Hi CatSite,
I haven't posted since my kitten (nearly 17 years old) was put to sleep in my lap. This community was such a wonderful support to me and I want to come back to offer any bit of comfort or insight I can to anyone going through similar. I thought I'd start with what I wish I did surrounded my cat's euthanization, which was very peaceful as a whole, but when you're in that state of mind its hard to think long-term and I have a couple regrets.
WARNING: This post isn't graphic but I do recount what happens at an at-home euthanization, and it might be traumatic or triggering for those who have recently gone through this.
The Good
We paid to have my (incredible) vet come to our home to put my girl to sleep. The extra fee was so, so worth it, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I completely understand for some that funds might be an issue. But if not, I could not recommend at-home euthanasia enough.
I spent the day in bed cuddling with my cat, and then we sat together in the window during the evening, watching for the vet. It was hard. Almost like she could sense something was up and was very alert. The vet came inside, gave her a sedative, and she plopped down in my lap. Then he shaved a part of her forearm, gave her the needle, asked me to apply pressure to her vein until he told me to release, and I stroked her as she passed on.
My cat was extremely nervous and going to the vet was always traumatic. She also hated strangers. Sure, she was a little antsy (she gave the vet a big hiss after he gave her the sedative... my girl was a battle cat until the end, haha), but she was able to be in her home, surrounded by her family and familiar scents, with no hassle of going into the cold night/car to drive to the clinic. After she passed, the vet gave me a few minutes before I wrapped her in a bit of her favourite blanket, kissed the top of her head, and went outside to lay her in the backseat of his car. He took her body back to the clinic where a company (pet cremation services) would pick her up the next day.
What I Wish I Did
A couple things I didn't consider.
1. A bandaid: The needle (which euthanized her nearly instantaneously) would cause her to bleed a little. There was only a small amount of blood and the fact that she bled at all might have had something to do with how she was dehydrated (she had CHF and was on Lasix). But she had beautiful white fur along her arms, and seeing a little patch of it stained red was a bit jarring. I wish I had a small bandaid for when the vet took the needle out, just to prevent the blood and cover the bit of shaved arm. I had her in a blanket so she was wrapped up, and I know it's really not a big deal, but it's just something I wish I known and would have had a bandaid nearby.
2. A keepsake: I opted not to have her ashes returned to me, nor a paw imprint, or anything like that. Not because of financial reasons, but because I thought it would just collect dust and I'd carry it from house to house for the rest of my life. But what I wish I did was cut a little bit of her fur to keep instead. After the vet left, I collected the bits of white fur from her shaved arm to keep. It's soft, and there are some nights I take it out, always wishing there was a bit more to touch. I was thinking some day I'll frame my favourite photo of her and tuck this little bit of fur behind the pic. I'm not sure if I would have liked to see my cat with a little bit of fur cut off, though, but it would be nice to have something more than some bits of fluff to feel when I need it most.
3. Cremation: I trust my vet wholeheartedly and I know they do everything in my best interests. But I wish I thought a little more about the cremation part. The vet had repeatedly assured me that the company they used was "reputable" and I do believe them (I guess there are some issues of owners being that told some ashes are their own individual pet's but in reality it's not?). I didn't want her ashes and wasn't concerned about her being cremated with other pets (actually I liked that she would have company). But I didn't know that this company (as I found out later) operated out of a farm in a city a couple hours away from me - it wasn't local, to say the least. Not really knowing where her final resting place isn't killing me, but I wish I asked a little more about this company so I could make a different decision (such as cremating her elsewhere). I tell myself her final resting place will always be with me and that it shouldn't matter where she was cremated or where her ashes are.
4. Leftover medication: I had a bad habit of taking a new syringe of dermal medication each time I needed to give my cat her cream - they come in syringes of gel and she only needed a few units per dose. I would just grab a syringe from the package and use it whether it was a new, unopened one or not. I wish I was a little more considerate and used one syringe at a time as I donated her leftover meds to my vet. They weren't damaged in any way (or expired or anything like that) but the next owner might feel a little better if they received some unopened syringes instead of mine - a bunch of syringes with varying amounts of medication left.
5. Time with her body: I'm not sure if it would have been better, but at the time of her death I never wanted to let my cat go (physically). The vet was kind enough to take a few minutes packing up his supplies and then going out to his car, but I know he was doing us a favour (this was the end of the work day) and he had his own dogs to get back to at the clinic. It might have been worse, but I wish we had asked to keep my cat's body at home with us that night, and then dropped her off at the vet's the next morning. It looked like she was sleeping (though her eyes were still open) and it was so hard to put her into the vet's car and watch them drive away in the night - it felt like she was still alive and I just wanted her to be home. Maybe if we kept her overnight I would have thought to take a bit of fur as well. That being said, it might have been traumatic to have had to put her in the fridge or something, or feel her go into rigor mortis. So I'm not 100% what would have been best. After the vet left, me and my parents cried and sat around together, and I would have killed for the chance to have stroked her cheek one last time.
It's been about a month-and-a-half now. I miss her badly, think about her constantly, and see her everywhere in my house. I visited a friend who has cats the other day, and it was nice to be around animals again. I also realized how frail my girl was in comparison to these guys - you get used to it, but she was skin and bones near the end, regardless of how vibrant her fur was. I don't know when or if I'd ever be ready to adopt another cat (maybe I'll foster in the future) but for now I just want to hang on to the memory of my kitty. I still say the same thing I told her every night when we went to bed - "you're my girl." I just say it in my head now. My vet told me he still says goodnight to his first dog, a pet he had to put down nearly forty years ago.
Sending lots of love and comfort to everyone in this community, and particularly this forum, dealing with the loss of their friends <3.
