I need help / still not going well

[sheryl5759]

Hi. I am new to this forum & I typically dont post threads, but I'm at the end of my rope. I welcome all suggestions & advice.
I have 2 cats. A supervisor at my job mentioned a couple of months ago that she was looking for a home for her cat. When I asked her about it, she said the cat was 6 years old. She had recently gotten a puppy & now the cat was peeing where it shouldnt. Well, duh. She didnt think introducing a puppy to her 6 year old cat might upset it? Then she stated that she was going to have to take the cat to the shelter. Are you kidding me? Instead of getting rid of the new puppy, who would be much less traumatized, she was going to get rid of the cat she'd had for 6 years? That is a great lesson for her to teach her children. She said the cat was afraid of people & hid whenever anyone came over. I told her that i believed the cat would get put down, as people dont usually adopt 6 year old anti social cats. She didnt seem to care about this. So I told her that I would take the cat. It's not the cats fault. Its hers. Why would it be ok or fair to the cat to put it down? I was mortified & my respect for this person went out the window. I put the cat in my room, by itself, with food & water & some toys. For a week, it was like there was no cat in there. She would not come out from under my bed. But I sat in there a couple of times a day & talked to her or just read something out loud, so she would get used to my voice. I cannot imagine how stressed this cat was, being taken from the only home it had ever known after 6 years & just left in a strange place with complete strangers.
After a week, she began to be present in the room, when I went in. I have shelves up on the walls of my bedroom, for my cats to get up on & lay down. She would be up on one of those just watching my every move. If I got close to her, she would let out a low growl. A few days later, I went in the bedroom & sat down on the floor. She came out from under the bed & slowly walked up to me & let me pet her. Now, we are good friends. She greets me with a meow & comes right up to me or jumps up on the bed if I sit on it. When I scratch her head, she drools. She is really a sweetheart, just very scared. I believe that the children of her previous owner were mean to her. And someone might have kicked her, because if I try to step over her, she freaks out & hisses. Anyhow, it is now almost 2 months after I got her. I have been sleeping on my living room floor, because my other 2 cats are used to sleeping with me in my room & now that the new cat is in there, they cant. I dont want them to feel abandoned, especially since my 14 year old cat, the love of my life, has cancer & the vet said treatment would run upwards of $8000. Which I would spend in a second if I had it, but I dont. So, Im trying to spend lots of time with him & I have to let him sleep near me. So, I began taking my 2 year old cat into the bedroom, in a cat stroller, so the new cat & him could smell each other & get to know one another. There was a lot of growling on the new cats part. My 2 year old, just sat in the stroller & looked at her. He appeared non interested. But, last week, when i opened the bedroom door, he bolted in there & ran right at the new cat. It was almost disastrous. I got him out of there, but damage was done. For 2 days, I did not see the new cat. When she finally came out from under the bed & let me pet her, I noticed a red hole on her hip. I think my cat grabbed at her & got a claw in. I have been putting neosporin on it & today it looks good. I dont think its infected. I hope to God it heals, because I am already paying the vet for my older cat & I am broke. Now, I dont know what to do. I am tired of sleeping on the floor, but I have a feeling that if I were to let her out, there would be blood. I cant live like this much longer. If only she could understand, that there is a big house for her to explore. 3 stories. And lots of toys to play with. She cant spend her life in my bedroom & I need my room back. What do I do? How can I integrate her into my other cats space? I cant give her back to my co-worker. She would just take her to the shelter. And the poor cat does not deserve that. She hasnt done anything wrong. I dont know if my 2 year old just wanted to rambunctiously play or if he was attacking her with malice, but it was bad. I am completely at a loss as to what to do. Any & all advice will be welcome. Thank you.

 

[Norachan]

Thank you so much for all you've done for this cat. I'm so glad she's getting the love and understanding she needs.

A few things you could try:

FELIWAY® Classic Diffuser Kit | Cat Calming Diffuser If you get one of these for the room the new cat is in and one for the rest of the house it could help everyone to feel calmer and be more accepting of the new situation.

