I Think My Cat Is Depressed Please Help

[sam12]

So my cat Molly is 14 and has always been incredibly shy (she has never been feral) and she will hide all day, every day, cry and flinch away from me when I try to pet her and wont even let me brush her anymore after I moved house (I've already posted about that) and yeah I'd put it down to the house move if she want always incredibly distant and moody and sad seeming. she has always hid away from strangers and has appetite problems and never play (though I did get her when she was 7 so she was already old)
I even tried giving her catnip the other day to help calm her down but apparently she's one of the 33% of cat unaffected by it so I was wondering if anyone cause give me some tips to improve her life because the poor old girl deserves a good life.

 

[di and bob]

I read your other post too so I would have a better idea of the situation. I think you already have a pretty good grasp, you have an incredibly shy older cat. She sounds like she may have been abused before you got her, or in a hoarding situation where she had little human contact.
She sounds pretty normal in all this, all cats absolutely hate change, and she has been through a lot, especially for a senior. Moving is most likely the number one stressor in cats, followed by bringing a new cat into the house. There's really not much you can do except to try to make her comfortable, feel safe, and give her as much reassurance and extra love as you can. I hope you have your own bedroom, sharing one will definitely cause even more stress. Cats take a long time to warm up to strangers. Just keep her in your room, leaving a worn shirt behind to leave your smell for comfort. Put a comfy bed in a box , under the bed, or in the closet to give her a private, safe place to retreat to. She needs to feel safe. Just sit near her and talk calmly to her. Don't try to force her to accept you stroking her, or picking her up, just talk. after a few days pass, then begin to lightly stroke her and continue talking.you might even let a radio stay on low in the room, to provide some background noise and drown out all those new scary noises. Tune it to a talk show where voices will dominate or a classical station with soft music, no loud hard rock or rap.
Time is the only thing that will help, and lots of it. I know you have your own life too, I want to thank you for being concerned and loving that little girl so much, she really needs you and I know you'll be there for her. Thank you so much for giving her the home and the love she deserves, I'm sure she loves you above all else and depends on you more then you will ever know. Please keep in touch and let us know how it is going. Keep posting a little bit in your original posts, even one line to bring it back up to the top of the posts. All the luck!

 

[sam12]

Thank you so much for replying and all the kind words <3
My mother actually knew the people I adopted her from and she said that they were an elderly couple who were rarely home and sadly i think she was more of a decoration because of her breed and she received little affection from them.
When I move again (mentioned in my other post) I'm actually moving to a new city where my boyfriend lives and I plan to stay with him until I can find my own apartment but she's fairly comfortable with him he's just a little to loud for her sometime i think (he plays alot of online games so lots of yelling)
I am guilty of stroking her against her will a little when she's been hiding for days (i know all her spots) to try to remind her I am here and protecting her because she hides in cupboards and its hard for her to see me from that position.
I'll try not patting her against her will when I move again and will defiantly try leaving music or tv on for her considering right now I live in a small town where there is very little noise and I'm moving to a central city area across from a construction sight.
I'm just worried that because of her age all the stress of moving constantly will affect her health and while of course I'll take her to the vet if anything serious seems to be happening in all honestly I'm 21 and work in hospitality and vet trips are incredibly expensive and getting pet insurance on a cat her age is kinda hard (my grandparents use to pay her vet bill and never got her insured [I was 14 when I got her and lived with them at the time] so I'm just hoping she adjusts well (even if its slowly) without getting ill from stress
But yes I'll keep this forum updated about poor old molly adapts to her new environments!
Thanks again!

 

[di and bob]

My little female is Molly too! She was born and lost her mother, so was hand raised, but she still is so shy too! She disappears for days when we have company, I have to leave food and water by the bed where she hides. She even poops in the carrier when I bring her to the vet. It must be a good name foe them both!
Like I said I wouldn't force her to get your attentions, but just go by her cues, is she growling softly, does she jump when you touch her, does her tail get bigger, are her pupils dilated? Those are all cues for fright, if not and she seems to enjoy your petting, by all means do so! I pray everything turns out all right! PS my husband shouts out too sometimes, they never learn, there are cats scattering everywhere!

