How to persuade our cat it's safe to come home

[Albion_Inmate]

Background: We acquired Withnail about 5 years ago when he was about 6 months old, he'd been a street cat for a bit, we got him through a cat rescue centre. We got Romana about 6 months later from the same centre, and they cohabited generally fairly well given the occasional scrap.

Romana died suddenly back in January, and we've been grieving. Withnail has stepped up his game, become much more affectionate with us, and less shy of being seen to enjoy attention (he'd previously often walk away from a cuddle if anyone else walked into the room). Whether he grieved her, was sympathetic to our grief, or just saw an opportunity to enjoy being the sole cat is a matter of conjecture, we loved this new side of Withnail.

Unwisely it was therefore that we disrupted this new balance about a month ago by introducing two kittens from a litter into the house, too fast.
Withnail's response has been to leave. He's sleeping rough in a neighbour's outhouse, will come into the house via the catflap only at night or in the morning when he knows the kittens aren't around. When he does he's affectionate with us but watchful, and rarely stays for long, unless I can get him on my lap in the morning, then he might stay for an hour or two.
The situation didn't improve, and eventually we lost heart, we couldn't love the kittens unreservedly knowing Withnail had exiled himself, we felt we had gained two kittens but lost a cherished companion, and returned the kittens to their foster carer to find a new home. We just want to get Withnail back home.
We vacuumed and mopped the house, changed bedding and clothes, got rid of litter trays toys and bowls.
But still Withnail sticks to his time-share routine, comes in at night for food, but won't stay, and won't come in during the day.
This has so far gone on for about a week. We go outside, call him, and he'll come running down the street, clearly pleased to see us, doesn't remotely seem to hold a grudge, but remains aloof from the house.
My wife has carried him in a couple of times to show him the house is empty, but he's still spooked.
We're worried that this behaviour pattern will become more entrenched with time, and see a diminishing possibility of getting Withnail back. To the extent that we're now considering keeping him in for a few days to give him no alternative but to make himself at home in the house again (as we did when we first got him as a 6 month old), but I worry that this will simply alienate him and make him more aloof, not less.
Any advice would be welcome, we just want to get our cat back, we miss him, please be kind, we know we've made mistakes. Thank you.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi --

we're now considering keeping him in for a few days to give him no alternative but to make himself at home in the house again

You will want to do this, for longer than just a few days.

Try some Cat Music as well.

 

[rubysmama]

Can you bring him inside, and maybe just keep him in one room for a few days, almost like you would when bringing a new cat into your home.
How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home - TheCatSite

You could also try Feliway, however, reviews are mixed, so it's not a sure thing, and it is a bit pricey.
FELIWAY Shop

 

[catsknowme]

I agree with bringing him inside and making him an inside only cat unless your outdoor area is very safe: no cars, no predators, no weird neighbors. A catio is an excellent option to consider.

 

[Lime_Cat]

I understand how difficult and distressing this situation must be for you and Withnail. It's clear that you deeply care for him and want him to feel at home again. Here are a few suggestions that might help:

1. Patience and reassurance: Withnail has gone through a significant change in the household dynamics with the introduction and subsequent removal of the kittens. It may take some time for him to readjust and regain his sense of security. Be patient and continue showing him love and affection when he comes around. Use a calm and reassuring tone of voice when interacting with him.

2. Gradual reintroduction: Instead of immediately keeping Withnail indoors for a few days, consider a gradual reintroduction process. Start by keeping him indoors for short periods, gradually increasing the duration over time. This will allow him to become familiar with the house again while still having the option to go outside if he feels uncomfortable. Provide him with a cozy and safe space, such as a separate room, where he can retreat if needed.

3. Scent swapping: To help Withnail associate positive experiences with the house, you can try scent swapping. Use a soft cloth or towel to rub against Withnail's scent glands (around his face and neck) and then place it in the house where he spends most of his time. Similarly, take a cloth and rub it against areas in the house and then place it near Withnail's outdoor hangout spots. This can help create a sense of familiarity and comfort.

