I need some advice from the adult members of the board.

[yoviher]

You two (Hissy and Deb) hitted (I ain't sure if the right word is "hit"

) the nail. That is why I often feel so guilty of it, and simply can't stand thinking about it time and time again. I don't need a lot of describing, the two of you described it. I feel often that I am betraying them, of how they trust me so much and I exploit that trust. Deb, you are right: its a shame.

Suffice to say, you two put me to think a lot. I really need to revise all the crap of my life... I guess I just need to be more open... and honest.... and stop acting like if everything I did was a Military secret.

Thanks a lot.

PS: If you hear in the direction to the caribbean someone who is rolling in bed, its me thinking about that.

 

[yoviher]

Originally Posted by jcat

Victor, while I agree with MA, Deb and others here, I'd like to say that withholding information from parents is pretty normal teenage (and sometimes adult) behavior. At 15, there's no need to tell your parents every single detail of your life. If you're involved in something illegal, harmful, hurtful, risky, etc., then you should be honest with them. That is, follow your conscience. If you just want to keep some things private, like your relationship with Vicky, I think most people feel the same way. In a couple of years, you're probably going to be very surprised at how much your parents knew anyway. Just because they don't come right out and question you doesn't mean they're oblivious.

Oops... I cross posted myself here... I made the previous post before Cougar and you answered. let me answer anyway.

That is what I think... one thing is to just keep it private, (Anyone who has been involved in romantic issues knows that

) Exactly... I feel at times I simply go too much in hiding things... I prefer the Vicky thing to be kept private but many other things, I later wonder why on earth am I hiding such a frivolity that they would understand.

Follow my conscience... that is why I like talking to you guys... in my town you live so surrounded by idiots, its refreshing to hear words of wisdom every now and then.

As for them not being oblivious.... we have thought about that... To Vicky it gives her nightmares, but to me it leaves me more of pensive... I would laugh the day that happens.

 

[cilla]

Victor we seem to have to read between the lines here. I still hold to what I said if you can't say what it is your are doing then it is making you feel bad for doing it. After everything you have been through look after yourself, don't add more burdens to YOU. If it is something that is worrying you so much that you have posted about it, it is not something trivial. Tell your parents so that you can all discuss it. If it is not wrong you should feel comfortable about it. You mention Vicky a lot and romance between the two of you. Why is this wrong? I am not accusing you of this but if the relationship has become a sexual relationship and the laws over there are the same as here, you are against the law. If this is so I am not judging you I am just pointing something out. I do wish you would talk to your parents, you are not going to like yourself later in life if you get into the habit of lying and manipulating, and it would be a shame to ruin your life.

 

[mrsd]

It takes effort to keep lies/evasions going. Your mental energy is spent trying to remember what you said, when you said it, as well as coming up with an excuse for this or that. Not to mention the physical stress and nerves--on your stomach lining. What if they find out? What if so and so tells? What if they check my PC? It's work!

Parents won't always agree with your choices or like what you do. No one likes what anyone does 100% in a relationship. We all disappoint one another. We also delight one another, but not 100% of the time.

Take the mental energies you are using for your evasions and focus on making your relationship with your parents stronger. Write them letters. (It's like posting, except on paper.

) Show them glimpses of your heart, if you can't show them the full view. Relationships, like gardens, must be tended. Plant your seeds, give them sunshine and water, enjoy the fruits.

Parents generally love their children and want what is best for them. When you are older, and become a parent yourself, you will want your record to read: When he was young, he was respectful, kind, and honest. Aren't those the attributes you want from your son? How would you like to be treated as a parent?

Parents are people. Really. They are. Put down the tug of war rope and learn your parents as individuals. What is their favorite color? Meal? Vacation destinations? Desires? First grade teacher's name? First car they drove? First girlfriend/boyfriend. Did they ever disappoint their parents? Embarrasing moments? First jobs? Were they ever in a natural disaster? How did they feel when they found out they were having you? Ask them what movie stars they admired when they were 15. Music choices at 15. What fashion styles were popular at their high school? Have you ever looked at their yearbooks? They have a history! Do you know it? Understanding others is what makes them accessible.

Refocus your energies on you and them, not you versus them. It will make a difference.

Best Wishes,
mrsd

 

[turtlecat]

*thing of notice* While the specifics of the information may not be our business, I point out that there's obviously something serious that you've disclosed to some of us in PM or in another thread tht the newer people don't know of. If it's something that IS making you worry this much, perhaps, you ought to think about whenther it's something you ought to be doing in the first place, in addition as towhether you want to keep them out of the loop.
Again, It seems that I've missed the boat on something, and I don't want to over simplify things with a "if it don't hurt 'em don't tell 'em because the situation doesn't seem to be "I've had cigarettes" or some other common teen delinquency that usually is grown out of. As it seems to have you so preoccupied...it's not healthy (from what I gather). I'm not judging you because i don't have any place doing so, and I wouldn't know what I'm judging from this apple I'm eating, but I gather that it's rather important and something that directly affects both yourself and them, even if they do not know it.