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Hypertension? Overactive Thyroid? My beloved 38lb cat just went blind!
- Thread starter cooper38
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Originally Posted by saya
omg.
I am crying for you.
This is so hard, hold on... and don't forget that his brother needs you too, more than ever.
RIP Cooper
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #84
Thank-you for all the condolences and gifts. I honestly just miss him terribly. It's as simple as that. The house is so empty without him. At least since he went blind he's been isolating himself more so I was weened off him a little bit, but having him ailing and still around, to totally gone forever is a big change. I will never forget today though. It's seared into my heart and soul as a terrible day that I lost him. There is nothing good about death, at least for those of us still alive.
I tried to read that Rainbow Bridge thing, but I'm having a hard time accepting that I'll see him again as I've always thought of death as a simple expiring without anything afterwards. If there is any truth to it I'll be so happy to touch, smell, kiss, hug, feed, play, and groom him again. I'd give everything up for just one more year with him in good health. He was such a genuine pleasure to have known. He only died 3hrs ago, so I'm still processing this. Hence all the lengthy responses. Feel free to skim them over because I'm honestly writing them for me so I can try and wrap my head around what's happened. I'm not saying I don't truly appreciate all of your help because it has made it easier. Thank-you again from the bottom of my beat up old heart.
Either way knowing that he's resting and doesn't have to suffer offers me a little comfort. What him and I experienced together was so special and private that nothing on earth can take that away from me. I raised him from a little baby who could sleep in my hand to a mountain of a spoiled rotten cat haha. I wasn't stingy on love either. I wore my heart on my sleeve with him and will continue to do so.
He was with us for only 6 or 7 short years, but in that time he witnessed me grow from a boy to a man, open my heart fully to him, and lived an absolutely opulent and spoiled existence. I'm now glad that I never put him on an aggressive diet or anything because that's not what causes his death. FIV and the truly nasty Cryptococcus were what did him in at the end. The disease comes from pigeons, so in the end it was a damn bird that did him in. What cruel irony. Since he was diagnosed with FIV I've known in the back of my mind and heart that something would happen, but nothing prepared me for such a rapid decline in his health. I called the vet today to get the number for a private crematorium and ended up standing by while he passed on only a mere hour later. Nothing can prepare one's heart for that.
Anyway, I'm a jumbled mess of feelings right now, but know eventually I'll be able to come to terms with this. I mean no matter what pets die before the owner so everyone has to deal with it. If it's this hard for a cat then I simply cannot imagine what it would be like with a human. My neighbor lady is about 90 years-old and her husband of many many years passed on a little while back. How did she deal with that?! What about when a kid goes off to school and never comes back?! How on earth can the parents cope with that? We sure do pay to play in this so called game of life. Death just feels so wrong to me and I guess it's now at the forefront of my mental struggles.
I guess I'm rambling on again, but it does me good to write things down. It's part of my process. I think I'll now go weep uncontrolably in a vain attempt to get this physical pain in my heart to go down a little bit. Take care everybody.
I tried to read that Rainbow Bridge thing, but I'm having a hard time accepting that I'll see him again as I've always thought of death as a simple expiring without anything afterwards. If there is any truth to it I'll be so happy to touch, smell, kiss, hug, feed, play, and groom him again. I'd give everything up for just one more year with him in good health. He was such a genuine pleasure to have known. He only died 3hrs ago, so I'm still processing this. Hence all the lengthy responses. Feel free to skim them over because I'm honestly writing them for me so I can try and wrap my head around what's happened. I'm not saying I don't truly appreciate all of your help because it has made it easier. Thank-you again from the bottom of my beat up old heart.
Either way knowing that he's resting and doesn't have to suffer offers me a little comfort. What him and I experienced together was so special and private that nothing on earth can take that away from me. I raised him from a little baby who could sleep in my hand to a mountain of a spoiled rotten cat haha. I wasn't stingy on love either. I wore my heart on my sleeve with him and will continue to do so.
