i think my cat hates me!

[iceangel]

i think my cat charli hates me! either that or she just uses me for food!! she is unaffectionate to me, and just goes off in the house by herself, whereas her brother likes to stay close to me most of the ttime( or in the same room at least). she always wants to go outside(i've made a post about her always wanting to go out previously).

and its not that shes an unaffectionate cat, because i've seen her be affectionate to other people! when i try to pet her she will try and slouch down so i can't pet her and then she'll run off. she hates being picked up, and at night she sleeps at the very corner of the bed as far away from me as possible!

i don't know whats wrong with her, it seems the more i try to pay her attention the more she trys to get away from me! its very frustrating!!its like trying to give love, but not getting any back!

i don't knnow for sure if this would have anything to do with it but, when she was a kitten she had ear mites and i had to put drops in her ears to fix it - she hated it!, siince then she seemed to like my flatmates more and would hide and sleep in their room when i was around. which is why i ended up getting another cat, cause charli didn't seem to like me and i wanted a cat that was affectionate(thank god mickey is!).

well i'm coming to my wits end with her "attitude problem" and i've resorted to ignoring her as whenever i try to pay her attention she just runs off. is this the right thing to do? or is there anotehr way i should go about this? does anyone else have a cat that treats them like this????

 

[nora]

I don't think it's the ear mite problem. Max had ear mites and then infection in both ears and I had to give him ear drops and he is very affectionate.

My sister Kathleen has the same problem with her cat. Cleo loves her husband, our dad and me. She tolerates Kathleen.

 

[yola]

Have you thought she may be jealous of your relationship with your other cat?

Also - and don't take this the wrong way, she may not like your smell. One of my cats went right off me when I bought a new perfume - it could be moe than perfume though, maybe different hand soap or washing detergent?

It too a while to figure out what the problem was but by a long process of elimination I got there.

 

[hissy]

First off- don't get mad at her. You post has a lot of angry tone to it, and if you appear angry or stressed with her, she will not want anything to do with you. Also, take this cat to a vet, if you haven't quite recently. Sometimes when a cat is anti-social, it is because she does not feel right, and although she appears to *look* healthy, she may not be. So get her vet checked quickly!

Then when she has been vet cleared, back off of her. Don't force yourself on her, let her come to you. Honestly, and I know what I am saying, the best way for a cat to learn to trust you and like you, is to ignore her (as far as trying to make her a lap cat, pet her etc) Feed her on a routine schedule, play with the other cats in an interactive manner, but just ignore her. Somehow, someway, the way your post reads, you either invaded her personal space, accidently scared her or hurt her. Her body language that you are describing shows a cat that is afraid of you. Maybe you shout to people in your house (my husband is hard of hearing so there is a lot of shouting going on here) Cats don't like loud people, or people who force themselves upon them.

This sentence is very telling to me:

"i don't know whats wrong with her, it seems the more i try to pay her attention the more she trys to get away from me! its very frustrating!!its like trying to give love, but not getting any back!"


This tells me you want this cat to give you something, she is not capable of giving you right now. Give her food, shelter, water and other than that, reset your inner self to not expect anything from her. Then she will come to you, otherwise, you will just continue to get frustrated with her, and she will continue to not want anything to do with you.

 

[binkyhoo]

I agree with Hissy. It is going to take some patience and restraint on you part. People allways talk about cats being indepentent and you have got a good exaple of it. My binky, who i love to peices still wont let me pick her up after 3 years. And she sleeps on the bed in the furthermost corner too! She comes and jumps on my lap when she wants a hug , but I cant pick her up and give her a hug, shes like "put me down squirm, squirm" . One thing that I learned and allways do is show the back side of your hand and let the cat get a good sniff before you pet them. I still have to do this with Binks, Scent is so improtant to cats and dogs. As a person we recognize each other by our looks, but with the cats it is how you smell.

And oddly enough, My cats used to just love my grand ma when she came over. And she hated cats! I learned it was because she ignored them and the cats dident feel intimidated by her because of it. So they were all drawn to her!

 

[iceangel]

thanks for your help, well i still can't really think of another reason why she would be like this to me other than maybe i've traumatised her as a kitten with the ear mite drops..
i don't wear purfume much, other than roll on deoderant.. and we don't talk loudly in our house or play loud music..

i don't mind that shes an independant cat, it just bugs me when she favors people over me, which a problem i had before with my old flatemates. she would always stay in their room and she would always go up to them for pets etc..my flatemates were real animal lovers too who always gave her attention.

charli still hates being picked up, and when i pick her up i won't let her go till she stops struggling! i'm hoping over time she will learn that its okay to be picked up and not to struggle!

its weird, cuz she used to be happy to do tricks for food treats, but now she refuses to do them...i'm thinking maybe its the treats i brought , maybe shes sick of them cuz i put on in fron of her and she then sniffed it and then tried to cover it like it was a poo!

but as for now i will take your advice andjust ignore her, if she wants to come to me (which is like hardly ever!) she can. hopefully things will get better!

 

[hissy]

If you are picking her up and holding her while she struggles, you go instantly from "friend" to "predator." Cats are low on the food chain, and when this person she thinks of as her protector, picks her up (even though you know she doesn't like it) It does nothing positive for her. It might be a positive to you, but if she doesn't want to be picked up, don't pick her up, plain and simple. Once she sees you are not pursuing her, not expecting her to deliver something she is not capable of giving you, she will relax and mellow with you. But it takes time- it will not happen overnight, and it will not happen if you keep forcing yourself on her.

