I lost Ashie June 1st....and I cannot "get over it"...I can't. Shortly after Ashie died, we did adopt two cats (which one cat you guys helped name for me because I couldn't emotionally attach myself to do so) and they are great cats...they are, but I cannot attach myself. Sure, I care about them....I pet them give them "love"...give them treats, take care of them, etc....but there is no deep emotions for them. Isn't that aweful???
I thought I was getting better until this afternoon when (as tears are starting to roll down my face now...niiicceeeeee) we were in Bronner's Christmas store in Frankenmuth, MI (Huge Christmas store/tourist trap). They have a display dedicated to cats...all the ornies, etc are cat-related and some of them are just downright BEAUTIFUL. I was instantly drawn to the display since that is something I had always done in the past.....look for cat things. But then I stopped when I realized what I was doing and reality hit that I "don't" have a need for this stuff anymore because Ashie is gone. OK...I'm being gay now...I am bawling. Is this PATHETIC or what? OMG. How I wanted this one ornie of a cat dish with a fish in it. It was the really fancy blown/tinny type with the glittery stuff on it. It was amazing (the old-school/old fashioned types), but I have no use for it. Does that make sense?
I was CRUSHED right there in the middle of the stupid store...not only because I didn't feel I could get one because of Ashie, but because all of the loss feelings came back...AND because it hit me in the face that I have NO attachment to these two new cats at all. NONE. NOT AT ALL.
I don't want anything bad to happen to them, but it isn't like I am going to by cat decor because "I have a cat(s)" like I did before...because to me, it isn't the same. And I know I can't expect it to be the same as before, but I think this goes to a little more extreme for me. Almost like I "don't have cats".....in the emotional sense.
I can't explain it. But you don't go by a part of a Chevy if you own a Ford, right? Something like that.
UGH. Does it get better? This is probably one of the worst things I've experienced since she has died. And I just cannot believe that I can still hurt THIS much.
But isn't that entire "can't buy cat things" just outright STUPID????
I thought I was getting better until this afternoon when (as tears are starting to roll down my face now...niiicceeeeee) we were in Bronner's Christmas store in Frankenmuth, MI (Huge Christmas store/tourist trap). They have a display dedicated to cats...all the ornies, etc are cat-related and some of them are just downright BEAUTIFUL. I was instantly drawn to the display since that is something I had always done in the past.....look for cat things. But then I stopped when I realized what I was doing and reality hit that I "don't" have a need for this stuff anymore because Ashie is gone. OK...I'm being gay now...I am bawling. Is this PATHETIC or what? OMG. How I wanted this one ornie of a cat dish with a fish in it. It was the really fancy blown/tinny type with the glittery stuff on it. It was amazing (the old-school/old fashioned types), but I have no use for it. Does that make sense?
I was CRUSHED right there in the middle of the stupid store...not only because I didn't feel I could get one because of Ashie, but because all of the loss feelings came back...AND because it hit me in the face that I have NO attachment to these two new cats at all. NONE. NOT AT ALL.
I don't want anything bad to happen to them, but it isn't like I am going to by cat decor because "I have a cat(s)" like I did before...because to me, it isn't the same. And I know I can't expect it to be the same as before, but I think this goes to a little more extreme for me. Almost like I "don't have cats".....in the emotional sense.
I can't explain it. But you don't go by a part of a Chevy if you own a Ford, right? Something like that.
UGH. Does it get better? This is probably one of the worst things I've experienced since she has died. And I just cannot believe that I can still hurt THIS much.
But isn't that entire "can't buy cat things" just outright STUPID????