Deb & I will be SO GLAD to say solong to 2022, it was WAY worse for us than 2020 ever was.
In February we went to visit my parents, they were still living in their house and had been doing okay, but what we saw that night was the beginning of a HUGE problematic year, but it had to go that way. My Mom was not acting right, her hand was shaking, she was nervous, we wanted to take her to the ER but she said she was okay, but we also found out that my father had fallen on the ice and cut the bridge of his nose, he went out the side kitchen door because the front door locks didn't work, my Mom had told me she called someone weeks ago to come fix them but she said he never showed up. We found out they had no hot water, the hot water heater went bad, and when we said "why didn't you tell us these things?" the standard answer was always "we didn't want to bother you, we didn't want to upset you" and I said "I'm upset when you DON'T tell me these things!" So the next day, even being a Sunday, I managed to get a locksmith to fix the door locks and a plumber to install a new water heater, but we also noticed sewage water in the lower level (they had a bi-level home) and he found out it was blocked because my father had been flushing sanitary wipes down the toilet!! He also told me to call a cleanup team, they came out the next day and told me that the bottom parts of the walls were wet and moldy, told me they would have to cut that all out, and I remember I just stood there staring up at the sky, and him saying "are you alright Sir?" and I said "no, I'm really not, this is about then 6th horrible thing that I've seen and heard in three days so NO..." he told me it was all fixable which of course it is, but the next few weeks were horrible with them coming in and disrupting things, me having to organize it all while working full time, I finally just taped a key to the backdoor and banked on their honesty and it worked out, but they had to rip a LOT of the walls out and run huge fans in there for the mold, it was a HUGE disruption but it had to be done. But the worst was yet to come....
A few days later my Mom had a pill bottle on the table and asked me to refill it. She took 4 meds and used to get them herself but the driving she did was becoming less and less so I would do it. I looked at the bottle and thought "I thought I just got this for her?" but went anyway, I wasn't thinking 100% clearly after all of this went on but when I took it to CVS they said "this was just filled 3 weeks ago" so I was right, which meant that she took 3 MONTHS OF BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS IN 3 WEEKS!!!!! I was crazy when I went to her house, told her what she had done and she said "your father (who has Aphasia and some Dementia) was making me crazy, I didn't want my blood pressure to go up"
I flipped out of course, and it was then that I realized that I needed to get a weekly pill dispenser and divy them out a week at a time, a.m. and p.m., like I said they had been good about taking them and good in general but I saw this all unraveling before my eyes so I did that and I kept the pills at my home, I would come over weekly and fill the pills as well as shop for them and make sure they were okay, and we talked about what needed to be done for them IF they wanted to stay in their house, we had railings installed and grab bars, we did other things and for a few months over late Spring/early Summer things were better, not great but better. I had a lady come in from a place that could help them in house if needed but my Mom wasn't thrilled with it, so that never happened. One night I called there and my Dad told me that "Mom fell, she's been laying on the floor all day", which of course had me rush over there to find her laying on the bottom of the steps but she said she fell upstairs earlier in the day because she dropped the tv clicker, put her hand out to brace the fall, and couldn't grab the railing to come downstairs so she was coming downstairs on her butt one step at a time but couldn't stand up, my Father couldn't help her, he couldn't even call me or 911, so seeing her hand all black and blue I took them to the ER and thank God nothing was broken, but this REALLY told me that I had to set up a plan in case something would happen to her, my Father couldn't live alone, we couldn't live with him, he couldn't live with us as he is allergic to cats and we have 7, plus he doesn't know our house, God only knows what he would've done here while we were working, so I set up a tour of an assisted living place, we went, it was very nice, we were told there is a waiting list but we could get on it, so I felt a little better but knew it was just a small step, there was more to be done. I also had BathFitters come in, they were going to make a walk-in shower for them, but I was still leery of her falling and told her so every day. "I'm not going to fall" she assured me, but I wasn't betting on that.
Well, it got worse...
