walmart. Very scared. While Scott opened the top I carefully picked up the still nameless little gray and white cat to quickly place her inside. Breathed a sigh of relief when he closed the top. I went to the other room to get my jacket when Scott shouted "She's getting out!" When I ran back in she had chewed a chunk out of one of the air holes and had her whole head sticking out! This was in just seconds! We panicked, not knowing if she would bite or scratch. I grabbed a beach towel, wrapped it around the carrier while pushing her head back in She was still chewing her way out so I put the whole shebang in the laundry basket, tucked a small thick quilt around the top and held it on my lap in the car on the way to the vet! Our little buzz saw

 

[PMousse]

What a story, dustydiamond1 ! You were quick thinking on your feet like that when you discovered Gypsy's hidden talent!

 

[PMousse]

Like most cats, Ashton didn't like her belly rubbed. The only times I could sneak in some belly time was when she was fast asleep. This usually happened late into the night--after she'd gradually stretched out her limbs and turned to sleep on her back. I'd then slide my hand under her front paws. That softness, that touch of her front paws resting lightly on my wrist, barely heavier than a wisp of cloud, was some of the most tender moments.

Another one of my favourite moments was the laptime. Luckily this happened very often. Whenever she wanted my lap, she'd walk over, sit down right beside where I was sitting, glance at my lap then glance up at me. There was a certain look she gave, and I just knew. The next second she'd jump into my lap and lay there purring, and eventually falling asleep, sometimes for hours. Just a few days before her passing, we were enjoying such a time. I couldn't hear her purr but I felt the vibrations on my thigh through the blanket; it was a moment of pure bliss.

 

[PMousse]

Speaking of lap time, an odd but nonetheless endearing time Ashton demanded lap time was when I was in the bathroom! Every morning after I got up, Ashton would follow me dutifully into the bathroom and got on my lap. She put her front paws on my knees and her butt against my tummy and purred and purred.

In the move The Help, Aibileen cares for Mrs. Leefolt's daughter, Mae Mobley, whom her own mother neglects. Aibileen always says to Mae, "You is kind. You is smart. You is beautiful." When Ashton purred on my lap during morning bathroom time, I would say the same to her as I scratched her cheeks. I don't know how this "tradition" of ours started, but it did, and sometimes I'd swap out the adjectives to something more for Ashton, like "You is friendly. You is brave. You is beautiful"...until she was satisfied with her morning affirmations and I could finally get up from the toilet!

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

lol! My kitty has done that a few times, too, PMousse , but I'm afraid I don't have your wonderful patience! (It's a very awkward lap time!!)

Ashton is one of the most beautiful cats I've ever seen. Her photos take my breath away!

 

[baxtersmom]

I'm so sorry for the tragic loss of Ashton. In the past 3 weeks I've lost 2 of my little ones. Both of them were foster kitties in the beginning too. One, Pepper, was a pregnant stray that I fell in love with after helping her deliver her kittens. She was somewhere around 18 years old. The second, Peanut, was one of those kittens. She was 16.5 and unfortunately died from mouth cancer. I adopted another of Pepper's kittens as well. Her name was originally Frosty because of her beautiful silver color. But after her sweet personality began showing I changed her name to Sugar Frost. Sugar Frost was only 1 year and 1 month old when she snuck out one day and decided to take a stroll along the privacy fences in our neighborhood. I got a phone call from a neighbor soon after who saw from her tags that she was my kitten. He said that something terrible had happened. My husband and I jumped in our car and drove around the block to find several neighbors huddled around her. She was alive but paralyzed and in shock. It seems as if she had come into contact with a neighborhood dog and wasn't able to get away. We believe that the dog shook her and broke her back. I quickly wrapped her in a towel and we raced back home to get the address of the nearest emergency vet. My husband ran in the house to get the info while I sat in the car holding her and trying to calm her. Sadly, before my husband could get back to the car she passed away in my arms. That was 15 years ago and I still grieve for her and feel so guilty. She's buried in our backyard with a memorial marker to mark her grave. Now her mommy and sister are both buried beside her. I can understand how you feel and the guilt that haunts you. Ashton was such a beautiful kitty with a huge personality. Eventually the precious memories will replace the terrible grief you feel now. It did with Sugar Frost and I know eventually it will for Pepper and Peanut too. Right now it's still too fresh as Peanut just passed Saturday night. Try to take care of yourself as the shock, grief and stress can take a toll on your health. Somewhere Ashton is running around a beautiful field chasing butterflies, maybe making friends with Sugar Frost, Peanut and Pepper and all the other precious kitties who have gone before. Rest assured she is watching over you. This was my Sugar Frost.

