I think the humiliation is wearing off....

[diane8704]

Thank you all for your reassuring responses to this entire situation......

Wow...I am so sorry. All I can say is I understand how you feel (my own family dynamics), and I think standing up for yourself, and choosing to not put yourself (and your hubby) in a position where you will be abused (to me that is abusive), is a good thing.

I know that my next comment won't help a bit..but I managed to feel fat when I was 5'6 and 144 (I was curvey). Believe me, now I know what truly being obese can do to one's health and self esteem, and I am spending years to correct the situation.

Try to see yourself just through your own eyes - how do YOU feel in your body, can it do what you want, do you enjoy wearing your favorite clothes, like how you look in them, does your hubby complain in the slightest?

Women truly get a raw deal re body image and weight and we shouldn't take it any more. Feeling beautiful will make you beautiful, trust me on that.

Pat and Alex, you are right, it is abusive behavior. I have mentioned the 19 pounds weight gain to my doctor, and he told me that I am still not overweight...and that the medication could contribute to that....he told me to keep up with my exercising and eating right, and I would be fine. So, thats what I am doing. I have no blood pressure, so my vitals are fine...and my husband tells me everyday how beautiful I am...and I have a lot of favorite clothes that I think I look I great in....and confidence is my best outfit!

You're a size 10 and they're complaining you're fat?? Huney, thats what leads to bulimia and anorexia in today's children. Society's obssession with people who are not the perfect size 2.

Do you know that Marilyn Monroe, who long had the title of the Sexiest Woman in the World, was a size 12?

In my mind, you are perfectly justified with your blow-ups. You should NOT feel humiliated for getting angry. You don't need to live up to anyone's standards but your own!

sweets: you are right...I found myself years ago trying not to eat, skipping meals...and then I stopped it before I really did become anorexic. And you are right....my standards are my standards...the rest of them can go straight to hell...

What everyone else said, plus--size 10? SIZE 10??? A size 10 is SO not fat.

evnshawn....thanks...I don't think a size 10 is fat either.

Diane - why do you feel humiliated? I think you did the right thing in telling your grandfather to accept you the way you are. Thats what unconditional love is!!!
And as for your aunt - common sense would say you dont go near food when you are sick!!! Idon't blame you for not wanting to join the family this time. but if you do go, why not just keep yourself busy with activities around the beach and with your hubby - she cannot criticise you for doing what you want to do. Thats her problem, not yours.

Poor you, I really feel for you!

I felt humiliated because he really tore me down in front of my sister and my grandmother. As for aunt...I am through playing in her sand box...she called me here at work the other day and talked to me about the upcoming trip....and thats as close to an apology as I am going to get...luckily, I dont hold grudges.....and I get the hell over crap, quick...

People can be stupid and it counts double for family coz they just assume that hey your family you can take it...bah humbug...

Don't feel humilated, the problem is theirs. Your hubby is happy with your body and that is all that counts.
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You are right...my husband is happy with me...he doesnt want me to change one bit.....

I've dealt I call it stupid stuff with my husband's family. They all love to play cards and could sit and play cards solid for 5-6 hrs. I am not a card player and will not play. I will sit by the table for a little while and then do my own thing. In my mind there is life other than playing cards. I would rather sit and visit have a conversation. You can't do that while they are playing cards however.
So I understand. I think you know your sanity is more important. How can you have a vacation (which should be relaxing) with relatives like yours.
Do you all equally share in the rental/food and other expenses? If you do I feel everyone has an equal voice on what is done during that time. Do you enjoy going there-maybe a change of scenery would be nice for everyone.
As for the "weight" issue it sounds like everyone else has an issue with it other than you. I would block my ears and not listen to them at this time. Do they know how many women would liek to be a size 10??? That isn't "fat" at all. I guess there priorities are straight.

GailC, yes we split the rent for the cottage and everyone chips in to buy food, drinks and snacks and stuff. I do enjoy the vacation...but every year, its always something with my aunt...its this person or that person...but she really picks on my husband and I. Maybe shes jealous of the success I have made??? I am 22 years old, and I drive a nice car, and I am buying a house....but I have worked for that! I bust my butt everyday to get what I have...and I dont get a lot of extras....but its worth it to me...so, my attitude is, she should be happy and proud of me...not degrading. I am happy as a size 10, if I drop a size, great....if not...oh well...I still have to get most of my shirts and things from the juniors side, because the womens is still a little big....so, I think the hang up is his problem, not mine....

