I Have Moments Where I Feel Hate For My Cat... (due To Frustrations In My Life)

[terestrife]

I feel guilty saying that, and I try to repeat to myself that I hate her behavior and not her. but I have moments that I hate being a cat owner. I wake up during the weekdays at 4:50 AM to make it to my job that's an hour away (in good Miami traffic days). I get home between 6:00 - to 6:30 PM. The first thing I have to do is feed the cats as soon as I wake up and as soon as I am home. Thats not the problem. Every weekend I have to wake up at 5:00 AM to feed them, she will shriek for hours until I give in. She will wake up my sister and my nephew with her noise. I tried for months different things to stop it. now I just give in and feed her. Sometimes I am lucky and I can force myself to go back to sleep.

I have to wake up half asleep, go down, and feed her. On the weekends all I want is to rest. At work all I get is comments that I don't look rested. I find it hard to rest. I already feel tired as is because of my PCOS.


I love my cats, and I dedicate time to them, I make them home made cat food, I use the weekend to clean out their box. They mean so much to me. But I'm getting so tired of dealing with her constant meowing. I get a headache just hearing her meow during the day. I sometimes swear I hear her meowing when she's not even there.

I don't have anywhere to talk about this, and I'm not sure if anyone here will even understand how I'm feeling.

there are other things going on that is causing my frustration, and I guess its easier to focus on this one silly thing out of each day.

my sister hasn't had a job for two years, due to her husband having cancer; he passed away last year. I moved in after he passed and have been here for an entire year. She didn't want to work this year because her daughter had an unsafe pregnancy. so she finally started looking 4 months ago. Her daughter ended up having a child, so she isn't working either. I tried telling her to get a weekend job, but doesn't want to leave the baby with my sister and I.


I constantly have to hear about all her issues, her health issues, her money issues. The fact that she has 1200$ in tolls and tickets. She got them during the time she was visiting her husband and our mom in the hospital. Our mom also passed away from cancer.


she's been going to interviews but hasn't gotten a job. I've suggested ways for her to start making money, dog walking, going to stores and asking a manager for a job. she's always has an excuse, she can't take this job or that job because of her back issues.

we have my nieces random boyfriend living with us to pay the bills, and now she's invited her other daughter and husband to live with us with all their animals.

I am trying to find a. better job to move out, but haven't had luck. I think the negative feelings I have toward my sister is leading to the negative feelings towards my cat.

I am angry that she's not stepping up. Being a home owner she should be willing to take whatever job she is offered. She keeps telling me that she doesn't care what job she has, but shuts down all the ideas I give her. A neighbor offered to find her a job, and she complains that she doesn't want to depend on anyone getting her a job. She's waiting for God to find her the perfect job. She says she doesn't worry so long as she has God. Except that I'm stuck dealing with her bills.


I feel this constant feeling of frustration. I so badly want my own place, but I can't afford it with my current paycheck.


I'm sorry for the long post but I have nowhere else to vent.

the past two years has been a horrible nightmare and I feel like I haven't woken up yet.

My mother passed away in 2016/Oct. I then had to deal with my sister struggling with her husbands cancer. He struggled for a year before passing. I would find myself crying at work because she would call me and talk about what she was going through. I then had to move out of the home I have lived in since I was a child, due to issues with my brother. And then this year, dealing with my sister not working.

I feel so tired.... ever since my mother passed away I have been dealing with anger issues. its gotten better but I feel the anger come back at random moments.


----

Sorry about the long post, it felt better to write out everything I've been feeling.

 

[Maria Bayote]

Honestly I felt so sad reading your post. You are undergoing such difficulty right now and I know that no words coming from me can ever lessen the burden that you are facing right now.

You are correct, the stress you feel now is due to your personal woes and not really your cat. You do not hate your cat per se. But you are so unhappy that you vent your frustration to another thing that will not possibly complain back - and for the moment that is your cat.

I know it is easy for me to say this, but you need to relax. Your cat may also be picking up some stress from you. But as long as you are living where you are right now, you cannot fully get the chance to "inhale and exhale".

If you can, try to put your cat in a separate room with all her litter box, food, water and toys inside, so you can rest and sleep more. You can get her an automatic feeder, battery-operated toys etc. I understand you when you say that even on weekends you have to get up and feed the cat. I do that, too, even if I only have one day off. Sometimes I complain to myself, too. But each time I imagine my life without my cats I get back to my old cat-loving self. So what you do is give her enough food on her bowls and keep her separated so you can sleep more.


