I'm SO angry. I can't even think straight. (long rant)

[resqchick]

Actually, the teachers know the kids in our school very well. It's a small district. There are the kids that hit, and the ones that hit back. BUT, even the kid who was defending themselves get suspended, and let me explain why.

When a bully is suspended for hitting another kid, the bully has friends, who are, most likely, bullies themselves. If the child who was just defending themselves is NOT suspended, they can and WILL be picked on for "Getting the other kid in trouble". My son had his nose shattered, and the boy who hit him was suspended. Now, my son was hospitalized, so he wasn't in school, but the kids friends KNEW he didn't get in trouble, even though he did PUSH the kid off of him (which is fighting back, according to the school). The bully was removed from my sons class permanently (don;t get me started on why the kid was IN his class in the first place) and the kids friends verbally abused my son when he did return to school. They knew better than to touch him, since he had a cast on his nose, and everyone watched him like he was made of china. But the verbal abuse was there. If he had gotten suspended, (so the kids knew it) it would have been better for him, socially. 

It is for the safety of the victim that he is suspended along with the child that hit him first. My daughter was knocked down by an older girl several year back, when she got back up, she hit the girl that knocked her down. She had ISS for 2 days, while the other kid had OSS for 2 days. I chose, under the advice of the principal (love this guy) to remove her for the 2 days, and buy her ice cream on him. apparently, this older girl has a little "issue" and my daughter was the first kid that stood back up to her. I took his advice, and it seems this problem girl, has never gone near my daughter or any of her friends again. 

It may not be fair, but children are notoriously not fair. Taking a game from a 6 year old is also not fair. What's supremely not fair, is that the law protects the little derelict and I can do nothing to him.

 

[resqchick]

I was wondering if your son's school had the same "no-tolerance" rule as ours did.  I guess it's all over the country ( I assume you live in the U.S.) 

It just makes me wonder though.  I know you have to punish everyone involved in a fight.  But shoot- suspending the kid who was only trying to defend himself?  It just kind of blows my mind. 

I wish schools could do more about this whole bullying thing.  I work with kids at risk- and you see this behavior all the time.  And it's not just in public schools- it's in private too. My niece was bullied by this snotty 5th grader last year- her life was miserable.  Poor kid- and there was nothing I could do- I'm over 1500 miles away     And of course the parents were like "oh- kids will be kids".  When you make someone's life miserable day after day that is NOT acceptable in my book.  Period. 

Sorry- off my soapbox.  I work with some at-risk-kids and this issue is near and dear to my heart- I just wish there was some way we could fix it.  Things have come a long way from when I was in school (and I saw kids get beat up and nobody cared- or made it the kid who was being picked on the "bad guy")  but things could be much better than they are......

Cheryl
 

I am thinking of starting a group for parents of children that are bullied. I know several of them, and I think if we all stand together, we may be able to make changes to the school policies. I will wait until my older son is out of this school though, since that may be something else the bullies can use against him. (He goes into HS at the end of this term)

 

[resqchick]

I'm so sorry your family is going through this.  I do think the school needs a heads up.  I can understand why your son did it but to me it sounds like you've been more than fair to him.  It can be just awful being the kid others pick on.  That age itself is just brutal too.  Not a fond time in my own memory.  I went through bullying in elementary school with my best friend mostly.  But another friends little brother too.  It probably would have continued for me but we moved to another state and things got better.  And I learned to handle things a little different too. 

I hope they find the 3DS and the game.  I know those things aren't cheap!  And I pray your son is able to find some contentment in his middle school years and beyond.  I hope he can learn that the only friends he really needs are the ones he already has.  The ones who like him for who he is.  It's a hard lesson; but he'll be a stronger man someday for learning it I'm sure!

The parents of 3 of the boys involved made their sons chip in and yesterday they bought my little guy a new 3DS and the game that was taken. He's glad to have a 3DS and the game, but he is mourning the loss of all his hard work on the game he had. The wacked out thing is the ACTUAL kid that TOOK the 3DS will not answer his texts, phone, and he was not in school yesterday. Wanna bet he skipped to avoid the boys that had to clean up his mess...I'll bet his sister and brother (who he lives with-his mother lives in Pakistan, and his father is unknown to anyone) will be moving the family yet again-3rd time in a year. I truly hope they do. 

My older son is taking his gift cards, and some of his xbox games and buying his little brother some new games for his new 3DS. We will do that today. I know he has learned something, and is using this time without friends, or electronics to read and study school work. 

It makes me feel better that the parents of 3 of the kids are not letting this go, and are determined to make it right, but my outrage at taking a little boys game is still right here, at the surface. 

 

[MoochNNoodles]

You know that makes me sad for the kid that took it.  He's obviously got a sad life.  That doesn't excuse his actions; but can you imagine living like that? 

I am glad the kids replaced your YDS's game an 3DS.  I hope he's back up to where he was before in it in no time!

This thread has had me thinking about who these bullies become when they grow up.  Do they outgrow it?  When we meet controlling people; are they the ones who were bullies as kids?  A friend of mine is engaged to a guy I also know.  He was a bully when he was a kid.  After an incident with him a few months ago I'm inclined to believe they don't all outgrow it completely.  It just comes in different forms.  This guy used to be a friend of mine and DH's and I wouldn't have called him a bully before.  Not till I didn't do what HE thought I should do in a situation and I became the bad guy.  The whole thing still makes me sad because it's cost me 2 friends; but I don't feel like I have to be the victim anymore.  It's not worth my time or my happiness.  I hope your son soon matures enough to understand that.