He was with us for only 6 or 7 short years, but in that time he witnessed me grow from a boy to a man, open my heart fully to him, and lived an absolutely opulent and spoiled existence. I'm now glad that I never put him on an aggressive diet or anything because that's not what causes his death. FIV and the truly nasty Cryptococcus were what did him in at the end. The disease comes from pigeons, so in the end it was a damn bird that did him in. What cruel irony. Since he was diagnosed with FIV I've known in the back of my mind and heart that something would happen, but nothing prepared me for such a rapid decline in his health. I called the vet today to get the number for a private crematorium and ended up standing by while he passed on only a mere hour later. Nothing can prepare one's heart for that.
Anyway, I'm a jumbled mess of feelings right now, but know eventually I'll be able to come to terms with this. I mean no matter what pets die before the owner so everyone has to deal with it. If it's this hard for a cat then I simply cannot imagine what it would be like with a human. My neighbor lady is about 90 years-old and her husband of many many years passed on a little while back. How did she deal with that?! What about when a kid goes off to school and never comes back?! How on earth can the parents cope with that? We sure do pay to play in this so called game of life. Death just feels so wrong to me and I guess it's now at the forefront of my mental struggles.
I guess I'm rambling on again, but it does me good to write things down. It's part of my process. I think I'll now go weep uncontrolably in a vain attempt to get this physical pain in my heart to go down a little bit. Take care everybody.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #85
Here's a little note I wrote for my beloved boy:
RIP Coo-Bear; you were the single most important animal, human or otherwise, in this last decade of my life. Gone but never forgotten my good friend. I know you had to go home for good today and I don't hold it against you at all, but your Dad sure is hurting without you. Everything reminds me of you. The feeding area, your bed, your hair everywhere, your smell, your favorite toy, they are here for you if you decide to stop back by in spirit. If you really are somewhere else then please know I have undying and unconditional love for you. Until next time; may your food dish always be full, your bed always comfortable, and your heart always at peace. Love always, Dad
RIP Coo-Bear; you were the single most important animal, human or otherwise, in this last decade of my life. Gone but never forgotten my good friend. I know you had to go home for good today and I don't hold it against you at all, but your Dad sure is hurting without you. Everything reminds me of you. The feeding area, your bed, your hair everywhere, your smell, your favorite toy, they are here for you if you decide to stop back by in spirit. If you really are somewhere else then please know I have undying and unconditional love for you. Until next time; may your food dish always be full, your bed always comfortable, and your heart always at peace. Love always, Dad
i totally get your shock... when Mouse got sick, i took her in to 4 different vets. no one ever could determine what she was ill from, & she was gone only 10 short days after her first vet visit for her illness.
i still miss her, 3 years later. i've added 4 cats to my household since she left, but the hole she left is still there...
to you for making that hardest of decisions & allowing Cooper to go to a place where he's healthy once more.
i still miss her, 3 years later. i've added 4 cats to my household since she left, but the hole she left is still there...
I just spend a half hour reading all of your posts... I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out! I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a cat suddenly. My husband and I used to have Checkers, a black and white kitty. He was only about 10 months old when he died. We still don't know why he died. It could be a number of different things. But the strange thing was... he was perfectly fine that morning when I went to work. I mean, NOTHING seemed wrong with him. He'd had all his shots, was cleared of any disease when he was tested a few months back, and was just a happy, sweet, loving kitty. That was my husband's favorite, by the way.
So I'm at work all day and all night (I worked a double shift), and we're not allowed to carry our cell phones with us (I work in a restaurant), so my hubby couldn't get a hold of me. He had come home that night around 6 and went to go pick him up and take him to bed later that night, and he was lying in the back room in a corner. He thought he was sleeping. He went to pet him and found that he was stiff. He had been dead for several hours.
When he finally got me on the phone, it was around 10, so he had to deal with that for a few hours by himself. I felt so bad! I was in shock about it. I was crying so hard on the way home... I couldn't even finish the drive. I called my parents and went over there and mom took me home while dad drove my car home. They helped us bury him and all that.
