I predicted this...

[malakai711]

Ok, first.. marie... adrian's not my ex-boyfriend.. he's my best friend... we've been friends for a year, which seems like a lifetime considering how much we've been thru together, and I've had feelings for him for the last 6 months...

What everyone needs to really understand about this situation and in answer to jcat's question, what I have gotten out of my friendship with Adrian is just that, the most honest, loyal and trustworthy friend I have... I have gained a confidant... Adrian and I have spent almost every day for almost a year together and in that time we have had more fun than I've ever had with any of my other friends... He's been more caring and concerned about me than even my best friend of 12 years who, when I got kicked out of my house, took off on me and hasnt spoken to me since... Everyone wants to harp on how hurtful he is.. yet, this is the person who took me in when I was homeless and had no where else to go...

He's always been honest with me about his intentions with me... He's never told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me, or anyone else for that matter... and as far as him and Melissa... he made it perfectly clear to her, too that he wasnt interested in a relationship with her but that he wanted to be her friend... After the last couple of nights of talking to him I realized that the pain he's feeling is something much deeper than a desire to be with her... he actually doesnt want to be with her.. he is just hurt that he gave himself to her and she didn't regard what he gave, his virginity, as precious.... Adrian is actually a lot more like a girl, LoL... he's not the typical guy at all... He's been crying to me the last few nights because he feels like trash that he gave her his virginity and she left him... He's regretting it... much like I did when I broke up with my ex... it took me a while to stop feeling the way that he does right now.... in time he will understand that he is still just as precious without his virginity as he was with it...

maybe that will make everyone understand a little more what's going on.... I can't expect everyone to truly understand our relationship because as well as I know Adrian there are still things that I learn about him every day...

 

[beckiboo]

Well, you certainly know the whole situation better than any outsider. But it still sounds like it might be a good time for both of you to go back to being friends, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. That relationship can last a lifetime. And it may help both of you see if the dating thing was a mistake. You sound like a very caring person, I hope this works out for you!

 

[mom of franz]

I could be wrong here (not a first) but I seem to recall you posting once that your family, or maybe it was your friends or both, disliked Adrian because of his race. I get the impression that if you break up with him, you might be barraged with "See I told you so" which of course would be wrong, because it has NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE! Even if the sames friends and family don't mention his race, you will know that is what they are thinking. so maybe that is why you are hesitant to let him go.

You wrote an essay length post about how he has hurt you. Maybe you are not ready to let go yet. If you do let him go, just hold your head up high to those friends and relatives, don't let their feelings get in the way of YOUR best interest..to hell with THEIR thoughts it not their life

If I have it all wrong about you mentioning his race and your family, tell me and I will gladly delete this post.

 

[malakai711]

Originally Posted by Mom of Franz

I could be wrong here (not a first) but I seem to recall you posting once that your family, or maybe it was your friends or both, disliked Adrian because of his race. I get the impression that if you break up with him, you might be barraged with "See I told you so" which of course would be wrong, because it has NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE! Even if the sames friends and family don't mention his race, you will know that is what they are thinking. so maybe that is why you are hesitant to let him go.

You wrote an essay length post about how he has hurt you. Maybe you are not ready to let go yet. If you do let him go, just hold your head up high to those friends and relatives, don't let their feelings get in the way of YOUR best interest..to hell with THEIR thoughts it not their life

If I have it all wrong about you mentioning his race and your family, tell me and I will gladly delete this post.

Actually, you are right... My friends and family all have a problem with Adrian because of his race... In fact, the reason that I left my father's house and no longer speak to him or his family is because he threw me out because Adrian is Cuban and my father is a racist, old-fashioned Italian who believes that everyone should stick to their own culture... My father, like everyone else, is under the false impression that Adrian and I are dating... which we are not and have never been... Adrian and I have never been boyfriend and girlfriend... I think the reason that everyone assumes that we are is because we tend to act like we are... we have been attached at the hip for so long that everyone, including our own friends think that we are together... but we're not...

So, you were right about the race thing... However, the reason that I am not running away from Adrian has nothing to do with what my friends or family might say or think... In fact, the reason that I am friends with Adrian in the first place is because I refused to allow any of them to dictate to me who I can and can not be friends with... The reason that I'm not running away from Adrian is because he NEVER intended to hurt me.... He warned me a loooong time ago that he wasnt interested in a relationship and he was focused on other things... My mother told me the other day that I did with him what she did with her ex-boyfriend.... They both made it known that they weren't interested in a relationship and we thought that our love for them would make them change their mind... So, I'm just as much at fault for the pain that I'm going thru as Adrian is... because I told him from day one that I could handle being his friend and having feelings for him.. that I could handle being his friend and being intimate with him and it turns out that I wasn't as able to handle it as I thought I was...

and someone mentioned that he had lied to me and I wanted to clear something up about that... Adrian's never lied to me about anything regarding me and him... he's never lied to me about anything truly important... what I said was, he wont admit to me that he's allowing Melissa to hurt him because 1. he expected more of her and 2. he's ashamed that he allowed it for so long... and, I don't fault him for that because there are things that I have done that I am ashamed of and have not told him because some things are better left unsaid... and when it all comes down to it... Adrian has confided in me about things that he should never have confided in anyone but he trusted me enough to know that I would never repeat any of them... We've bonded on certain childhood experiences that we have in common that we've never told anyone... That is the reason we are such good friends... we can safely confide in each other and trust that whatever we say to the other will stay between us... and considering the problems that I have had with friends in the past, I cherish a friend who I can trust the way that I trust him...

 

[ricalynn]

oh, sweetie, I am so sorry for what you are going through. But I have a confession to make: I'm in a relationship very similar to yours, but I'm "Adrian." I'm the emotionally unavailable one, and I don't even know why but I know I do use him, very badly, even though I know it's wrong.
My "friend" would love so dearly for there to be more than friendship between us (and yes, on occasion there has been, much to my chagrin) but we have never dated, because I KNOW for a fact he is NOT the person I am to spend the rest of my life with. Yet he continues to profess his undying love, and tell me that if I ever change my mind, and he has been a wonderful, fantastic friend to me, there for me even before I knew I needed a friend. I have known him for two years, and he has proclaimed his love for me from very early in our relationship. Even though I have repeatedly told him we could never be a couple, and told him the many reasons why, he continues to be available to me, and when I am very lonely, even though I know it will only hurt us both, I turn to him.
How does this make me feel? To be honest, it makes ME feel like crap. I basically stomp all over his feelings because each time I look to him for friendship, it gets his hopes up that something more might develop. But since I know it will not be, I cannot make myself fall in love with him, I feel incredibly guilty and frustrated that I cannot make him understand that he MUST move on, not necessarily find someone else, but try not to fixate on me. I get this same frustration reading your posts, dear one, because you use all the same rationalizations that he does for why you continue to cling to hope. I guess the reason I tell you this is that I believe for your sake, AND for Adrian's, you must be strong and move on. YOU, like my friend, DESERVE who will appreciate and reciprocate your feelings as deeply.