Home - Zylkene Pets

This is a milk based product that can be mixed with wet food. My cats have never noticed the taste of it, it does help the nervous ones relax a bit.

Cat introductions should be done really slowly. With a nervous cat give yourself a couple of months at least and don't worry if each stage takes longer than you thought. There's no need to rush the cats into seeing each other face to face. Start with getting them to accept the smell of the other cat first.

How To Successfully Introduce Cats [The Ultimate Guide] - TheCatSite

How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction - TheCatSite

How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home - TheCatSite

Do you have another room that you could move the new cat into so you can have your bedroom back? A small room would be fine. You'd need to set it up with her litter box, food and bed and lots of other "scent soakers"; Things like blankets or scratching posts that she can have her smell on. These are really useful when you get to the "scent swopping" part of cat introductions.

I had one rescue cat live in a closet for a month when I first brought him indoors. Another cat stayed upstairs for 4 months, even though the house was a loft style and there were no doors or walls to separate the upstairs room from the downstairs living area. Nervous cats feel safer in a small area they know well. I'm sure she's way more comfortable and happy in your room than she was in her last home with those mean kids and rambunctious puppy.

 

[Caspers Human]

I don't know... Just a shot in the dark, here...

Try to find that "Jackpot" treat that the cat loves to eat. Put just one, little piece on a plate on the floor some place in the room. Pick some place that isn't hidden in a corner but isn't in the middle of the room, either.

Put a treat on the plate, say, "Hi, kitty!" then leave and shut the door. When you notice the treat has been eaten, replace it. Again, just say hello then leave. Repeat a couple-few times per day until the cat reliably comes out to get the treat then start leaving two treats.

Then, gradually start staying longer, talking to the cat more and trying to interact. Always leave treats. More and more every couple of times the cat eats.

Point is that you are trying to get the cat to make the association: New Human = Yum-yums!

After that point, start doing things the usual way like you had been doing before the scuffle happened.

 

[ArtNJ]

Norachan 's links explain the process. The main concept is gradual desensitization. This is done with humans sometimes, like if your deathly afraid of spiders the therapist might start you off watching Charlotte's Web, then move to a spider in a cage 14 feet away, then a spider on his hand 12 feet away and so on. Each step is given enough time/sessions so that the terror fades, adjusting depending on how its going. I mean, if your still visibly shaking at 10 feet, the spider shouldn't be brought any closer, that is obvious. Displaying a cat that you are holding both skips many steps, and is too short of a time period -- that isn't good.

Everyone one here with multiple cats has likely had an escape. I sure have. Its very hard to stop. Escapes that don't lead to pain aren't the biggest deal in the world. But when cats hurt each other, it destroys all progress. Escapes must be prevented if you want this to work.

I mentioned that the concept is gradual desensitization. The goal is not to get them to where they are fine with each other. That is usually impossible in this type of situation. Rather, the goal is to take them far enough, get enough stress out, that when they are face to face, there is no fighting, and ideally nothing more troubling than empty hissing and growling. Because face-to-face is the most stressful step, its always a step up in difficulty, so for many cats, you just can't get them to where they won't have work to do on their own. And they absolutely can work through stuff, as long as there is no fighting. You do your part, then they hopefully do theirs -- with whatever continued support & assistance can be provided, but the last mile is mostly on the cats.

Just to be real with you, with the disposition of this cat, and the ages of your own cats, the task you set for yourself is a difficult one. Maybe even more difficult than the puppy introduction, even before you add the possibility of actual violence. This is going to take some time. The visual access step is the most important step in my opinion, and it will likely need to run for at least 2-3 weeks, maybe a lot longer, before you get to face-to-face. Constructing a safe gate is hard, because cats can jump, but the linked guide has some pictures to give you some ideas.

 

[Kittybang]

Hi it seems like your cat is very territory . I would reintroduce them again but take like a sheet of plastic or cardboard . Place it between them and maybe place there food on opposite sides . That way they can’t see each other but only small each other . And see what they do ? I would hate to see you get rid of the cat . Have you tried taking a toy and redirecting the behavior or attention to the toy . Inside of the one going at the other one ? Also I’m sorry for what you’re going through and sorry about you baby . Have you tried trying like a go fund thing to try and rose money for your cats cancer treatment ?

