I need support, advise, ideas...anything (long)

[calico2222]

It's so humiliating talking about this but I have to get it out. We're going to lose our house and I don't know what to do. I'm in tears right now.

We built it 3 years ago and we love it, but we can't afford it. Mortgage is over $1000/month. We were fine until DH and I both had health issues last year and from missing work we fell behind on everything. We already declared bankruptcy in Aug (which means we have to pay the courts $500/month..which makes NO sense to me. If we can't afford to pay our bills before why tack on another one immediately?). We already cut out cable and landline phone. Our cells are prepaid. Our internet is wireless and we use a router to pick it up from his Uncle's house across the road but they are moving in the next couple days so we will be cut off from the internet shortly. We're eating whatever nasty thing we can find in the freezer and ramen noodles (the animals are still well fed though, don't worry). We just can't swing it.

Part of the problem is DH works mainly for commission for a home improvement store and with the economy there aren't many people buying. Also, he gets a lot of side jobs laying floors and installing windows but that hasn't been happening much either. Plus, a few weeks ago he fell snowblowing and dislocated his shoulder and pulled a ligament. At first he thought it was just stove up but when it was still bothering him he finally went to the doctor. He was worried that he either tore a ligament or injured the rotater cuff, but he had an MRI yesterday and everything is fine, just pulled and sprained. But, no heavy lifting for a few weeks....so no extra money. Plus they cut back everyones hours so now he's only working 25-30 hrs. At least he didn't get laid off.

I've looked for a part time job (I work full time for low pay but good health insurance, thank god!) but they are impossible to find around here, even over the holiday season...they want you to work full time but I can't with my job schedule if I want to sleep, take care of the animals and actually see my husband.

MIL offered to let us take a loan out on her CD to help get us caught up, but the bankruptcy courts won't allow it even though it is a secure loan. So, we had "the talk". About what our options are.

Our only real option is to move into the house that DH's aunt and uncle are moving out of. That's my MIL's old farm house that we lived in waiting for this house to be built. I absolutely HATE that house but it would be low rent and lower utilities (wood furnace).

We can either let bankruptcy take the house which would take it down to a chapter 7 and we wouldn't owe the courts the $500/month, or we can keep it and rent it for the mortgage payment and stop renting it once we're back on our feet. Problem with that is how long will it take to find a renter and what if they trash it? Either way, I don't know if I could handle seeing someone else live in my house when I'm just across the dirt road.

I just don't know what to do. How do you admit to yourself that you are a failure at being an adult?

 

[mrblanche]

It may be time to get out from under whatever you can and give yourselves a chance to regroup. Renting a house is a crap shoot, and could easily turn the house into an alligator, taking a big bite out of you every month.

 

[atinsley]

First off, you're not a failure... a lot of people are experiencing what you are right now due to the economy. You've had unforeseen events set you back multiple times.

I would try to find a renter before you just let the house go. If you can't find a renter and the house is foreclosed on then it'll just have the same end result. You might as well try..

Anyway, I hope you find a way to get back on your feet... if you need any more advice I'm no expert but I'll try! I hope you can find a renter.



Aaron

 

[jugen]

I agree. As much as you love your house, it's time to let it go.
If it'll keep you from paying money to the courts why don't you sell it to family or something? That way when you get back on your feet then you could buy it back.
As far as working full time, I think I'd sacrifice seeing hubby and the animals for awhile to try and get money. It'll be very hard but you can do it.
Good luck and I hope everything turns out ok.

Oh and you're not a failure. Lots of people struggle with bills, Not everyone has the guts to ask for help like you did.

 

[otto]

So sorry you are going through this. Do whatever is best to keep you with your pets. I'd probably let the house go, it's just one more burden, and it seems to me lightening the load would be the way to go.

I know you love it, but when you come right down to it, it's jsut a thing after all. You, your pets and your husband is what's important.

Keep us updated on things, okay? You know we care. There's always the library for the internet.

xo

 

[jennyr]

I am so sorry this is happening to you - a really bad start to the new year. But in a sense you are on the way to sorting it - you are in the legal system at least, so you know where you are. AND you do have an option of a place to live in your relatives' house - you may hate it but it is a roof at a low price, and presumably the animals are already familiar with it, a big plus. And you both have some, if not a lot, of work coming in. So there is just the question of your own house. I would go to an agent and see what the reality is of renting it out against the repo/sale values, and then make a decision based on where the options would leave you in a year's time. it must be really hard, many good vibes coming your way.

