How To Deal When Your Kitty's Cheating On You

[omondieu]

Ugh, my mom let him outside again this morning. She's so dismissive, and says that he's made up his mind and clearly doesn't like us anymore, but when I arrived at the lady's house yesterday, as soon as he heard my voice at her door, he bolted right to me, and when I went into her house, he wouldn't leave my side.  When we brought him back home, as soon as he was in the hallway and living room, he was tense, and not as willing to cuddle with me as he was when I was at the other house. I'm convinced it's the lingering smell of the other cat in my mother's house that's got him on edge, because I can't think of any other explanation to the sudden moodswings.  

I'm pretty miffed at my mother to be honest. When I spoke to the lady, she said that at her house, Niko would make a fuss about wanting to go out, but she just ignored him, and he eventually stopped wanting to go outside altogether. I feel that until Niko's confident that the neighbours' cat poses no threat to his home, he shouldn't be outside. 

 

[angels mommy]

Your absolutly right.  I'd be mad at your mom too!  Have you explained the severity of the situation?  How important it is?  He is probably picking up on how your mom feels, & it is affecting/confusing him. He may feel pushed aside, being that your mom dismisses it so casually. Cats are very sensitive to our emotions. I remember noticing when I had been more stressed at one time, that Angel had been chewing on his belly more.

 I hate to say it, but you may have to "lay down the law" w/ your mom, & put her in check in regards to Niko.  (& not letting the other cat inside anymore). Tell her to put herself in his place....)

 

[omondieu]

The neighbours' cat hasn't been let into our house for about 2 weeks, but I know it takes time to neutralize other cat smells. My mother just doesn't "get" things. "But Niko would go into the neighbours' house", she says. Uh yeah, but when HIS space is violated, he doesn't like that. He trusted us, and he feels betrayed now. If Niko were "her" cat, I wouldn't be as upset. But Niko is MY CAT (I know that's a controversial thing to say because cats don't really "belong" to anyone and blah blah). He was bought for me, and the fact that she doesn't care about my bond with him really hurts me. 

 

[vbcatparent]

It os very difficult to lay down the law on a parent whom you're dependent on. Omondieu, you will need to work out a plan to keep Niko in yourself, whether that means keeping him on your old bedroom, relocating him to a friend you can trust, or visiting him daily with the woman until you get your own place.

 

[angels mommy]

Yup, I know it's not easy, but if you stick to your guns & create some kind of routine/schedule, then maybe your mom will come around. He is your cat, si she should respect your wishes, at the least!

She has to see how much this is affecting you, & him.

I hope you can find your own place soon, so this will no longer be an issue.  

Best of luck, I'll say a prayer for you, & for your mom's heart to be open & understanding to the situation.  

 

[omondieu]

I think it may be time to discuss alternative living arrangements for Niko with my roommate. My roommate has been acquainted with Niko for years. The thing that does make me reluctant is the fact that he has a dog. The dog (a female, 8 y/o shih tzu) is very familiar with Niko, as she's often at my mother's, but she and Niko are not exactly "friends". However, the dog is rarely in the apartment alone - she even goes to work with my roommate! So I wouldn't be really concerned about having the dog and Niko left alone together - someone would be guaranteed to be around. Niko and the dog just stay out of each other's way when they're at my mom's, anyway. Niko has been here to visit once as well (though before the dog was around), when my mom was having insulation put in and no one could be in the house for 24 hours. So this apartment isn't completely alien to him. And Niko wouldn't be any more invasive than the dog. I just don't see any other option, because it's obvious I can't trust my mother to keep an eye on him, anymore. 

 

[jtbo]

You could also arrange some kind of safe place for Niko that is higher where dog can't reach, so if there ever comes a situation when Niko needs to get out from dog's reach, he could get to that higher safe place.

I agree that based on what you have written, your mom should not be trusted to keep Niko safe.

Who knows, maybe with time, Niko and dog might learn to be friends too, adapting to new situation might take a while, but animals do learn and adapt, so I think it would be great idea to have Niko living with you and roommate, especially as Niko has so attached to you, surely he would love from your company.

 

[angels mommy]

You could also arrange some kind of safe place for Niko that is higher where dog can't reach, so if there ever comes a situation when Niko needs to get out from dog's reach, he could get to that higher safe place.

I agree that based on what you have written, your mom should not be trusted to keep Niko safe.

Who knows, maybe with time, Niko and dog might learn to be friends too, adapting to new situation might take a while, but animals do learn and adapt, so I think it would be great idea to have Niko living with you and roommate, especially as Niko has so attached to you, surely he would love from your company.

I agree. I think this is an excellent idea. First, before venturing into this, I would research threads on here of how to integrate a cat & a dog. I'm sure there are some, as many members also have dogs.

You could probably get some great advice & suggestions!  The idea of creating safe places for Niko is very important, so he will feel comfortable & safe.  I would suggest making your room off limits to the dog as well.

Some place like a comfy crate w/ a blanket , out of the way somewhere, where he can retreat, (in your room maybe)  & also like JTbo suggested a place up high, that the dog can't get to.  Maybe some secure shelving on the wall just for him, like a cat walk, or something similar. 