 

[PMousse]

I'm so sorry for your losses, baxtersmom . That's a lot go to through in such a short period of time. Pepper was homeless but you gave her a home, and she got to live to ripe old age in ease and comfort, not to mention with her own baby. And Peanut, well you didn't let her know a day of a homeless life; her entire long life was lived in love and comfort and she had you and her own mom to dote on her all her life. And Sugar Frost, oh sweet little Sugar Frost...I know what you mean about feeling guilty after so many years; I will always feel a sense of responsibility for what happened to Ashton. But cats are such curious creatures, and accidents do happen and sometimes there is no reason why (that we can make sense of at least), nor can we control everything lest we bubble wrap our kitties and never let them move an inch. @Mamanyt1953 said it best and I'll borrow what she said to you, that if Sugar Frost was meant to only walk on this earth for a short time, then she could not have found a more caring, loving, attentive person to walk with her had she special ordered one.

 

[PMousse]

Though not font of getting wet, Ashton LOVED watching water fall. There is a shower curtain outside my bathtub and a liner inside, and come my shower time, Ashton would come running as soon as she heard the faucet being turned on, sat on the edge of the bathtub between the two curtains (thus well protected from getting wet), and watch the water run down the liner and pool in the tub.

Most mornings and evenings, as I was getting ready for work or for bed, Ashton would jump onto the vanity, walk across the edge of the sink that is only like an inch wide, and plant herself on the edge of the sink, watching the tap being turned on and off, watching the water splashes, watching me wash my face and brush my teeth... I never realized how many movements are involved in getting ready until I saw her observing every single action.

Another one of Ashton's favourite water time was when I watered my plants. I have a couple of tall indoor plants on elevated planted. As soon as she heard the soft thud as the water hit the soil, she would trot over, stood up and rest her front paws on the edge of the planter, ears forward and head tilted, watching the water making a nice arch from the watering can and hitting the soil. Then she would follow me to the next plant and repeat...

Speaking of plants, Ashton loved to play with the wood chips. I often saw her go into one of the planters and pick out a wood chip with her mouth, then bat it around, chase after it, and jump on it, amusing herself while bringing me hours of entertainment. Who needs a TV when you can just watch a cat play?!

 

[baxtersmom]

She was such a beautiful kitty!

 

[PMousse]

Our morning routine...

To ensure some playtime before leaving for work, we used to play two games. The first one was the "disappearing feather game". I would take a feather, which I picked up from the streets (thanks to plenty of pigeons in my city) since feathers were one of Ashton's all-time favourite toys, and slide it through the gap of my bedroom door. Ashton was instantly hooked as soon as she saw the tip of the feather appear and disappear through the gap. Her ears pointing forward, she would be staring at the gap intently. Occasionally, she would figure out and run around the door to the other side, but most of the times, she'd just wait like a guard, and I'd slide the feather in and out of the gap or alongside the gap. Then she'd try to smack it with a paw. She was so quick that she'd often catch it, but sometimes I was quick enough to extract it before her, and the game continued...

Then, before putting down her wet food, I'd through her dry kibbles across the floor and watch her trot around to grab them. Sometimes she was able to catch them midair and show off her hunting skills.

 

[dustydiamond1]

What a story, dustydiamond1 ! You were quick thinking on your feet like that when you discovered Gypsy's hidden talent!

It sure was a learning experience!

 

[dustydiamond1]