I do not know exactly how you are going through right now but i understand that it is hard. Please hang in there. Give your cat a chance and you will see that she can work wonders on you. With her cuddles and purrs, she can actually bring you soothing relief.

Best of luck.

 

[marmoset]

I am so sorry that things are so hard. I think it's ok to have periodic feelings of resentment towards those you love.

However, I feel that if you continue in this situation you are going to suffer even more. I am confident you will take care of your cat but I think you need to take care of yourself. It sounds like you don't have time or resources to do much self-care right now. I'm so sorry to hear that.

I'm inferring that you are employed. Do you know if you have any coverage for mental health services? I'll admit that I've used therapy over the course of the years due to a very dysfunctional family that also brought about dire financial hardship. I struggled with payments but it was ultimately worth it because I needed someone to listen to me and help me deal with the fallout when I tried to stand up for myself and set boundaries with family members.

It's very hard to squeeze out the extra dime for therapy when you are financially strained but you sound so overwhelmed and I feel you are still grieving and perhaps all these family issues are preventing you from healing and having the life you want. It's sounds like too much for anyone to be able to handle on their own. I truly hope you can find some path to get through it. There is no shame in asking for help or stating that you are going through more than you can bear.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
I read your post above with a feeling of empathy for you and for your cat.

Along with the marvelous suggestions above, I have a thought or two;

Did you get a timed feeder for her wet food?

Even though you mentioned she doesn't necessarily eat all her food during the night and still yowls in the morning, can you free feed kibble overnight? I recall you said this cat inhales her food, maybe there's something in this article under the Gobblers section (apologies if this is repeated info for you):

18 Awesome Cat Feeding Tips By Thecatsite Staff Members

There is a lot of tension in your household; I would suggest a couple of things;

Mamanyt1953 often suggests chamomile tea, for you (perhaps with a little honey) because it is calming and also for your cat, as it is calming for felines as well; via syringe, 1-3 teaspoonfuls, up to 3 times a day. If you are not familiar with syringing meds, place the syringe between the cheek and gums, and slowly inject small amounts at a time, allowing for swallowing inbetween.

Also, @les26 frequently suggests holy basil to help with stress in difficult times, as well as L-tryptophan for mood.

One other thing and again I don't know if this has been suggested already, but a lot of people are commenting that music really helps their cats. You could try low volume classical harp music, George Handel compositions, there's an app called Relax My Cat, and also there's MusicForCats . com.

One other thing, although it's typically suggested for kittens, you could consider obtaining a heartbeat toy, or a ticking clock (if it's too loud, muffle it with a small towel), because I think she is both reacting to as well as responding to the stress and strife that's going on and is consequently sincerely needing a little help herself.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Mamanyt1953 often suggests chamomile tea, for you (perhaps with a little honey) because it is calming and also for your cat, as it is calming for felines as well; via syringe, 1-3 teaspoonfuls, up to 3 times a day. If you are not familiar with syringing meds, place the syringe between the cheek and gums, and slowly inject small amounts at a time, allowing for swallowing inbetween.

Chamomile tea has saved my sanity more than once. For you, by the cup, hot with honey, for the cat, chilled as directed!

And do look into an timed feeder. It may make all the difference.

SO sorry all of this has hit you at once. Hang in there.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Feeling anger towards your sister, your situation, your cat or just life isn't a sign of a bad personality trait, it's normal and everyone has done it. I'm concerned the anger might slowly consume you, and we don't want to that to happen.
Have you told your sister how draining this situation is? From my perspective it sounds like she doesn't want to work at all, and she's managed to slide by without doing so for awhile and wants to keep it that way.
I would have a hard time listening to an able bodied person complain about money issues if they turn down job after job, citing "I don't want someone getting me a job" as a reasonable "excuse". Then again, she may dealing with "stuff" that no one else realizes. You can be blunt and to the point, but kind, too and be 100% willing to listen.
The cat is probably annoying you because you're obviously exhausted, my friend, and need all the sleep you can get. Making them home made food is amazing and healthy, but (even just for now) would continuing this home made meal time while free feeding a quality dry food overnight help?
This slow build up is probably why you feel hate for your cat. It would be like if I over slept, stepped in cat barf, banged my head against a cabinet door while making coffee, sliding on the ice and falling down on my way to the barns, then coming in, and dropping my breakfast plate, etc...then my wife comes in and says "did you remember to change the lightbulb in the garage" and I explode at her. I'm not mad at my wife but so much has happened in a relatively short period of time that we eventually hit our breaking point and usually it's at the person (or pet) that deserves it the least. Don't feel guilty about that, most of us have done it and will probably do it again some day.