 

[sam12]

It must be a molly thing! Molly also will poo and pee on my bed when i get home from a trip because she gets bad seperation anxiety
She never growls unless my kitten Richard is near by (he was born in the same house and she was constantly around his sent while he was growing up and I slowly integrated them when he was old enough to come live in my side of the house shes just a loner) and will only ever swipe my close clawed if i surprise her. She does flinch when I intitially pet her but she almost immediently starts purring afterwards and she does seem to enjoy my patting it seems to be just the initial act of touching her she seem uncomfortable with.
And gosh darn boys are their loud voices hahaha

 

[sam12]

I going to delete my original post because in hindsight these issues a related but I'll leave a quote of it here for reference

In short: I have a extremely nervous and old cat who still isn't used to my house after 5 months and I'm moving again next months and i need tips
Hi guys, so my ragdoll Molly is 14 and has always been an incredibly shy cat. I got her when she was 7 after her old owners moved and needed a place for her to live and she had already been desexed.
When I first got her I kept her in my room for the first 3 months and she wouldn't eat nor come out from under my bed for the first week but I assumed that was because she was not only in a new house but with new people and I lived in a big house on land so it may have been even more frightening to her but eventually she became attached to me after 6 months and was totally fine with the house and while we didn't have other cats we had a dog, horses, cattle and chickens who she was totally comfortable with (she used to eat with my dog).
Now, 7 years later I have moved into a small 2 bedroom apartment and I slowly integrated her into the home, first leaving her in the shower, then opening the shower door after a day the the bathroom door after a week and so on and so on and she does now inhabit the entire house but she always hides and she flinches when i pat her now and will even hiss at me and its been 5 months.
I would just wait it out usually because I know how nervous she is but I'm actually moving again in a month into a similar size apartment but their will be 2 other people (one she knows but the other is a stranger) and I'm concerned that because she's still not settled here she's going to be even more stressed by the move so I just wanted tips for helping move a incredibly nervous cat into a new home with new people.
Thanks guys!

 

[Furballsmom]

I've read through your posts. Just so I understand this you two have already gone through a couple moves, the last one into a place with one person she knew/one stranger, and she's still not at all settled and won't even let you brush her which she used to do. Now, you're going to be moving from a quiet country environment to a city, where there's all the regular city noises but also construction noises. How is your boyfriend with Molly - does he interact at all with her? She loves you, you love her, but I'm sitting here trying to wrap my mind around whether all of this is the best thing for Molly. I get that you're short on cash but when was the last time she was seen by a vet? If I were you, try and slow yourself down a little bit and really think about this, because it sounds like you've been going a mile a minute lately. Coming here is a marvelous step in trying to figure out how to proceed. Hang in there!

 

[di and bob]

Good idea about the posts!

 

[sam12]

Yeah I've been moving alot lately because I have to because I'm trying to better my income cause there are more and higher paying jobs in the city. My boyfriend (Zak) is usually really good with her and she even accepts pats from him (its rare for her to let new people touch her even when shes not stressed) he just frightens her when he shouts when he's playing games but she usually will come out of hiding within the hour if I'm home. I would try to rehome her if she wasnt so old and nervous so she didnt have to go through this stress but I think rehoming would probably affect her worse then keeping her because shes so distrusting of people. Also its sad but its rare people adopt older cats She hasn't been to the vet in about a year but I recently got pet insurance to help out with the expenses (mainly for my kitten because you can only get accidental insurance for cats older then 9 with the insurance I'm with) and when I move I've found a specialised cat vet that I'm going to take her (probably within the next 2 weeks) and they have a pretty good senior cat program I hope will help her. When I move again I hope its for a more permeant home and I dont plan on living with Zak (its a newer relationship) she his constant yelling wont be around hahah
I just hope she dosent develop health problems because of the stress

 

[di and bob]

She will more likely adjust after a while. 14 is definitely old for a cat, so just make her remaining years as full of love as you can, I really think she will come through this as long as she has you. Cats take an incredibly long time to adjust to new things and changes, but they do.... my senior sprayed all over the house after we moved,for a year! But he DID stop. It's hard on us too, but as long as we try to make it as easy for them as possible and give them the attention and love they need it turns out. Give her places to hide and call her own, give her a special 'blankie' to lay on, (an electric heated cat pad for older cats is MUCH appreciated, mine are always in use) and give her your attention every day and it will be fine. Post anytime you feel the need to talk, we are always here, you will be blessed for loving that little girl!

