I’m Confused?

[Britney91]

We have a 5 year old female cat and a 1 year old male. Both neutered (is that the word for femalea too? Haha). The male has always been quite aggressive and when they play (“fight” play, wrestling) he suddenly turns aggressive with his ears back and she then starts to miauw loudly, then she runs and he jumps on her and she screams and yells.

I have adopted my girl over 2 years ago and she means the world to me. It hurts my feelings to hear and see her like that and this is never what I intended for her. My emotions get a bit out of control sometimes. Since we neutered him it’s been less but it still happens almost at least once every day.

Today he treated her like a kickeroo. He kept on attacking her nomatter how many times I pulled him off and auddenly he grabbed her and she was in his arms with her back to him. He then started to scratch/kick her with his backpaws while holding her to him with his front paws. I know this hurts since they both have midly done this to me in bad moods. Her hair was everywhere. I grabbed him and he was squeeling and making noises while I carried him to the hall and then she attacked my leg! She grabbed my leg and bit me (not very hard at all) and it was as if she wanted to protect him eventho he just hurt her.

I am confused!?

Some people say let then fight it out but it gets way too rough and she’s way smaller than him and has unirary stress problems. What to do and what did it mean that she bit me? To protect him eventho he attacked her?

 

[duckpond]

Could it be that they are playing? My cats do this, and sometimes meow and make all kinds of noises, they do the bunny kicking with their back paws too. Ears sometimes back, they can look quite furious..lol.. they are big babies. Often looks and sounds like they are hurting each other. But i know they are not, its play fight.

Now if he has not been neutered for very long it will take a bit of time for the hormones to leave his system. so he may still calm down.

Mine play fight several times a day. One way i know its play, they both start it at different times. No one wants to get away, if they break apart for a moment or two neither one tries to run away. They both keep coming back at each other for more. Sometimes they even stop and groom each other during the fight There is no blood or fur flying. No one is getting hurt.

what i would watch for, is if one is trying to get away, wants to run and hide. if there is blood or fur flying. mine will occasionally scratch each other, normally on the face, but never anything that looks bad.

All kinds of meows and sounds are fine, mine are loud..lol. Now if there is some serious Hissing going on i would think one was not happy. normally if they Hiss that means stop.

If one hides a lot, acts afraid to come eat, drink. Will not go use the litter box. Just generally acts nervous and afraid, then i would worry.

It could be you interrupted their play time, and thats why she jumped on you, thought you were trying to play as well? Without seeing the cats in action its always hard to tell. these are just things i watch for. I have a large male 19 pounds, not fat, just BIG, long tall and big. I also have a dainty little 7 lb girl. When she wants to she can make the big boy run. They love to play, but when she has had enough she makes him run and hide on top of the dresser.. lol its kind of funny. Little girls can rule, and she does.

 

[ArtNJ]

The things you mentioned that give me pause is that the male is pulling out her hair, and that she is peeing outside the box. Still if he was really hurting her, she would hiss, growl, probably scream, and try and avoid him at other times, not just during play. If that isn't happening, its likely not the reason for her peeing outside the box. All of that said, if the amount of hair being pulled off is a lot, then the male is indeed playing rougher than normal, and it would be nice to try and mellow him out by playing with him more and using calming products like feliway.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi, also, have fresh filtered water in multiple cleaned-daily bowls throughout the house.

There are a lot of calming products besides feliway so if that one doesn't work you can try another product. There are treats, collars, sprays, wipes, diffusers.

You could hiss at him when he gets too rough, like his cat mama would.

 

[rubysmama]

Is the peeing outside the litterbox a new thing, or has it been going on since your male kitten grew up and started the rough playing/fighting? Has she been for a vet checkup, just to ensure she doesn't have a UTI, or some other health issue.

 

[Britney91]

Could it be that they are playing? My cats do this, and sometimes meow and make all kinds of noises, they do the bunny kicking with their back paws too. Ears sometimes back, they can look quite furious..lol.. they are big babies. Often looks and sounds like they are hurting each other. But i know they are not, its play fight.

Now if he has not been neutered for very long it will take a bit of time for the hormones to leave his system. so he may still calm down.

Mine play fight several times a day. One way i know its play, they both start it at different times. No one wants to get away, if they break apart for a moment or two neither one tries to run away. They both keep coming back at each other for more. Sometimes they even stop and groom each other during the fight There is no blood or fur flying. No one is getting hurt.

what i would watch for, is if one is trying to get away, wants to run and hide. if there is blood or fur flying. mine will occasionally scratch each other, normally on the face, but never anything that looks bad.