BathFitters said they wanted to send a guy out to double check the measurements before they ordered anything and wanted to know if I would be around one day at 11:00, I told them this is for my parents house, I was being pulled away so often from my work and my life but had to do it for them, but my parents "assured" me that they would be there and let him in, but I was able to go from work anyway. When I got there my Dad was up and ready which impressed me but when I said "how's it going Pop?" his answer was once again "terrible, Mom fell, she's been lying on the floor all day!" which just about did me in right then and there. She was laying on the bedroom floor on her back with a pillow behind her head. I said "you fell again!" she said "I didn't fall, I'm laying on the bed", I said "you're laying on the floor, this is the bed", she once again said she was on the bed, I pounded on the bed and said "this is the ******* bed, you're laying on the floor!!!" I picked her up and put her into bed, and told her "that's it, I'm calling the shots now, this can't go on like this". I had been walking that fine line of pushing them a bit but then backing off since they are 82 and 83, we TRIED to keep them there but I would've had a nervous breakdown or stroke or heart attack (maybe not, I had a stress test in October and the ticker is fine lol!) but who knows, but this was it. Of course the guy from BathFitters comes in and says "I guess this isn't a good time?" and I said "no, but just do what you have to do" and he did. Then the BIG CLUE was revealed, my Mom said to my Dad "did you bring me that pill?", my Dad gets the weekly pill dispenser and brings it in and is handing her a pill and I said "wait a minute, let me see that!", and here it is a little after 11 in the morning and I see that she already took her A.M. pills AND took 2 of the 3 P.M. pills and was going to take the 3rd one then too!!!! I went nuts!!!! I called the pharmacist and told him what she did and what pills they were and he said "she won't feel right until tomorrow morning", ugh.....I made her eat and drink, told her to stay in bed, told her "now I have to go back to work and drive blind people around in this state of mind, do you realize what this is doing to me?" and she of course was sad and upset but I checked on her that evening and she was getting better, but I said "this is it, we can't go on like this anymore", so the next day I called the guy at the assisted living place we toured and asked if they had even a week or a month "respite" care so I could buy some time to figure out what to do with them? He said no, but he instructed me to take them to any hospital, tell them there what is going on, they will admit them and send them to short term rehab, so we did that, and I felt some relief knowing that they were at least being taken care of and didn't have to worry about her falling or overdosing etc. When they called me and asked me where to put them for rehab I said where I lived and they had a place about 5 miles away which was great, and it actually was right in front of and associated with the assited living place that we toured! I visited them and saw they were being taken care of and were getting physical therapy-my Mom could hardly even stand up and walk at her house anymore, it happened so fast-but they were getting "structure" which they didn't have at home, they would sleep all hours of the day, be awake at night, hardly ate, I used to take them good food and days later I would throw it out because they didn't eat it, all they ate were tv dinners and snacks, they weren't bathing properly nor washing their clothes, but here they were forced to starighten out and they were responding well, and everyone was talking to me like it was a given that in a few weeks they would move into the assisted living place but I said "there is a waiting list, no?", but they said if a doctor orders them to be placed they are given priority, and within a few weeks they moved in there which was a blessing!!! Fast forward to now and they are doing 100 times better, they look wonderful, they are getting rehab, they are getting their proper meds, they found out my Mom needed some thyroid meds that their family doctor failed to test for, they are eating 3 meals a day and bathing, their clothes are washed for them, they are really taking to it and doing MUCH better thank God!!!
It was so so hard for us to watch this unfold but we know this happens like this quite often. I am an only child so it was all on my shoulders, but some people that have siblings say sometimes it is worse as they either fight with each other or don't help, so maybe being the one in charge is better? But the weight was/is enormous....
