I Don't Understand Why My Cat's Like This...

[Stefanie Aya]

I have a one year old cat named Onyx who I don't understand. I've been a cat owner to 3 cats in the past before him, and none of them have been like him.

For one he's not a cuddler, he follows me around absolutely everywhere and cries when I have the door closed on him, but as soon as I pick him up and try to cuddle him, he won't have it. Secondly he is aggressive with his play and loves to attack me and my husband's feet. We also have 3 pet rabbits and he would always chase them around to the point where I finally had enough. I researched his behavior and found out that he might be lonely.

So we ended up adopting a 6 month old kitten who we named Opal. So far she has been the sweetest cat, much like how my previous cats were, she even gets along with the rabbits. We introduced them to each other slowly, keeping her in a separate room and everything, and at first he would hiss at her and run away, but about a week later they started playing together. But the thing is he would always bite her neck. I read that this was just him asserting his dominance, and nothing to be worried about, so I let them carry on. And then she started crying when he would bite her neck, which makes me believe that he was hurting her. And he would like use his feet to kick her at the same time. Don't know what that's about.

But anyway, fast forward about a month to present time, and she won't play with him anymore. Every time he comes at her looking like he wants to play, she looks annoyed and growls at him. They've never gotten into a full blown fight, but he just continues to chase her around and bite her neck and kick her, and it's really upsetting me.

He's also quite obsessed with sniffing her and chooses to mess with her whenever she's in the litter box trying to do her business. I've seen him lick her a little bit, but then he would immediately start biting. I've been losing sleep having to wake up and separate them in the middle of the night because I hear her cry.

There was also one time where he was on top of her, biting her neck and kicking her, as usual, and I moved him and picked her up, and he started attacking me! He scratched and bit my arms, leaving some pretty good cuts. I'm also 8 months pregnant, and I'm worried about how he might react to the new baby... it's all just a mess!

My husband thinks that we should give him away, but I honestly don't have the heart to do that. If anyone has any advice or has dealt with any cat like Onyx, please let me know! Sorry for the long post btw, but I tried to be as detailed as possible.

 

[susanm9006]

Honestly, he sounds like a pretty normal energetic young cat. He is obsessed with Opal because he wants to play. Both biting her neck and kicking her are play activities. If he is wound up in that play and you try to pick him up, biting or scratching are also normal. In another year or two he should start to calm down but for now he is all energy and activity.

You might be able calm him down some by engaging both in play that involves running and chasing at least once a day. Great ways to do this are with wand type toys, laser toys or teaching him to fetch. You should also give at least a few kick type toys that you can throw down to distract him from Opal when he is getting to rough.

Lastly, you need a tall cat tree where Opal can make her escape.

 

[ArtNJ]

Not much to add on the inter-cat stuff, Susan is exactly right.

As far as not being a cuddler, and not liking being picked up, you have to work at it with some cats, and you don't do that by doing stuff they don't like. With a cat behaving like yours, you need to view it like courting someone that doesn't currently like you much. What are you going to do? You sure aren't going to grab em, hold em down, and forcibly stroke them, or pick them up when they don't want that, on the theory that "they will come to like it". That is Harvey Weinstein territory. Notwithstanding my analogy there, it is understandable you have been doing that, since your other cats are fine with being picked up. However, it just doesn't work on cats that start out not liking being picked up / handled, it just stresses them out and makes them associate you with bad things. Instead, when courting someone that doesn't like you much, you find the thing that they like, and you do that. With a cat, maybe they are willing to be petted when tired, or when on a certain dresser, so you do that. Just as when courting gifts are important -- once you find what the cat likes, you can encourage that by using treats, or making a clicking noise (i.e. signal to the cat that you are ready to pet them in their favorite spot). Once they associate what you are doing with being petted in one spot, you can try the treats or the noise to lure them to other spots. And often they will expand the spots on their own. You need lots of patience, but you 100% can increase your kittens affectionateness if you work at paying attention to the cues.