This is very hard for me to post...and, as such, I'm not going to go into too much detail...
But, that being said, I don't know where else, but TCS, I feel comfortable sharing this information. I think some members may be aware, but I haven't posted too much about this topic. And, the reason for that is because it's not something I want posted all over the internet. But, I have suffered with eating disorders since I was 8 years old (anorexia and bulimia). As a teenager and young adult, I was in treatment frequently - sometimes even in the hospital for extended periods of time. Well, for the last 4 years, I've been more often recovered than sick. And, I've not needed constant monitoring for approximately 2 years (though I've continued on in therapy and have more frequent doctor's appointments than the average 27 year old). But, for the last, well, 3 months, I've been slipping some. Not too much at first. But, a little slip plus another slip plus another slip has landed me near relapse. And, thus, I could really use some support or vibes or prayers or whatever.
I'm under the care of my doctor as well as a therapist. I'm not in terrible shape. But, I'm also struggling to maintain my weight and not lose. Ideally, I need to gain. I am eating, but I am also having a hard time not exercising as much as I feel is necessary. It's definitely a struggle to get in what I need each day food and fluid wise. I have had many consequences from my eating disorder and know that I can't afford (emotionally or physically) to slip much further. And, per my doctors and treatment team (including a nutritionist who has formulated a meal plan for me), I will be monitored through more frequent appointments and some support/treatment groups. If, in a reasonable amount of time, I'm not improving, I will need to look into more intensive treatment options. But, we're not there yet -- and support groups with qualified staff are my first line. It's hard, but I am willing to do what is necessary to nip this in the bud. I'm kind of holding steady, but I've learned that if I'm not moving forward, I may move back. And, even though I'm stubborn and fearful, I know that that is not an option.
I just feel as though I needed to share this here. I'm not sure why -- I just feel that since TCS is a part of my life, I need to be authentic and genuine here. And, that means putting this out there. I don't want to say much more than this on the forum where it can be read by the general public, but I am an open person and, if anyone struggles with similar issues, you're more than welcome to PM me. I am going to my first support group tonight (it's a treatment group) and I'm nervous, but I know I have many people here who care about me and who will be thinking good thoughts for me. That is something I so appreciate about TCS. So, please, if you could, your prayers would mean the world to me tonight and going forward. I've been down this path before and it's a struggle, but putting this out there is helping me be accountable not only to my treatment team, but to myself as well. Thank you for allowing me to do that.
One last thing, I'd like this thread to just be about support and my needing to put this out there. If you have more specific questions, I'd prefer to go to PM as this is a public forum (meaning others not a part of TCS could read this). <-- I hope that's okay to post.
(Oh, and don't worry, chocolate is still all good as far as SS is concerned
. The chocolate I received (and ate) that my SS sent me earlier was a huge incentive toward getting well. Because, even though there's a blip in my road to full-fledged recovery, I will get there.)
But, that being said, I don't know where else, but TCS, I feel comfortable sharing this information. I think some members may be aware, but I haven't posted too much about this topic. And, the reason for that is because it's not something I want posted all over the internet. But, I have suffered with eating disorders since I was 8 years old (anorexia and bulimia). As a teenager and young adult, I was in treatment frequently - sometimes even in the hospital for extended periods of time. Well, for the last 4 years, I've been more often recovered than sick. And, I've not needed constant monitoring for approximately 2 years (though I've continued on in therapy and have more frequent doctor's appointments than the average 27 year old). But, for the last, well, 3 months, I've been slipping some. Not too much at first. But, a little slip plus another slip plus another slip has landed me near relapse. And, thus, I could really use some support or vibes or prayers or whatever.
I'm under the care of my doctor as well as a therapist. I'm not in terrible shape. But, I'm also struggling to maintain my weight and not lose. Ideally, I need to gain. I am eating, but I am also having a hard time not exercising as much as I feel is necessary. It's definitely a struggle to get in what I need each day food and fluid wise. I have had many consequences from my eating disorder and know that I can't afford (emotionally or physically) to slip much further. And, per my doctors and treatment team (including a nutritionist who has formulated a meal plan for me), I will be monitored through more frequent appointments and some support/treatment groups. If, in a reasonable amount of time, I'm not improving, I will need to look into more intensive treatment options. But, we're not there yet -- and support groups with qualified staff are my first line. It's hard, but I am willing to do what is necessary to nip this in the bud. I'm kind of holding steady, but I've learned that if I'm not moving forward, I may move back. And, even though I'm stubborn and fearful, I know that that is not an option.
I just feel as though I needed to share this here. I'm not sure why -- I just feel that since TCS is a part of my life, I need to be authentic and genuine here. And, that means putting this out there. I don't want to say much more than this on the forum where it can be read by the general public, but I am an open person and, if anyone struggles with similar issues, you're more than welcome to PM me. I am going to my first support group tonight (it's a treatment group) and I'm nervous, but I know I have many people here who care about me and who will be thinking good thoughts for me. That is something I so appreciate about TCS. So, please, if you could, your prayers would mean the world to me tonight and going forward. I've been down this path before and it's a struggle, but putting this out there is helping me be accountable not only to my treatment team, but to myself as well. Thank you for allowing me to do that.
One last thing, I'd like this thread to just be about support and my needing to put this out there. If you have more specific questions, I'd prefer to go to PM as this is a public forum (meaning others not a part of TCS could read this). <-- I hope that's okay to post.
(Oh, and don't worry, chocolate is still all good as far as SS is concerned