 

[sneakymom]

I know- after I just read your latest post- I kind of feel sad for the kid who took it.  That explains a lot- he's obviously got some "issues" at home.  Like stealing some 6 year old's video game is going to make his life better.  It's not- but that's what some kids do (something I learned in a child development class years ago)

One of the kids who used to live next door to us had the same problem.  They had just moved in, we were trying to be nice and let the kids in. This child- a year younger than my youngest dtr (she was in 4th grade at the time) ran out of the house with dd's then new iPod after grabbing it out of the charger right in front of dd  Then she was going to throw it on the ground and "stomp" on it to break it.  Dd had done nothing wrong to her- she was trying to be nice and her behavior just blew my mind.   I was MAD.  The child was never allowed in my house again. 

It turned out that things between the parents were bad.  Really bad.  And it explained a lot of her behavior.  Didn't excuse it- but explained it.  But the parents never did any kind of dicipline b/c they were so wrapped up in the drama of their own lives- that the kids were basically ignored

I worry about them.  They no longer live next door to us (parents eventually split up and dad is still our next door neighbor) But I know there's still issues.

The oldest boy is repeating the 9th grade for a second time.    And when I talked to him over the summer about school and that dropping out would be a BAD thing (I really tried to push the point that he HAS to finish high school if he wants to do anything in life but work at McDonalds- and even then they might not hire him without a diploma) but it kind of went in one ear and out the other.  SIGH  Kid wouldn't even listen to me when I told him that a GED is just as good as a HS diploma.  Just as much work- but it'll get him what he wants

They were at their dad's one evening last fall.  Bunch of kids were talking to them.  My youngest said "Ew mom- they're hanging out with LOSERS"  The kids they were hanging out with that is.  SIGH.

But it makes me glad that the parents of the other boys knew their kids were in the wrong, and they all chipped in and bought your youngest a new DS.

Cheryl 

 

[resqchick]

I know- after I just read your latest post- I kind of feel sad for the kid who took it.  That explains a lot- he's obviously got some "issues" at home.  Like stealing some 6 year old's video game is going to make his life better.  It's not- but that's what some kids do (something I learned in a child development class years ago)

One of the kids who used to live next door to us had the same problem.  They had just moved in, we were trying to be nice and let the kids in. This child- a year younger than my youngest dtr (she was in 4th grade at the time) ran out of the house with dd's then new iPod after grabbing it out of the charger right in front of dd  Then she was going to throw it on the ground and "stomp" on it to break it.  Dd had done nothing wrong to her- she was trying to be nice and her behavior just blew my mind.   I was MAD.  The child was never allowed in my house again. 

It turned out that things between the parents were bad.  Really bad.  And it explained a lot of her behavior.  Didn't excuse it- but explained it.  But the parents never did any kind of dicipline b/c they were so wrapped up in the drama of their own lives- that the kids were basically ignored

I worry about them.  They no longer live next door to us (parents eventually split up and dad is still our next door neighbor) But I know there's still issues.

The oldest boy is repeating the 9th grade for a second time.    And when I talked to him over the summer about school and that dropping out would be a BAD thing (I really tried to push the point that he HAS to finish high school if he wants to do anything in life but work at McDonalds- and even then they might not hire him without a diploma) but it kind of went in one ear and out the other.  SIGH  Kid wouldn't even listen to me when I told him that a GED is just as good as a HS diploma.  Just as much work- but it'll get him what he wants

They were at their dad's one evening last fall.  Bunch of kids were talking to them.  My youngest said "Ew mom- they're hanging out with LOSERS"  The kids they were hanging out with that is.  SIGH.

But it makes me glad that the parents of the other boys knew their kids were in the wrong, and they all chipped in and bought your youngest a new DS.

Cheryl 

I always feel bad for a child that has a hard life, however, this child is in the third town in a year, I found out. He lived in Brooklyn, which has NYC public schools, some are good, some are really bad. Parts of brooklyn are downright scary. He got involved in weapons, and robberies in Brookyn, so they moved him to Central Islip-another unsavory school district. High crime area, and he got right into the group of kids that were troublemakers. He was expelled for again, bringing weapons to school and threatening other kids. Now he's moved to MY TOWN, which, while we have our share of bored teens that do some drugs, and commit crimes,(obviously) we aren't prepared for a child with this history in our district with our kids. I can feel bad for him, he needs major help in many ways-he needs someone watching him, guiding him, and making sure he doesn't commit crimes. He also needs a different kind of educational experience. Our local Boces has a more structured program, and really DOES help children with discipline issues. 

He has not been in school for 2 days. I truly hope he's either moving OUT of my neighborhood, or receiving assistance in some way, so he can become a better person. He was looked in the face and told to just put the 3DS in a mailbox, in a park, or whatever, and let someone know where it is. I told them, I just want it back, no questions or further actions on my part. He said, to Ethans dad "I don't know what you're talking about it was the other kids, not me." Then he texted one of the kids and told him he gave it away, done, gone, goodbye.

I hate to hear of kids not getting what they need, and I do pray that he gets help, but the fact is, his behavior historically has been sociopathic, and he will probably wind up incarcerated in the future. 

I hope my son (the older) can find some peace with what he did. He's still very hurt, and just staying away from the other boys. My heart breaks for him-he's really a good kid, and a good friend. He's punished, and has been taking his punishment like a man.