He looked fine though. There were no injuries, no swelling, nothing. To have him autopsied would have been so expensive and we couldn't have afforded it, so we just had to let him go in peace and know that he didn't suffer before he died. He looked so peaceful. It's like his heart just stopped all of a sudden. My husband and I both took it really hard. We still have our other kitties, Spock & Saki, and we love them unconditionally, but it's still hard. Every now and then we'll find a little white hair on a blanket or something, and know it could only belong to Checkers. It brings back all those memories of him.
I didn't intend to share this whole story with you, but hopefully now that I did, it will bring you a bit of comfort knowing you're not alone. It's hard to lose a kitty, especially one you've had for years. I lost my first kitty a few years ago. I'd had her since I was 9. She was 9 years old. One day she just didn't come home. I was very upset of course. So again, I know what you're dealing with.
Sorry for the long post! I hope everything turns out well for you, and remember, Sampson needs you right now more than ever. Much love, and don't cry too hard! We're rooting for you!
So I'm at work all day and all night (I worked a double shift), and we're not allowed to carry our cell phones with us (I work in a restaurant), so my hubby couldn't get a hold of me. He had come home that night around 6 and went to go pick him up and take him to bed later that night, and he was lying in the back room in a corner. He thought he was sleeping. He went to pet him and found that he was stiff. He had been dead for several hours.
When he finally got me on the phone, it was around 10, so he had to deal with that for a few hours by himself. I felt so bad! I was in shock about it. I was crying so hard on the way home... I couldn't even finish the drive. I called my parents and went over there and mom took me home while dad drove my car home. They helped us bury him and all that.
He looked fine though. There were no injuries, no swelling, nothing. To have him autopsied would have been so expensive and we couldn't have afforded it, so we just had to let him go in peace and know that he didn't suffer before he died. He looked so peaceful. It's like his heart just stopped all of a sudden. My husband and I both took it really hard. We still have our other kitties, Spock & Saki, and we love them unconditionally, but it's still hard. Every now and then we'll find a little white hair on a blanket or something, and know it could only belong to Checkers. It brings back all those memories of him.
I didn't intend to share this whole story with you, but hopefully now that I did, it will bring you a bit of comfort knowing you're not alone. It's hard to lose a kitty, especially one you've had for years. I lost my first kitty a few years ago. I'd had her since I was 9. She was 9 years old. One day she just didn't come home. I was very upset of course. So again, I know what you're dealing with.
Sorry for the long post! I hope everything turns out well for you, and remember, Sampson needs you right now more than ever. Much love, and don't cry too hard! We're rooting for you!
Never doubt how much your beautiful boy knew you loved him. It is so hard to miss their very presence. The house is empty. Each one is special and places a unique stamp on our hearts.
Whatever there is or isn't for an afterlife. What is certain is the bond and love you shared while Cooper was on this earth with you. Nothing will ever change that
In the end you did the kindest most giving thing you could, despite the pain to you.
keep your heart open, Cooper is going to send you another kitty in the future. It may be next week or in 5 years. Trust me though, you will know the one Cooper sends.
Lots love and light to heal your broken heart being sent.
Whatever there is or isn't for an afterlife. What is certain is the bond and love you shared while Cooper was on this earth with you. Nothing will ever change that
In the end you did the kindest most giving thing you could, despite the pain to you.
keep your heart open, Cooper is going to send you another kitty in the future. It may be next week or in 5 years. Trust me though, you will know the one Cooper sends.
Lots love and light to heal your broken heart being sent.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #89
Thank-you a ton for those 2 posts. They were very helpful to me and of course brought the tears back out. This is terrible. I stayed up with him most of the night last night so got next to nothing for sleep. Then I had to deal with his death today so I'm really drained physically and emotionally. I can't sleep though. I'm just too sad. I finally ate something, but if anything I felt worse. I miss him so so bad tonight. I've only lost it into deep heavy sobbing twice today (right after the vet left with him and again just about 15 mins ago), but have been crying or on the edge of crying all day. Even for the last few days watching him go downhill has had me devastated.
