To me, it seems the fact you had the 2 options on your mind - you werent prepared mentally for the 3rd option which took you by surprise. So you werent in the proper frame of mind to make an informed decision.ill reply to each post a little later. I know death is inevitable, and he would have gone at some stage. Whether it would be a week, a month, 3 no one knows. The thing is I believed he had more time and wasn't ready to go. Of course I couldn't save him long term, but I could have given him more time, he wasn't on his death bed. I should have saw him while he we conscious a second time and calm him down.
Remember, I took him to the vet to try to fix him, I said id give him every chance of getting better and I wouldn't put him down. I did the opposite that day. I didn't do everything to fix him, 2 options, stitch him up and come home or have the op, I did neither and I did what I said I wouldn't do. Put him down. Prematurely ending his life.
If he could jump up after grooming himself and lay in the window sill, how much pain was he in? Yes he was suffering before the split, but he wasn't on his death bed.
For this reason you cannot blame yourself for what happenned. Even though you promised to bring him home, you never expected what ultimately transpired and so there was no way to prepare for it. You got blindsided. I am 110% sure I would have fallen into the same trap as you had. Absolutly positive.
Going into a vet with a very sick pet we get scared - I do anyway. It helps to have a sympathetic vet who can help people cope with the situation. Not all of them are good at that. Unfortunately it seems your vet didnt guide you properly. They are the professionals in charge of the situation and should be aware of how to advise and direct and console people.
You had alot stacked against you that you werent prepared for that day. I think robinathome has a good idea and if you could help the life of another cat who needs a protector maybe it would be a tribute in a way to your boy.
Peace