 

[sam12]

UPDATE:
I've moved to mu boyfriends house and my kitten (Richard) is loving it! Molly come out her cat carrier cat carrier to explore within the first hour and is adjusting super well!
Thanks! I'll keep this updated!

 

[di and bob]

Good for you! I hope everything turns out well!

 

[Furballsmom]

Wow, for heavens sake, isn't that just the coolest! GO MOLLY!!

 

[di and bob]

Great! I hope things continue to go well!

 

[sam12]

UPDATE:
So, Richard has adapted super well, he did have an accident but I think he knows where the kitty litter is now!
Molly, as reports to my roommate roams the house during the night and looks for hiding spots.
However;
My boyfriend and I are arguing about Molly and Richards interactions.
Richard is very playful and Molly has a big personal bubble but Richard doesn't care and tries to play with her anyway. Of course Molly reacts by spitting at Richard and batting him closed paw.
Now the Argument comes in when my boyfriend yelled at Molly (he favours Richard) for batting Richard away and I upped him.
In my opinion; Molly is the eldest and the female and Richard is invading her space and if it is not violent; is good for their development as co-depending animals in my home. Molly is in a new home and needs to establish her territory as hers and in order to do that she needs to teach Richard his place in the home because he is a Kitten.
As long as he seeks out to invade Mollys space and molly bats him closed claw I don't think she should be disciplined.
In my boyfriends opinion; Letting Molly bat Richard, even closed paw encourages negative behaviours in her and might escalate into violent behaviour and even make them hate each other even more, so we should yell at molly if she reacts negatively to Richard.
Please give me your opinions guys!!!

 

[Furballsmom]

You are correct. She absolutely should not be disciplined and especially not yelled at.

 

[Furballsmom]

Actually, a further thought, there needs to be zero yelling, because stress on either of your parts will only make things worse amongst the cats, together and separately.

 

[di and bob]

With my over 50 years of interacting and living with cats, both house and feral, I can tell you that what Mollie is doing is both normal and instinctive. I have NEVER had an older female cat that doesn't bat at, scream and and hiss at an annoying male taht dares come within her 'space'. If you want a playmate for Richard you'll have to get another young male with the same personality. Mollie is there to teach him manners and limits. PERIOD. She has affection for him, they can and will live together peacefully, but if he invades her space the war is on. You cannot change instinct. Two females are really no better. They both just stay in there own little worlds. Now there are some exceptions to this rule, but it is very rare. I have a little female right now that gets jumped on daily, the boys are always trying to get her involved with their play. There is hair flying and screaming going on and I regularly have to chastise the boys and tell them to leave her alone. She always runs to me for help, and she is their mother!
Females will play and tumble with the boys while they are young, but once they get a little older they turn almost diva like and become little matriarchs . They rule their world with an iron paw and that is it. The boys MUST learn discipline, that is their place in life. Kittens are taught limits and discipline from approx. 6-12 weeks by interacting with their mama and siblings. That is why you see so many aggressive kittens around when they are separated from their families before 12 weeks. They haven't been taught that they are hurting with their biting and rough play. It isn't gentle either. Mama will hold them down by the skin of their necks, she'll growl and bat them away. Siblings squeal and turn ferociously on their littermates, fur flying and sometimes drawing blood. But this is natural and nature. They learn quickly.
So don't yell at your little girl for doing what is instinct. She will become confused and afraid. Richard should be distracted or separated from her when he becomes annoying. He needs attention and lots of toys. As he becomes older he will settle down and they will become friends. Get a 'kickeroo' for cats. I keep several in bags of catnip to take out and throw towards an annoying stalker. It gets a lot of frustration out and always distracts them I get mine on Amazon. All the luck, I hope this helps!