I keep thinking all these crazy thoughts. For instance, what if the vet didn't administer enough of the sedative and he only appeared dead? What if he was put in the freezer and woke up in there for a little bit?! I know it sounds absurd and probably is, but I'm just sharing my thought process. I'm also picturing him dead in the freezer. I know he's there still and he still has his beautiful coat and face. I know it's crazy talk, but the "what ifs" just start bombarding my brain. I just want some relief from this absolute misery I'm feeling. I live alone and it's oh so lonely here right now. Sampson is here, but he has the lovingness of a piece of granite compared to his lovable brother.
I guess the bottom line is that I'm just grieving. We all have our ways of dealing with it, but mine is especially rowdy I'd imagine. I can't let things go and only focus on the bad. It's just when you're used to having a companion by your side for 7 years (human or not!), and then they're suddenly gone; it's quite a bit to deal with in my opinion. Everything reminds me of him. He's on my mind absolutely every second. He's only been gone about 7hrs, so I'm just now realizing he's truly gone and NEVER coming back. He was so beautiful and smart, and came when you called like a dog; better than a dog. Only to me too. I was his protector, father, and companion almost every day for 7 years and now that he's gone I'm going downhill emotionally rather quick.
I choose to grieve alone because it can get pretty messy and uncomfortable unless the person is grieving with you, but honestly I'm having a hard time of it tonight. I feel like I can't explain how deeply I loved him and how special our connection was. Our hearts communicated just fine, with no species barrier at all. He loved me unconditionally and me the same for him. In the last 4 years since it's truly been just me and my boys; really formed an imeasurebly strong bond with him. I just knew what he wanted and he trusted me enough to provide that for him.
Haha, before I go rattling on I'll make this the last paragraph or so. Thank-you everyone for letting me be your shoulder to cry on. It's a little less messy this way haha. I will admit that I would actually prefer to be with someone tonight that would let me mourn with them, but that's not going to happen. Nobody loved Cooper like I did, so anyone else coming over to my house would be consoling me, which I don't want I don't think.
I'd rather look like a spewing mess of tears and snot alone than have someone watch me. Now if they'd just lost a cat they adored them like I did Cooper then that would be fine. No matter though; I'm definitely gritting this one out myself, but no sleep, not much food, and a brain able to consume me alive (emotionally)isn't exactly the best combination for what I'm going through.
I'll check back in tomorrow to log some more about how I'm dealing with this and what's going on with the ashes too. Hopefully someone else can see this thread and learn something from it, or see it after their cat's died and see that they're not alone. I'm never the type of guy to frequent a Cat Forum, but this place is actually really great and people are real here which on most other forums is discouraged; at least the car forums I frequent sometimes.
Take care everyone and send a soul flare to Cooper so he can feel all the love and light wherever his soul may be, Hopefully it's close to me because I sure do miss him. I found some videos of him on my phone and that's when I lost it for the 2nd time. There he is not more than a couple months ago just fine and dandy. That's a real burner haha. That's why the 2nd absolute devastated sobbing happened haha. Maybe I should hold off on them until I've sorted this out. Anyway, enough rambling. I'll check back in soon with another Novel.
I keep thinking all these crazy thoughts. For instance, what if the vet didn't administer enough of the sedative and he only appeared dead? What if he was put in the freezer and woke up in there for a little bit?! I know it sounds absurd and probably is, but I'm just sharing my thought process. I'm also picturing him dead in the freezer. I know he's there still and he still has his beautiful coat and face. I know it's crazy talk, but the "what ifs" just start bombarding my brain. I just want some relief from this absolute misery I'm feeling. I live alone and it's oh so lonely here right now. Sampson is here, but he has the lovingness of a piece of granite compared to his lovable brother.
I guess the bottom line is that I'm just grieving. We all have our ways of dealing with it, but mine is especially rowdy I'd imagine. I can't let things go and only focus on the bad. It's just when you're used to having a companion by your side for 7 years (human or not!), and then they're suddenly gone; it's quite a bit to deal with in my opinion. Everything reminds me of him. He's on my mind absolutely every second. He's only been gone about 7hrs, so I'm just now realizing he's truly gone and NEVER coming back. He was so beautiful and smart, and came when you called like a dog; better than a dog. Only to me too. I was his protector, father, and companion almost every day for 7 years and now that he's gone I'm going downhill emotionally rather quick.