I'm so sorry for the tragic loss of Ashton. In the past 3 weeks I've lost 2 of my little ones. Both of them were foster kitties in the beginning too. One, Pepper, was a pregnant stray that I fell in love with after helping her deliver her kittens. She was somewhere around 18 years old. The second, Peanut, was one of those kittens. She was 16.5 and unfortunately died from mouth cancer. I adopted another of Pepper's kittens as well. Her name was originally Frosty because of her beautiful silver color. But after her sweet personality began showing I changed her name to Sugar Frost. Sugar Frost was only 1 year and 1 month old when she snuck out one day and decided to take a stroll along the privacy fences in our neighborhood. I got a phone call from a neighbor soon after who saw from her tags that she was my kitten. He said that something terrible had happened. My husband and I jumped in our car and drove around the block to find several neighbors huddled around her. She was alive but paralyzed and in shock. It seems as if she had come into contact with a neighborhood dog and wasn't able to get away. We believe that the dog shook her and broke her back. I quickly wrapped her in a towel and we raced back home to get the address of the nearest emergency vet. My husband ran in the house to get the info while I sat in the car holding her and trying to calm her. Sadly, before my husband could get back to the car she passed away in my arms. That was 15 years ago and I still grieve for her and feel so guilty. She's buried in our backyard with a memorial marker to mark her grave. Now her mommy and sister are both buried beside her. I can understand how you feel and the guilt that haunts you. Ashton was such a beautiful kitty with a huge personality. Eventually the precious memories will replace the terrible grief you feel now. It did with Sugar Frost and I know eventually it will for Pepper and Peanut too. Right now it's still too fresh as Peanut just passed Saturday night. Try to take care of yourself as the shock, grief and stress can take a toll on your health. Somewhere Ashton is running around a beautiful field chasing butterflies, maybe making friends with Sugar Frost, Peanut and Pepper and all the other precious kitties who have gone before. Rest assured she is watching over you. This was my Sugar Frost.View attachment 251226

 

[dustydiamond1]

I'm so sorry for your losses, baxtersmom . That's a lot go to through in such a short period of time. Pepper was homeless but you gave her a home, and she got to live to ripe old age in ease and comfort, not to mention with her own baby. And Peanut, well you didn't let her know a day of a homeless life; her entire long life was lived in love and comfort and she had you and her own mom to dote on her all her life. And Sugar Frost, oh sweet little Sugar Frost...I know what you mean about feeling guilty after so many years; I will always feel a sense of responsibility for what happened to Ashton. But cats are such curious creatures, and accidents do happen and sometimes there is no reason why (that we can make sense of at least), nor can we control everything lest we bubble wrap our kitties and never let them move an inch. @Mamanyt1953 said it best and I'll borrow what she said to you, that if Sugar Frost was meant to only walk on this earth for a short time, then she could not have found a more caring, loving, attentive person to walk with her had she special ordered one.

 

[dustydiamond1]

 

[PMousse]

It's been exactly three months since Ashton was gone. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I often picture holding her in my arms, her little chin resting on my shoulder.

I miss her. I miss having her greeting me at the door when I come home from work every day. She would jump down from wherever she was lounging, first stretch her front paws like a downward dog, then stretch her backpaws like upward dog, then trot over and rub against my legs back and forth for a little bit, then abruptly plop down on the floor waiting for head rubs. It was a habit formed since when she first came home with me. I'd kneel down to pet her, and she'd lie on the floor with my hand underneath her head acting like a comfortable massage pillow.

I miss hearing her occasional talk. She never made the "meow" sound. Her talk was always a dainty, high-pitched "ah" like a little Victorian princess startled by a little rabbit. (She was far more athletic and rebellious and stubborn than a little Victorian princess would be though.)

I miss seeing her display her athletic abilities, whether it was jumping directly onto the kitchen countertop, leaping from there to the dining table, or from the dining table, a great jump onto the top perch of her cat tree. Or seeing her balance all four paws on the top of the dining chair back that was not much wider than 1cm.

Months later, I still find love tokens left by her around the house. A feather wedged beneath the washing machine, half a feather tucked under the door mat...Her cat tree is still standing beside my couch; it's a permanent piece of the living room furniture.

A while ago I took in two senior cats. I'm not ready to adopt (I don't know if I'll ever be ready), but I felt very strongly that one of the best ways o honour Ashton and pay her love forward was to open my home to shelter cats that couldn't find homes (permanent or temporary). So I'm fostering two siblings, a 15 yo girl and a 13 yo boy. They are lovely and unique in their own ways, and certainly come with their own challenges (the girl has hyperthyroidism and really needs to lose some weight), but they are happy to get some long-overdue love and attention and I'm grateful for the companionship.

I miss you, Ashton. I gave your dish to someone else, but you'll always be the most special kitty in my heart.

 

[rubysmama]

What a lovely way to honour Ashton. I hope while you give them the love and attention they need, they'll help heal your kind, but broken, heart.

 

[twotabbies]

Oh, this post hurts my heart and I loved reading about Ashton so very much. I am heartbroken right along with you. No matter how "long" our time with our feline companions, it never seems long enough. I can completely understand. Do not beat yourself up or blame yourself for what happened. What's done is done. Let yourself feel.

For what it's worth, a little Unisom has helped me to fall asleep at night. My Princess girl was a huge part of my bed routines and I can barely stand to look at the spot where she used to lay. *Hugs*