How Soon Is Too Soon?

[JGombs99]

Hey, all. I recently lost my beloved Denver (I'll post his picture on this thread). I swore up and down, prior to losing him, I'd never get another cat. But, not quite a week later, I already find myself wanting a new cat. I miss Denver dearly, and I know I'll never replace him, but I miss having a cat in the house. But, how soon is too soon? Just wondering what folks think, or have done.

 

[JGombs99]

 

[Gizmobius]

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't believe there is such a thing as too soon. If you miss the company of a cat and are willing to allow a new member into your home, then I think that's something only you can decide on. I lost my previous cat, Willow, on November 26th, 2016 and by December 1st, I had adopted Gizmo. I, personally, found that I could not properly grieve my loss of Willow with an empty house and no cat in it. Gizmo allowed me to understand that he was not Willow, he was his own personality with his own needs, and I was able to grieve with his assistance. For some people, I think adopting a new kitten or cat within a few days/weeks may appear to be "too soon" but if it works for you, then it works for you and that's what matters most. It certainly worked for me.

 

[Kat0121]

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't believe there is such a thing as too soon. If you miss the company of a cat and are willing to allow a new member into your home, then I think that's something only you can decide on. I lost my previous cat, Willow, on November 26th, 2016 and by December 1st, I had adopted Gizmo. I, personally, found that I could not properly grieve my loss of Willow with an empty house and no cat in it. Gizmo allowed me to understand that he was not Willow, he was his own personality with his own needs, and I was able to grieve with his assistance. For some people, I think adopting a new kitten or cat within a few days/weeks may appear to be "too soon" but if it works for you, then it works for you and that's what matters most. It certainly worked for me.

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with everything said here. Only you can decide when the time is right. No cat will ever replace Denver or the bond that you two still (and always will) share. If you are serious about getting a new cat, try volunteering at a local no kill shelter. A lot of them need people to interact with the cats to socialize them. You will get "no strings attached" time with cats and maybe your next kitty will choose you while you are there since we all know that WE do not choose them, THEY choose us. No matter what you decide, Denver will understand. He would be pleased that another cat will be fortunate enough to experience the love and friendship that he had and if you decide to wait, that's OK too. RIP Denver. You will always be dearly loved and never forgotten.

 

[JGombs99]

Thank you both for the kind sentiments, and your support! As I mentioned, in the few years prior to his death, I was sure I'd never get another cat after Denver. But, within a week's time, all that has changed. I definitely want another, not to replace him, that will never happen, but to be a new companion. Truth be told, I've already been looking this week, and there is a little Tortie girl who's got my attention, and already part of my heart. I just want to be sure it's ok, and that it's not selfish first.

 

[vyger]

For another perspective think about those of us with multiple cat households. When one dies we don't ship the rest off somewhere for a break from it all. Life goes on, the rest need care also. Each cat is an individual and unique and can never really be replaced. They are part of a family and like with a family they are a part but not the whole. You will never have another cat like the one you lost but at the same time having another cat helps you to understand how special each one is. Don't deny yourself the company of others because one special one has left.

 

[JGombs99]

Thanks again! I get what you're saying, and I appreciate your thoughts. This guy was my first pet as an adult on my own (I've gotten others since, a second cat, who unfortunately passed away young, and a dog who's still with me). But, as I said, this guy was my first as an adult. I was a recent college grad, on my own for the first time, and wanted a companion. I always had dogs, and never had a cat prior. I'm now in my mid thirties, so I feel like Denver and I kind of grew up together. He was 15, and I had him for 13 of those years. I know he was far from the oldest cat out there, but 13 years together was a long time, and this has been tough.

 

[FlawlessImperfection]

So sorry for your loss. You will know when you’re ready, and I’m glad your heart is open so soon. You will give a new cat a loving home and they will give you one right back. I’m sure your loving cat would wish you love and happiness at any time. <3

 

[di and bob]

The basement scared her, she's probably never seen one. I know it's an inconvenience, but for now you'll have to put the litter box upstairs. I would have one upstairs and downstairs and when you notice she is using the basement one, eliminate the upstairs one. Cats are curious so she will find it once she starts exploring. You don't want to encourage bad habits like peeing on your clothes because she can't find the box. For now she needs comfort and time to get used to things, it will come!

 

[JGombs99]

Thank you! I think she was scared by either myself or my dog rather than the basement, to be honest. It may not make a difference, but that's what I believe. I took her out of the carrier to show the animals to each other. My dog didn't react, which is good, but I think she got scared. She started to get squirmy, but I didn't let her go because I still needed to show her the box (now I know that was a mistake, but it's what I did). I proceeded to go toward the box, but she was struggling the entire way. Finally, she won the struggle, and I mentioned above what happened. I feel so bad, and I fear that I've scarred my kitty for life.

 

[betsygee]

MOD NOTE: The posts about Patches' integration is now here in our Behavior forum.

 

[gareth]

If you asked a cat how soon it would like to be in your home, loved, cared, protected, fed, cherished, how do you think it might answer. In my opinion, there is no too soon. A cat will help your heart heal, and give the cat a loving home. everybody wins.

you shouldn't feel bad if you don't feel ready, and you shouldn't feel bad if you do.

I was devastated when I lost my little Eva. I got Mia and Loki a month later. I will still in agony. They helped me through it.

 

[LisaT.]

My cat was put to sleep on Jan 11, 2018. I got my new little kitty on 1/20/18. I am soooo glad I got him! With the different personalities of my cats, I know Beamer can never be replaced.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Denver, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

How soon is too soon? SIGH...Darlin, for every grieving cat guardian, that answer will be different. "Too soon" is when your soul is so filled with longing for the Lost One that is has no room for a New One. That will be different for each person. And wanting a new cat this soon DOES NOT lessen or demean the bond you had with Denver. It may, in fact, be a tribute to it! When you want and need a new cat is the right time to get that cat. Love to you!

 

[JGombs99]

Thanks, all! I really do appreciate the kind sentiments. As someone who was sure he'd never get another cat, I was concerned that wanting another so soon was wrong, or selfish. I know Denver can never be replaced, and that's not what I'm trying to do, but I was concerned at first that it would seem like I was. Then, I realized it doesn't matter how it seems because I know and understand my motivation.

I ended up with my new kitty a week to the day after losing Denver, and now it's more than clear to me that this isn't my attempt to replace him. Instead, it's him continuing to show me that a cat companion is good for my soul, and that continuing to have a rescue cat is me doing my little bit of good for animals in need.

 

[Neo_23]

Denver must have been such a special cat that he made you yearn so much for another cat companion. What a wonderful impression he left on you.

 

[JGombs99]

Thank you! He surely was. He took me from not being a cat person to always wanting to have a cat companion, and having a strong desire to have a rescue/shelter cat, specifically.

 

[dragoriana]

Good on you for finding a new kitty to keep you company. As it's already been said, everyone has a different amount of time before they feel ready to commit. We waited a year, I mean I was still numb weeks later so it wasn't going to happen any time soon. We were certain we wouldn't adopt again even after a lifetime of cats. Having Charlie for over 17yrs then watching him get so sick..it just broke us all and it took a long long time. I adore Violet, and don't regret adopting her, but I do still have days when I almost call her the wrong name, and feel sad. It was actually around the 1st anniversary we just suddenly started talking about the void in the household, spent a couple of weeks really talking and looking at the rescue site every day then it just happened (it still didn't feel real only because we had no idea how the then shy Violet would be with us). She is so very, very different to Charlie that we all know he can't ever be replaced, and I am glad.