4. Environmental enrichment: Enhance the indoor environment to provide mental and physical stimulation for Withnail. Offer interactive toys, scratching posts, and cozy hiding spots. Play with him using his favorite toys and engage him in interactive play sessions to help him release energy and bond with you.

5. Consult with a veterinarian or behaviorist: If Withnail's behavior doesn't improve over time or if you're concerned about his well-being, it might be helpful to seek professional advice. A veterinarian or animal behaviorist can assess the situation more comprehensively and provide specific guidance based on Withnail's individual needs.

Remember, every cat is unique, and the process of reintroduction and readjustment can vary. It's important to approach this situation with patience, understanding, and love. Best of luck in bringing Withnail back into your home.

 

[Alldara]

Agree with the above. Once a he's in, keep him in and do some step by step introductions.

 

[heatherwillard0614]

I agree with rubysmama bring him in and keep him in a room make that kinda his safe zone for a little while let his scent get all over some cat beds cat tree blankets etc even his litter box... then when u think he is totally comfortable with "his" room start to expand it by bringing out his stuff that has his scent all over it I hope this will help. I would definitely try all u can to keep him indoors.
Good luck stay patient and give lots of love and if he has a absolute favorite treat give him some.

 

[Kwik]

Background: We acquired Withnail about 5 years ago when he was about 6 months old, he'd been a street cat for a bit, we got him through a cat rescue centre. We got Romana about 6 months later from the same centre, and they cohabited generally fairly well given the occasional scrap.

Romana died suddenly back in January, and we've been grieving. Withnail has stepped up his game, become much more affectionate with us, and less shy of being seen to enjoy attention (he'd previously often walk away from a cuddle if anyone else walked into the room). Whether he grieved her, was sympathetic to our grief, or just saw an opportunity to enjoy being the sole cat is a matter of conjecture, we loved this new side of Withnail.

Unwisely it was therefore that we disrupted this new balance about a month ago by introducing two kittens from a litter into the house, too fast.
Withnail's response has been to leave. He's sleeping rough in a neighbour's outhouse, will come into the house via the catflap only at night or in the morning when he knows the kittens aren't around. When he does he's affectionate with us but watchful, and rarely stays for long, unless I can get him on my lap in the morning, then he might stay for an hour or two.
The situation didn't improve, and eventually we lost heart, we couldn't love the kittens unreservedly knowing Withnail had exiled himself, we felt we had gained two kittens but lost a cherished companion, and returned the kittens to their foster carer to find a new home. We just want to get Withnail back home.
We vacuumed and mopped the house, changed bedding and clothes, got rid of litter trays toys and bowls.
But still Withnail sticks to his time-share routine, comes in at night for food, but won't stay, and won't come in during the day.
This has so far gone on for about a week. We go outside, call him, and he'll come running down the street, clearly pleased to see us, doesn't remotely seem to hold a grudge, but remains aloof from the house.
My wife has carried him in a couple of times to show him the house is empty, but he's still spooked.
We're worried that this behaviour pattern will become more entrenched with time, and see a diminishing possibility of getting Withnail back. To the extent that we're now considering keeping him in for a few days to give him no alternative but to make himself at home in the house again (as we did when we first got him as a 6 month old), but I worry that this will simply alienate him and make him more aloof, not less.
Any advice would be welcome, we just want to get our cat back, we miss him, please be kind, we know we've made mistakes. Thank you.

