I rehomed my rescue cat and feel guilt

[laurjade]

Hi

I already have two male cats, they are brothers and have such a beautiful bond between them. On the 15th April I rescued a cat from a foster home a 3 hour drive from my house, who had been rescued from Bahrain as a stray kitten.

She was in her own room, with no access to my other cats, but always tried to escape and cried at the door a lot to get to them. I spent a lot of time with her, she was well fed and had plenty of toys.

One week into having our new rescue cat, she attacked me out of nowhere, causing extreme bruising on my arm from the force of her bite. The day after, she had escaped her safe room and attacked one of my other cats who is so timid, he literally messed on the floor, and had scratches to his belly and bite marks all on his lower back, costing over £300 in vets bills for medication and to have the wounds cleaned.

I immediately messaged the fosterer asking to take back the rescue cat, and two later she was collected. The fosterer has said she will probably end up keeping her now as

I regret this so much, I am missing her terribly despite what she has done. I only feel it was my fault, maybe it was because she felt trapped and knew the other two cats had full reign of the house and garden? Maybe she was bored and needed more attention?

I desperately want her back and I have been doing research online on how to properly introduce cats. I realise it can take months, but I feel absolutely awful for giving her back so soon without trying anything after the incident!! I've read that despite nasty confrontations in the beginning, cats can still build good relationships with one another. Is it cruel to bring her back ?

 

[laurjade]

I posted too soon!

To finish the above

The fosterer has said she will probably end up keeping her now as she's already been rehomed before as an only cat and she didn't settle in, so was given back to foster before she came to me. I just can't help but feel she's not truly got her forever home being in foster

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Think about this long and hard. This cat is not in danger, and will have a loving place to stay. Before you consider asking for her back, be very sure you are willing, able, and equipped to give her any assistance she might need, including find a good cat behaviorist in your area. Through no fault of her own, she is not now, and may never be, an easy cat. On the off chance that she never improves, are you ready to deal with her for the next 12-18 years? And to love her regardless? I am not trying to talk you out of this, but to make you face things and be sure beyond doubt that this will be her forever home. Cat rely on routine. In her young life, she was scooped up off of the streets, flown across the ocean, entered the system, was passed around until she was fostered, found a home, lost it, found another home, lost that, and now is back with the fosterer. Psychologically, she's at rock bottom. Be sure you can be there for her. If you know in your heart of hearts that you are ready to take this on, more power to you, and we will be behind you all the way. If you cannot, we applaud your honesty with yourself, and your willingness to put her good above what you want.

BTW, there are many "forever fosterers." And some cats are with them for years, for various reasons. Often, a chronic illness or extreme age makes them hard to place, and a "forever foster" is found. The fosterer takes care of all day-to-day bills (food, toys, etc) while the institution they are associated with covers vets bills. These cats are very dearly loved. They do have forever homes. Just to ease your mind a bit, if you are worried about her not being loved.

 

[laurjade]

Think about this long and hard. This cat is not in danger, and will have a loving place to stay. Before you consider asking for her back, be very sure you are willing, able, and equipped to give her any assistance she might need, including find a good cat behaviorist in your area. Through no fault of her own, she is not now, and may never be, an easy cat. On the off chance that she never improves, are you ready to deal with her for the next 12-18 years? And to love her regardless? I am not trying to talk you out of this, but to make you face things and be sure beyond doubt that this will be her forever home. Cat rely on routine. In her young life, she was scooped up off of the streets, flown across the ocean, entered the system, was passed around until she was fostered, found a home, lost it, found another home, lost that, and now is back with the fosterer. Psychologically, she's at rock bottom. Be sure you can be there for her. If you know in your heart of hearts that you are ready to take this on, more power to you, and we will be behind you all the way. If you cannot, we applaud your honesty with yourself, and your willingness to put her good above what you want.

BTW, there are many "forever fosterers." And some cats are with them for years, for various reasons. Often, a chronic illness or extreme age makes them hard to place, and a "forever foster" is found. The fosterer takes care of all day-to-day bills (food, toys, etc) while the institution they are associated with covers vets bills. These cats are very dearly loved. They do have forever homes. Just to ease your mind a bit, if you are worried about her not being loved.

I know she is probably very happy with her fosterer, but I get the feeling the fosterer isn't very happy to have her back. I really feel for the poor cat, she's been through so much already in her short life, moved all over and not able to settle, which is the reason I really want her back. I want to give her the life she desperately deserves, instead of living in a home where she's going to be surrounded by lots of other cats and not getting much attention. When I did have her, it's like she could not settle at all, she would stay awake constantly, only going to sleep when I was sat with her. As soon as I got up to leave, she would instantly wake up. I remember crying, watching her sleep, because I was thinking of how much she's been through and how she's now in her 'forever home'

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I can see how heartbreaking that would be. Has she had a thorough vet check, done by your vet? If you decide to take her on, get that done. There may be a physical problem that is causing this. And if not, there may be medications to help her adjust. I wish you the very, very best moving forward!

 

[Furballsmom]

One week into having our new rescue cat, she attacked me out of nowhere, causing extreme bruising on my arm from the force of her bite. The day after, she had escaped her safe room and attacked one of my other cats who is so timid, he literally messed on the floor, and had scratches to his belly and bite marks all on his lower back, costing over £300 in vets bills for medication and to have the wounds cleaned.

I agree, you need to try and step back from the emotional response that you're feeling, and very seriously consider your health and that of your two boys. They are your absolute first priority, nothing else will do.

Guilt is not a good place to make decisions from.

Talk to the foster more if you feel it necessary, but if the female cat is behaving more calmly in that home, I would not pursue this.

 

[laurjade]

I agree, you need to try and step back from the emotional response that you're feeling, and very seriously consider your health and that of your two boys. They are your absolute first priority, nothing else will do.

Guilt is not a good place to make decisions from.

Talk to the foster more if you feel it necessary, but if the female cat is behaving more calmly in that home, I would not pursue this.

Absolutely, my boys are top priority.

I just feel if things had gone differently and I did a really slow introduction, what happened wouldn't of happened. I think her being locked in one room, with a view of the garden and my other two cats running around together freely, really frustrated her and she directed her aggression at me, and then eventually the other cat as he is very timid.

I would say she isn't really behaving more calmly in the fosters home, she chases the other cats and bites (I was told about week and half ago) , I'm beginning to think now there may be a potential underlying health condition

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[lucyrima]

And unless I missed it, no one has mentioned that she is a SHE and your other two are HE's, adding another major factor to everything. They will dominate, maybe even try to 'get with' her (whoever is spayed or neutered, etc) and generally make her miserable. For that reason alone I don't think it's a great idea. Yes certainly you can have mixed homes, but the males (likely more alpha, neutered or not) were there first, so expecting her to be docile rather than scared stiff is not reasonable. Don't think this was a great idea all round... sorry.

 

[laurjade]

thanks everyone for your replies. I am going to let her live her happy life in her foster home (now forever home!) as she had no problems with the other cats there. I did think from the beginning maybe bringing a female into a home with two male cats was a bad idea, it was my partner who really wanted her from the beginning and then I became attached! We did try a lot for all 3 of them to try to get along but she's much better being where she is

 

[Furballsmom]

Bless your heart for trying, on everyone's behalf. Thank you for letting us know what you-all decided, and let us know how things go for you

 

[lucyrima]

Well, I'm so happy for you and all the cats - glad it worked out!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Thank you for having the courage to make your decision based on her happiness. I know you tried so hard! Don't be a stranger...we'd love to get to know you, and your boys!