 

[carolpetunia]

Oh darlin, you are not a failure at being an adult! The economy has failed you, just as it has failed so many other people these past several years.

And your government has failed you for many, many decades -- by not taking the steps necessary to make sure that when you're coping with health problems, you don't get crushed financially as well. (Maybe the current bill will help, and I hope it will be greatly improved soon.)

You had every right to be optimistic when you built your dream house. No one imagined that our economy could be so thoroughly dismantled. I'm so sorry this is happening to you... especially now, when there's finally some light at the end of the tunnel. I wish there were a way to buy you some time to wait for the recovery to take hold, but it sounds like you've already tried everything.

So first, please let yourself off the hook. This is happening to good, smart, hardworking people everywhere. You are not a failure.

Second... in deciding whether to rent the house, make an honest assessment of your personal capabilities. If you have the time and energy to administer a rental, and if you have the ability to make most repairs yourself, maybe it would be worthwhile. But you also need to consider the market where you are: are there plenty of people who want to rent in that price range, so that you could be selective and feel sure you're choosing a family that's responsible and will take care of your house properly?

And whatever you do, be sure to put regular inspection visits into the rental contract. It's the only way to be sure your property is safe... and a renter who will agree to that is likely to be reliable to begin with.

But if you consider all that realistically and conclude that renting the house out isn't a good idea... then let it go. Don't let it hang over your head like a rusty axe, draining your funds and your spirit. Let it go and start thinking about your next house, the one you'll build in a few years, when the economy stops working against you.

 

[atinsley]

I agree if you decide to rent you need to inspect somewhat regularly and make sure they're not taking bad care of your house!

 

[ldg]

Aw sweetie SO many people are in a similar situation.

Gary and I couldn't make it last year and we gave up the house to move back into the RV.

It is NOT that you are "failures" as adults, but a sign of the times.

I don't know what the monthly "nut" is a renter would have to pay in order for you to keep the house, but before I made a decision one way or the other I would do some research (while you still have Internet access):

What are comparable rents in the area? Would you be able to charge the rent you need?

I'd call a rental agent, and speak to them honestly. What are the chances of renting the home? How long do they think it would take to rent it out? If they want the listing, and you sign them up, what happens if you find someone to rent the home - are the obligated to pay the full fee?

I mention the rental agent, because they will provide screening of clients for you. You can have them require a credit check so you know whether the person/family has skipped out on bills or not. You can also require references from former landlords (though you could do this yourself). It's just a lot easier for a rental agent to figure out if a reference is legitamite or just someone's Aunt or brother or something....

It will be a lot easier to make a decision about what to do if you have more information.

 

[weldrwomn]

I don't really have any advice that is different from what has already been said, but you are in my thoughts and prayers

 

[Winchester]

You're not a failure and you're certainly not alone in this situation. There are a lot of people having the same problems simply because of all the economic crap going on today.

I agree with trying to do some research, talking to a rental agent, etc. It's worth a shot. After that, if you think you shouldn't rent it out, then try to sell it.

That being said, if you want to try to keep your house, well, yes, you need to work more, even if it does keep you away from your husband and animals for awhile. Maybe if you could think of it as a "temporary fix" or something that may only last 3 or 4 years, or even a few years longer. I would definitely sacrifice time with husband and furkids for awhile, if it meant getting back on a good financial footing. (The problem there is that, it's really hard to find a job right now. And I notice that you already do have a full time job and I know it's hard to work two full time jobs at one time. It's doable, but very difficult.)

Same thing with your MIL's house. It may be a crappy place to live, but if it's a temporary fix and will help you regain footing, it's worth it. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

In fact, we have friends who are kind of in the same situation as you. (It really is the economy) They built a house about 5 years ago and got into some financial issues, largely due to health concerns. They haven't declared bankruptcy or anything, but my GF is now working two part time jobs (one with some bennies, but not many) while her husband works about 30 hours a week (used to be about 48 hours!!)....and he's looking for a part time job, too. No, they don't really see each other that much, but they're looking at it as a temporary thing (that's where I got the idea above) and they think it will be worth it in the long run. I talked to my GF the other day and she said they communicate by writing notes on the refrigerator!

So, in the end, you have to do what you think is best for you and your husband. I'm really sorry you're going through it and I really hope things will work out for you.