 

[sheryl5759]

Omg. Thank you so much for the responses! You are all so nice & helpful. The main thing I got from all your advice, was that its going to take time. And lots of it. I can deal with that. ArtNJ: Thank you for your advice. So the goal isnt to get them to like each other. Because at this point, that doesnt seem very likely. But I can get them to tolerate one another without fighting? Because I would be thrilled if that was the end result.
Thank you Norachan, Caspers Human & Kittybang. Your responses were very much appreciated.
No, I do not have another room to put her in. I'm calling her PoohBear, because she reminds me of a little bear cub. Round & solid. When I have a little free time, I try to play with her. I dont think anyone played with her, because she didnt seem to know what to do with the Da Bird when I first tried it, but she's getting it.
As for my babymonkey, who has cancer, my heart is breaking. He's the first cat that I ever had. He's going to be 15 in july. The vet told me that I should put him down while he is still active, because he shouldnt suffer. And I totally agree with that. He has been my best friend & I know that I owe him the dignity of not letting him suffer. I noticed a small lump on his hip a few months ago & now it is really big & oozy & horrible. But up until yesterday, you would never have known anything was wrong with him, except for the sore. I make him wear a little outfit, because if I dont, he licks it & it starts bleeding. He's been eating & asking for attention & playing some. Yesterday, he stayed in his bed all day & today he's the same, so I know I need to take him to be put down, but I dont know how i'm going to do it. I love him. So much. Now that I've made myself cry, I just wanted to thank you all for your help & caring words. And quick responses. I am so glad I found this site.

 

[ArtNJ]

So the goal isnt to get them to like each other. Because at this point, that doesnt seem very likely. But I can get them to tolerate one another without fighting? Because I would be thrilled if that was the end result.

Yes. Its often a long, slow road to toleration in these situations, but as long as they dont fight there is normally progress along the road. Once you've done what you reasonably can and they move to unlimited face-to-face, there will often still be an unpleasant amount of stress for a time. In the majority of cases though, you can eventually get to toleration, or at least very close. Very close to toleration, as in the older cat might still growl and hiss a bit when they get too close or are actively pestering them, but for the most part they just go about their business, and for the vast majority of the day, it seems like there is no stress at all.

 

[Norachan]

I'm so sorry to hear about Babymonkey. We lost one of our cats to cancer a few years ago. We went ahead with a quite expensive surgery to remove a tumour, but it only bought her a few more months and the tumours grew back in other places. In hindsight I don't think I would put a cat through that kind of treatment again. I think it's much better to help them pass as soon as they start to suffer.

I think that right now you're overwhelmed by the fact that you are going to have to say goodbye to your older cat soon. I don't think you need to worry about the new cat for a while. Focus on spending time with Babymonkey, on letting him pass when the time comes and coming to terms with your loss. Cats are very good at picking up on human emotions, so any further changes, such as asking PoohBear to come out of her safe space or introducing her to your other cat, will go better when you have had time to grieve.

From a human perspective being confined to one small room sounds like torture, but for cats it's actually quite comfortable. She feels safe where she is and after all that she's been through she's probably quite happy to stay there and relax. Let her get comfortable and build her confidence before you ask any more of her.

Does your two year old cat usually sleep in the bedroom with you? Maybe you could think about sleeping in the same room as PoohBear and leaving the younger cat in another room. That's not something you need to do right now, but maybe in the future having you sleep in the room with PoohBear will help her feel more comfortable.

I have a lot of cats. Whenever one of the passes away the whole group dynamic shifts. Cats that used to be close friends form friendships with other cats. Cats that used to avoid each other start tolerating each other's company better. So a bad start between your 2 year old and PoohBear doesn't mean they won't ever get along. Just take things really slowly and give them both lots of time to adjust to any changes.

