I Need Advice Badly, My Mother...

[EnzoLeya]

Thank you everyone for caring so much and for the great advice!! I have emailed my mother once and talked to her once since I posted this thread and she is still a bit hostile towards me. I guess I'm just going to have to wait this one out.

It sucks because now every time I see her she is short with me and doesn't act like herself. I even called to tell her I got a new job that pays more and she pretty much said congrats and brushed it off. I'm sending her one more email explaining that I am greatfull for what she has done, and I never meant to insult her. I'm just ready to be done dealing with this and I'm becoming more and more sour about the whole ordeal. I just want to yell, "You are the mom you should act like a mom and go to someone else for money, not your college daughter!" Of course, I won't do that because that IS rude....

 

[diego]

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Your mom should never have asked you for money that you have and need for school. Never, never, never. She is thinking about herself, and not at all about you.

I like how she wrote that she doesn't keep track but then made a list. You didn't call her any names and it's her problem that she feels like "white trash."

Sorry, but I have no sympathy for self-absorbed parents. I wish you lots and lots of luck.

Thats exactly right SW.

EnzoLeya, if you had finished college and was working it might be a different story, but at this point its totally wrong.

I do understand though the part about bankruptcy, its not a pleasant thing to face. Not only do you lose everything, but you can't travel overseas during the bankrupt period. In NZ it even gets advertised under public notices in the newspaper, if its the same where you are then that would be humiliating. I haven't been bankrupt personally, but came close once.
Even though I say I understand this part, it is still no excuse for your mum to come to you, especially if she has been supporting you, then she knows that your financial situation is not much better. She should have been grateful that you were able to loan her the $800 in the first place.

Just give it some time. Your mum will get over it soon and when she does, she will probably act like this event never took place.

Until then though, you have the support of everyone here at TCS

 

[catsarebetter]

Originally Posted by EnzoLeya

Thank you everyone for caring so much and for the great advice!! I have emailed my mother once and talked to her once since I posted this thread and she is still a bit hostile towards me. I guess I'm just going to have to wait this one out.

It sucks because now every time I see her she is short with me and doesn't act like herself. I even called to tell her I got a new job that pays more and she pretty much said congrats and brushed it off. I'm sending her one more email explaining that I am greatfull for what she has done, and I never meant to insult her. I'm just ready to be done dealing with this and I'm becoming more and more sour about the whole ordeal. I just want to yell, "You are the mom you should act like a mom and go to someone else for money, not your college daughter!" Of course, I won't do that because that IS rude....

I do understand that it was probably humiliating for her to ask and then, especially, to be refused. However, she knows what sort of situation you're in. She's pouting now, deliberately acting this way to make you feel like a heel. And, she's being successful. You're coming to her, and you're offering her apologies and explanations, when in all honesty, what you did and said shouldn't have needed explanations and apologies. I'm sure that my outlook in my previous posts seems pretty harsh, but I'm really in agreement with SW and Diego on this.

I'm absolutely certain that your mother has been there for you, and I'm certain that she's a wonderful person. But, imho she's putting you through the wringer right now, deliberately, because she's having a pout. And honestly, that's not to say that this is specific to your mother, because I've certainly seen other people do it. It's truly human nature, but if you feed the pout, it gets worse, and it opens up the door for them to do it again later, because they get the result they want, i.e., you running to them saying you're sorry and effectively you're wrong (even if you don't actually say that)..by apologizing for any of it, that's the implication.

You made the right decision. You made the only decision you could. Really, you did. You sort of have to do what your mom did with you when she told you no, you can't have that toy, and you threw a pout and tantrum, kicking your feet, perhaps even throwing yourself down in the middle of the aisle at the store and screaming at the top of your lungs that she didn't love you... roll your eyes and ignore it because you know it's the right decision.

Hope it gets better for you soon. It's horrid to have to deal with anyone that you're close to in a situation like this. And I'm sending all the soothing feel better vibes I can.