I Miss My Cat So Much It Hurts

[Kja1991]

My cat Smokey was everything to me. He was my friend and really kept me going. On the 15th when I was at work, my sister called me. Normally I don't answer my phone at work but something told me to pick up. She told me that he was found after getting hit by a car. My whole world has been turned upside down since then.

He was only 2 years old. He would have been 3 in April. Not having him here hurts. I'm so used to being in bed with him, playing with water (he loved the faucet) and coming home to him. Now I feel empty. The thought of him being in pain hurts me down to my soul. He was such a pure, friendly, loving cat. He liked to go outside but I'd always tell whoever was at home not to let him outside and that day he did. I'm trying not to be angry but I keep thinking that if they didn't let him out (even if he snuck out they could have brought him back in) he'd still be here and my heart wouldn't be broken. The worst part is, I don't know where his body is. My brother found him in the street, ran to the vet, came back less than 10 minutes later, and he was gone. I would feel a bit better if I had closure. Sorry again for this being long. I miss Smokey and I'm hurting. It's been exactly 2 weeks and I don't feel any better. I printed pictures of him yesterday but looking at them makes me sad because I'll never see him or hold him again. I also feel bad because I don't know where his body is. I'm sorry that this is so long. I would give or do anything to have him back. I wish he knew how much I love and miss him.

 

[Furballsmom]

I am so so deeply sorry to hear this.

Maybe this will help a little;
Lend Me A Kitten

Grieving

 

[di and bob]

Of course you are hurting, and angry, and so deeply sad, you lost a beautiful boy who was a part of your life. Why do you not know where his body is? I wouldn't think a vet would dispose of one so quickly? But after two weeks the question is moot. They must have assumed he was a stray.
When you love someone so much, you develop a 'bond' that ties your heart and soul together. It is built link by link from love. This can NEVER be taken from you because it is spiritual, not physical, like the frail body. Smokey was NOT alone, he carried your love with him and he definitely knows how much you love and miss him because he is as close, and always will be, as your thoughts and prayers. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and you know this to be true because you will remember and love him for the rest of your life. Try not to dwell on his end, and all those should haves, could haves, that always come with grief. They bring nothing but heartache and change absolutely nothing except to bring more grief to an already broken heart. Do not make his death more important than his life. If you let it, death and sadness can destroy your happiness in life. And I know he would never want that for someone he loves so very much. How do I know this? Because you would want for him to find happiness and joy in life as is intended if you were the first to go, and he wants no less.
When he died, what I call the 'essence' is released to nature as nature intended. That is why when we view the deceased they are not the same, something is missing, that 'spark' that made them who they are. You shared your life's journey for a little while and he brought much to that life. Try to celebrate knowing him and loving him, and be thankful he came into your life. It hurts so very much, but to have never met him would have been unthinkable. He now follows a new path, but it is one that will parallel your own for eternity.
Right now you must grieve. But slowly, time will help to soften the blow. your sadness will come back at times. I still cry years later after my chrissy was killed on the street in front of me. zthe pain will never go away but your learn to mange it, to live around it.
I found it helps to do good in her name. It bringssomething good out of all this sadness. I pay for the adoption of a few cats a year at my local shelter to give tehm a better chance at finding a home. I donate food and litter too. To give another little one a home who so deperately needs it would be a distraction to your grief, and would add to, not distract from, Smokey' love that will always be there. He will guide you on that decision, and sometimes a new kitten shows up and takes away any choice, guided to you with help from love. Our hearts do not choose love, it just happens.
My heart goes out to you, I know how much this hurts. It helps to share your pain with those who understand, a burden shared is a burden halved.Please take care of yoruself, Smokey is at peace because he was so loved, don't ever doubt that.........RIP sweet Smokey. you will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet the one you love again!

 

[blueyedgirl5946]

It always hurts. As time goes on, you learn to live with it. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Smokey, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know that desperate longing only all too well. In 65+ years, I have said "goodbye for now" so many times, and each time it tears at my heart. Although you will always miss him, one day the loss will not be so sharpe, and the sweet memories will push the bad ones into the background. Love does not die, you know, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Smokey is still with you, unseen, but perhaps felt in the dark hours. Because Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides.