I haven't posted since my kitten (nearly 17 years old) was put to sleep in my lap. This community was such a wonderful support to me and I want to come back to offer any bit of comfort or insight I can to anyone going through similar. I thought I'd start with what I wish I did surrounded my cat's euthanization, which was very peaceful as a whole, but when you're in that state of mind its hard to think long-term and I have a couple regrets.
WARNING: This post isn't graphic but I do recount what happens at an at-home euthanization, and it might be traumatic or triggering for those who have recently gone through this.
The Good
We paid to have my (incredible) vet come to our home to put my girl to sleep. The extra fee was so, so worth it, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I completely understand for some that funds might be an issue. But if not, I could not recommend at-home euthanasia enough.
I spent the day in bed cuddling with my cat, and then we sat together in the window during the evening, watching for the vet. It was hard. Almost like she could sense something was up and was very alert. The vet came inside, gave her a sedative, and she plopped down in my lap. Then he shaved a part of her forearm, gave her the needle, asked me to apply pressure to her vein until he told me to release, and I stroked her as she passed on.
My cat was extremely nervous and going to the vet was always traumatic. She also hated strangers. Sure, she was a little antsy (she gave the vet a big hiss after he gave her the sedative... my girl was a battle cat until the end, haha), but she was able to be in her home, surrounded by her family and familiar scents, with no hassle of going into the cold night/car to drive to the clinic. After she passed, the vet gave me a few minutes before I wrapped her in a bit of her favourite blanket, kissed the top of her head, and went outside to lay her in the backseat of his car. He took her body back to the clinic where a company (pet cremation services) would pick her up the next day.
What I Wish I Did
A couple things I didn't consider.
1. A bandaid: The needle (which euthanized her nearly instantaneously) would cause her to bleed a little. There was only a small amount of blood and the fact that she bled at all might have had something to do with how she was dehydrated (she had CHF and was on Lasix). But she had beautiful white fur along her arms, and seeing a little patch of it stained red was a bit jarring. I wish I had a small bandaid for when the vet took the needle out, just to prevent the blood and cover the bit of shaved arm. I had her in a blanket so she was wrapped up, and I know it's really not a big deal, but it's just something I wish I known and would have had a bandaid nearby.
2. A keepsake: I opted not to have her ashes returned to me, nor a paw imprint, or anything like that. Not because of financial reasons, but because I thought it would just collect dust and I'd carry it from house to house for the rest of my life. But what I wish I did was cut a little bit of her fur to keep instead. After the vet left, I collected the bits of white fur from her shaved arm to keep. It's soft, and there are some nights I take it out, always wishing there was a bit more to touch. I was thinking some day I'll frame my favourite photo of her and tuck this little bit of fur behind the pic. I'm not sure if I would have liked to see my cat with a little bit of fur cut off, though, but it would be nice to have something more than some bits of fluff to feel when I need it most.
3. Cremation: I trust my vet wholeheartedly and I know they do everything in my best interests. But I wish I thought a little more about the cremation part. The vet had repeatedly assured me that the company they used was "reputable" and I do believe them (I guess there are some issues of owners being that told some ashes are their own individual pet's but in reality it's not?). I didn't want her ashes and wasn't concerned about her being cremated with other pets (actually I liked that she would have company). But I didn't know that this company (as I found out later) operated out of a farm in a city a couple hours away from me - it wasn't local, to say the least. Not really knowing where her final resting place isn't killing me, but I wish I asked a little more about this company so I could make a different decision (such as cremating her elsewhere). I tell myself her final resting place will always be with me and that it shouldn't matter where she was cremated or where her ashes are.
4. Leftover medication: I had a bad habit of taking a new syringe of dermal medication each time I needed to give my cat her cream - they come in syringes of gel and she only needed a few units per dose. I would just grab a syringe from the package and use it whether it was a new, unopened one or not. I wish I was a little more considerate and used one syringe at a time as I donated her leftover meds to my vet. They weren't damaged in any way (or expired or anything like that) but the next owner might feel a little better if they received some unopened syringes instead of mine - a bunch of syringes with varying amounts of medication left.
5. Time with her body: I'm not sure if it would have been better, but at the time of her death I never wanted to let my cat go (physically). The vet was kind enough to take a few minutes packing up his supplies and then going out to his car, but I know he was doing us a favour (this was the end of the work day) and he had his own dogs to get back to at the clinic. It might have been worse, but I wish we had asked to keep my cat's body at home with us that night, and then dropped her off at the vet's the next morning. It looked like she was sleeping (though her eyes were still open) and it was so hard to put her into the vet's car and watch them drive away in the night - it felt like she was still alive and I just wanted her to be home. Maybe if we kept her overnight I would have thought to take a bit of fur as well. That being said, it might have been traumatic to have had to put her in the fridge or something, or feel her go into rigor mortis. So I'm not 100% what would have been best. After the vet left, me and my parents cried and sat around together, and I would have killed for the chance to have stroked her cheek one last time.
It's been about a month-and-a-half now. I miss her badly, think about her constantly, and see her everywhere in my house. I visited a friend who has cats the other day, and it was nice to be around animals again. I also realized how frail my girl was in comparison to these guys - you get used to it, but she was skin and bones near the end, regardless of how vibrant her fur was. I don't know when or if I'd ever be ready to adopt another cat (maybe I'll foster in the future) but for now I just want to hang on to the memory of my kitty. I still say the same thing I told her every night when we went to bed - "you're my girl." I just say it in my head now. My vet told me he still says goodnight to his first dog, a pet he had to put down nearly forty years ago.
Sending lots of love and comfort to everyone in this community, and particularly this forum, dealing with the loss of their friends <3.