 

[omondieu]

My room's been off limits to the dog since I moved in. She's obnoxious and I don't like her, but that's because she's spoiled and isn't trained. But she's pretty mellow and quiet. Being older, she just sleeps on her couch cushion when she's home. And really, she rarely is at home, and almost never ever by herself. And since she's a shih tzu, she's very small. And like I said, she and Niko have been familiar with one another on and off for the past 8 years. 

This whole saga has taken such a ridiculous toll on me. Since it started, I've not been sleeping, my old eating disorder has resurfaced, I've become super depressed and reclusive, I've been having panic attacks, and I've totally lost interest in the things that up until a month ago made me happy and kept me sane. The fact that I've put more effort into trying to figure out what's up with Niko over the past month (via the lovely people here, the Internet, and my pet owner friends) than my mother has over the past 3 years he's been living with her goes to show that she isn't fit to take care of him. She's an impossible person to live with, which is why my father, my sister, and I have all left her. Looks like Niko finally decided he couldn't take it, either. 

 

[jtbo]

My room's been off limits to the dog since I moved in. She's obnoxious and I don't like her, but that's because she's spoiled and isn't trained. But she's pretty mellow and quiet. Being older, she just sleeps on her couch cushion when she's home. And really, she rarely is at home, and almost never ever by herself. And since she's a shih tzu, she's very small. And like I said, she and Niko have been familiar with one another on and off for the past 8 years. 

This whole saga has taken such a ridiculous toll on me. Since it started, I've not been sleeping, my old eating disorder has resurfaced, I've become super depressed and reclusive, I've been having panic attacks, and I've totally lost interest in the things that up until a month ago made me happy and kept me sane. The fact that I've put more effort into trying to figure out what's up with Niko over the past month (via the lovely people here, the Internet, and my pet owner friends) than my mother has over the past 3 years he's been living with her goes to show that she isn't fit to take care of him. She's an impossible person to live with, which is why my father, my sister, and I have all left her. Looks like Niko finally decided he couldn't take it, either. 

I think that situation takes such high toll because you care, which is good thing as that means you are healthy person and not any kind of monster.

It is nice to know other people are having such parents that are impossible, so familiar, mine were manipulative control obsessed kind, that refused to see them being such, some just are like that I guess.

Hopefully you can get Niko to be with you very soon, it would probably have much more benefits that just having him safe!

 

[angels mommy]

I think that situation takes such high toll because you care, which is good thing as that means you are healthy person and not any kind of monster.

It is nice to know other people are having such parents that are impossible, so familiar, mine were manipulative control obsessed kind, that refused to see them being such, some just are like that I guess.

Hopefully you can get Niko to be with you very soon, it would probably have much more benefits that just having him safe!

I agree.  To have Niko safe w/ you, where you can control his environment will give you peace of mind again.  It sounds like it could work out pretty well, w/ just getting some info on how to help Niko & the dog co-exist , & reintroducing them. I'm sure there has to be a way to integrate them, just as you would two cats w/ each other.  I believe there is a forum on here of people who have dogs & cats. I would go there for advice.

In the meanwhile, try to find peace in the fact that you are going to resolve this very soon, & please get any help you can in regards to old issues that have resurfaced. (I know that I have read that eating disorders are stemmed from control issues. The fact that you feel not in control w/ Niko, because of your mom makes sense.) If there was a Dr. or therapist that helped you, talking to them may help, & they can help you to cope, & not go down an unhealthy road again. I hope I haven't overstepped by saying this, I just want you to be/ feel okay, & not have to go through that.  HUGS!!!  

  

 

[stewball]

Can you Mm not go NOW to your friend and I leave your mother's house. You'll feel So Much Better Physically And Mentally.
I half know how you're feeling. I'm a chronic depressive and see my shrink monthly. I've been feeling quite good lately but I know the least little thing can start something off as it has with you. You must leave as soon as possible before things with your health get worse.
Please do so.
Hugs.

 

[omondieu]

The probability of this being sorted out doesn't look good, right now. It seems as though Niko's disappeared entirely. Apparently, Niko went back to the lady's house after my mom let him out on Saturday morning, and she phoned my mother the next day to say that she let him outside because she didn't want us to think that she was trying to steal him. She said that in her age, it's getting tougher to carry cat litter around, and she knows he has a home. Kitty hasn't been around. I'd been begging to take Niko to the vet for the past month to figure out what we can do about his behaviour, and my mom kept saying there was no point. NOW that he's gone my mother seems to think a visit to the vet is a good idea. I suspect the lady is keeping Niko inside her house though, and that her claim of having let Niko outside on the weekend was a lie, and that she'll continue keeping him in as she did before I went to retrieve him on Friday, and that we'll just assume he froze to death or was hit by a car. When I visited her on Friday, she said that she would gladly take Niko off our hands if we couldn't take care of him. Doesn't take much to remove his collar, take him to a vet, say that he's a stray she decided to adopt, and have him microchipped or given a new license. I'm just so frustrated and angry and sad, and I truly appreciate the support that the users here continue to offer as this mess continues! 

 

[stewball]

Go and visit her again. If Nike is in house he will hear you and want come to you.
Don't give up trying to find him. I feel so bad for you.