All kinds of meows and sounds are fine, mine are loud..lol. Now if there is some serious Hissing going on i would think one was not happy. normally if they Hiss that means stop.

If one hides a lot, acts afraid to come eat, drink. Will not go use the litter box. Just generally acts nervous and afraid, then i would worry.

It could be you interrupted their play time, and thats why she jumped on you, thought you were trying to play as well? Without seeing the cats in action its always hard to tell. these are just things i watch for. I have a large male 19 pounds, not fat, just BIG, long tall and big. I also have a dainty little 7 lb girl. When she wants to she can make the big boy run. They love to play, but when she has had enough she makes him run and hide on top of the dresser.. lol its kind of funny. Little girls can rule, and she does.

It differs. Sometimes I find it obvious that she wants to play too and seeks it out, but then suddenly he becomes way more rough and she starts to hiss, scream, tries to run away. It bothers me she doesn't try to stand up for herself more because I know she's strong too. And her fur starts flying, so far no blood... I will get furious if I see one drop of blood!

He has been neutered in januari. His behaviour has gotten a bit more mellow but not enough in my opinion. I must say he is quite an aggressive cat in general. He loves to be petted and get attention, but just becomes really aggressive at times and even attacks me when I grab my girl so he can't continue attacking her.

She doesn't seem afraid in general though, but just wary at times. She also keeps seeking out to play with him eventhough she often gets attacked by him. Sometimes she's just sleeping and he jumps on her and then attacks me when I try to get him off of her. With attacking I mean grabbing me and biting me and scratching me.

Thank you so much for your reply. I wish my girl would rule more like yours! x

 

[Britney91]

The things you mentioned that give me pause is that the male is pulling out her hair, and that she is peeing outside the box. Still if he was really hurting her, she would hiss, growl, probably scream, and try and avoid him at other times, not just during play. If that isn't happening, its likely not the reason for her peeing outside the box. All of that said, if the amount of hair being pulled off is a lot, then the male is indeed playing rougher than normal, and it would be nice to try and mellow him out by playing with him more and using calming products like feliway.

She only pees outside the box when she sleeps accidentaly and sometimes it would just come out of her as if she didn't notice. but she does go to the litter box when she feels she has to pee.

And yes she hiss, growls and screams and tries to run when the playing changes into aggression from his side. I wish she would stand up for herself more. Perhaps I should look into calming products.. there isn't some sort of cat training for aggressive cats? thanks for your reply!

 

[Britney91]

Hi, also, have fresh filtered water in multiple cleaned-daily bowls throughout the house.

There are a lot of calming products besides feliway so if that one doesn't work you can try another product. There are treats, collars, sprays, wipes, diffusers.

You could hiss at him when he gets too rough, like his cat mama would.

I have a few water bowls yes and i put new water in it two times a day.

Maybe i should look into calming products, he doesn't really seem to learn...

Hmmm, does that work? I can hiss quite well for a human being so perhaps I should do thathaha. Thanks for the reply!

 

[Britney91]

Is the peeing outside the litterbox a new thing, or has it been going on since your male kitten grew up and started the rough playing/fighting? Has she been for a vet checkup, just to ensure she doesn't have a UTI, or some other health issue.

She has always had that. I have went to the vet multiple times with her and they cant find anything. They assume its stress related. She has been a stray and has been in a shelter for more than a half year before I adopted her so I wouldn't be surpised she has some issues in that area. Thanks for the reply!

 

[maggiedemi]

I would make a loud noise instead of stepping between them and getting hurt. You could try clapping your hands and saying a firm NO! ever single time or shake pennies in a can. Personally I use a horn, whistle, or this oinking pig dog toy that I have. The trick is to snap them out of it when they are fighting and be consistent every single time so that they know not to do it. Cats are really smart, they can learn.

 

[ArtNJ]

"She only pees outside the box when she sleeps accidentaly and sometimes it would just come out of her as if she didn't notice. but she does go to the litter box when she feels she has to pee."

B Britney91 - I get that your vet didn't find anything, but that sure sounds like a medical problem and not stress. I assume the vet tested for a UTI, but has the cat had blood work? Don't usually like to second guess a vet, but this just doesn't sound right.

