I just really need to get this off my chest a little I guess. I'm not really looking for advice, as its a complicated situation, and I'm sure I could never provide enough info for you all to understand completely, but feel free too advise if you can.
Allright guys, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
First some background:
My mother and father divorced when I was almost eleven years old (about ten years ago) for many reasons. My dad cheated on her a lot, was VERY abusive to her, both mentally, physically and in other ways. He killed several of our pets, in front of me and my two much younger brothers, and "spanked" us, but especially me, for anything and everything. I was always terrified of him. He broke several of my moms bones and busted her left eardrum, but in this hokey-doke town, the cops are cash-influenced and my dad has always had plenty.
After they divorced, he married one of the women he was cheating on my mom with and I have had very little to do with him since. I would visit him some, but the visits always ended badly, or we'd have a good run for awhile and then he would hurt me tremendously and I would shy away for a long time. I have always struggled with the heartbreaks he seems to constantly cause. He and his wife are the type of people that are not happy unless they are making everyone else's life miserable. My dad thinks he is untouchable. He is a HUGE man, and I'm terrified of him.
Four years ago, he left a huge bruise on my then eight year old little brother (they still have to visit regularly b/c of custody laws) and my mom turned him in to social services. Two days later our house was set on fire, with all of us in it at 2 o'clock in the morning. We all got out allright. The police confirmed arson (they had set fire to four different parts of the house) but never prosecuted anyone. There was a lot of evidence that they overlooked. (convenience??) A week after that my dad filled for full custody. After trial he was denied.
Since then I have only had contact with him on birthdays and holidays when he calls me for a five minute chat. I have just now finally started to heal and come to terms with the fact that I do not need his acceptance or approval and starting to live my life without worrying about him.
Tonight, he called me out of the blue. He said he wants me to come to his house either friday or saturday night (while my brothers are there for scheduled visitation mind you) b/c he has something that he needs to talk to me about that cannot be discussed over the phone. I am utterly and completely terrified. When my dad pulls something like this, it can never be good. And when something with him is good, it always comes with a price, a BIG price.
If I go, my husband will be with me and I will be tape recording anything that goes on there. He won't meet me anywhere else, and he won't come to my house. I have no clue what is going on and neither does my brothers, allthough I don't know if this concerns them or not. I've got a bad gut feeling that I shouldn't go over there. Hubby suggested not going at all, but I'm scared that the repricussions (sp?) of not going and finding out what its about may be worse than just going. I don't know what to do and I've been sick about it all day. Its four AM here and I can't go to sleep.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm angry. I feel like a little kid again, only this time I can't hide under the bed and hope he goes away. I've been told by friends that I have to face my demons, but I'd rathar just stay as far away from them as possible.
If anyone has actually made it this far, thanks so much for listening. It helps a little to put it all out there. I've got a big decision to make, and a lot of thinking to do and putting my thoughts down may help. Its so nice to have a group like this just to talk to when the people around you aren't enough. Thanks again if you've read this far. Prayers and vibes would be very much appriciated, I have a really bad feeling that I'm going to need them...
Allright guys, I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
First some background:
My mother and father divorced when I was almost eleven years old (about ten years ago) for many reasons. My dad cheated on her a lot, was VERY abusive to her, both mentally, physically and in other ways. He killed several of our pets, in front of me and my two much younger brothers, and "spanked" us, but especially me, for anything and everything. I was always terrified of him. He broke several of my moms bones and busted her left eardrum, but in this hokey-doke town, the cops are cash-influenced and my dad has always had plenty.
After they divorced, he married one of the women he was cheating on my mom with and I have had very little to do with him since. I would visit him some, but the visits always ended badly, or we'd have a good run for awhile and then he would hurt me tremendously and I would shy away for a long time. I have always struggled with the heartbreaks he seems to constantly cause. He and his wife are the type of people that are not happy unless they are making everyone else's life miserable. My dad thinks he is untouchable. He is a HUGE man, and I'm terrified of him.
Four years ago, he left a huge bruise on my then eight year old little brother (they still have to visit regularly b/c of custody laws) and my mom turned him in to social services. Two days later our house was set on fire, with all of us in it at 2 o'clock in the morning. We all got out allright. The police confirmed arson (they had set fire to four different parts of the house) but never prosecuted anyone. There was a lot of evidence that they overlooked. (convenience??) A week after that my dad filled for full custody. After trial he was denied.
Since then I have only had contact with him on birthdays and holidays when he calls me for a five minute chat. I have just now finally started to heal and come to terms with the fact that I do not need his acceptance or approval and starting to live my life without worrying about him.
Tonight, he called me out of the blue. He said he wants me to come to his house either friday or saturday night (while my brothers are there for scheduled visitation mind you) b/c he has something that he needs to talk to me about that cannot be discussed over the phone. I am utterly and completely terrified. When my dad pulls something like this, it can never be good. And when something with him is good, it always comes with a price, a BIG price.
If I go, my husband will be with me and I will be tape recording anything that goes on there. He won't meet me anywhere else, and he won't come to my house. I have no clue what is going on and neither does my brothers, allthough I don't know if this concerns them or not. I've got a bad gut feeling that I shouldn't go over there. Hubby suggested not going at all, but I'm scared that the repricussions (sp?) of not going and finding out what its about may be worse than just going. I don't know what to do and I've been sick about it all day. Its four AM here and I can't go to sleep.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm angry. I feel like a little kid again, only this time I can't hide under the bed and hope he goes away. I've been told by friends that I have to face my demons, but I'd rathar just stay as far away from them as possible.
If anyone has actually made it this far, thanks so much for listening. It helps a little to put it all out there. I've got a big decision to make, and a lot of thinking to do and putting my thoughts down may help. Its so nice to have a group like this just to talk to when the people around you aren't enough. Thanks again if you've read this far. Prayers and vibes would be very much appriciated, I have a really bad feeling that I'm going to need them...