I hope things get better for you very soon my friend, I mean that very sincerely.

 

[kittyluv387]

Do they have digestive issues? If not, it’s safe to leave canned food out overnight you know. Dr. Pierson from catinfo.org talks about this. And you’re not alone. Sometimes my cats annoy the heck out of me because they can be naughty. And yeah taking care of other lives is hard work!

 

[1 bruce 1]

kittyluv387 on being naughty...
One of our girls is a terrible food thief. A few nights ago she finished her food up and went over to one of the boys bowls. Before I could even shout at her she bulled her head into the bowl and he backed off but watched her. When she went to take a bite, he delicately lifted his foot and put it on her head, and smashed her face into the food.
I laughed hard enough I felt something pop in my back and now I can't take a deep breath. It was just so, so funny.

 

[kittyluv387]

kittyluv387 on being naughty...
One of our girls is a terrible food thief. A few nights ago she finished her food up and went over to one of the boys bowls. Before I could even shout at her she bulled her head into the bowl and he backed off but watched her. When she went to take a bite, he delicately lifted his foot and put it on her head, and smashed her face into the food.
I laughed hard enough I felt something pop in my back and now I can't take a deep breath. It was just so, so funny.

Omg that’s hilarious lol, the imagery! 2 out of 3 are absolute pigs but our girl is the worst. She has no reservations and will swipe food from your mouth, plate, hand, whatever! Makes cooking our meals a nightmare. Sometimes we confine the 2 while we cook. The third who’s not as piggish has to eat his food alone in the guest bedroom because he doesn’t eat his food fast enough and the other 2 will steal his food.

 

[terestrife]

Thank you everyone, writing down how I was feeling helped me feel a lot better. Unfortunately we don't have any extra rooms. Only the garage, and I don't want her stuck in there. Lol my cat is so bratty she hates being locked up. I tried getting a snack feeder, and putting a frozen wet food over night. She should eat it up and still wake me up at 5am.

The only thing left to try is the wet feeder. To lock her from the food until 5 am. Thankfully my cat sometimes listens. She understands the word "No!" So she'll sometimes go away. Lol I'm having money issues so I'm trying not to spend any extra money right now.

I've been considering going to a therapist I'll have to see if my insurance covers it. thank you for the suggestion. I tend to put my health aside most of the time. I've talked to my sister. She's known for months I want to eventually move out. I keep making suggestions on what she could do. But I'm afraid to push her. I have OCD and I have this weird thought that if I push her into a job she'll hate, that it'll end up happening to me too.

My sister isn't a bad person and she's gone to a few interviews. She's been telling me she'll go to walmart if the interviews she has lined up don't work out. I'm just stressed out, especially since I haven't been able to find a better paying job so I can move out. I'm grateful for the job I have and will miss my coworkers. But I don't make enough for my own place.

I spend time after work and on weekends applying for new jobs, but haven't had luck. I've noticed most days I don't mind when kitty wakes me up it's the days that I'm stressed that i feel annoyed. I'm trying to tread lightly with my sister. I had to leave my childhood home because my brother and I had issues. I don't want to have problems ruth my sister as well. So I'm doing my best to guide her. But it gets tough sometimes.

I feel bad thinking this, but I feel if she really wanted to work she would find a way. I know my sister, and if I put my foot down with her it'll cause a lot of problems. She doesn't appreciate it being told what to do. All the people that have offered to get her a job, and somehow none of the jobs fall through.


Thank you again for ask the kind support

 

[Furballsmom]

.

 

[RajaNMizu]

Geeze, I just want to give you a hug right now! You have soooo much on your plate and you are taking care of everyone around you and it's leaving you too drained to take care of yourself and your cats. My boyfriend passed away a little over a year ago from a heart transplant. I know what it feels like to be the one everyone is depending on. You've been given some excellent advice. I have two other suggestions.

You are putting pressure on yourself to look for another job so that you can move out. Any chance of moving in with someone so that you can share the rent? You could continue to look but perhaps having room mates that aren't as draining on you would help. Since you mentioned Miami, I put a search on shared apts and checked off "cats ok". Maybe something will work out? south florida rooms & shares - craigslist

My other suggestion comes from reading what you wrote. Writing. If you find it's helpful to write down some of what you're feeling, why not spend a few moments a day doing it? A private journal or a public forum...it doesn't matter where. Just as long as it helps. Writing can feel like you've been holding your breath for a long time and suddenly you can breathe again.