As far as the fighting goes, you've definitely got some mixed signals going on. With hair being pulled out, hissing and growling, its likely the play is indeed too rough and painful in the moment. However, with the cat not generally avoiding the aggressor, and even seeking him out for play sometimes, perhaps the line where the aggression is a significant problem isn't being crossed. I think its fine if you can safely break them up without causing additional stress, but at the same time, it might also be logical to let them sort it out. Also, if there is an underlying medical issue with the passive cat, finding that may improve her spunk and ability to give as good as she gets.

 

[maggiedemi]

I agree, peeing outside the box with my cats has either meant a UTI for which they need antibiotics, or they are eating too much dry food, and need more canned food for the moisture.

 

[duckpond]

As far as the play goes i dont think i would worry to much. Its still fairly early days with them. and i would imagine it will calm down with some more time. And if she is not really afraid of him, and seeks the play out herself sometimes i think they will work it out. If he keeps being rougher than she wants i imagine she will get away from him, or start to put him in his place. But sounds like she likes it most of the time. I would try not to stress about it too much, let them work it out, thats usually best. and just keep watch.

 

[Britney91]

I would make a loud noise instead of stepping between them and getting hurt. You could try clapping your hands and saying a firm NO! ever single time or shake pennies in a can. Personally I use a horn, whistle, or this oinking pig dog toy that I have. The trick is to snap them out of it when they are fighting and be consistent every single time so that they know not to do it. Cats are really smart, they can learn.

I found a whistle from an old soccer carnaval outfit haha, and I use that now. Works really well!! The male cat who does the attacking seems to know what he is doing is wrong, he runs away from me when he sees me walk towards them haha yet it doesnt stop him yet from attacking... I am gonna try this whistle thing for a while now! Thank you! And sorry for the late reply, so much going on lately!

 

[Britney91]

"She only pees outside the box when she sleeps accidentaly and sometimes it would just come out of her as if she didn't notice. but she does go to the litter box when she feels she has to pee."

B Britney91 - I get that your vet didn't find anything, but that sure sounds like a medical problem and not stress. I assume the vet tested for a UTI, but has the cat had blood work? Don't usually like to second guess a vet, but this just doesn't sound right.

As far as the fighting goes, you've definitely got some mixed signals going on. With hair being pulled out, hissing and growling, its likely the play is indeed too rough and painful in the moment. However, with the cat not generally avoiding the aggressor, and even seeking him out for play sometimes, perhaps the line where the aggression is a significant problem isn't being crossed. I think its fine if you can safely break them up without causing additional stress, but at the same time, it might also be logical to let them sort it out. Also, if there is an underlying medical issue with the passive cat, finding that may improve her spunk and ability to give as good as she gets.

She got adopted by me and they told me they even operated on her to check out if anything was wrong inside etc. and they found nothing. Then later on I let her urine be checked multiple times and did an xray scan and everytime there was nothing, except sign of another bladder infection. Pehraps I will do an echo and a blood test again when I have a bit more money. In general she is all happy and dandy, just has periods of letting her urine flow in her sleep and often drip drops. We got meloxidyl to treat her with when necessary.

I agree that the signals are very mixed, it really confuses me. I try to stop it before it goes wrong by using a whistle and hopefully it will teach the male to stop doing that.

Thank you!!

 

[Britney91]

I agree, peeing outside the box with my cats has either meant a UTI for which they need antibiotics, or they are eating too much dry food, and need more canned food for the moisture.

I give her canned food everymorning, but just half of it because she only licks the sauce and leaves most of the meat haha. and for the rest of the day she has dry food. Her weight is perfect.

 

[Britney91]

As far as the play goes i dont think i would worry to much. Its still fairly early days with them. and i would imagine it will calm down with some more time. And if she is not really afraid of him, and seeks the play out herself sometimes i think they will work it out. If he keeps being rougher than she wants i imagine she will get away from him, or start to put him in his place. But sounds like she likes it most of the time. I would try not to stress about it too much, let them work it out, thats usually best. and just keep watch.

Thank you, that's true. Sometimes it just gets too rough and she gets thrown against the wall and off the couch and her fur flies everywhere and it makes me reeally furious to hear her scream like that. I try to stop it before it gets too rough, other than that I let them do their thing. I think its true that if she was really scared etc she wouldnt seek him out and it would show in her body language 24/7

 

[maggiedemi]

I'm so glad the whistle worked! I have two former feral cats, so I had to think of solutions quick.