I'be been where you are. My grandmother got very critical after I went from a size six to a size eight. She made sure to point out, infront of everyone at Easter Dinner, how much bigger my rear had gotten. Unlike you, I didn't have the courage to stand up for myself. She's 84 and has emphyzema, and has always been that way so I just let it go. Fortunately, our relationship is much better now.

Your grandfather's and aunt's behavior is inexcusable, and sadly even our own family members do behave that way occaisonally. Sometimes they need a good swift kick in the *** to remind them that it's wrong to criticize like that. Be proud that you stood up for yourself.

As for your weight, a size ten is not fat. I am 5'5 and a size eight. There's not much difference between an eight and a ten, and I do not believe I am fat so neither should you. Is there room for improvement in my physique? Yes, but show me someone who doesn't feel that way. Am I fat? No way. In college I lost a lot of weight and was down to a size five. Since I got married I put it all back on and will probably never take it off again. I didn't change my eating habits either. Sometimes our bodies just change. Your doctor says you are not overweight correct? That is the person to believe. It's not important to have the perfect body, it's important to be healthy.

The important thing to remember is that you have no reason to be humiliated. You stood up for yourself and were honest. Be proud of that.

Musicteacher.....a size 8??? You were criticized for a size 8??? My lord....I would have said something...but then again....I am all about keeping the peace, so I know where you are coming from....I still would have said...well, thanks so much for pointing out to the table the size of my rear, but I don't believe that we are celebrating how much my rear as grown, we are celebrating the ressurrection of jesus....and I dont hardly believe that one topic pertains to the other, but I am sure Pastor Dave would talk to you about that in church Sunday morning....something along those lines...and my doctor told me that I wasn't overweight, so thats who I believe....



MoochNNoodlesI think it's good that you stood up for yourself. They could talk down to you your entire life, but you can stand up for yourself. You live with yourself. It sounds to me that it's not a health issue with the weight so boo hoo for them. As for your Aunt....dealing with that is tougher....just be strong! And enjoy your vacation in spite of her!






You are right...as long as you let them do it, they will do it...I use to worry about being like them, and that I wasnt going to be that way, and then i got fed up....and believe me, I will enjoy this vacation, I dont care if it kills her!!!

Sometimes I think that, just because they're family, family goes to far. They think they can say whatever they want to us and we will just roll with it. You should NOT feel humiliated. I'm glad you stood up and spoke your mind. Fat? Ha. Healthy and confident, more likely. Hugs!

Family does go to far...they figure no matter what, you're family...Thanks....I am confident and healthy....and I told them that....

Congratulations on standing up for yourself!! It's a not-good thing to have family that seems simply to want to put you down; I know my family was like that. And I also wanted to be nice about it and never said anything. Unfortunately, when they knew they'd be able to get away with it, they got all the worse. I now choose to be around people who make me feel good about myself.

But I trust your hubby is a terrific one to be around.

Good for you...you should feel good about yourself....of all the people in the world, i feel like its your family you should be able to count on to help you be confident...and they are the ones more likely to tear you down! My husband is a wonderful man...and he was angry that I came home upset like I did. He gave me one of his pep talks and we spent the rest of the evening laughing and joking with my parents, so it worked out.

You need to remember that there are toxic people in the world. I don't think they try to be mean, they just are.

My ex grandmother in law was a hateful old biddy. She greeted me once, after not seeing her for about a year, by saying my acne looked worse. I was so tempted to say that her wrinkles were worse, but she was old, and I didn't have to see her often.

Remember that toxic people are just that, bad for you, and bad for your self esteem. If you just keep taking their verbal abuse, you will crack. Then you sometimes lash out and say more than you meant to say. And if you are used to being so thoughtful and nice, it feels bad to say mean things sometimes. (I have trouble sticking up for myself, too!)

Try to picture situations that might come up at the family get together this year. See if you can problem solve to prevent some conflicts. Maybe take different nights for fixing meals, or let your aunt know up front you only want to watch her kids one day, etc. And try to set firm limits or boundaries with your aunt and grandpa. Don't let them abuse you! If they are mean enough to you, that if they acted that way towards a friend or little sister, you need to stop them somehow. Don't worry about being overly nice or mean. Use a sense of humor if you can. And be thankful for your parents support, they sound very wise.

I take a lot from people, and for me to get mad enough to say something back, I was pretty mad...I have trouble standing up for myself to my family...had anyone else said those things to me, we would have gone fist to cuff out in the yard...I'm telling you what! I would have been down their throat, stomping their stomach and daring their heart to beat...I surely wouldnt take that mess....but my family is different...and my grandfathers father (grandaddy..) he was sooooo mean....mean as a polecat. My mother was afraid of him....and the older my grandfather gets, the meaner he is. My cousin Aaron shot himself over things my family did...and how they can forget cleaning his brain and skull off of the wall and moving that matress is beyond me...I remember it. I remember the matress...but they just reverted back to their old ways....And my parents are wise...they moved 45 miles away! I will do the best I can to not be snotty next week...I promise, but I wont take anymore of their junk, either....