I choose to grieve alone because it can get pretty messy and uncomfortable unless the person is grieving with you, but honestly I'm having a hard time of it tonight. I feel like I can't explain how deeply I loved him and how special our connection was. Our hearts communicated just fine, with no species barrier at all. He loved me unconditionally and me the same for him. In the last 4 years since it's truly been just me and my boys; really formed an imeasurebly strong bond with him. I just knew what he wanted and he trusted me enough to provide that for him.
Haha, before I go rattling on I'll make this the last paragraph or so. Thank-you everyone for letting me be your shoulder to cry on. It's a little less messy this way haha. I will admit that I would actually prefer to be with someone tonight that would let me mourn with them, but that's not going to happen. Nobody loved Cooper like I did, so anyone else coming over to my house would be consoling me, which I don't want I don't think.
I'd rather look like a spewing mess of tears and snot alone than have someone watch me. Now if they'd just lost a cat they adored them like I did Cooper then that would be fine. No matter though; I'm definitely gritting this one out myself, but no sleep, not much food, and a brain able to consume me alive (emotionally)isn't exactly the best combination for what I'm going through.
I'll check back in tomorrow to log some more about how I'm dealing with this and what's going on with the ashes too. Hopefully someone else can see this thread and learn something from it, or see it after their cat's died and see that they're not alone. I'm never the type of guy to frequent a Cat Forum, but this place is actually really great and people are real here which on most other forums is discouraged; at least the car forums I frequent sometimes.
Take care everyone and send a soul flare to Cooper so he can feel all the love and light wherever his soul may be, Hopefully it's close to me because I sure do miss him. I found some videos of him on my phone and that's when I lost it for the 2nd time. There he is not more than a couple months ago just fine and dandy. That's a real burner haha. That's why the 2nd absolute devastated sobbing happened haha. Maybe I should hold off on them until I've sorted this out. Anyway, enough rambling. I'll check back in soon with another Novel.
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The love that you share with Cooper transcends death.
Your precious boy will always be with you.
Until you are together again...
Rest in peace sweet Cooper.
Your precious boy will always be with you.
Until you are together again...
Rest in peace sweet Cooper.
I am just very sorry for your loss. I don't want to go on about me, but I just went through an unexpected loss (of Frankie, the sweetheart in my sig below) and honestly, I lost it. Even my very understanding, best friend husband would agree, I freaked out as the situation was so abrupt, and I did everything I could on the spot to save her.
I don't have any words for how it's felt, for once, I'm at a loss. Just know that you are not alone on this forum, that we do understand and share in your grief, because we know what this kind of loss feels like. We know how very much a part of our hearts and souls these special beings (can't just call them 'creatures') become.
Alix keeps looking for Frankie, has changed her sleeping patterns, her requests for affection, and it helps me to comfort her.
So comfort Cooper's brother, hold him close, and I also would not be surprised if Cooper does not send a special kitten or cat your way sometime soon. I've had that happen more than once.
I don't have any words for how it's felt, for once, I'm at a loss. Just know that you are not alone on this forum, that we do understand and share in your grief, because we know what this kind of loss feels like. We know how very much a part of our hearts and souls these special beings (can't just call them 'creatures') become.
Alix keeps looking for Frankie, has changed her sleeping patterns, her requests for affection, and it helps me to comfort her.
So comfort Cooper's brother, hold him close, and I also would not be surprised if Cooper does not send a special kitten or cat your way sometime soon. I've had that happen more than once.
You were obviously very bonded with you sweet boy. There is nothing wrong with grieveing for him, but if I were 100% honest with you I'm a little worried. Please make sure to get sleep and eat. I think I'm worried because your strong greif response reminds me of myself. I tend to go into a shell and let grief overwhelm me. Grief is natural, but how I deal with it is not good. Maybe I'm wrong, but please listen when I say if this gets to be too much you may need to see a couneslor. Just keep that in mind. I'm not saying that you are at that point, I'm just saying take care of yourself. Your other kitty needs you, he must be sad too. Please don't take this as me saying I don't understand, it's the oposite. I can't know the pain you are in, but I have felt the pain of losing a beloved cat. Please take care of yourself.