I sincerely hope things start looking up for you soon.

 

[rgwanner]

I am so sorry you are dealing with so much all at once. I have been taking care of my MIL and my husband who has brain damage from chemo and I can barely manage that with working. I am amazed you are functioning at all.

I just wanted to say that I have seen a therapist on several occasions and it helped. If your insurance does not cover it, look into your county health department. In a metro area like Miami I would think there would be low cost services available. If you cannot locate one, ask your doctor - he or she may have some suggestions. The amount of stress you have now will affect your health - I know from experience.

I sincerely hope things get better somehow. There are some good suggestions here.

 

[neely]

I am also sorry and sympathetic to your situation. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share your feelings here. i agree with all the above members that although your cat's early morning routine may be frustrating it's not the root of your problem. I think it would be extremely helpful to talk to a health care professional, e.g. therapist, who is objective, unbiased and will listen. Some therapists will offer a sliding scale fee if your insurance does not cover the cost. Here is a website to start your search by major cities and state: Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today

I think your sister may have been away from work too long and is struggling to return to the workplace for various reasons. Unfortunately it has affected you and your living situation. If you like your present employer and co-workers but can't afford your own apartment then renting an apartment or house with roommates may or may not be the best idea. If you have OCD that may present challenges if your roommate is not understanding or respectful of your situation. Plus they would have to like and accept your cat. However, it is one way to cut down on the cost of rent so that you could afford to move out. The other, as you mentioned, would be to find a higher paying job but you would have to be patient until you find the right fit for you. In the meantime, perhaps you could keep checking for a studio apartment that meets your financial needs.

I don't think there's an easy fix but please feel free to come here and vent. We will try to be helpful and are more than glad to listen to you. All my best.

 

[terestrife]

I get home to my sister complaining that she has to pay $120 to reinstate get license or they will permanently keep her from getting her license fixed. I told her she needs to start going around everywhere to try to work wherever she can. She says she can't risk driving around without her license (she's been doing it anyway for 2 years) and doesn't have gas. That she's supposedly asked for jobs everywhere even at walmart. I feel bad because she's not older sister. But at the same time I resent her. I never thought I would find myself in the position of having my older sister depending on me. I know she's trying to find work because she's gone to interviews. I guess I'm just feeling tired.

 

[terestrife]

Geeze, I just want to give you a hug right now! You have soooo much on your plate and you are taking care of everyone around you and it's leaving you too drained to take care of yourself and your cats. My boyfriend passed away a little over a year ago from a heart transplant. I know what it feels like to be the one everyone is depending on. You've been given some excellent advice. I have two other suggestions.

You are putting pressure on yourself to look for another job so that you can move out. Any chance of moving in with someone so that you can share the rent? You could continue to look but perhaps having room mates that aren't as draining on you would help. Since you mentioned Miami, I put a search on shared apts and checked off "cats ok". Maybe something will work out? south florida rooms & shares - craigslist

My other suggestion comes from reading what you wrote. Writing. If you find it's helpful to write down some of what you're feeling, why not spend a few moments a day doing it? A private journal or a public forum...it doesn't matter where. Just as long as it helps. Writing can feel like you've been holding your breath for a long time and suddenly you can breathe again.

I sincerely hope things start looking up for you soon.

I'm so sorry for your loss. i know how hard it is to lose someone that important to your life. I hope things are going well for you now.

Writing is something that used to be a release for me and I stopped doing it. I like the idea of starting again. i used to journal when i was younger, and it always made me feel better.

About sharing an apartment, if i was alone i wouldnt mind risking living with strangers. but when i go to work now, i dont have to be afraid of leaving the cats here. i know no one here will hurt them. how can i ever be sure with a stranger?

I am so sorry you are dealing with so much all at once. I have been taking care of my MIL and my husband who has brain damage from chemo and I can barely manage that with working. I am amazed you are functioning at all.

I just wanted to say that I have seen a therapist on several occasions and it helped. If your insurance does not cover it, look into your county health department. In a metro area like Miami I would think there would be low cost services available. If you cannot locate one, ask your doctor - he or she may have some suggestions. The amount of stress you have now will affect your health - I know from experience.

I sincerely hope things get better somehow. There are some good suggestions here.

im sorry as well for what you are going through. i remember how hard it was caring for my mom before she passed away. my heart goes out to you and your loved ones. i will try to ask soon about the therapist. thank you for the support.