Why not spend your next vacation alone? Just you and your husband

4kids4cats....I already paid to go to the cottage, so I am stuck..but I wont participate next year if this is what I have to go through first...and I am glad that you are being so supportive and trying to bring your kids up right about self images and self esteem...and you havent been fat your whole life...

I know what it's like to be the sensitive one in a family full of uh...not so sensitive types.

I'm the baby of the family and I'm a lot younger than my brothers & sisters, so I was basically an only child. I was once so self-concious around my own family (not my wonderful parents, but my siblings) that I never even went to visit them when they'd stay at my parents' house. It's not even that I didn't want to--I just didn't want to get my feelings hurt.

One of my sisters thinks that she's only responsible for her children's feelings. She said I'm an adult and she can't be concerned with how I feel about what she says. It's not her "responsibility." I lived with her for about 6 months and she was horrible. I haven't talked to her in six years.

One of my brothers is just loud and obnoxious. One time one of my sisters sent my parents some fudge and he was looking for it and asked me if I ate it and I said no. He said, "good, you don't need it." Har har. One time at Christmas he got an expensive golf club from one of my other brothers, and my nephew who was around 13 was playing with it and he told him, "don't mess with that--it's worth more than your life." My nephew is very close to me, like my little brother, and I could tell he was embarrassed and hurt. My brother just doesn't THINK!

The rest of them aren't that bad, and some of them are very sweet, thankfully. I know my obnoxious brother loves and cares about me a great deal, but that's just the way he is. My sister is just...mean.

I've never said anything to them, but I imagine it would feel wonderful! You should feel proud, not embarrassed!

I think thats the issue with my family...they dont think before they speak! Had I been present and my brother said that to my nephew...I would have said "Well, shame on you for being so materilistic, and shame on you for thinking you can put a price on a life." And youre sister sounds mean...shes toxic, like Beckiboo talked about...avoiding her is probably better for the both of you! Trust me, it felt nice to tell him that I was who I am and I dont want to be anyone else...it feels too good just being me!

I think the important thing is you stood up for yourself!! They are the ones with problems - especially if they think sizwe 10 is fat!! Gawd, that is skinny in my book - in any books except someone with anerexia!!! Don't le them do that humiliate or bully you, Life is way too short!!

You are right...life is too short...I was humiliated for a little bit, but now I am over it, and even more determined to bounce back! Thank you for saying that a size 10 is not fat. Thanks!

How, tell me, how does your family FORGET that you had that horrific accident????!!!!

Can't they remember how relieved they must have felt when they heard that you were severely injured, but would survive?? Should I take a pic of my 18yo nephew's headstone, so that they can be reminded of how thankful they should be?! ...... I'm so glad that you stood up for yourself, but I am so sorry that your aunt, esp., forgot to be thankful that you are there in her life! At least you will be a good example in her 3 kids' lives........ By the way, good for your mom for calling her dad & sis onto the mat for this!

Catsknowme....let me tell you about this accident...I was on a side road that crossed a 4 lane, busy highway....there had been numerous accidents there, and the county was fighting to get a stoplight installed there....it was dusk, and the road highway is lined with trees....we dont have street lights here, so the only light was from head lights....I looked, looked again, and pulled out. I was halfway through the intersection when I saw him out of the corner of my eye and then I felt the impact....I dont remember where the car stopped...I remember sitting there and looking at the gearshift that had exploded, all the windows on my side of the car were shattered out, the windshield was shattered...My passengers blood was all over me, I looked down and there was glass sticking up out of my thigh...I pulled it out and threw it out of the window...my passenger got out of the car...through the back door...she unhooked her seatbelt and got out of the backseat. The car was smoking and we could smell gas...She kept screaming at me to get out of the car..but I couldnt...the seat had literally crushed around my body. The back of the seat reached around and met at my stomach...I could feel my legs, I had blood all over me. I got a ticket for failure to yield the right of way...but witnesses told the police officer that the guy who hit me....changed lanes and hit me...he hit me on purpose.....so, my family blamed that accident on me...it was my own fault...and i couldnt walk out of the hospital because the bones in my pelvis were broken, and my aunt told me that I was lazy because I couldnt walk out of the hospital...so thats where it all started....and you are right.....My mom did a great job, and I was so proud of her!!!! I am sorry about your nephew.