I feel sad/guilty leaving my cat alone

[blackcatsrule1525]

Hi cat fans,
I have a 1 year old cat that I absolutely adore and love with all my life. When we got him, I was working remotely due to the pandemic, so I have never left my cat home by itself for a full work day (8-9 hours). The most we have left our cat at home has been 4 hour tops when my husband and I go out to run errands once a week. Even then I feel so bad and I keep trying to get reassured that he will be OK alone for a few hours, but sometimes it ruins the time out with my husband because of my constant worrying.

I worry that when he gets old and passes away, I will regret any time that I had control over that I didn't spend with him. It makes me so anxious to think about.

Tomorrow, our friends and I want to have a small get together for about 3-4 hours (they are in our COVID bubble, and we have all been tested). I think it will be fun and I don't want to be antisocial the whole time I have a cat, but thinking about leaving my cat alone at home for 3-4 hours is making me so sad/anxious/guilty that my husband and I even fought about it yesterday. He says that we cannot put our life on hold and that we need to enjoy ourselves with our lives too, but he is not very good at comforting and I just don't think he gets it.

I guess I came here to see if you have any advice and hear some reassurance. Am I crazy? Am I going overboard paranoia? Should I cancel plans with friends (tomorrow and the future?!)

 

[111]

Cats sleep 14+ hours a day. Your cat is happy to have you around I'm sure, but I'd bet while you're busy or not home, they are content and sleeping. Your feelings are normal because you love your cat. Remember that just by having your cat indoors, in a loving & safe home, they are already endlessly grateful. You could always hook up a camera and see what they do when you're not there if you're looking for closure on the matter. You'll find a balance that works for both your life and your cats. Keep your plans, make time for yourself and your friends and take comfort in the fact that your cat is safe and comfortable at home.

 

[CatladyJan]

Hi cat fans,
I have a 1 year old cat that I absolutely adore and love with all my life. When we got him, I was working remotely due to the pandemic, so I have never left my cat home by itself for a full work day (8-9 hours). The most we have left our cat at home has been 4 hour tops when my husband and I go out to run errands once a week. Even then I feel so bad and I keep trying to get reassured that he will be OK alone for a few hours, but sometimes it ruins the time out with my husband because of my constant worrying.

I worry that when he gets old and passes away, I will regret any time that I had control over that I didn't spend with him. It makes me so anxious to think about.

Tomorrow, our friends and I want to have a small get together for about 3-4 hours (they are in our COVID bubble, and we have all been tested). I think it will be fun and I don't want to be antisocial the whole time I have a cat, but thinking about leaving my cat alone at home for 3-4 hours is making me so sad/anxious/guilty that my husband and I even fought about it yesterday. He says that we cannot put our life on hold and that we need to enjoy ourselves with our lives too, but he is not very good at comforting and I just don't think he gets it.

I guess I came here to see if you have any advice and hear some reassurance. Am I crazy? Am I going overboard paranoia? Should I cancel plans with friends (tomorrow and the future?!)

Your cat probably doesn't have a clue you are gone that long. Yes, you should spend time with him. Make sure he has food, water and a clean litter box. Hugs

 

[Maria Bayote]

As long as he has enough clean water, food and his litter box cleaned before you go, he will just be fine. It would be a plus if you leave his toys around in case he wants to play, but as mentioned above, he will be sleeping almost all day anyway.

He will just be fine. I used to be like you so you are not alone.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

Your cat will be fine like everyone else has said kitty will more than likely sleep. The only thing you need to worry about is enjoying yourself, and trying not to worry about your sleeping beauty. I was the same hated leaving the cat but everytime I did when I got home he was fine. I think we stress more than our cat's.

 

[gilmargl]

You will soon notice when your cat is suffering from being left on his own. Don't feel guilty about spending an evening with friends.

I still feel guilty about the way I treated my senior cats, but the circumstances were somewhat different.
When I first had the cats, Sweep and Susie, I had children at home. There were always people about most of the time. They were indoor/outdoor cats and a neighbor would come in to feed them on the few occasions when the whole family was away.
Then my husband left, and my 2 children were more often away at college or with friends than at home. It was that time of my life when I needed to work and was often away on business. I still feel guilty about the way Sweep would look at me and my suitcase accusingly while I was waiting for the taxi to take me off to the airport and away for 2 or 3 days.

My daughter had to take Susie to be euthanized while I was in Paris (business more than pleasure).