 

[Kja1991]

Of course you are hurting, and angry, and so deeply sad, you lost a beautiful boy who was a part of your life. Why do you not know where his body is? I wouldn't think a vet would dispose of one so quickly? But after two weeks the question is moot. They must have assumed he was a stray.
When you love someone so much, you develop a 'bond' that ties your heart and soul together. It is built link by link from love. This can NEVER be taken from you because it is spiritual, not physical, like the frail body. Smokey was NOT alone, he carried your love with him and he definitely knows how much you love and miss him because he is as close, and always will be, as your thoughts and prayers. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and you know this to be true because you will remember and love him for the rest of your life. Try not to dwell on his end, and all those should haves, could haves, that always come with grief. They bring nothing but heartache and change absolutely nothing except to bring more grief to an already broken heart. Do not make his death more important than his life. If you let it, death and sadness can destroy your happiness in life. And I know he would never want that for someone he loves so very much. How do I know this? Because you would want for him to find happiness and joy in life as is intended if you were the first to go, and he wants no less.
When he died, what I call the 'essence' is released to nature as nature intended. That is why when we view the deceased they are not the same, something is missing, that 'spark' that made them who they are. You shared your life's journey for a little while and he brought much to that life. Try to celebrate knowing him and loving him, and be thankful he came into your life. It hurts so very much, but to have never met him would have been unthinkable. He now follows a new path, but it is one that will parallel your own for eternity.
Right now you must grieve. But slowly, time will help to soften the blow. your sadness will come back at times. I still cry years later after my chrissy was killed on the street in front of me. zthe pain will never go away but your learn to mange it, to live around it.
I found it helps to do good in her name. It bringssomething good out of all this sadness. I pay for the adoption of a few cats a year at my local shelter to give tehm a better chance at finding a home. I donate food and litter too. To give another little one a home who so deperately needs it would be a distraction to your grief, and would add to, not distract from, Smokey' love that will always be there. He will guide you on that decision, and sometimes a new kitten shows up and takes away any choice, guided to you with help from love. Our hearts do not choose love, it just happens.
My heart goes out to you, I know how much this hurts. It helps to share your pain with those who understand, a burden shared is a burden halved.Please take care of yoruself, Smokey is at peace because he was so loved, don't ever doubt that.........RIP sweet Smokey. you will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet the one you love again!

Thank you for your reply. Your story has brought tears to my eyes. I don't know why I can't find him. As I said, my brother found him in the street, ran to the vet, came back less than 10 minutes later and he was gone. I call the locals vets and animal control and they haven't received or picked up my cat.

 

[Kja1991]

Rest you gentle, Smokey, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know that desperate longing only all too well. In 65+ years, I have said "goodbye for now" so many times, and each time it tears at my heart. Although you will always miss him, one day the loss will not be so sharpe, and the sweet memories will push the bad ones into the background. Love does not die, you know, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Smokey is still with you, unseen, but perhaps felt in the dark hours. Because Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides.

Thank you so much .Your words mean a lot to me. Thinking of him makes me cry but I hope one day the memories will make me smile.

 

[Kja1991]

I am so so deeply sorry to hear this.

Maybe this will help a little;
Lend Me A Kitten

Grieving

Thank you .This is beautiful.

 

[Maria Bayote]

One of the hardest kind of pain is not knowing if the one you love passed from this earth in pain. I am so sorry that Smokey died this way. I hope you find consolation from the happy memories you both shared together.

Be strong,

 

[danteshuman]

I am deeply sorry for your loss .... and your lack of closure. You can hold a memorial for him with your family and friends, to talk about the life he lived.

If I was in your shoes I would create a Smokey memory box (the kind that hangs on your wall.) Or create a picture collage of his life with you.

I would also look into volunteering at a shelter with the bottle babies/kittens. Then when you have moved out (I assume you are a teenager) and you live with responsible people, and are ready to make a 15 year commitment and your heart has healed.... then you can adopt another cat. I know no cat can take Smokey's place ..... but your heart can grow to love another cat. Meanwhile you can give kittens the love they desperately need, honor Smokey's memory by helping those little babies, chuckle at kitten antics and sniffle sometimes while you hold a kitten.

Lastly the more cats I know/love the more I believe Jackson is right; cat's come into our lives for a reason. (My childhood ferret taught me to care for others and gave me the love I desperately needed at the time.) Only you know what Smokey's purpose was. I also believe the right cat will enter your life when you are ready (and that cat's know when a cat lover's home has a vacancy! ) Someday when I shed my mortal body, I fully expect my bud And all my beloved pets who passed to greet me. I think Smokey will greet you to.