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Sorry to read what you have been through. We just went through the same thing in November and I know how it feels. You were a loving caring dad to Cooper. Please don't beat yourself up with the what ifs. I know how hard that is too. RIP Cooper.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #94
I really appreciate the concern. You've been very helpful through this whole process since March 2 when I posted about him having gone blind. I would agree with you that I'm taking this a bit too hard. I'm just not good at grief. I pretty much bottle up all my feelings and then when something like this happens years of feelings come out along with the current ones.Originally Posted by Rang_27
You were obviously very bonded with you sweet boy. There is nothing wrong with grieveing for him, but if I were 100% honest with you I'm a little worried. Please make sure to get sleep and eat. I think I'm worried because your strong greif response reminds me of myself. I tend to go into a shell and let grief overwhelm me. Grief is natural, but how I deal with it is not good. Maybe I'm wrong, but please listen when I say if this gets to be too much you may need to see a couneslor. Just keep that in mind. I'm not saying that you are at that point, I'm just saying take care of yourself. Your other kitty needs you, he must be sad too. Please don't take this as me saying I don't understand, it's the oposite. I can't know the pain you are in, but I have felt the pain of losing a beloved cat. Please take care of yourself.
I just can't eat. I slept briefly, but it was full of weird dreams about Cooper. For instance, Sampson could talk and told me he knew Cooper was gone. Very weird. Sampson did spend the whole time right next tome the whole night. He's now been looking for Cooper. He keeps shooting upright at any sound and investigating. I wanted him to be there when Cooper passed, but he was outside and didn't come in. It was over so fast. I hope he doesn't change too much or get really depressed like me.
I really don't know what I'm going to do. I know that Cooper would want me to eat because he was so fond of food. I tried to eat a sandwich but it tasted like sawdust and I felt sick. It's like my brain is shutting down my body too. Knowing people understand helps a little, but I was just so attached to him it's really like my partner has died. I never just fully open my heart like I did with him and now that he's gone there's a massive hole.
The hardest part is still being in the same place with the same furniture and everything exactly the same just Cooper gone. His hair is all over the house, there's still dry food on the floor that he knocked over yesterday while trying to get up, his little accidents are still stained on the floor in a couple spots even after cleaning them thoroughly. Basically, his essence is around and it feels like he should be too, but he's not. After dozing off for a second I woke up and was disoriented and then immediately remembered what was going on and just lost it.
I think the only thing that'll help me is time to go by. Worst case scenerio is that my body won't let me eat and I have to go to the hospital, but I don't want that. Later tonight I'll force something down so I can nourish my body. I just feel so helpless which to me isn't the norm. I didn't expect this to be so hard because I knew after he went downhill that he was going to die, but now that it's truly happened I'm devastated. I know that I made the right decision and he didn't suffer much and it's better this way and blah blah, but the loss of my best friend isn't going to heal overnight.
Also, if people want to talk about themselves in this thread that's fine with me as that's what this is for. It does help me to hear about other folks' experiences for sure. A nice moderator has agreed to help me make a thread in Rainbow Bridge, so if you're not tired of me whining about losing Cooper then check that out too. Thanks again to everyone. Take care.
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It's never easy to say goodbye. Just never forget, you loved Cooper. He had a wonderful life, no matter how long or short. So many kitties don't get a chance at life, or live miserable ones.
Cooper knows you love him always & furrever. He is at peace over the rainbow bridge now.
Cooper knows you love him always & furrever. He is at peace over the rainbow bridge now.
I'll close Coopers thread, and with Marks permission i've taken Cooper into the Bridge forum
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=160816
If theres anything you want added to the thread Mark such as pictures etc... don't hesitate to pm me
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=160816
If theres anything you want added to the thread Mark such as pictures etc... don't hesitate to pm me
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