I left my husband. I'm so confused.

[swampwitch]

I've seen this cycle happen (I'm saying "man" here, but it can go the other way, too): man wants out of the relationship, man picks fights and gets verbally abusive, woman gets mad/upset, man justifies bad behavior because "look what a jerk she is" (when she's mad)... Most of the time, the man (or woman) does this because he has found someone else and is too much of a coward to be the one who leaves the relationship.

I'm sending you lots of hugs and you did not leave in a cowardly way.

 

[white cat lover]

You didn't leave in a cowardly way - taking the initiative to leave - having the stregnth to leave - is more than you realize.

You deserve better than that. Your MIL is what you could end up like (in an abusive relationship for life) if you don't get out now.

Don't worry about being along, dating again, just get yourself back together & spend some time with the kitties.

 

[meowqueensdaddy]

Originally Posted by AddieBee

You shouldn't HAVE to handle behavior like that!

Seriously. You shouldn't. Nobody should.

My perspective, being a lowly male myself, is that men who act that way should be left lonely and desolate until they figure out that it's just not f&^#-ing acceptable.

He's obviously grown an emotional attachment to this teenager he's chatting with, and IMNSHO that's FAR worse than if he'd had a one-night stand with a complete stranger. It's abusive and domineering, both towards the other girl and to you. NO ONE deserves that, and everyone deserves better.

And good on ya for taking your cats with you.

Definitely the right thing to do, given that this guy is an abusive @$$hat.

whew... now here's a kitty:

 

[catsknowme]

Sending you lots & lots of comforting prayers and vibes
It sounds like you may have married a Narcissist:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_yo...e_a_narcissist
Bless you for taking your girls & having the courage to escape

How you did it was a non-confrontational way - you went on instincts, and Lord knows the ruckus you may have avoided

Leaving a narcissist can become volatile

 

[zorana_dragonky]

I know I don't know you very well and I am just another poster on a forum full of nice people, but I just wanted to offer you support and hugs.

You have made a very difficult decision, but I think you should stick by your feelings. You absolutely should NOT HAVE TO handle his behavior!!! It is not about why you can't handle it, it is about why he can't stop doing it.

We are behind you, and your family and friends at home will be behind you, too. Don't worry about the big D or your house or anything else - just take it a day at a time and stick to your guns. Spend some time with the kitties and don't let yourself fall back into his trap. Good luck, and many vibes.

 

[laureen227]

Originally Posted by zorana_dragonky

You absolutely should NOT HAVE TO handle his behavior!!! It is not about why you can't handle it, it is about why he can't stop doing it.

i have no advice [i've never married] but i can send some & your way - plus some

 

[jupeycat]

I also replied in your other thread, this kind of follows on from that.

I think what you've done is a very brave thing to do, it was very hard for me to leave my ex and go back 'home'. I was offered Relate counselling but I knew the time was right for me to end the relationship, I knew that my partner obviously didn't love me or he wouldn't treat me that way. I pretty much got into another realtionship straight away with the guy I'm with now, I knew that was right too... so yes it is possible to meet someone else and you'll know when you're ready for it if you do get the 'D' word.

I'm still recovering from the effects of my ex, I'm waiting for therapy at the moment.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[nance]

I've been there.....went thru a bad marriage ( 18yrs) and finally I convinced him to leave...It wasn't as bad as yours...but we had our problems....What made me do it was the thought that life is just to short to live unhappy....You don't wanna be where your MIL is do you ? Sounds like that will be you if you stay...I at 36 had to start over....its not easy but I am way way happier now..and have been seeing the same man for 5 yrs....Its scary but it does get better

 

[jessy]

Wow, thank you so much everyone, your support is really helping. He has tried to change,(his behaviour calmed down a little but then went back to normal) but the fact is, that is his personality, he was like it from the beginning, although I didn't notice it so much, but when I did, and realized how wrong it was, it really began to wear me down. His personality probably won't change, his dad's didn't. I'm so appreciative of all this support right now, thank you so much. I don't have any Internet access at the cottage, or I'd be on here more! x