I Am Just So Distraught!!

[kittkatt]

Originally Posted by lunasmom

Is there anyway your son can look into at least having main custody?

I've already talked to him about that, and despite the fact that the DIL is immature in a lot of ways, she does seem to be a good Mom. My son doesn't think it would be "fair" to her to take custody away from her.

I told him he should at least try for joint custody, and to make sure he keeps an eye on Harmony for any unusual behavior. I personally think that Harmony would be better off with her Dad (and not b/c he's my son, either), but I guess he feels that the DIL is a good mother too and he doesn't want to "hurt" the DIL in that way. IMO, he's thinking with his heart, and not his head. But just b/c I think that he should try for custody doesn't mean I'm right. It's their life and I'm trying not to "butt in" too much: they have to make their own decisions I guess..

~KK~

 

[glitch]

Oh goodness this is a tough one... Identicle situation happened to my mother and father... I was left with my mom. My crazy, abusive mother. She had 7 other husbands after that. I was "removed" from the house at age 15, they took me to what they called "holdover". took pictures of everything, and re-homed me, like I was a pet. My daddy thought it best that I be with my mommy. It didn't work out for us that way... I really hope your son does whats right in this situation! Getting divorced is hard on everyone. My best friend is going through a divorce right now and she had her named changed back to her maiden name, no big deal right? WRONG! There son Evan just cannot understand why mommys last name cant be the same as his! Their divorce is pretty much the same as the one you're son and DIL are going through only opposite. She works while he sits around and does nothing. When he does work, she never sees any of the money. She had it written in her divorce papers that they have "joint custody" but then it also says PHYSCICAL CUSTODY TO BE GIVE TO THE MOTHER, with said visitation.

I will hope and pray, that what happened to me as a child, doesn't happen to your granddaughter... My life is not easy, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
Good luck!!

 

[lillekat]

I really hope that your son does file for joint custody. If DIL gets full custody of your granddaughter, there's no telling what she could do - and it's little lady that's going to suffer in the situation. She can be used as an emotional weapon/blackmail against your son and that's not fair for either one.

I do have something simliar.... My son lives with his father because at the time I gave him up, I was emotionally and physically unable to care form him properly. I suffered a breakdown with the stress of the situation that I was in and so we both filed for joint custody. If I didn't have that, I probably wouldn't have been able to see my son again and that would have killed me. I did still want the best for him and I could think straight enough to know that I couldn't give it to him. Not for lack of trying, that's for sure.

Your son may think it's the best thing for his baby girl to stay with her mum and he may or may not be right - it is his decision to make in the end, but she needs her daddy just as much so a joint custody agreement would be a good thing in the long run. Upsetting the applecart long enough to put an extra wheel on the wagon will make it more stable later on.

 

[kittkatt]

Originally Posted by glitch

Oh goodness this is a tough one... Identicle situation happened to my mother and father... I was left with my mom. My crazy, abusive mother. She had 7 other husbands after that. I was "removed" from the house at age 15, they took me to what they called "holdover". took pictures of everything, and re-homed me, like I was a pet. My daddy thought it best that I be with my mommy. It didn't work out for us that way... I really hope your son does whats right in this situation! Getting divorced is hard on everyone. My best friend is going through a divorce right now and she had her named changed back to her maiden name, no big deal right? WRONG! There son Evan just cannot understand why mommys last name cant be the same as his! Their divorce is pretty much the same as the one you're son and DIL are going through only opposite. She works while he sits around and does nothing. When he does work, she never sees any of the money. She had it written in her divorce papers that they have "joint custody" but then it also says PHYSCICAL CUSTODY TO BE GIVE TO THE MOTHER, with said visitation.

I will hope and pray, that what happened to me as a child, doesn't happen to your granddaughter... My life is not easy, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
Good luck!!

I'm so, so sorry, Glitch, that you had to endure all that growing up.

No child should have to be subjected to that..

I'm afraid that something like that may happen with Harmony, and that the DIL will "jump" from one guy to the next. The only thing that keeps me from worrying TOO much is the fact that if the DIL does live her life like that, I don't think my son would allow it to continue. I think he would step in and put a stop to it...

~KK~

 

[kittkatt]

Originally Posted by LilleKat

I really hope that your son does file for joint custody. If DIL gets full custody of your granddaughter, there's no telling what she could do - and it's little lady that's going to suffer in the situation. She can be used as an emotional weapon/blackmail against your son and that's not fair for either one.

I wouldn't put it past the DIL to use Harmony as emotional blackmail: I've witnessed her acting in that way already.

That's part of why I'm worried about the whole thing.

She is manipulative, and my son is an "easy target" b/c he never wants to "hurt" anyone's feelings.

But as I mentioned to Glitch, I don't think he would hesitate fighting for custody, if he thinks Harmony's in any danger.

I do have something simliar.... My son lives with his father because at the time I gave him up, I was emotionally and physically unable to care form him properly. I suffered a breakdown with the stress of the situation that I was in and so we both filed for joint custody. If I didn't have that, I probably wouldn't have been able to see my son again and that would have killed me. I did still want the best for him and I could think straight enough to know that I couldn't give it to him. Not for lack of trying, that's for sure.

I think you did the "right" thing in your case, Lillecat.

If you weren't capable of being a good mom at the time, you probably would have ended up causing your son more harm than good by keeping him. Kudos to you for recognizing your "weaknesses", and doing the courageous thing.

I was only 19 when I had my son, and wasn't sure if I was ready to be a mom myself. So I put my son in a temporary foster home, to give myself time to think about what would be best for him and myself. It ended up being a good decision, b/c it gave me time to think, and I realized how much I loved my son and wanted to be the best mom I could. I wasn't perfect and made my share of mistakes, but I must have done something right b/c he turned out to be one heck of a good guy.

So even though it hurt like the dickens to give him up even temporarily, I don't regret the decision...

~KK~

 

[bella713]

I am so sorry your family is going through all of this...so many people get hurt when there is a divorce...I will keep your son and granddaughter in my thoughts and prayers...

for you!