 

[Sarah M]

Hello,

First of all, it's amazing what you have done. Kudos to you for rescuing the cat

I'm also going through a difficult situation like this, so I'm not an expert at all, just sharing what I have learned. Right now I am following the desensitisation process suggested using a large dog crate. So, I put one of my resident cats in a large crate and place the crate in the new cat's room. It seems to be working well. If you cannot get a crate, maybe you can use a screen door where they can see each other but don't have access to one another.

A Alldara had also suggested to use a worn tshirt and rub all the cats with it starting with the new cat and rub it along the walls and baseboards of your home to create a family scent. They also suggested to play purring music and cat calming music.

Kwik also suggested using the crate method. They had introduced an older cat into their home. They can provide some suggestions to you as well.

Also, using vanilla extract also helps. There are some community posts as well on this.

 

[Kwik]

Hello,my name is Kwik ahd it's nice to meet you

I'm so very sorry for your Baby monkey being ill,I understand the agony of having to make the decision to say Good- bye.... I miss my boy of 19yrs,I lost my best friend,my heart( now I'm pretty useless balling my eyes out) - my heart breaks for you

What I want to say is exactly what Norachan suggestion- don't worry about Poohbear ( new cat)right now- sleep on the floor,the roof,the stove or wherever you need to with your baby boy(I know that what you want) these last days,be with him as he's been with you for those 14,yrs .... the other cats will be just fine- it can wait

Dear,I've been out of my bed,on an awful uncomfortable couch for 8months because I brought in a 7yr old feral into my home with 4 residents..... I truly understand and all my cats used to sleep in my bed- we were all confused for awhile but it's all temporary----now there's peace back in my home,the dynamic changes but it's harmonious and I'm getting my spaces back now too------ put it all on "psuse" your new kitty has never had it so good- she'll be fine -establishing her new territory is first anyway,before introductions

I'm praying your Strength,Peace & Comfort.... we will all be here as your ready to begin

 

[Alldara]

Thank you for taking in that sweet girl. I do recommend the t-shirt method.

I'm sorry to bring it up but how long do you have left with your little one? If only a few weeks or months and you can maybe just bring your mattress out to the living room floor perhaps just hold off on anything more than scent swapping.

Sure the house might feel in disarray for a bit but it always feels worth it in the end. I slept on a folded futon mattress on the floor with Lily for her last days. She could get off it and move around easily.

Your other cat may be acting more defensive because of your oldest cat's illness. Magnus was a little more reactive when Nobel was sick. He never had a problem with strange cats walking by until Nobel was sick and then it took him some time to calm down through desensitization but it's okay now.

 

[Kwik]

So true what A Alldara mentioned- cats are so sensitive to scents and it's highly likely your sick baby has an unfamiliar scent now- it can be very distressing to the others....

Oh,can I just send you a real big hug?

 

[BoaztheAdventureCat]

