A while ago Anne posted a thread asking about cyber bullying experiences. I posted my story. If you haven't already read it, you can read it here if you like.
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...59&postcount=2
This has been going on since 2001 or 2002 and a guy I still keep in contact with a few times a year told me that as late as last week they were still making threads to bash me, and the sad part is that I haven't posted in that community in about 4 years and in fact am not even registered there anymore since they changed their forum software.
Because of this on going situation, I have decided to not renew my web hosting and domain because I have wanted to put a forum and a chat program on the site, but I can't because those trolls would use those mediums as a way to further their agenda against me. As a result I have taken that site as far as I can and the fact that I don't feel free to pursue expanding it, has taken the joy out of running it.
Now I know you are thinking "paranoid". I'm not. This is a very real situation that has been going on for years and is still going on. A few years ago I was being inundated with hate mail and covert death threats and comments in my guestbook. As a result I moved my website to another host that allowed for guestbook moderating, and I changed my email address, my MSN address and my ICQ number. Since I did that I no longer get personal communications from these people. However, I do know that they follow my website because periodically I go and annonymously search to see if they have given up. They haven't. So I know without a doubt that if I were to add a forum or a chat program, it would be a magnet for their continued harrassment. And I'm not just talking one person. It's a group of a couple dozen individuals (all adults in their 30's and 40's) all with a mob mentality, with some worse than others. Not all do the harrassing and bashing, but they participate by laughing and egging on the others to continue, which is just as bad.
Anyway, the purpose of this post is that my friend sent me an email to let me know that someone from that community died last week. This person was not the worst of the bunch, but they participated none-the-less.
I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm a very sensitive person and I can't even read the obituaries in the newspaper because it upsets me terribly and I end up crying.
However, I can't say that I am having that same reaction to the news of this person's death. In fact I'm ashamed to admit it, but here it is, I actually feel a bit of glee. Call it karma for what she did to me. I know! I shouldn't be talking about "Karma" given the fact that I'm no better than she is because I seem to be getting a bit of perverse pleasure out of her misfortune.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not celebrating or planning a party. It's not like that. I'm not happy that she died and I'm sad for her family, but there is a small part of me feeling like she got what she deserved. As a human being I know that is wrong. But as a victim to the abuse that has been showered on me, I think it might be somewhat normal. Whatever the reason, I'm upset with myself for feeling the way that I am.
Anyway, that's why I'm appalled! I can't believe that I feel next to nothing about her death and what I do feel is a bit of revengeful happiness.
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...59&postcount=2
This has been going on since 2001 or 2002 and a guy I still keep in contact with a few times a year told me that as late as last week they were still making threads to bash me, and the sad part is that I haven't posted in that community in about 4 years and in fact am not even registered there anymore since they changed their forum software.
Because of this on going situation, I have decided to not renew my web hosting and domain because I have wanted to put a forum and a chat program on the site, but I can't because those trolls would use those mediums as a way to further their agenda against me. As a result I have taken that site as far as I can and the fact that I don't feel free to pursue expanding it, has taken the joy out of running it.
Now I know you are thinking "paranoid". I'm not. This is a very real situation that has been going on for years and is still going on. A few years ago I was being inundated with hate mail and covert death threats and comments in my guestbook. As a result I moved my website to another host that allowed for guestbook moderating, and I changed my email address, my MSN address and my ICQ number. Since I did that I no longer get personal communications from these people. However, I do know that they follow my website because periodically I go and annonymously search to see if they have given up. They haven't. So I know without a doubt that if I were to add a forum or a chat program, it would be a magnet for their continued harrassment. And I'm not just talking one person. It's a group of a couple dozen individuals (all adults in their 30's and 40's) all with a mob mentality, with some worse than others. Not all do the harrassing and bashing, but they participate by laughing and egging on the others to continue, which is just as bad.
Anyway, the purpose of this post is that my friend sent me an email to let me know that someone from that community died last week. This person was not the worst of the bunch, but they participated none-the-less.
I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I'm a very sensitive person and I can't even read the obituaries in the newspaper because it upsets me terribly and I end up crying.
However, I can't say that I am having that same reaction to the news of this person's death. In fact I'm ashamed to admit it, but here it is, I actually feel a bit of glee. Call it karma for what she did to me. I know! I shouldn't be talking about "Karma" given the fact that I'm no better than she is because I seem to be getting a bit of perverse pleasure out of her misfortune.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not celebrating or planning a party. It's not like that. I'm not happy that she died and I'm sad for her family, but there is a small part of me feeling like she got what she deserved. As a human being I know that is wrong. But as a victim to the abuse that has been showered on me, I think it might be somewhat normal. Whatever the reason, I'm upset with myself for feeling the way that I am.
Anyway, that's why I'm appalled! I can't believe that I feel next to nothing about her death and what I do feel is a bit of revengeful happiness.