How to get our cranky mama to get along with others

[pawsandconsider]

Hey all,  I need some advice:

The background:  We rescued a mama kitty and her babies 8 years ago from the woods.  They have lived with us ever since.  We also have to other cats, a 14 year old male cat and a 13 year old female Persian.  Since rescuing the mama (named Sparrow) and her two boys, they have lived in our furnished basement, while our other two cats live in the main part of the house.

The problem:  Sparrow refuses to play nice, especially with our 14 year old cat.  We like to let Sparrow and her boys up with us in the evenings when we are home to monitor them, but inevitably Sparrow will be good for 15 minutes, then lose her mind and chase our 14 year old, who is too old to be treated in such a fashion.  She knows she is being bad, because when I run up to break up the ruckus, she hides from me under our bed so I can't reach her.  Then she "puts herself back in the basement" when I give up the pursuit.  On Friday she was being so good, then laid her eyes on Boy (the 14 year old) and snapped.  She took off after him, chasing him upstairs.  He was so panicked that he jumped from our upstairs loft back into the living room.  It's a wonder he didn't break a bone.  The reason she chases Boy and not our Persian is because Boy reacts to her and the Persian just goes catatonic (sorry for the pun).  The most frustrating part is that Sparrow knows she is being bad, and I have no idea how to correct her behavior.  We've tried the spray bottle with water, we've "punished" her by not allowing her upstairs for periods of time...nothing seems to curtail her behavior. 

Any ideas?  After Friday I told her that she is now an exile to the basement permanantly, but I feel bad. I want her to be a happy part of our "blended" family, but she always succombs to that devil on her shoulder. 

Thanks for any advice you have to offer!

 

[p3 and the king]

"Punishing" cats is never a fruitful solution because they do not understand what they are being "punished" for.  She chases and picks on Boy because he reacts to her.  He makes himself a target.  He is as much to blame as she is.  Usually, they work these things out for themselves.  But being older cats, they are pretty set in their ways.  My best advice for you, it it really is a problem... And it's only a problem if he is hurt or his life is in danger.  But, if he is instigating it, I would let it be and let her get him.  He'll learn his lesson.  And he is probably a lot stronger than you give him credit for.  But, if it bothers you, when she and her boys are upstairs, have Boy put in another room safe from Sparrow.  Then no chaos and no "punishing" Sparrow for just doing what comes natural to her and reacting in a way that is natural to her. 

 

[speakhandsforme]

The rule of thumb for cats usually is, if there's not literally blood or fur flying then everything is okay.

It sounds like they are still working out the cat hierarchy. This is normal and expected, and most importantly, nothing you can do will change it. Sparrow does not "know" she's being "bad," she's just doing what comes naturally to her (asserting her dominance, or just playing) and she reacts to the spray bottle because you she's learned that's what happens when she chases. But it isn't going to make her stop chasing.

Eventually, either she'll stop chasing the male because he'll stop reacting, OR he'll put the smackdown on her one day and she'll learn her lesson. Or, they're just playing, and they're actually both happy. Cat playing can look a whole lot like a cat fight, which is where the blood or fur thing comes in.

At any rate, your cats are getting some exercise

 

[pawsandconsider]

Thanks for your advice!  It is clear that choosing not to have kids of my own was a GOOD idea, because it is so hard to just let this behavior play out.  Boy is an old man, and he's a lover not a fighter, so when Sparrow comes after him, he just bolts.  (He does look a little satisfied when she gets sent back downstairs, though).  You don't think all this mayhem will cause him undue stress?  He was freaked enough to jump from the loft down into our living room (one full story of the house).  Ugh.  I don't know if I can just allow that to happen.  Boy's going blind, and how much can his brittle little bones take? 

What's funny is that we had some friends house-sit with our cats while we were out of town, and they did not see any of this behavior.  I am beginning to wonder if it is some kind of competition over us, their human parents?  Or I'm just a big baby who can't stand to see my cats in stressful situations......sigh.

Oh my gosh, if I had kids of my own.....well, thank goodness I don't, huh?

 

[speakhandsforme]

Thanks for your advice!  It is clear that choosing not to have kids of my own was a GOOD idea, because it is so hard to just let this behavior play out.  Boy is an old man, and he's a lover not a fighter, so when Sparrow comes after him, he just bolts.  (He does look a little satisfied when she gets sent back downstairs, though).  You don't think all this mayhem will cause him undue stress?  He was freaked enough to jump from the loft down into our living room (one full story of the house).  Ugh.  I don't know if I can just allow that to happen.  Boy's going blind, and how much can his brittle little bones take? 

What's funny is that we had some friends house-sit with our cats while we were out of town, and they did not see any of this behavior.  I am beginning to wonder if it is some kind of competition over us, their human parents?  Or I'm just a big baby who can't stand to see my cats in stressful situations......sigh.

Oh my gosh, if I had kids of my own.....well, thank goodness I don't, huh?

HA! I hear you on the no kids thing. Childfree myself here

He'll be at least somewhat stressed for a while, but he won't be alone. A new cat in the house causes stress to all the cats (and you, evidently). Unless he was already VERY high-strung before Sparrow showed up, I wouldn't worry about it. My opinion is that he may be old, but he can handle it.

One thing you can do to relieve the stress is get a Feliway diffuser. It plugs into the wall and emits "happy cat" pheromones that you don't smell, but your cat does. It doesn't work for everyone, but some find it does just the trick. The user above me, P3, has used something called the Calming Collar (found at Petsmart) with success as well.

Do you have cat trees in your house? If not, try getting a few, or find some other way of providing vertical space for Boy. Cats think of their territory vertically as well as horizontally, and it may be that Sparrow just wants him out of her "level."

 

[p3 and the king]

I know it is hard and Boy being older makes it that much harder for you.  But if he is strong enough to react to her and get her to want to go after him, then it is all in good fun or just normal cat behavior.  "Punishing" mama doesn't help because she doesn't know what she did wrong.  She just knows you are not pleased with her.  I would just let it play out and they won't hurt eachother too badly.  They are both older and it's more painful for you than it is for them!!!  Trusts me!!!  The calming collar or feliway can help but those are mostly for anxiety problems and this isn't an anxiety problem.... It is just a cats being cats problem. 

 

[pawsandconsider]

Thanks for your advice, guys.  I'm all over this calming collar.  I think Sparrow could use a little calming. 

We let the little miscreant back up with us this evening, and with careful monitoring with our squirt bottle, so far so good. 

Will try not to freak out when she chases Boy, and will try to let them work this out....as long as Boy doesn't take a dive off our loft again. 

We have a climbing tree, and Boy spends a lot of time on the kitchen counter when Sparrow is up here with us...he likes to be able to see where she's at. 

Meanwhile, the orange, nearly feral stray cat we rescued two years ago, who goes outside and kills innocent creatures on a daily basis, who lived on the mean streets (or in mean woods, to be more accurate) of North Idaho, calmly sleeps on the couch while all the mayhem ensues. Oy vey.

You gotta love cats.

Thanks for sending me your ideas and advice.  I so appreciate it!