How DO you respond to this?

[sophiec]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I will sit down today and respond to her email. I know what I want to say, but I don't know how to say it without coming off as very ugly and rude. I've known this person for a very long time. She has had cats all her adult life and loves cats very much....that's why I'm having a hard time understanding this. I can not take the cat myself....not even temporarily until I find her a home. As for finding her a home.....where I live, it's VERY hard to find people who want cats. I'll keep you all posted.

 

[mom of 4]

How about something like:
How sad that your daughter's allergies are forcing you to rehome a lifelong companion. Especially when your daughter will be moving out in the next few years.
I am so sorry that the allergist was unable to help her deal with the new allergy - so many people are able to get amazing relief form the medications.
I know that you have thought long and hard before deciding to do this as you are well aware how difficult it is to rehome to older pets. Not everyone will overlook those quirks that we don't even notice. And the stress of the change doesn't always bring out the best in the rehomed pets.

 

[jen]

I would try stressing the importance of the stress that a 12 year old cat will go through being rehomed. I took in a 12 year old cat from a family who had her since she was born. They decided to move and not take her along. She was a wonderful loving cat all the while they had her, she was fixed and front declawed, completely indoors, playful and happy and content. I have had her with me now for almost 1.5 years and we have yet to touch her or even get anywhere near her without her lashing out and biting aggressively. We pretty much ignore her and just feed her and clean her box. Well, not ignore her, we talk to her and be near her, but don't even try to touch her anymore.

She is clearly not happy but there is nothing else much that we can do. Kittens can get stressed out in a move, imagine what it will do to a 12 year old.

-find out if the daughter can go on allergy meds until she moves out, she is 20, she is bound to move out soon...

-the cat would probably even be happy just in a room all to herself even, its not ideal but its better then removing the cat completely...

-tell them about the stress and problems it can cause, even leading to illness, stress can cause illness, respiratory problems, urinary tract infections, DEPRESSION!

 

[sophiec]

OK.....I typed up this response this morning at work and emailed it to myself at home. Once I get home tonight, I will send it to her. What do you all think?

Wanda,

Sorry itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s taken me so long to get back to you on this. My old computer went out on me and I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t yet have email set up on my new one. I check my email every so often on my momâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s computer.

Youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re probably not going to like my response, but here goes….

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m assuming that youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve had Fantasia all her life, or at least for a good portion of it. You say you got a small dog and she is no longer happy with you. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know if proper introductions were used or not in introducing the new dog into the household, but there are methods to the process. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t. You say that Brooke has developed allergies to cats. Are you sure itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s the cats and not the new dog? There are many over the counter medications that do wonders for people with pet allergies. Is Fantasia the only cat you guys have left? I know when I called you a couple of years ago to see if you would be interested in a kitten that was born under my house, you told me you had 4 cats and couldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t take any more in.

Since joining an online cat forum, Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve learned lots of useful and helpful information on cat behavior and cat needs that I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t really know beforehand. It doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t seem fair to the cat, who has probably developed a special bond with you as her family to suddenly be booted out of the house because of the new dog. If it were me, I would try to rehome the new dog and not the cat who has been with the family for so long. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s not the catâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s fault that the dog is invading her territory….sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s just doing what comes naturally. Is there any way you can keep Fantasia separated in her own part of the house instead of giving her away? Even just her own room might work. Or maybe even give them more time to adjust to each other. Rehoming is going to be extremely stressful on Fantasia, especially as a senior cat..…to the point where she will possibly develop behavioral issues and/or serious health issues. There is someone on the cat forums that took in a wonderful 12 year old cat from someone who moved and couldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t take her. Sheâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s had the cat for a year and a half now and they can not get anywhere near her without severe aggression from the cat. They canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t even touch the poor cat.

I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t bother to ask Ralph for two reasons….one, they have a 2 small, indoor dogs. Two, they had a cat once who pooped on Troyâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s artwork (which was on the floor) twice, so they threw the cat outdoors. It went missing and was later found dead on Evangeline Thruway, hit by a car.

I am sorry to say that I can not consider taking in your cat because of the fact that I already have 3 cats and one of them has behavioral issues when it comes to other cats. Cats, I find, are particularly hard to find homes for in our area. I wish it werenâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t that way. There is a no-kill shelter in Carencro called Lafayette Animal Aid. I can get in touch with Kathleen and see if she knows anyone who might be willing to take in a 12 year old cat. But, I would try really hard to make it work for little Fantasia.

 

[epona]

I think that's excellent, helpful and sympathetic but pointing out the problems without making it personal iykwim, hopefully she will take note but whether she does or not I think the tone of your response and the info given is great - I always like to say 'you catch more flies with honey than vinegar' and I think you've taken your time to explain your viewpoint in a way that's not going to be dismissed because of being preachy or haranguing- if she doesn't take note it means she's really not interested in trying to resolve the issue.

 

[twstychik]

Originally Posted by SophieC

I got an email from the sister of a friend. This is what she wrote:

We got a small dog and she is no longer happy with us and Brook has developed allergies to cats.

I find it hard to believe that her daughter suddenly developed an allergy to cats when they've had cats since her daughter was born....and she is now in her 20's. I'm not sure how to respond. I want to respond with how I really feel, but not in a rude manner. What do you all think?

I also find it hard to believe but based on the part of her letter I left perhaps you could point out the correlation between the new dog and the new allergies?!

 

[sophiec]

I sent the reply letter to her Thursday night. I have not heard back from her since then. I pretty much don't expect to at this point either. I imagine she was not happy with my reply, but she's not the type who would angrily write me back. I'll let you know if I do end up hearing from her.

 

[sophiec]

Not exactly the response I was hoping for, but at least she doesn't sound mad at me.............

After Brook graduated in 03 she moved out and got the dog. When she moved back home she left the dog with her friend next door. This past June her friend moved to New York and called and gave Brook the dog back so that is how Ginger came to live with us. She was 4 years old, pregnant, full of heart worms and scared to death. We got her all fixed up and now she is healthy and happy. Fanny was very upset and let me know it by pooping on the rug instead of the litter box. The vet told me to isolate her with her litter box and food. Well she was moved into the shop / game room area and has adjusted well but she is not getting the love and attention she deserves. Brook has had allergies for years and we noticed how much worse they are when she is around the cats. Especially Fanny as she has long fine hair so Brook has started to avoid the cats due to her allergies. Yes I still have four cats and can't give them all the attention they need. I would give Fanny to someone who has no other animals and really wants a beautiful long haired pure pursian but I wouldn't just send her to a shelter. Let me know if anyone on the forum is interested. I need to send you a picture. She is beautiful and sweet!