Hi. I am new to this forum & I typically dont post threads, but I'm at the end of my rope. I welcome all suggestions & advice.
I have 2 cats. A supervisor at my job mentioned a couple of months ago that she was looking for a home for her cat. When I asked her about it, she said the cat was 6 years old. She had recently gotten a puppy & now the cat was peeing where it shouldnt. Well, duh. She didnt think introducing a puppy to her 6 year old cat might upset it? Then she stated that she was going to have to take the cat to the shelter. Are you kidding me? Instead of getting rid of the new puppy, who would be much less traumatized, she was going to get rid of the cat she'd had for 6 years? That is a great lesson for her to teach her children. She said the cat was afraid of people & hid whenever anyone came over. I told her that i believed the cat would get put down, as people dont usually adopt 6 year old anti social cats. She didnt seem to care about this. So I told her that I would take the cat. It's not the cats fault. Its hers. Why would it be ok or fair to the cat to put it down? I was mortified & my respect for this person went out the window. I put the cat in my room, by itself, with food & water & some toys. For a week, it was like there was no cat in there. She would not come out from under my bed. But I sat in there a couple of times a day & talked to her or just read something out loud, so she would get used to my voice. I cannot imagine how stressed this cat was, being taken from the only home it had ever known after 6 years & just left in a strange place with complete strangers.
After a week, she began to be present in the room, when I went in. I have shelves up on the walls of my bedroom, for my cats to get up on & lay down. She would be up on one of those just watching my every move. If I got close to her, she would let out a low growl. A few days later, I went in the bedroom & sat down on the floor. She came out from under the bed & slowly walked up to me & let me pet her. Now, we are good friends. She greets me with a meow & comes right up to me or jumps up on the bed if I sit on it. When I scratch her head, she drools. She is really a sweetheart, just very scared. I believe that the children of her previous owner were mean to her. And someone might have kicked her, because if I try to step over her, she freaks out & hisses. Anyhow, it is now almost 2 months after I got her. I have been sleeping on my living room floor, because my other 2 cats are used to sleeping with me in my room & now that the new cat is in there, they cant. I dont want them to feel abandoned, especially since my 14 year old cat, the love of my life, has cancer & the vet said treatment would run upwards of $8000. Which I would spend in a second if I had it, but I dont. So, Im trying to spend lots of time with him & I have to let him sleep near me. So, I began taking my 2 year old cat into the bedroom, in a cat stroller, so the new cat & him could smell each other & get to know one another. There was a lot of growling on the new cats part. My 2 year old, just sat in the stroller & looked at her. He appeared non interested. But, last week, when i opened the bedroom door, he bolted in there & ran right at the new cat. It was almost disastrous. I got him out of there, but damage was done. For 2 days, I did not see the new cat. When she finally came out from under the bed & let me pet her, I noticed a red hole on her hip. I think my cat grabbed at her & got a claw in. I have been putting neosporin on it & today it looks good. I dont think its infected. I hope to God it heals, because I am already paying the vet for my older cat & I am broke. Now, I dont know what to do. I am tired of sleeping on the floor, but I have a feeling that if I were to let her out, there would be blood. I cant live like this much longer. If only she could understand, that there is a big house for her to explore. 3 stories. And lots of toys to play with. She cant spend her life in my bedroom & I need my room back. What do I do? How can I integrate her into my other cats space? I cant give her back to my co-worker. She would just take her to the shelter. And the poor cat does not deserve that. She hasnt done anything wrong. I dont know if my 2 year old just wanted to rambunctiously play or if he was attacking her with malice, but it was bad. I am completely at a loss as to what to do. Any & all advice will be welcome. Thank you.

For your cat with cancer, this might help: I realize the video is about dogs, but the information can still be helpful for cat owners.

You can't force cats to like each other. Some cats refuse to live peaceably with each other even after a slow introduction (the case for my family's cats). Perhaps try a pet screen you can install at one end of your hallway? Mine from Amazon has a zipper door so you can go through it but still keep the cats separated.

If you can save up for it, a catio might help, too. Adding more space for the cats to explore could mean they're less likely to get into fights.

You can train your cats to each sleep in kennels at night so you can sleep in your room again without worry that cats will start fighting during the night. If you want to hear more about how I got my cat to sleep all night in his kennel in my bedroom, let me know and I'll tell you.

It sounds like you have plenty of space in your house, so play "musical cats". Everyone gets their turn being rotated around the house behind secured doors!

 

[sheryl5759]

An update: The new cat is positively terrified of EVERYTHING. If she sees another person, she will immediately run under the bed. I had her shut up in my bedroom & my resident cat got past me one day & ran at the new cat. There was screaming & yowling. I got my resident cat (Panda) out of the room, but the new cat was traumatized & wouldnt come out from under the bed all day. Then, a few weeks ago, Panda sneakily got by me again & there was more screaming & yowling. Im not sure, but I think Panda wants to play, but the new cat believes she is being attacked. So, enough of that crap.

I bought a screen door & installed it on the outside of my bedroom door. This way, I thought the two cats could see each other, smell each other, etc. Its a hassle having to unzip the door to get in & zip it back up when I go out, but its my last hope. The new cat has been here since Dec 13. And I have been sleeping on the floor in my living room, because Panda would tear that screen to shreds if I slept in my room without him.