Hi,of course I'll be kind,there's no reason to be unkind no matter how many mistakes anyone makes-we ALL make plenty!Obviously you love Withnail and he's just being a cat,he has tasted outdoors and he likes it but that does not mean he cannot be an inside only cat and the pros are he will be safe,live his fullest life expectancy,never be hit by a car,attacked by a predator,accidentally poisoned or any other awful thing that can potentionally harm him....the only CON is that it will take a little patience,time & a whole Lotta love to make the transition and have a very content Withnail....
My advice is when he comes in,keep him in and do follow all the great advice others have shared here- starting out in a 'smaller safe room" ,gradually expanding his territory etc...all of it is excellent advice
catsknowme suggested a catio,great idea -indoor kitties get to enjoy the best of both worlds safely and they LOVE it,so if you've got the room ,go for it.... they've got tons of different styles,sizes & prices or you can do it yourself for much less$$
I just revamped my entire house to bring in a 7yr old true feral,threw out half my furniture to make room for an enclosure,caged my patio screens,constructing a safety vestibule in front of my front door and he's not a happy camper ,right now. But he's safe,we'll be okay because I love the little guy. Withnail will be okay too,one step at a time
And yeah,there'll be mistakes along the way but don't make a mistake that is irreversible,you know what I meanI'm cheering you on,we are all here to support you every step of the way----praying for you!

 

[silent meowlook]

Hi. Get your cat and keep him inside. A small room for starters as suggested would be great. You will feel horrible, as much as you love that cat, if something bad happens to him outside.

He didn’t like the kittens and now associates the house with kittens. He will only know the kittens are gone by spending allot of time in the house.
It might be a challenge at first but it will work out if you keep him in.

 

[Kwik]

Hi. Get your cat and keep him inside. A small room for starters as suggested would be great. You will feel horrible, as much as you love that cat, if something bad happens to him outside.

He didn’t like the kittens and now associates the house with kittens. He will only know the kittens are gone by spending allot of time in the house.
It might be a challenge at first but it will work out if you keep him in.

Could not agree more!!!!

 

[Kiara98]

I'm no expert but I would suggest to keep him inside too , for at least 1-2 weeks until he knows he's safe to be there again and that your house is his territory.
Or maybe you could try to gradually make him understand that there's no one anymore, but it would surely take weeks.
I had somehow a similar experience in the past with my neighbor's cat who visited our garden (he loved us) and 2 chickens my grandpa took in ahahaha
The first time he saw them he was terrified!! he literally run away shitting himself, imagine seeing these weird creatures for the first time...poor boy
Anyway he didn't come back for a few days , eventually he understood that he was safe and got used to them , but this happened in weeks, maybe even a little bit more than a month.
I think it's about making him understand he is safe and protected.

 

[Albion_Inmate]

Hi,of course I'll be kind,there's no reason to be unkind no matter how many mistakes anyone makes-we ALL make plenty!Obviously you love Withnail and he's just being a cat,he has tasted outdoors and he likes it but that does not mean he cannot be an inside only cat and the pros are he will be safe,live his fullest life expectancy,never be hit by a car,attacked by a predator,accidentally poisoned or any other awful thing that can potentionally harm him....the only CON is that it will take a little patience,time & a whole Lotta love to make the transition and have a very content Withnail....
My advice is when he comes in,keep him in and do follow all the great advice others have shared here- starting out in a 'smaller safe room" ,gradually expanding his territory etc...all of it is excellent advice
catsknowme suggested a catio,great idea -indoor kitties get to enjoy the best of both worlds safely and they LOVE it,so if you've got the room ,go for it.... they've got tons of different styles,sizes & prices or you can do it yourself for much less$$
I just revamped my entire house to bring in a 7yr old true feral,threw out half my furniture to make room for an enclosure,caged my patio screens,constructing a safety vestibule in front of my front door and he's not a happy camper ,right now. But he's safe,we'll be okay because I love the little guy. Withnail will be okay too,one step at a time
And yeah,there'll be mistakes along the way but don't make a mistake that is irreversible,you know what I meanI'm cheering you on,we are all here to support you every step of the way----praying for you!

We're not really wanting to make him an inside cat, he's been an outdoor cat most of his life, we primarily just want to make him feel that our house is his home, spend a bit more time here with us as he has done in the past. We kept him in for a couple days, so he slept here, and must now know the kittens are no longer here. He battered the catflap or cried at it from time to time, but didn't seem to resent us for it. He's still aloof from the house, and seems nervous of it, but the weather's hot so it'd be understandable if he remains out a lot. Hopefully when the weather cools in a few months he'll spend more time in and feel secure doing so. Thank you for your kind and supportive response though, much appreciated!

