How to know if a cat will overcome her shyness/fear of humans?

[dlkhain]

Hi,

My wife and I are now looking for a new companion for our 4 year old cat (Pims) after he lost his sister due to a car hitting her. I have already asked questions on another thread regarding suggestions, compatibilities etc, and I've had several very helpful responses (see http://www.thecatsite.com/t/306300/getting-a-new-companion-for-our-now-alone-cat).

I found what looked like a good candidate online - her name is Pops (yes, the Pims & Pops duo sounds quite fun), she's a 6 months old semi long haired kitty, and she's absolutely gorgeous.

However, we visisted her at her foster home today... and she pretty much had the behaviour of the "cat you shouldn't get":

- She won't let anyone touch her, let alone stroke her, even the lady who's been looking after her for 3 months

- She looks terrified all the time - rapid breathing, looking around... the only times where I've seen a cat like this was when it was living in a rather hostile environment, with the man of the house being quite violent. I'm however pretty certain she hasn't suffered any abuse.

There are some positives:

- She seems to interact ok with some of the other cats that are part of the foster home

- She's quite lively when playing with toys, and looks quite inquisitive in the sense of exploring rooms and such - just not towards humans

- To be fair, when shying away from us, she didn't run away as far as she could have. She stayed a couple of yards away, but should she have chosen to she could have just gone in a box hidden from sight and stayed there.

At this point, I'm wondering if some elements of her current surroundings are contributing factors: she lives somewhere quite unstable (being a foster home, cats come and go), and she's sharing litter trays, food etc in quite close proximity. From what I understand, she's the only one left of her litter, all her siblings having been adopted - probably because everyone visiting her has had the same gut reaction as we did. She made friends with another kitten in particular, but he has now been spayed and seems to have lost interest.

I'm a bit torn. She's a splendid animal, but there are many alarm bells ringing - the fact that she still hasn't started trusting her current person makes me wonder if there's just no way she'd settle in our home, especially with our resident cat. On the other hand, there's a nagging guilt thing. I feel like if we don't try, she'll just spend the rest of her days in the foster home, as I don't see her doing well in an "interview" any time soon...

I've always been taught to pick the cat that is the most inquisitive and people-friendly, and she's quite the opposite - would there be a chance for her to change once she joins us in our home, or is it more likely to just be her personality and she'll never get along?

If it's a matter of perseverance and work, we may be able to do something - we have flexible work hours, and should be able to dedicate quite a bit of time to her and the introduction. But if it's just doomed from the start, I'd rather not put anyone (her, Pims and ourselves) trough the additional stress.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

She might change; but she might also be on the skittish side or prefer just the people she is used to.  It's hard to say.  

My soul-kitty was very skittish.  Her nickname was Beanse; as in a jumping bean, because if any noise startled her she would jump up in the air.  I was 9 when we adopted her so I thought it was pretty funny.  Her mother belonged to a family member; so we knew her story and upbringing.  I met her when she was 1 week old.  I spent a good deal of time just stroking her fur with one finger she was so tiny.  She was handled by several people in a home that had multiple animals.  So by that; she should have been well socialized.  But she stayed that way until she died.  She always preferred my mother and I and did ok with most of my friends.  She never really warmed up to my Step-dad or step-siblings.  She preferred to be in my room or in a few spots in the yard.  She was the best cat; she was by my side through some really difficult times in my childhood.  So for me, her personality was great.  She did play and got along great with the other cats and the dog.  She did typical cat things. But she didn't need to mingle when we had company, she didn't rotate bedrooms to sleep in.  She just was who she was.  

Now our other cats have had different personalities.  From the very friendly and social to quiet and aloof.  They really do come with their own personality.  Socializing is a factor; but it doesn't guarantee.

 

[dlkhain]

Hi,

Thank you for your reply.

Sounds like Beanse was a lovely cat. And you're right, even if they're not the most cuddly, sometimes just having them around, and their presence in the house is enough to enjoy them.

Yes, it's just very hard to decide without knowing how it will turn out. And yes, I'm sure we'd get to love her regardless, but we're just trying to do what's best for everyone.

One thing I forgot to mention in my initial post... is it possible/likely that her behaviour would change much once she's been spayed? It happened to another cat in hte foster home, so I'm wondering if that would be a factor as well.

 

[Loving Mickey]

Hi! I adopted Shadow about a year ago. He is a warm friendly cat, even though he is not too happy with strangers. Fine with us, as we don't see that as a problem. He is healthy, eats well, loves us, and is a happy cat.
However, he seemed like he would like a cat friend. We weren't really sure if another cat would be a good idea or not, as we never had good luck in the past having two cats. Well, finally decided to try it. Enter, Mittens. Now, Mittens is a lovely cat, but so shy and scared of everything. The slightest noise makes him run and hide. He is very different from Shadow. I now have Mittens about 8 months and he and Shadow are the best of friends. Shadow looks out for Mittens like a true brother. It is so adorable. I love watching them together.
As for us, Mittens is very loving towards us, especially me. He lays with me if I don't feel well or am taking a nap. He loves cuddling up and watching television. He is a true joy and I love him to pieces. My husband would like him to not be hiding as much but I tell him he may change and get better about the hiding or he may not. It just may be who he is and I can accept that. He was a perfect addition to my family just as Shadow was. I love them both just the way they are. I wouldn't change a thing.
So, being a shy scared cat is not bad It is just who they are. Your cat may end up loving the shy kitty, just like my Shadow loves Mittens.
Good Luck with your decision!!

 

[caitini]

Fuzzy is the world's most nervous cat - if I'd made a decision based on personality I'd never have adopted him.  But after a lot of time and patience, he's become so warm and affectionate and cuddly. With me, that is. He still hides under the bed if anyone comes to visit.

Pierre is less timid, and when I brought him into the house I thought I would have to keep them apart for at least a month.  But they were begging to get to know each other and so the introduction happened very quickly. And they love each other. I wouldn't trade either of them for the friendliest instant-lap-cat in the world.