I've selectively picked parts of your post to comment on because to me they are the most important.Originally Posted by lunasmom
I am so tired of my relationship. I know mentally I'm pretty much done. Short of a miracle it will be hard for me to get back to where we use to be (and that miracle is him seeking therapy and sticking to it).
He was without a job until April, and during that time really abusive. I figured that things would go away once he got a job and felt confident, but it just hasn't. something really changed in him from when he was without a job.
I have suggested therapy to him, and he thinks a) there's nothing wrong or b) he can resolve whatever issue he has on his own, after all he is a social worker.
Thanks for listening gals and guys!
I'm not going to gussy up my post to you and pat you on the head and tell you things are going to be ok. Because they aren't!
Get out now!
I've been in an abusive relationship and after almost 5 years managed to escape with my life. Why did I stick around so long? Because I always believed his promises that he has changed, or he was sorry, or that it won't happen again. I always made up excuses for him as to why he did and said the things he did. I justified what he was doing to me! Just like you are doing now.
Stop enabling him by making excuses for him!
There are all kinds of abuse, not just physical. There is emotional abuse (ignores you or withholds affection), mental abuse (implying you are dumb or telling you that you never do anything right), psycological abuse (manipulation tactics and mind games and guilt), and physical abuse (hitting, pushing etc).
Being off work didn't turn your husband into the abusive person that he is. He was always that abusive person. You just haven't seen it clearly until recently. The traits were always there and I'll bet that if you look back with 20/20 hindesight clarity that you will see that, and that the only reason you are noticing it now is because it's escalating.
I don't know the extent of his abuse other than what you have recently disclosed. I don't know if he has physically hit you or not. The fact is that this man is abusing you and you are seeing it and you are allowing him to continue by remaining.
You deserve so much better in life than to be with someone who treats you like a sub-class human being. You aren't his door mat.
Get out! Leave! Move back home, get your own apartment, stay with a friend...anything. Just get out!
His abusive nature is his problem, not yours. There is nothing you can do to stop it because you have no control over him. The only way he will seek treatment is if he admits and accepts that he has a serious problem and seeks treatment himself.
If and when he seeks treatment then talk about reconciling, but don't rush back as soon as he starts treatment or based on promises that he will.
You might think that leaving is a drastic thing. However, better to be safe than sorry and end up as a statistic on a stone slab in a morgue.
My relationship encompassed all of the abuse forms. It took me almost 5 years to get out, but I finally did. My self esteem was totally shot, and I felt worthless. I have volunteered in abuse shelters since then, and I have seen so many women with stories are just like yours or started out just like yours and escalated over time.