But now I have to fix myself and Deb, this had us so run down and emotionally upset, we both got Covid a month ago, really took a beating trying to deal with this while working full time but we did it and are doing it. But they own so much properties and cars and land, they had places that they bought and thought they'd move into and fix up and rent out but never did, very strange I know, I used to plead with my Mom to please sell it instead of paying taxes and upkeep but she was so stubborn and most likely screwed up on pills that she only sold 1 with my help Summer of 2020, I wanted to keep going but she would say "it's too much for me, too fast" and I would tell her I would handle it just like I did this sale but she said no and again I didn't want to push too far so I let it go, but a few months ago when they were in their home yet Deb pleaded with her "Mom, please let Les contact a realtor" about a beautiful home they bought 12 years ago but never moved into-yes, you read that correctly-that was staring to fall apart and by some miracle she agreed, so I hooked up with the plumber's mother who is a realtor, the plumber that helped us out back in February, and she is WONDERFUL, fair, honest, patient, helpful and she knew someone who offered us a wonderful cash offer to buy it "as is", we didn't have to do anything just take what we wanted out of it and we brought some things home so we don't have to listen to my Mom complain that we got rid of some things even though she'll never use it most likely, but we got a great offer and sold it a few months ago, but I didn't tell my Mom until last week because I wanted them to get settled first and get her head on straight (which she has) so she wouldn't argue with me like she did before, but we were also working on selling other things and Deb & I both said we feel like we are going behind their backs, we know this has to be sold but felt strange about it, so last week I went and talked with her, told her this is bothering me very much, talked with her and didn't know if she would get upset or not, but she was GREAT, it couldn't have gone any better, she said "I know, everything has to go", told me to "do it in the order I see fit", said "we were very worried about you", so she really has come a LONG way from the messed up person that she was at her house, she is really much better as is my Dad, and she realizes that I have to sell these things and I slowly am, and we just continue to get great deals on things, our realtor keeps coming up with people who are making great CASH offers, and I know my Grandmother and Deb's father are helping from above, no way this would be falling into place like it is, we are grateful and blessed, and the money goes right into the bank account, it is very expensive to live there but we tell them "you deserve it, you are going to get this care" and the money is there, and my Mom keeps saying "thank you for all you are doing, you're doing an amazing job" and I'm doing my best and like one person told me "you have a lot of work to do but just remember one day it'll be over" and it will, all the things will be sold down the line, they will be taken care of and hopefully Deb and I will recover from this and the after effects of this and Covid, it has been the most emotional, stressful, upsetting year of our lives, plus losing two kitties within 9 weeks of each other this Summer, Sabrina and Sugar, we look back and wonder how we had the strength to deal with it but we did, lots of prayers and support, we're just doing the best that we can with what we have at the time and I just remember the old saying "every problem contains it's own solution" and we will find it.
THANK YOU if you read through this "novel", I just had to finally sit down and write it out and pour it out, I know I ALWAYS get wonderful points of views and perspective from all of the wonderful friends here on the Cat Site!
God Bless.....
In February we went to visit my parents, they were still living in their house and had been doing okay, but what we saw that night was the beginning of a HUGE problematic year, but it had to go that way. My Mom was not acting right, her hand was shaking, she was nervous, we wanted to take her to the ER but she said she was okay, but we also found out that my father had fallen on the ice and cut the bridge of his nose, he went out the side kitchen door because the front door locks didn't work, my Mom had told me she called someone weeks ago to come fix them but she said he never showed up. We found out they had no hot water, the hot water heater went bad, and when we said "why didn't you tell us these things?" the standard answer was always "we didn't want to bother you, we didn't want to upset you" and I said "I'm upset when you DON'T tell me these things!" So the next day, even being a Sunday, I managed to get a locksmith to fix the door locks and a plumber to install a new water heater, but we also noticed sewage water in the lower level (they had a bi-level home) and he found out it was blocked because my father had been flushing sanitary wipes down the toilet!! He also told me to call a cleanup team, they came out the next day and told me that the bottom parts of the walls were wet and moldy, told me they would have to cut that all out, and I remember I just stood there staring up at the sky, and him saying "are you alright Sir?" and I said "no, I'm really not, this is about then 6th horrible thing that I've seen and heard in three days so NO..." he told me it was all fixable which of course it is, but the next few weeks were horrible with them coming in and disrupting things, me having to organize it all while working full time, I finally just taped a key to the backdoor and banked on their honesty and it worked out, but they had to rip a LOT of the walls out and run huge fans in there for the mold, it was a HUGE disruption but it had to be done. But the worst was yet to come....