I am at my wits end. The new cat will not go near the screen door. She goes around my bedroom, with one eye on the door. And Panda is always sitting outside of it, watching her. I have thought about just opening the door & letting whatever happens, happen. But I cant bring myself to do it. I cannot afford another vet bill. I had to put my 14 year old cat down last month. He had cancer & I miss him every day. That visit cost me $600. And I work part time while collecting retirement, so $600 was a huge deal for me. But you are kind of trapped, because if an animal is part of your family, then there aint no way you are having their ashes put in a "community" cremation deal. I had to have his ashes. And that's where they got you. Because of your heart.

Anyway, I still dont know what to do. The new cat is very loving to me & runs to me when I go in the room. When I scratch her neck, she will drool all over. I believe she was not treated well by the children in her previous home. I have the feeling that when she got under their feet, which all cats will do, they kicked her, because she freaks out if I try to step over her. I am super tired of this whole thing. I dont have a bedroom. I'm sleeping on the floor. And it doesnt look like that is going to change anytime soon.

I wont get rid of the new cat, unless I found a good home for her. Her previous owner was going to take her to the a shelter & I guarantee she woud be put down, because nobody wants to adopt a terrified cat. By the way, her previous owner got rid of her so she could keep a puppy she had gotten that had this cat peeing all over. Got rid of her after having her for 6 years. And now she wants to give the puppy away. This woman has children & you can just imagine the values she is teaching her kids. Especially about animals.

I am super worried, because I read that some cats may never be able to live with each other & that 1 of them will have to be rehomed. I dont want this to be the end result. I am trying everything I can think of to bring these 2 cats together. Panda is highly affectionate & very playful. The new cat is simply & completely terrified of everthing. If she spots my sister, who lives here too, walking by the bedroom, she zips under the bed for an hour. Or if she hears a loud noise.

I guess I'm just venting, because, really, I dont believe that there is anything I can do, that I havent done already. So, I guess I dont really need advice or help. I cant imagine someone out there having the answer. so, please forgive me. Just typing this has made me feel less stressed out.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Alldara]

It can take a very long time to introduce two cats to one another. And it can take some time for the new cat to decompress.

Since she's an older cat, and it doesn't sound like her previous home was mindful to a cat's needs, you're going to be looking at a long introduction.
It took a full year for the adult cat I adopted to stop being fearful of everything.

New cat doesn't know your home or if you're also going to dump a surprise puppy on her.

Patience and time.

 

[bfmay]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that losing a pet is losing a part of your heart, and everyone here knows how that feels. Both you and your Babymonkey were lucky to find each other and have those years together. Try to remember him with joy for the happiness he brought to you and you to him.

You said you have a big house. Are you sure you cannot find an area that is not your bedroom for your new cat? Where he can live separately for as long as it takes? If you are able to stop stressing over introducing your two cats it will help you. Your new Pooh Bear then can take as many months as it takes to adjust. The screen door seems like a terrific idea to me. If your bedroom is the only possible place for Pooh, then you are relegated to the floor or wherever you can find a place to sleep/live. I don't think it will be forever. I have cats who have fought but have eventually learned to coexist, and sometimes even become friends. But you have to take care of yourself, too!

I am certainly no expert but many others on this site are. Everybody is so caring and kind, so you've come to the right place for advice. Thank you for being such a loving cat mom!

 

[Ella Spell]

First of all, big hugs to you for rescuing this sweet kitty and for the loss of your Babymonkey.

Is there any chance the new one has a UTI, on top of having been scared of that puppy?
Is she having any accidents?

I know she's still adjusting to change, but just wondered about her health.

 

[fionasmom]

These situations can take time. I rescued an abused, almost killed, alley cat/semi-feral and brought her inside permanently. For one year she lived in a bathroom with all of her necessities with the door open. The other cats were not interested in her and she is not confrontational, but she was terrified. A few months ago she ventured into the living room and found a window seat and about a week ago tried out the sofa which is now the "new thing." I brought her into the house on January 16, 2022.

If you have another room, even if this takes some rearranging, I would set her up in that room and reclaim the bedroom for you and your other cat and then let everyone just get used to each other on some level.

I would not let them out together under any circumstances at this point.