I took on cats under ideal family conditions. I could not foresee what things would be like 17 or 18 years later when the house was empty most of the day. Three or 4 hours (or even 5 or 6 hours) is not too long for a cat to be on its own. You'll soon notice if your cat disapproves - in which case it may be necessary to change your lifestyle or get a second cat, but an evening out with friends should be no big deal for any cat.

 

[Mr. Meow]

I agree with all of the above.
IF you are still feeling guilty or having anxiety about it, try giving kitty additional mental enrichment. Is there a window he doesn't currently have access to, but given a path up to the window, he could enjoy it? I'd bet money that when my kitties see birds, squirrels, rabbits and the neighbors dogs, they forget I exist for a few moments. But it makes me happy watching them chirp away, or even falling asleep in the magical sunbeams. You can also try looking for cat DVDs that you can play on your tv (they have sounds and pictures or birds etc) that can keep some cats interested as well.
Another option is to have a few toys that kitty doesn't know about, and bring one out when you're ready to leave the house. Something new is always interesting to cats.
As for you - everything will be ok, we promise. Because of covid, I now have to work 12-16 hours a day, 7 days a week, leaving my 5 special needs cats at home. Do I wish I could spend more time with them? ABSOLUTELY! But because I can't at the moment, I make sure the time I can spend with them is as fun and enjoyable for them as I possibly can.

 

[klunick]

Cats are not as needy as you think they are. Go have fun with your friends.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Do you have a cat tree near a window or even a table or chair near a window? Lots of great ideas here. I read somewhere to tell your cat where you are going , what you're doing and reassure them you will be back.We do this everytime we go ( I tell her to take a napsy and we'll be back in awhile) Don't make a big scene when you leave. I crumble a few treats in Gypsys wet food bowel then make for the door. She was use to being left alone while we were working but I'm always home now & feel guilty leaving her alone but she is fine. I sometimes will leave the TV on for her as we did when she first adopted us. You might consider getting a fish tank. Doesn't need to be an elaborate one just secure enough so she can't get to the fish. Hope you go and enjoy. Let us know.

 

[Margret]

Cats are not as needy as you think they are. Go have fun with your friends.

In fact, cats will go out of their way to make you think they're more needy than they are. Think about it. Have you ever seen a cat who was ashamed? Embarassed, yes, momentarily, after they fall off the back of the sofa, for instance, but ashamed after pushing a full glass of water off the end table and breaking it? Not a chance! And yet these loveable creatures who are totally without shame somehow know exactly which buttons to push to make us feel guilty. Don't fall for it. Use it! You'll find over time that being trained by a cat can make you totally immune to people who call you up asking for donations. You'll still make contributions, but only what you can afford, and only to the charities or candidates that you prioritize.

Margret

 

[neely]

I worry that when he gets old and passes away, I will regret any time that I had control over that I didn't spend with him.

You never know, he may actually enjoy having the house to himself. Sorry, I couldn't help myself, only kidding.

It's not the best analogy but I know parents who do not want to leave their young children alone and, therefore, don't get a night out. Obviously they would need a family member or trusted babysitter but even if they only went out to dinner the children would get used to them not being there 24/7. I'm speaking from personal experience because I was one of those parents and a close relative gave me this helpful advice. It turned out to be a lifesaver. There will come a time, (post Covid), when your husband and you may want to travel or go on a weekend trip and have to leave your cat at home. Getting him used to your absence even if only for a few hours like you mentioned is beneficial for everyone involved, i.e. your husband, you and your cat. I promise he will not be upset or hold a grudge so spend time with your friends and your husband. When you return home your kitty will either be asleep or happy to see you.

 

[strider rose]

blackcatsrule1525 catsrule- im sure he/she will be ok ... they tend to entertain themselves most of the time anyway .
it will be alright hun

 

[klunick]

You'll find over time that being trained by a cat can make you totally immune to people who call you up asking for donations.

Margret

My natural persona makes me immune to people asking me for pretty much everything. I come across as a mean person so I tend to keep people at bay which is fine for me. Also, I will never be trained by a pet. Boone has learned the hard way over the last few days when he decided to not eat what was put down for him. He just sat and looked at me and I ignored him. After an hour of the food sitting there pretty much untouched, it got thrown away and he didn't get more for another 12 hours. I guess hunger got the best of him this morning and he ate all his breakfast.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Did you go out with your husband?

 

[neely]

Did you go out with your husband?

Enquiring minds want to know!