A few days later my Mom had a pill bottle on the table and asked me to refill it. She took 4 meds and used to get them herself but the driving she did was becoming less and less so I would do it. I looked at the bottle and thought "I thought I just got this for her?" but went anyway, I wasn't thinking 100% clearly after all of this went on but when I took it to CVS they said "this was just filled 3 weeks ago" so I was right, which meant that she took 3 MONTHS OF BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS IN 3 WEEKS!!!!! I was crazy when I went to her house, told her what she had done and she said "your father (who has Aphasia and some Dementia) was making me crazy, I didn't want my blood pressure to go up"
I flipped out of course, and it was then that I realized that I needed to get a weekly pill dispenser and divy them out a week at a time, a.m. and p.m., like I said they had been good about taking them and good in general but I saw this all unraveling before my eyes so I did that and I kept the pills at my home, I would come over weekly and fill the pills as well as shop for them and make sure they were okay, and we talked about what needed to be done for them IF they wanted to stay in their house, we had railings installed and grab bars, we did other things and for a few months over late Spring/early Summer things were better, not great but better. I had a lady come in from a place that could help them in house if needed but my Mom wasn't thrilled with it, so that never happened. One night I called there and my Dad told me that "Mom fell, she's been laying on the floor all day", which of course had me rush over there to find her laying on the bottom of the steps but she said she fell upstairs earlier in the day because she dropped the tv clicker, put her hand out to brace the fall, and couldn't grab the railing to come downstairs so she was coming downstairs on her butt one step at a time but couldn't stand up, my Father couldn't help her, he couldn't even call me or 911, so seeing her hand all black and blue I took them to the ER and thank God nothing was broken, but this REALLY told me that I had to set up a plan in case something would happen to her, my Father couldn't live alone, we couldn't live with him, he couldn't live with us as he is allergic to cats and we have 7, plus he doesn't know our house, God only knows what he would've done here while we were working, so I set up a tour of an assisted living place, we went, it was very nice, we were told there is a waiting list but we could get on it, so I felt a little better but knew it was just a small step, there was more to be done. I also had BathFitters come in, they were going to make a walk-in shower for them, but I was still leery of her falling and told her so every day. "I'm not going to fall" she assured me, but I wasn't betting on that.Well, it got worse...
BathFitters said they wanted to send a guy out to double check the measurements before they ordered anything and wanted to know if I would be around one day at 11:00, I told them this is for my parents house, I was being pulled away so often from my work and my life but had to do it for them, but my parents "assured" me that they would be there and let him in, but I was able to go from work anyway. When I got there my Dad was up and ready which impressed me but when I said "how's it going Pop?" his answer was once again "terrible, Mom fell, she's been lying on the floor all day!" which just about did me in right then and there. She was laying on the bedroom floor on her back with a pillow behind her head. I said "you fell again!" she said "I didn't fall, I'm laying on the bed", I said "you're laying on the floor, this is the bed", she once again said she was on the bed, I pounded on the bed and said "this is the ******* bed, you're laying on the floor!!!" I picked her up and put her into bed, and told her "that's it, I'm calling the shots now, this can't go on like this". I had been walking that fine line of pushing them a bit but then backing off since they are 82 and 83, we TRIED to keep them there but I would've had a nervous breakdown or stroke or heart attack (maybe not, I had a stress test in October and the ticker is fine lol!) but who knows, but this was it. Of course the guy from BathFitters comes in and says "I guess this isn't a good time?" and I said "no, but just do what you have to do" and he did. Then the BIG CLUE was revealed, my Mom said to my Dad "did you bring me that pill?", my Dad gets the weekly pill dispenser and brings it in and is handing her a pill and I said "wait a minute, let me see that!", and here it is a little after 11 in the morning and I see that she already took her A.M. pills AND took 2 of the 3 P.M. pills and was going to take the 3rd one then too!!!! I went nuts!!!! I called the pharmacist and told him what she did and what pills they were and he said "she won't feel right until tomorrow morning", ugh.....I made her eat and drink, told her to stay in bed, told her "now I have to go back to work and drive blind people around in this state of mind, do you realize what this is doing to me?" and she of course was sad and upset but I checked on her that evening and she was getting better, but I said "this is it, we can't go on like this anymore", so the next day I called the guy at the assisted living place we toured and asked if they had even a week or a month "respite" care so I could buy some time to figure out what to do with them? He said no, but he instructed me to take them to any hospital, tell them there what is going on, they will admit them and send them to short term rehab, so we did that, and I felt some relief knowing that they were at least being taken care of and didn't have to worry about her falling or overdosing etc. When they called me and asked me where to put them for rehab I said where I lived and they had a place about 5 miles away which was great, and it actually was right in front of and associated with the assited living place that we toured! I visited them and saw they were being taken care of and were getting physical therapy-my Mom could hardly even stand up and walk at her house anymore, it happened so fast-but they were getting "structure" which they didn't have at home, they would sleep all hours of the day, be awake at night, hardly ate, I used to take them good food and days later I would throw it out because they didn't eat it, all they ate were tv dinners and snacks, they weren't bathing properly nor washing their clothes, but here they were forced to starighten out and they were responding well, and everyone was talking to me like it was a given that in a few weeks they would move into the assisted living place but I said "there is a waiting list, no?", but they said if a doctor orders them to be placed they are given priority, and within a few weeks they moved in there which was a blessing!!! Fast forward to now and they are doing 100 times better, they look wonderful, they are getting rehab, they are getting their proper meds, they found out my Mom needed some thyroid meds that their family doctor failed to test for, they are eating 3 meals a day and bathing, their clothes are washed for them, they are really taking to it and doing MUCH better thank God!!!