 

[Albion_Inmate]

I agree with rubysmama bring him in and keep him in a room make that kinda his safe zone for a little while let his scent get all over some cat beds cat tree blankets etc even his litter box... then when u think he is totally comfortable with "his" room start to expand it by bringing out his stuff that has his scent all over it I hope this will help. I would definitely try all u can to keep him indoors.
Good luck stay patient and give lots of love and if he has a absolute favorite treat give him some.

Thank you! Yes, getting his scent around the house again is likely key to solving this issue!

 

[Albion_Inmate]

Hi. Get your cat and keep him inside. A small room for starters as suggested would be great. You will feel horrible, as much as you love that cat, if something bad happens to him outside.

He didn’t like the kittens and now associates the house with kittens. He will only know the kittens are gone by spending allot of time in the house.
It might be a challenge at first but it will work out if you keep him in.

Thank you! We will persevere with keeping him in for periods, preferably in the day when he'll be looking for somewhere to bed down, and let him out at night when he's most active.

 

[heatherwillard0614]

Also if you had any "scent soakers" when the kittens were there, examples include but not limited to cat scratchers, beds, blankets, cat toys, etc. if you can, wash most of everything to get kittens scents off so he won't still smell their presence.. if you have to also you can remove any larger furniture items like cat tree until he is more comfortable.

 

[silent meowlook]

The thing is if you keep him in only one day and let him out that night he is going to have even more fear of going to the house.

 

[Furballsmom]

The thing is if you keep him in only one day and let him out that night he is going to have even more fear of going to the house.

I completely agree with this.

He's still aloof from the house, and seems nervous of it,

Keeping him in "for a couple days" isn't at all what I envisioned because that's not nearly enough time inside for him to become acclimated again, which is what needs to happen if you intend for him to view your house as his home base. Whether you intend to make him an indoor cat or not doesn't have anything to do with this particular situation. He needs to be inside-only for at least a week in my opinion.

 

[heatherwillard0614]

I agree with Furballsmom weather or not he is going to be strictly indoors or not the best thing is to keep him inside strictly for at least a week. This will get him acclimated and comfortable with the home

 

[Alldara]

Personally, I always learned that it took 1 to 3 months for a cat to learn that their home base is home.

My mum always did that with our indoor-outdoor cats.

A few days won't do it. You'll end up asking us why it didn't work as well as you wanted. Bring some outside in for him during that time and try to just make it enjoyable for him with extra enrichment. Help him to see that you care about his needs (which we can tell you do, you're here!).

 

[Kwik]

Of course I'm in agreement with everyone except that one week being the very minimum,imo and after many years experience,which began as trial and error... fortunately after awhile I had some wonderful mentors and opportunities of a lifetime to study animal behavior
I mention this to assure you that it's not guesswork,Alldara is 100%correct in that a cat will take from 1 to 3 months to establish his home base ..... you're actually almost "relocating"even though your home is within his established territory .... which is not nearly as difficult as relocating out of familiar territory. So it would be highly likely in 2 to 3 was time kitty will have learned this is where his basic needs are met without fail
At this point being confined for a day or 2 is pretty much showing him its not that safe,hes not learning he can come and go as he pleases,he's learning it's probably best to be very cautious
Slow transitions are always the least stressful for a cat,provided the surroundings allow) safe outdoor environment) -leaving a door open ,feeding indoors and slowly extending indoor time little by little,it could take many months this way and kitty might never decide to stay inside but that's ideal for many folks-these days a safe environment is pretty rare
So,it's entirely up to you what you want-cats territories can extend pretty far & wide,they usually have several people leaving food out or garbage to rummage etc.so unless you keep him in,establish a feeding regimen and his belly is full at your one stop shop...

You've gotten sound advice here from several,he certainly can be an indoor/outdoor cat but you've have to help him to establish where ",home " is if you want to be exclusively responsible for him