- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
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- 6,394
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There have been some excellent points raised here but I would just like to add a couple of things. If this man has shot a helpless and loved companion, behind the OP's back and when there was nothing she could do to prevent him, then he has power and control and abuse issues that run deeper than her just being able to up and leave him.
Anyone who has been in an abusive situation knows that this is much easier said than done. Calling the police on him may just be what it takes to tip him over the edge and cause some real violence to her other animals or herself. This needs to be avoided at all costs.
I think the decision for Monica is going to be a very hard one. It is absolutely true and right that the safest and best thing for her would be to leave her husband and get to a safe situation as soon as possible. But she needs to do it in a way that is the safest while it's happening as well. Abusers can turn very violent when the foundations of their power and control are shaken. If the relationship is threatened already, imagine how dangerous the situation could become if the police became involved or Monica just left without any safe places to go and take her other animals.
I believe very strongly that everything that needs to be set up to support a split should be set up as solidly as possible beforehand, and that she should not discuss any decision to leave her husband with him ahead of time. Having a plan and executing it carefully and with as many contingencies in mind as possible I think is the best way to go.
Monica, is there somewhere you can go? Is your family willing to take you in until you get on your feet? If they or your friends can help you I think the safest thing for you to be would wait until your husband is out for some time, pack up all of the things you will need, get your animals and get out. Don't tell him and don't give him warning so that he has time to turn on you or your other dogs and cats before you have time to get to safety. This is a very serious issue and if he has been abusive before and it has now escalated to killing one of your dogs, then the time has come for you to make a move for your own safety. Abusers do not just change their spots without a great deal of help. They just get worse and they get more violent, more controlling, and more power-obsessed.
I feel so dreadful that I wasn't able to email you the help for Yoda that I had promised. I do feel partially responsible for what happened and I cannot express enough how sorry I am. I have been having some troubles in my own relationship lately that have eclipsed my work somewhat. I'm so terribly sorry for Yoda and for you. Please, please, please leave this man and get yourself and your babies to safety. Not just as a punishment to him, but for good, forever. You deserve much better than this
Anyone who has been in an abusive situation knows that this is much easier said than done. Calling the police on him may just be what it takes to tip him over the edge and cause some real violence to her other animals or herself. This needs to be avoided at all costs.
I think the decision for Monica is going to be a very hard one. It is absolutely true and right that the safest and best thing for her would be to leave her husband and get to a safe situation as soon as possible. But she needs to do it in a way that is the safest while it's happening as well. Abusers can turn very violent when the foundations of their power and control are shaken. If the relationship is threatened already, imagine how dangerous the situation could become if the police became involved or Monica just left without any safe places to go and take her other animals.
I believe very strongly that everything that needs to be set up to support a split should be set up as solidly as possible beforehand, and that she should not discuss any decision to leave her husband with him ahead of time. Having a plan and executing it carefully and with as many contingencies in mind as possible I think is the best way to go.
Monica, is there somewhere you can go? Is your family willing to take you in until you get on your feet? If they or your friends can help you I think the safest thing for you to be would wait until your husband is out for some time, pack up all of the things you will need, get your animals and get out. Don't tell him and don't give him warning so that he has time to turn on you or your other dogs and cats before you have time to get to safety. This is a very serious issue and if he has been abusive before and it has now escalated to killing one of your dogs, then the time has come for you to make a move for your own safety. Abusers do not just change their spots without a great deal of help. They just get worse and they get more violent, more controlling, and more power-obsessed.
I feel so dreadful that I wasn't able to email you the help for Yoda that I had promised. I do feel partially responsible for what happened and I cannot express enough how sorry I am. I have been having some troubles in my own relationship lately that have eclipsed my work somewhat. I'm so terribly sorry for Yoda and for you. Please, please, please leave this man and get yourself and your babies to safety. Not just as a punishment to him, but for good, forever. You deserve much better than this