 

[abbycats]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. This economy is so tight right now. I understand what your going through because my husband and I are in a similar situation. Were behind on a couple bills because his job cut their pay by trimming back hours, and they shutdown for 10 days at the holidays. My job only schedules as needed and they are not as busy this year. We have been eating pinto beans and rice(I've aquired a taste for them). The cats are ok and still have wet and dry food. I'm locked into an agreement with my cable provider and if I break it they hammer me with fines or I would cut a majority of my services. Our heating bill is climbing from this artic blast that has Nebraska in the -20 wind chill. I keep the thermastat at 62 and the poor furnace is working overtime. I live in a rural area and one of the factories is shutting down leaving 500 people without work at the end of 2010. This is going to have a big impact in our area because the little towns only have approx 3,000 people in them. Many hard working people are going through some very hard times and it doesn't mean that they have failed. We got ripped off by Corporate America and believe me the head honchies have a fatter bank account from our losses.

I don't have advice for you but I do have a strong shoulder

 

[-_aj_-]

You are not a failure!!!!!!!!!!

I myself know exactly how you feel, i have to live away from my parnter and away from my cats ( i know you know that) we let our flat go so we knew the rascals would have a home with at least one of us.

if you have the chance to rent your house back i would or if you think living in a cheaper house even though you dont like it would work for a little while may help, i know how hard it is....but you are not a failure at all

 

[ruthyb]

My hubby I and children lost our house due to repossesion in 2008. My hubby works full time but he lost his job back ten and we were with failing Northern Rock mortgage company who were very unsympathetic to our situation. We had 3 children and all I knew was we were going to lose our house and had to go on the local authority housing list and I was told I would not be able to keep our kitties if we did get a house. My gosh I spent two months worrying that we would be homeless.
Well its now and we did get a house, I took all my kitties even though we are supposed to have only 2 pets (we have 5), my hubby has got a great job and we have a beautiful home, ok its not ours, we rent of the local authority bit we pay for it all ourselves and have made it our home. Life now is happy and we are so luck. Of course we miss our old house but we have each other and like I said we are so lucky for what we have. Hun you will be fine, I promise. We have the bankruptcy to go through yet and I am scared about that but I know all will be ok, they can't take our lives so we will be fine. If you ever need to talk please pm me and it is nothing to be embarassed about, you did not get into this situation intentionally like we didn't. xx

 

[calico2222]

Thanks everyone. I'm done feeling sorry for myself (for the moment anyway). It really is the only responsible thing to do. Like DH said, at least we still have each other. We don't actually have to make a decision for a few weeks and I'm praying for a miracle!

 

[nekomania]

There is no reason to feel embarrassed. With the economy the way it is now there are many many people in the exact same boat right now. Actually, my parents just recently went through this a couple of months ago.

I agree with the general concensus that it is time to cut your losses and move into a more affordable place. I am sure we can all understand the love you have for your current home, but think about how much LESS stress there will be when you have a home you can afford to live in.

You will be able to turn anyplace into a home as long as you have your family and your furkids. <3

 

[catkiki]

You are not a failure!!!!

DH and I lost our home in 2007. At that time, we were unable to take our 6 cats with us. No one wanted them and we had to take them to the animal shelter. I know 4 of them were adopted out almost immediately.

Our house was a money pit and we could not afford to fix it. The plumbing was bad, it had electrical problems and the carpeting was shot. We did have a buyer for it, but that fell through when the mortgage company and the company that had a lien on it wanted too much money for it.

We found a nice little one bedroom apartment and I am ashamed to say, left a lot of junky furniture behind. This apartment is bright and cheery and we are very happy here. Looking back, getting out from under the load was the best thing that happened to us.

A few months later, we were able to afford to adopt Rusty and Dusty. They have made our lives a bit easier. Hopefully, within a year, we will move to a bigger 2 bedroom apartment.

I will be praying for you that you make the right decision that is best for you and your family.

 

[snake_lady]

Originally Posted by calico2222

Thanks everyone. I'm done feeling sorry for myself (for the moment anyway). It really is the only responsible thing to do. Like DH said, at least we still have each other. We don't actually have to make a decision for a few weeks and I'm praying for a miracle!

My for a miracle as well

I'm glad you are feeling better for the moment.... its so hard to seperate brain from heart, but in this case, you know what is the best thing to do, even though it is emotionally devastating.... Be strong

 

[trouts mom]

Sending hugs and vibes for you. What a rough spot to be in