 

[iceangel]

well i'm doing the ignoring thing and its helped a little bit. like sometimes when i'm standing in the lounge she will come up and slightly rub against my leg, other than that shes still keeping her distance from me.

i found it hard to ignore her as i'm so used to calling her name when i see her, talking to her and playing with her etc... so i think i'm paying more attention to Mickey to make up for it! i don't think he minds though

so far things are slowly getting there

 

[rakka]

We have a male cat who is 7 months old. When we got him he was very timid and he still is to certain degrees. We used to get VERY angry at him for not being "normal" to us and snuggly.

We got him at 11 weeks and his brothers and sisters were all the same from when we went and picked him out. They were a stray litter so we don't know what made them so scared.

It has now been months and he has turned around alot. He now almost bowles me over when i walk out of the bedroom in the morning and follows me to the bathroom. He is very snuggly in the morning, but we have the same problem he doesn't like to be picked up. The only time he is affectionate at all is early in the morning and very late at night, although he is starting to change his ways yet again. When my fiance and i are on the internet he now comes into the room and sleeps on the lounge, he gets a little jumpy when we move but he is getting better everyday, he would never do that months ago. We have another cat and she is just a month younger then him and she is VERY affectionate. We did the ignore thing as well cause we got fed up with trying to make him like us, and it worked. We recently got a brush for them and he lovessss it. For the past few nights we have been grabbing him and putting him on our bed and brushing him and he stays until we have had enough. Only this morning we woke up to see him jumping on the bed, when he realised we were awake he jumped off straight away but still to us that was an achievement for him.

It will happen in time, as others said they have to learn to trust you. We almost got to the stage with our man that we wanted to "trade him in" after a few weeks but we thought better of it and also how could you take back a gorgeous cat that is scared? would our mums trade us in if we were different to our siblings. It is not the right thing to do, we wouldn't have done it anyway but thats just how we felt at the time "frustrated". Also for a cat that can be so scared how would you be if you were scared to your whits about something? it would take you time to get over it as well.

All the best, but i can assure you the ignore thing helps, it seems to make them click out of some kind of trance.

 

[cookie]

I went through a similar thing with my piper befor I knew anything about cats!!

The ignoring works, we did it and she has changed so much! She was an abused cat, and I thought she would never change. She was a cat that hated to be picked up (how do you hold her while she struggles? for one is it just make things worse, second I'd be stracthed like hell!)and if we pet her or went close to her she growled and hissed all the time. Ofcourse we didn't know the petting was making it worse, so we kept on petting her, and things kept getting worse and worse. Then hissy told me to ignore her. We did and slowly changes happened. HSe would come to us, no rubs but hangout in the same room...
and 2 months later she now rubs, jumps on laps and even kneads on my husband, and heap bumps hims for like 10 minutes straight!

It is a bit tough for me to accept how much more she loves my husband, but she does rub me too, come when I call her, and jump on my lap, just not for as long as she does to my husband and no kneading on me...She also purrs with my husband, and we were bothed shocked! In the 6 months I have had her we didn't ever hear her purr until recently!

SHe is and still will be very Timid, and hides from stragners, and is still scared of us if we walk around her, but she is changing everyday still, so you never know! She greats me at the door everyday and I let her sniff my hand, some days she rubbs it, so I know I can pet her, when she doens't rub me first or come to me I still back off.
Things must happen on her terms only! But there is no more hissing and growling and tail wagging...she is so much happier and alive...
I could keep babbling sorry....so long..

 

[midinalake]

I have exactly the same issues with my now 8 month old female cat. Her mother died when she was 3 weeks old and was cared for by someone until she was 4 months, when I got her and a male cat together. The male was 5 months old when he was rescued and is a little shy, but he's very affectionate and loving. The female is always aloof and just like your cat does that 'slouching' thing too and always walks away if you are near her. If you try and pick her up she's squirming and wriggling too I guess ignoring is the best way to find a solution like the others say

 

[raksha]

I have a year old RB male that I'm having similar issues with. He's healthy, but it appears that he loves everything in the apartment but me, at the moment. I'm trying the ignoring him thing, but have been seriously considering adopting another, slightly older and affectionate cat... The only issue is that I've had Binx for a month, so I'm not sure if that would cause more problems or help.

Anyone have any advice?

 

[cottagekat]

I know how you feel. I have a male kitten now that will rub on my 2 Newfoundland dogs and purr, goes to my husband for attention and when I try to interact with him he leaves. I have had a lot of cats and this has never happened before. I found a website that had some good advice. Not sure if it's okay to mention, but it's Way of The Cats Blog. I've tried some of the suggestions and it seems to be working. Type "affection" in the search box. Hope this helps.

 

[MorrisLiquoricePeeWee]

Hi there! I am from NZ and googled to see why my beloved Morris hates me... after reading all your posts I am definitely doing the 'ignoring thing '... it worked once before (outstanding results.. had my cat back within about a month!) and I totally forgot about it!

Thank you all for your posts (I read them all!) they have really helped!

I hope to have my lovely Morris back soon!

You guys are awesome! Missy you are the best! Sage advice goes a long way!

Hope to hear everyone's progress!

Kind regards, Stacey