It was so so hard for us to watch this unfold but we know this happens like this quite often. I am an only child so it was all on my shoulders, but some people that have siblings say sometimes it is worse as they either fight with each other or don't help, so maybe being the one in charge is better? But the weight was/is enormous....
But now I have to fix myself and Deb, this had us so run down and emotionally upset, we both got Covid a month ago, really took a beating trying to deal with this while working full time but we did it and are doing it. But they own so much properties and cars and land, they had places that they bought and thought they'd move into and fix up and rent out but never did, very strange I know, I used to plead with my Mom to please sell it instead of paying taxes and upkeep but she was so stubborn and most likely screwed up on pills that she only sold 1 with my help Summer of 2020, I wanted to keep going but she would say "it's too much for me, too fast" and I would tell her I would handle it just like I did this sale but she said no and again I didn't want to push too far so I let it go, but a few months ago when they were in their home yet Deb pleaded with her "Mom, please let Les contact a realtor" about a beautiful home they bought 12 years ago but never moved into-yes, you read that correctly-that was staring to fall apart and by some miracle she agreed, so I hooked up with the plumber's mother who is a realtor, the plumber that helped us out back in February, and she is WONDERFUL, fair, honest, patient, helpful and she knew someone who offered us a wonderful cash offer to buy it "as is", we didn't have to do anything just take what we wanted out of it and we brought some things home so we don't have to listen to my Mom complain that we got rid of some things even though she'll never use it most likely, but we got a great offer and sold it a few months ago, but I didn't tell my Mom until last week because I wanted them to get settled first and get her head on straight (which she has) so she wouldn't argue with me like she did before, but we were also working on selling other things and Deb & I both said we feel like we are going behind their backs, we know this has to be sold but felt strange about it, so last week I went and talked with her, told her this is bothering me very much, talked with her and didn't know if she would get upset or not, but she was GREAT, it couldn't have gone any better, she said "I know, everything has to go", told me to "do it in the order I see fit", said "we were very worried about you", so she really has come a LONG way from the messed up person that she was at her house, she is really much better as is my Dad, and she realizes that I have to sell these things and I slowly am, and we just continue to get great deals on things, our realtor keeps coming up with people who are making great CASH offers, and I know my Grandmother and Deb's father are helping from above, no way this would be falling into place like it is, we are grateful and blessed, and the money goes right into the bank account, it is very expensive to live there but we tell them "you deserve it, you are going to get this care" and the money is there, and my Mom keeps saying "thank you for all you are doing, you're doing an amazing job" and I'm doing my best and like one person told me "you have a lot of work to do but just remember one day it'll be over" and it will, all the things will be sold down the line, they will be taken care of and hopefully Deb and I will recover from this and the after effects of this and Covid, it has been the most emotional, stressful, upsetting year of our lives, plus losing two kitties within 9 weeks of each other this Summer, Sabrina and Sugar, we look back and wonder how we had the strength to deal with it but we did, lots of prayers and support, we're just doing the best that we can with what we have at the time and I just remember the old saying "every problem contains it's own solution" and we will find it.
THANK YOU if you read through this "novel", I just had to finally sit down and write it out and pour it out, I know I ALWAYS get wonderful points of views and perspective from all of the wonderful friends here on the Cat Site!
God Bless.....
I still think somehow his death is my fault. That was in 2017 and it will always haunt me.