I am also sorry and sympathetic to your situation. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share your feelings here. i agree with all the above members that although your cat's early morning routine may be frustrating it's not the root of your problem. I think it would be extremely helpful to talk to a health care professional, e.g. therapist, who is objective, unbiased and will listen. Some therapists will offer a sliding scale fee if your insurance does not cover the cost. Here is a website to start your search by major cities and state: Find a Therapist, Psychologist, Counselor - Psychology Today

I think your sister may have been away from work too long and is struggling to return to the workplace for various reasons. Unfortunately it has affected you and your living situation. If you like your present employer and co-workers but can't afford your own apartment then renting an apartment or house with roommates may or may not be the best idea. If you have OCD that may present challenges if your roommate is not understanding or respectful of your situation. Plus they would have to like and accept your cat. However, it is one way to cut down on the cost of rent so that you could afford to move out. The other, as you mentioned, would be to find a higher paying job but you would have to be patient until you find the right fit for you. In the meantime, perhaps you could keep checking for a studio apartment that meets your financial needs.

I don't think there's an easy fix but please feel free to come here and vent. We will try to be helpful and are more than glad to listen to you. All my best.

thank you for the website i will check it out. even though i like my coworkers, i would still like to find a better paying job. you're completely right about my OCD, it makes it difficult for me to live with other people. it has always been a challenge for me. but more than anything i want a place that is safe for my cats. i will start researching prices, but i want to be sure i can stable where ever i live, for my cats sake. ill check around for studio apartments to see what the prices are.

thank you for the support

 

[JamesCalifornia]

~ Hello terestrife ... How nice to see the kind response from so many.

As you realize it seems obvious the cats are not the problem - it's your roommates/living situation . I hope there is a way for you to find another "cat person " to share an apartment with. The sooner the better !
Somebody recommended calming herbal tea ... You may also find magnesium citrate and Valerian root very helpful. These over-the- counter supplements are frequently used for stress.
Keep things in perspective and stay well ...

 

[Maria Bayote]

Thank you everyone, writing down how I was feeling helped me feel a lot better. Unfortunately we don't have any extra rooms. Only the garage, and I don't want her stuck in there. Lol my cat is so bratty she hates being locked up. I tried getting a snack feeder, and putting a frozen wet food over night. She should eat it up and still wake me up at 5am.

The only thing left to try is the wet feeder. To lock her from the food until 5 am. Thankfully my cat sometimes listens. She understands the word "No!" So she'll sometimes go away. Lol I'm having money issues so I'm trying not to spend any extra money right now.

I've been considering going to a therapist I'll have to see if my insurance covers it. thank you for the suggestion. I tend to put my health aside most of the time. I've talked to my sister. She's known for months I want to eventually move out. I keep making suggestions on what she could do. But I'm afraid to push her. I have OCD and I have this weird thought that if I push her into a job she'll hate, that it'll end up happening to me too.

My sister isn't a bad person and she's gone to a few interviews. She's been telling me she'll go to walmart if the interviews she has lined up don't work out. I'm just stressed out, especially since I haven't been able to find a better paying job so I can move out. I'm grateful for the job I have and will miss my coworkers. But I don't make enough for my own place.

I spend time after work and on weekends applying for new jobs, but haven't had luck. I've noticed most days I don't mind when kitty wakes me up it's the days that I'm stressed that i feel annoyed. I'm trying to tread lightly with my sister. I had to leave my childhood home because my brother and I had issues. I don't want to have problems ruth my sister as well. So I'm doing my best to guide her. But it gets tough sometimes.

I feel bad thinking this, but I feel if she really wanted to work she would find a way. I know my sister, and if I put my foot down with her it'll cause a lot of problems. She doesn't appreciate it being told what to do. All the people that have offered to get her a job, and somehow none of the jobs fall through.


Thank you again for ask the kind support

They say when it is too heavy for you, put some things off your shoulder. It do helps to write it down. It lessens the burden from your heart, even if it is just a bit.

I am positive that your burdens will soon end. Just keep it going, one day at a time. You are a good person, and from how you say the words you seem to be a very good sibling.

As they say, just try to stop and smell the flowers. I am happy that you still find gratification in your job and co-workers, even if you are facing also financial burdens.

I just pray you find what you long for, and may you and your cat live such quality and prosperous years ahead, together.

Take care of yourself and your health.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Thank you again for ask the kind support

Darlin', that's what "community" means. We may not have answers, but we have ears, and shoulders. Vent all you need to, if it helps you deal with the stress while you find the answers.

 

[terestrife]

Everyone, I have good news. My sister got an offer from one of the interviews she went to. She starts working soon. finally some good news.