This is so sad and I know how you feel. Last night at supper I said to my wife that I can't even put it into words and thoughts sometime about her father who passed 12/29, he was always there and a huge part of the family and got sick and 7 weeks later passed, we are going on with our daily lives and it has healed a tiny bit but at times you stop and think "Pop's gone", like you said it is so surreal that you can't really believe it is happening at all. We just have to go with it, to fight against it just delays it and makes it worse, to go with it is so very hard but it is the way to let these poisons and bad feelings be cleansed and leave our souls, we still remember the bad thoughts but they lose their strength over time.
When the time is right I feel that another kitty will find you, when you are ready to love again and your heart has healed enough, you are too good of a parent to not have someone to care for.
I also have a hard time listening to sad music especially piano music, but at the same time I find it helps me feel better. When you feel up to it listen to "The Vigil" by Bill Conti from Rocky II I believe it is, this will make you cry but at the same time is so helpful, especially the ending where you can just hear and feel hope being built and restored.
God Bless......
